Nerves fluttered low in his belly as he approached the Normandy. Not only had he been chosen to serve on the prototype's maiden voyage, but he was going to be serving under the famed Commander Shepard, hero of the Skyllian Blitz and recipient of the Star of Terra. While confident in his skills, the worry that he might do something to embarrass himself constantly nagged at the back of his mind. Sighing, he hefted his duffel and prepared to make his way to the hatch, stopping as a turian brushed past him toward the ship.

"Well, that's interesting…" a soft, musical voice stated from beside him. He looked down into the prettiest sea green eyes he'd ever seen, reminding him of the waters near his parent's cabin in Vancouver when the sun hit them just right. They were set into a small, heart-shaped face, almost elfin in its delicateness. The tight ponytail on top of her head, hair of the deepest ruby with curls that would hug his finger he was sure, accentuated the bone structure of her face instead of making the style seem too severe, complimenting a curvy and petite body. He was taken aback a bit at how short the woman was who stood beside him, not quite hitting his shoulder in height. Truly a pixie in human form.

"Hello, is anyone home?" the woman chuckled. He blinked and shook his head, his cheeks flushing a dull red in his olive toned skin.

"My apologies, ma'am. What was interesting?" he replied, as soon as he was sure he had his voice, the woman already tugging at his heartstrings.

"I wasn't aware we were bringing a turian along on our run. I wonder who he is and why he's here," she said, that soft lilt in her voice catching him again.

"Perhaps the Council assigned him? They did invest in the Normandy's construction."

"Hmm, makes sense. We'll learn more inside, I'm sure. Who are you, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko, ma'am. You?"

"Kailan will do for now," she grinned up at him. "See you inside."

He watched as she walked away from him in a ground-eating stride, surprised at how much distance she covered in such a small amount of time. He took a moment to appreciate the way her armor hugged her figure then mentally chastised himself for having such thoughts of someone he would be working alongside. Even so, perhaps Joker might have an idea of who the woman was. He had heard the pilot was assigned to the ship and he knew the man liked to stick his nose into everything. It was a good place to start, if he had a chance to ask before they set out.

###

Kailan made her way through the CIC toward the bridge, wanting to get a closer look at the turian Spectre. She had heard he was up front monitoring the ship as it progressed through the relay and decided to let her curiosity take hold. Her mind was working furiously as she tried to figure out why a Spectre would be on board, unless there was more to the mission than what Captain Anderson had briefed her on.

"The board is green. Approach run has begun. Hitting the relay in 3… 2… 1…" she heard from the pilot's seat as she approached and braced herself for the usual g-force that hit whenever a ship passed through one of the relays. Pleasantly surprised that this new construction dampened the pressure, she continued on, gently laying a hand on one of the crew when he began to back into her path. Giving him a smile, she entered the bridge, her eyes catching not only on the turian in the corner, but the man from earlier who had made her heart flutter.

"Thrusters… check. Navigation… check. Internal emissions sink engaged. All systems online. Drift… just under 1500k," Joker stated from his seat.

"1500 is good. Your captain will be pleased," Nihlus stated from his stance in the corner, before turning and bowing slightly to Kailan as he exited toward the CIC.

"I hate that guy," Joker muttered.

"Nihlus gave you a compliment… so you hate him?" Kaidan asked, his brow raising as he looked over at the pilot.

"You remember to zip up your jumpsuit on the way out of the bathroom? That's good. I just jumped us halfway across the galaxy and hit a target the size of a pinhead. So that's incredible! Besides, Spectres are trouble. I don't like having him on board. Call me paranoid," Joker smirked then sighed.

"You're paranoid. Besides, the Council helped fund this project so they have a right to send someone to keep an eye on their investment," Kaidan retorted.

"Yeah, that's the official story. Only an idiot believes the official story," Joker snickered. Kaidan rolled his eyes and leaned back in his chair, catching a glimpse of red in his peripheral vision. Turning his head he stared as the red-head from earlier stood behind Joker's seat. His heart caught in his throat and he quickly returned to keeping an eye on the tech console so he wouldn't be caught staring.

"They don't send Spectres on shakedown runs," she said, her tone soft yet firm.

"See, there's more here than the Captain is letting on," Joker sighed.

"Joker! Status report!" Anderson barked out of the comm.

"Just cleared the mass relay, Captain. Stealth systems engaged. Everything looks solid."

"Good. Find a comm. buoy and link us into the network. I want mission reports relayed back to Alliance brass before we reach Eden Prime."

"Aye, aye, Captain. Better brace yourself, sir. I think Nihlus is headed your way," Joker said.

"He's already here, Lieutenant. Tell Commander Shepard to meet me in the comm. room for a debriefing," Anderson snapped.

"You get that Commander?"

Kaidan's eyes widened as he realized that this woman, the one he'd been mooning over since he had first seen her, was Commander Shepard. He felt himself deflate a little at the knowledge, perking up only slightly when he saw her grin in his direction as if hearing his thoughts.

"He sounds angry. I'm guessing something has gone wrong with the mission," Kailan murmured, continuing to hold Kaidan's gaze.

"He always sounds like that when talking to me," Joker muttered.

"I can't imagine why," Kaidan smirked.

Kailan shook her head and laughed.

"Be nice, you two. I'll catch you later after I see what Captain Anderson has to speak to me about."

Grinning, she left the bridge and headed down the catwalk toward the CIC and ready room, Kaidan's eyes following her departure.

"Keep staring at her like that and she's liable to pluck your eyeballs out. I've heard she's had problems in the past with men not leaving her alone, either because of her hero status or looks. Might want to keep that in mind," Joker chuckled, his eyes still fixated on the screens in front of him.

"I wasn't staring," Kaidan muttered.

"Yeah and I'm the Queen of Scotland," Joker snickered.

"Shut up."

The pilot grinned and continued to monitor the console, sneaking looks at the red-faced Staff Lieutenant sitting beside him.

###

Kaidan approached her slowly as he took in her slumped shoulders, wincing as she added a lot of Irish to her coffee. They all had a lot of weight on their shoulders after the events of Therum, Noveria, and Feros and what she had just dealt with earlier in the day seemed to have added more to her already heavy burden. For her sake, he was grateful that the majority of the crew was still on the Citadel enjoying their shore leave, brief as it might be.

"Commander…" he began.

"Kaidan, I thought we were past th' need for titles, or have I misread th' growing closeness between th' two of us?" she asked, her voice tired, her accent much thicker due to stress, alcohol, or both.

"Kailan… are you all right? I'm not exactly sure what happened earlier outside of Chora's, but if you need to talk…"

Her laugh was lacking its usual mirth, her sea-green eyes ice cold in their beauty as she looked up at him and waved him over to the empty chair across from her in the mess.

"Mainly it was my past tryin' to bite me in the arse and failin' horribly," she muttered, taking a large gulp of her coffee.

"I still… I can't believe you killed a man in cold blood!"

"He's not th' first, won't be th' last… and even though th' Alliance is well aware of my past, Alain wouldn't have hesitated t' make sure th' rest o' the universe was well aware of what their precious 'Commander Shepard' used t' be. Besides, it's one more thug off th' streets," she sighed.

"Talk to me?" he asked, reaching across the table to take one of her hands. She took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, the ice fading from her eyes to be replaced with resignation.

"Mam passed away when I was a wee one, about 10 years old. No matter what th' doctors tried, th' treatments given, she was plagued by tumors from massive exposure to eezo. I don't know if what she said was truth or not, that my da was some Alliance big shot whom she met one of the times he was on leave. Then again she was pretty high on some strong pain blockers near th' end… either way, cuz mam was an orphan herself and she wouldn't tell anyone who my da was, I was dumped into th' system when she died. I started t' run with th' wrong sort, bein' an idiot while grievin'. Dropped off the radar 'n became a full Westie when I was fourteen…"

"Aren't they one of the nastier gangs that run around Dublin?" Kaidan interrupted, her accent now finally making sense after months of serving together.

"Aye, that they are. They taught me how t' use a pistol and machine gun. One o' them even taught me how t' wield a sniper rifle. I learned how t' twist my biotics in ways th' military doesn't even know about. I was their ace in th' hole, their secret weapon, cuz no one would else would take someone so small too seriously. I enjoyed it. I reveled in bein' able t' kill a man with a single snap o' my hand, dealin' out punishment t' those stupid enough t' try 'n take our Red Sand business, or step into our tech market. I became a monster, Kaidan. I looked for a fight whenever I could - it was a drug t' me. I don't know exactly what it was, maybe turnin' eighteen was th' turnin' point, but I began to realize what I was. I knew I had t' make it right somehow, so I basically flipped 'em th' bird and enlisted, needin' to do somethin' good for a change with what I had been taught."

She stared down at the table, a tear leaking out of the corner of one eye, and started to remove her hand from his, stopped by the tightening of his own around hers.

"Sometimes I still feel like that monster…"

"You're not a monster, Kailan. So you did some nasty shit as a kid, but think of how much good you've done. You did what you set out to do and that was to help others with your abilities. You didn't let your past cripple or hinder you like I did with mine. I wouldn't follow you if I didn't believe in you and what we're doing."

Her eyes slowly raised from the table to his, startled and humbled by the trust and compassion in his.

"I… thank you, Kaidan," she said, her smile shy. Standing, she picked up her coffee mug and dumped the contents into the sink. As she walked past him toward her cabin, she stopped to give him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Your acceptance means more t' me than you could possibly know," she whispered before disappearing around the corner. He sat there, his hand rubbing lightly where her lips had touched, a small smile curving his lips.

###

The ship was silent enough that he could hear his footsteps echo around him as he exited the med-bay. He looked over at Joker as the pilot slowly made his way to the sleep pods, the latter stopping as he saw Kaidan.

"She's taking it really hard," Joker murmured, looking behind him toward the Commander's cabin then back at the Lieutenant, his eyes hardening.

"Why the hell did you have to yell at her anyway? She didn't deserve that! You think it was easy for her to leave a friend back there, knowing that they were going to die? Ashley was the closest thing she ever had to a fucking sister and you just had to hit her between the eyes with your own shit for leaving her behind. I don't know what she sees in you, I really don't," the pilot snarled as he moved past Alenko to the pods.

"Shit," Kaidan muttered under his breath, his heart plummeting to his feet as he walked over to her cabin. The doors slid open as he approached and he saw her huddled up on the floor in front of a picture of their lost comrade, her knees hugged to her chest as she rocked back and forth.

"May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face.
May the rain fall softly upon your fields until we meet again,
And may God hold you in the hollow of his hand."

Her voice was thick with tears as she voiced the old Gaelic farewell poem. His footsteps were silent on the carpet as he entered the room, slowing the closer he got to her.

"I'm going to miss her so much, Kaidan," she whispered, her focus still on the photo in front of her. He knelt behind her and tentatively began to put his arms around her. She turned and buried her face in his shoulder, finally letting the force of her grief take over, her small body quaking so hard he was afraid she'd hurt herself. Tightening his hold, he rested his cheek on the top of her head.

"I'm sorry for earlier. I was such an idiot," he said moments later after she had calmed from her storm of tears.

"You needed an outlet and I was the most convenient. No hard feelings, Kaidan," she sniffled, her body relaxing against his.

"That bastard is going to pay for what he's done," Kaidan promised.

"And I'm going to make sure it's a painful ending," she agreed.

###

Kaidan paced back and forth in front of Kailan's cabin as they waited for the green light to pull out of the Citadel. Frustration tugged at every nerve, not only due to the danger Anderson was putting himself into by sneaking into Udina's office just to remove the locks on the ship, but from the almost-kiss earlier. He could still feel the softness of her breath against his lips as their mouths had been a hairs-breadth apart before Joker had interrupted them. He was sure the pilot had done it on purpose, coming up with ways to aggravate him due to his initial treatment of Kailan after Virmire. He grinned as he felt the vibration of the engines powering up and the familiar sound of Shepard's footsteps as she raced down the stairs while they sped out of the dock.

"Twenty-two hours to the Mu Relay so a lot of time to kill. Thank God we have Anderson on our side," she sighed, though her eyes were lit up and sparkling.

"Got a moment?" he asked.

"I'm free until we hit the relay. Mind if we talk in my cabin? I want to do a weapons check and make sure I'm battle ready when the time comes."

Following her inside, he rested his hands on her shoulders the moment she stopped and began to tremble.

"If we make it through this… I'm in so much damned trouble…" her voice wavered.

"Commander…"

"A title I'll hold only until after the court martial I'm sure. Theft of a classified Alliance prototype vessel, mutiny, and probably even kidnapping of the crew. Yeah, I'm a prize for the Alliance," the tremble in her voice grew, as did the tension and strain in her body.

"You're doing it for all the right reasons. You know that Joker and I will be standing right beside you if they're idiotic enough to try it."

"Thanks… Oh God I'm so scared, Kaidan. What if I screw up and we end up failing?" she turned to look up at him, wide eyed.

"You won't screw up. You might have us kissing the floorboards of the Mako with your driving, but you won't screw up. You're too strong willed and determined to let us fail."

"Stubborn as an ass, you mean," her lips quirked slightly.

"I was trying to be nice about it…" he grinned.

"I'm so glad you're here with me right now," she whispered, her gaze fixing on his, her hand reaching up to touch his cheek.

"What is this between us, Kailan? What is it exactly that you're looking for? This doesn't feel like battlefield flirting, Shepard, and there are regs against fraternization. Then again, I'm sure that'll be low on their list of concerns once we get back from Ilos."

"Damn the regs! I'm… I'm in love with you Kaidan. I want… I need to be with you," her eyes showed the vulnerability she was feeling, the vulnerability she only ever let him see. His breath caught in his throat as he looked down at her, his hands coming up to cup her face between his palms.

"We still need to be careful. I don't want to mess up what we have with this crew… but this, us, we're what's important right now. We might not have this chance again and the thought of losing you… it tears me up inside. You mean so much to me… I love you too," his voice ended in a whisper as he leaned down to graze his lips against hers, feeling as though he were coming home as their bodies pressed together.

###

Images of their first night together, along with other shared moments, buzzed through his brain as the escape pod sped away from the disintegrating Normandy, his heart in his throat knowing that he had left her behind. Sometimes it was hell being a good little Marine, but all he could do was hope and pray that she pulled a Shepard and did the impossible, getting both her and Joker to safety.

"I know I don't talk to you much but please, God, keep her safe," he whispered as the shuttled hurtled toward Alchera.