The Rat and the Mouse
When you are alone it is easy yet hard but when you aren't alone it is hard yet easy. Alone you have no responsibility, you don't have to watch what you say or do, you are free in a sense yet confined to yourself… alone. When another pair of feet are walking next to yours you have a feeling of completion, you have a different voice to answer back, you have something more.
"Another human! Thank God!"
"I thought I was the only one!"
"What's your name?"
"Mouse."
"Rat."
A frown, a smile, to see another face is happiness given wrapped in a big red bow. Even if the other is a slightly crazy bearded guy who thinks some woman in orange can save us all. But that is the disadvantage of being together… jealousy. When you finally aren't alone anymore and the other does nothing but talk about another… it hurts… like you aren't even there.
"Why don't you go off and find her then?"
"I can't, she's locked away safe."
"How can she save everything if she can't even be found?"
"Just have faith mouse."
Faith… another thing. Being always told that the stars were the holders of prayers and the observers of faith I had very little of the stuff. Even so I'd glance at the ceiling when Rat mentioned faith and wonder why I said I had none if I looked up every time. It is hard when you think you care for someone… but if they're the only someone then it's even harder. There's a lot of fish in the sea… but I suppose the world was more of a puddle. Only one fish.
"Hey Rat."
"Yes Mouse?"
"Were you married or you know back when the world was right?"
"Nope, my work was my life and that left little time for other stuff, what about you?"
"No but there was this guy…"
"Oh really?" A grin.
"He was one of people I worked with…"
"Oh that would be complicated." A thoughtful smile.
"Yeah… I doubt he knew I existed."
"Everyone always thinks that."
"I didn't even know his name."
"Really?" Surprise.
"Yeah." A blush.
It is so hard to care for someone and not know if they care back… especially if they're the only someone. Is it love when there is no one else? Is it need or really love? The want to feel wanted? Some ancient instinct deep down to preserve something on the verge of disappearing.
"Do you think I'm pretty?"
"What?"
"I've been alone so long I stopped caring but now I feel weird…"
"Well you shouldn't care you're very pretty."
"Oh… thank you."
"No problem."
Do they mean it? Or do they feel the same as you? Constricting and watching every word not wanting to hurt or scare off the only other.
"Hey Rat?"
"Yes Mouse?"
"What are you gonna do when we get out of here?"
"Live." A shrug.
"What does that mean?"
"Just what I said, live, appreciate the freedom."
"Oh… me too."
Paint. Orange. Blue. Swirls and lines, pictures and murals so bright and beautiful it was as though angels came down from the heavens and breathed a heavenly sigh upon them. Even the depictions of horrid and awful things were beautiful; they say death is beautiful… maybe that's what they meant. A face… so familiar like looking in a mirror. Eyes open, radiant blue, deep and full like the secrets of life were floating within them. Skin thin and pale like paper but so smooth like glass… breakable. Hair afloat like a breeze, staring could almost bring the cool touch to your face.
"It's beautiful.'
"It's you." A silence.
When eyes as cool as ice but warm like a woollen scarf wrap you in their gaze you feel compelled to stare back. Watching words and voice so carefully eventually something has to slip out… maybe that was it.
They say love is not real in circumstances such as that. But who are they anyways and what do they know? Maybe it isn't love… just a great friendship. A fish flounders alone, maybe it jus needed a little help.
Being alone is never so bad… until you aren't alone anymore and suddenly you are again. It hurts to be abandoned again. And the silence of being alone after is murderous. The fear and terror of never feeling the touch of another or the voice of the other or even eyes staring back is awful.
"Rat?"
No answer.
"Rat!" No longer a question.
No answer.
"Rat!" A desperate cry.
A plea from the void of aloneness.
"Mouse?"
"Rat!"
The reunion is heartbreaking. It's like when you laugh to hard and you sides begin to stitch but it is a good pain… a happy pain. The heart is pulled apart and then sewn back together with bursts of happiness. That is when there is no more carefully constructed conversations just ramblings of what the heart truly feels.
"You've been shot!"
"I'm fine." An encouraging smile.
"B-but you're bleeding."
"Just paint." A murmur.
A finger sliding down a white wall, another picture. No… a word. …hope…
"Hope?"
"It's all we need."
"No all."
"No." A kiss.
"Not all."
It's not so bad with the other. Perhaps things really will fall together the right way. Perhaps the woman in orange will save us all, perhaps the stars really do catch prayers. Perhaps it is love… but then maybe not.
"Hey Rat?"
"Yes Mouse?"
"What was your name… when the world was right?"
"Doug, what about you?"
"Angie…"
A name is a simple thing but it builds hope and hope is needed and faith too. If all fall apart and the world never gets right… faith will get us through. And sure as the stars shine and the wind blows, the Rat and the Mouse found faith in the other.