So, I wrote Measure my Endeavors to read with a Young Adult Literature kind of feel, and it lacked some of the fan-fictionier elements that make some of my favorite EClare stories my favorites. Okay, I'll be blunt, I'm talking about sex.
Anyway, think of this as sort of an outtake. It really happened in the universe, but in the context of the story there was no place for it. I hope you guys enjoy! I seriously adore all of you.
It had taken a lot of convincing, begging, and a little bit of passive aggression, but my father had finally agreed to let me spend the night at Eli's parents' house.
Toward the end of the semester, when Imogen would go home to see how her dad was doing, Eli would spend the night with me. In the same bed. And a week and a half into winter break without seeing him had me itching to feel the warmth of his skin as he tucked me in tight against his chest.
I missed him terribly. The combination of being away from him and talking to my dad about him and mom had me sure that I was ready. Eli made me feel like I was on fire—he could take me from calm to smolderingly angry in a matter of seconds. But he also made me feel safe, in control, and like I was the most important person to ever walk the earth. He humbled me, too, though.
I loved him. And that was the most important thing, I was sure of it. Of course, it wasn't like marriage meant nothing to me anymore. It was more that I realized marriage wasn't what made a relationship special or concrete. Relationships weren't about that certificate, or even the promise to have and to hold till death do you part. They were about two people with deep, genuine feelings for each other exploring different ways to express that love.
I was still hands-trembling, stomach-tumbling, jittery-with-anticipation nervous, though. And the lacy undergarments I had bought and stashed in my overnight bag to help me feel sexy were mostly just intimidating.
"Call me when you're ready to be picked up tomorrow." My dad's voice tugged me out of my thoughts, snapping me back to reality. I hadn't even noticed that we had pulled up in front of Cece and Bullfrog's house.
"Oh, yeah. Thanks again…for letting me stay." I smiled sweetly at my dad, kissing his cheek.
"Don't mention it. Seriously, don't ever mention it to your mother. I know you're an adult now, and I respect that you can make your own decisions. But she can be pretty scary when she's mad."
I giggled, happy that, after everything, my relationship with my dad had only improved. It was as unnerving as it was gratifying to talk to him as an equal.
I held up my pinkie, and he happily entwined his smallest finger with mine. "I'm not sure who she'd be angrier at. It's kind of a mutually assured destruction." I pointed out.
Dad laughed and ruffled my hair. "I love you, Clare. Be safe." He put a lot of gravity on the last two words, almost as if he had been inside my head this entire time.
I simply nodded and got out of the car. I waved as he pulled away, already pulling out his phone and getting back to work. He waved back as he disappeared down the road.
Cece was at the door before I had even knocked, flinging it open and pulling me into a bear hug. She had on a very swanky tank top and a skirt shorter than anything I would be bold enough to wear. "You look nice." I complimented as she released me.
"Bullfrog got Red Hot Chili Peppers tickets. We're going out. How are you, darling? Can I get you anything to eat, drink?"
"Mom, can you at least let her inside?" Eli sighed with exasperation, but he was beaming at me. Gosh, that smile made my insides quiver with all sorts of inappropriate feelings.
"Of course!" Cece smacked the heel of her hand to her forehead comically. "You guys want to reunite, have smoochies, all that. I'll just go finish wrapping your dinner. Pretend like I'm not even here!"
"I wish that we could." Eli grumbled under his breath, just for me to hear. He blanched at her choice of words.
As soon as Cece had turned the corner into the kitchen, though, I didn't bother with jests and banter. I flew into Eli's arms, wrapping my arms tightly around his neck, and kissing him with as much fervor as I was capable.
He chuckled into the kiss, but returned it in kind. The eleven days that we had been apart didn't matter anymore, and we were back at school: taking on the world, together, as Clare and Eli.
All too soon, someone came thumping down the stairs, though, and Eli and pulled apart. He refused to let me go too far, though, threading his arm around my waist, his fingers brushing against my hip.
Bullfrog had come down to Smithdale a few times last semester—sometimes to have dinner with Eli and once to guest star on the campus radio station—so I had already met him. And even though he was the friendliest person in the world, Cece notwithstanding, I couldn't help feeling totally intimidated by him.
"Clarabelle!" He called in his bumbling, grumbly voice.
"How are you…Bullfrog?" It was still weird for me, calling Eli's dad by a nickname.
"Always so polite, this one!" He jokingly rubbed his fist into my hair and then patted me on the back. "Glad to have you here. Eli made me promise not to say anything inappropriate, so I'm going to go into the kitchen. But it's definitely not to check out your mother in that skirt."
Eli hung his head. "He didn't even last a minute."
"I think it's cute that they love each other so much." I confided, kissing Eli's neck lightly.
He shivered. "Yeah, well, I think it's going to land me in serious therapy for the rest of my life."
I pinched his side and he relented, smiling sheepishly down at me. "So, Cece made us lasagna and bread sticks for our romantic night in. I figured we could watch a movie while we wait for them to leave and then just hang out."
"Sounds perfect."
Eli picked The Princess Bride, and we settled in to the familiar story, snuggling and stealing kisses and trying not to hear Bullfrog and Cece flirting in the kitchen. As the movie was winding down, and the cable box clock was flashing a neon green 6:45, Cece and Bullfrog—wearing thick coats over their concert attire—started out the door.
"Don't do anything we wouldn't do!" Bullfrog winked.
"That leaves our night pretty open." Eli pointed out wryly.
"Drugs, sex, and rock and roll!" Cece and Bullfrog chanted as they closed the front door behind them.
"I hate them." Eli laughed, his face a light shade of scarlet.
"No you don't." I accused.
"Do you always have to be right?" he teased.
"Nah: it's just a happy coincidence that I am."
Eli rolled his eyes and got up to stretch as the credits started to roll. "Food now?"
"Sure, Cave Eli." I giggled.
"Me hungry, fire pretty."
Shaking my head, I followed him to the kitchen. He got a glass dish from the refrigerator, uncovered it, and made up two plates. After they finished heating in the microwave, we sat down at the kitchen table.
"So," I started in a voice that I hoped came off as coquettish. "What do you want to do after dinner?"
"Well, you're the guest. I was going to leave that up to you."
I hummed, making a show of thinking it over as I nibbled on a breadstick. The food smelled delicious and wonderful, but my stomach was too busy doing backflips to have time to store away food. "Do you want to wash up and cuddle…or something?"
I was definitely too nervous to be suggestive, but Eli seemed to catch on anyway.
"Or something, huh?" He raised a questioning eyebrow. "Are you sure? We really don't have to rush anything."
I dropped my fork and took Eli's hands in mine. "Eli, I love you. I want to be with you. I've always imagined that my first time would be perfect, and I know that the only chance to even get close to that is to have my first time with you."
He gulped, my own confused mix of nervousness and excitement mirrored in his eyes. "Perfect is kind of a tall order, Clare."
"I know; I'm saying it doesn't have to be perfect. Being with you is what will make it a first time worth having."
He nodded absently, and I could practically see the gears in his head churning.
Finally, he gave a conspiring smile. "Who needs food anyway?" He pushed his plate away, and all of a sudden—before I had made the conscious decision to do so—I was kissing him. Rough, needy, and sloppy. Our plates forgotten, Eli and I navigated the stairs blindly, giggling and touching the entire way.
How we made it to Eli's bed without breaking anything—including each other—would always be a mystery to me. But we did, falling onto his plush mattress in a tangle of limbs.
Realizing that we would have to disengage to get into a more comfortable position, Eli and I reluctantly pulled away. As I scooted up onto the center of the bed, Eli tugged his shirt over his head. Even though we had gotten this far before, I couldn't help but marvel at the soft, smooth skin. He was so lean and perfect and lovely.
"Oh, wait!" I suddenly jumped off the bed, and Eli looked worried. I placed a soft, reassuring kiss on his lips. "I have a surprise for you."
"Is now really the time?" Eli whined, pulling me flush against him. I gasped low in my throat when I realized Eli was very…well…excited.
It took a lot of will power, but I stepped back. "I promise you that you'll like it. And that now is definitely the time. Humor me."
He huffed playfully, but went to sit against his headboard.
"Close your eyes," I demanded. When he did, I took off back down the stairs to get my bag where I had left it at the front door. Rushing into the bathroom on the second floor, I quickly removed my clothes and my comfortable, less-than-sexy underwear.
After adjusting my girls so they fit right in the lacy bra, I chanced a glance in the full-length mirror on the back of the bathroom door. I took a deep breath, trying to look myself in the eye and not feel foolish. My hair was all tousled, and my cleavage did look really good in this bra.
I was surprised at how ready I actually was to do this. There was no turning back.
More confident and calmer, I made my way back to Eli's bedroom. I closed and locked the door behind me, just in case, and let my heart do a few summersaults before I told Eli, "Okay, you can open now."
Eli's eyes almost popped out of his head and rolled away. My body seemed to vibrate with the satisfaction of his reaction. "I…wow. Just…wow."
"I made you speechless." I flushed with pride, smiling coyly.
Eli nodded wordlessly, dumbfounded.
Slowly, I crossed the room and climbed onto the bed to join him. "I love you," I whispered in his ear before moving to kiss his lips.
That seemed to bring him back to life. "I love you, too." He growled, flipping me onto my back in a clumsy, but mostly harmless, motion. "Allow me to show you how much," he pled into the sensitive skin of my neck. I whimpered my assent.
He was gentle and slow, but also urgent, as he started to kiss his way from one side of my neck to the other, down to my chest. He let his cool breath fan over the overheated swell of each of my breasts. And then he was kissing over the lacy fabric, his tongue and teeth and lips driving me wild as they explored. I was about to suggest that he just remove the annoying layer when he started to kiss lower, showering my abdomen with attention and making me squirm.
By the time he settled in between my thighs, I was having a very hard time breathing, and I felt more than a little wet. What really set me off, though, was when Eli placed a delicate kiss at the elastic of my panties and then another, even softer kiss over my center.
"May I?" He asked, ever the gentleman. When I nodded, Eli gently slid the panties down my legs. I flushed, hyper aware that this was the most exposed and vulnerable I had ever been.
But Eli didn't give me time to worry about that. He took a moment to look me over, his eyes impossibly dark and filled with everything he didn't have to say. I smiled softly at him, and then his tongue was on me, stimulating nerves I had never imagined I had. "Oh, boy!" I flushed from head to toe with embarrassment and the warm, buzzing sensation that had spread through my fingertips. Eli made some kind of sound in response, but he didn't bother to stop his ministrations, so I felt a delightful tickle. "Hmm," I murmured, starting to squirm as Eli pushed me closer and closer to loss of control.
It wasn't like I had never had an orgasm before. I had gone through a steamy vampire fan fiction phase, and while the stuff I wrote was quietly racy, many of the authors I had made friends with wrote very erotic, colorful stories. Long story short, I had masturbated before.
But this was different. I more or less knew what to expect when it came to orgasm. When someone else was behind the wheel of your pleasure, every twist and turn was more exciting than the last. Plus, I had never felt closer to Eli, had never let go of my control so completely. To be stripped bare of all inhibitions and just experience the chemical reactions…it all felt poetic and enhanced. I could have literally been on fire, and I wouldn't have been surprised.
When I came down, Eli placed a light kiss on both of my thighs, and then came to lay by my side.
"So that's what all the fuss is about." I joked after a moment.
Eli chortled. "Thanks for the ego boost."
"Your turn!" I decided. Also during my fan fiction phase, I picked up some tips for giving blow jobs. Or, in theory I had. I never had the opportunity to actually see if the stories I read were true to real life.
"Only if you want to," Eli assured me.
"Oh, I want to." I promised. He seemed pleased by my enthusiastic response, and I leaned in to kiss him. I was about to comment that he tasted funny when I realized why and my full body flush was back.
Charging forward, I kissed down Eli's neck and chest, getting to know the curves and dips there. Before I removed his pants, though, I took special care to pepper loving kisses along the scar from his suicide attempt. I wanted to erase everything bad that had happened in Eli's past. But I knew that was impossible, so I would settle for giving him a happy future.
His breath was coming in fluttering gasps and moans as I continued to get to know him and his body better. Finally I worked up the courage to remove his pants and boxers, and Eli groaned with relief when his swollen erection popped free of their confines.
I tried not to ogle, but I failed miserably. Tentatively, I wrapped my hand around him, gripping the base to keep him at the angle I wanted. Eli's breathing continued to give me cues about how well I was doing, and as far as I could tell I had him quite worked up. Slowly, I ran my tongue along the huge vein that was throbbing and then took the head into my mouth. As I lowered my head along him with each pass, Eli got louder and louder, making more noises of approval.
Trying to focus and not smile or giggle, I continued to swirl my tongue around. It turned out I couldn't take him too deep without gagging, and with anyone else I think I would have fallen apart in a puddle of nerves, but I knew Eli would be patient with me as I got better. Besides, it didn't sound as if he actually had complaints.
After, for me, an immeasurable amount of time, Eli's hand started tapping my shoulder, and I got the hint that he wanted me to stop. I pulled off him, and gave him a quizzical look as I continued to gently stroke him with my hand. "Did I do something bad?"
"No," he assured me. "But would you like to have sex with me now?"
I smiled at his word choice and nodded shyly. "Yes, yes I would."
We switched places so that I was on my back, and Eli was once again on top. He retrieved a condom from his bedside drawer and made quick work of rolling it onto himself.
He kneeled between my legs, and grabbed my hips, gently tugging me into a position in which he had a better angle. "I'm relying on you to tell me if any of this is too much." He stroked my cheek gently.
I nodded, relaxing. "Okay." I told him, giving him the go-ahead.
And then he was inside me. I had done a lot of research, and I knew that as long as I was sufficiently aroused and relaxed, nothing should hurt. And it didn't. But it was definitely foreign and strange, feeling so full. I could feel his heat and his girth, and while my body was unused to such a feeling, it was oddly satisfying.
Noticing that I seemed to have taken to him inside me, Eli began to thrust, gently rocking his hips and pumping into me.
"Oh!" I gasped as he started to thrust harder, making my entire body feel the way he moved inside me.
"God, Clare, you are amazing." He breathed out, and I felt comfortable in the knowledge that he was enjoying o=it just as much as I was. "I love you so fucking much."
"Eli," I whimpered, not actually capable of sentences.
He moaned loudly at the sound of his name. "You're my best friend." He said, kissing the tip of my nose. And then he was thrusting wildly into me, our hips crashing and his face contorting. I could feel the swell of pressure and pleasure building up again, but before I actually got there a second time, Eli let out a loud gasp and a grunt as he finished.
We stayed locked together for a moment, just feeling our sensitive areas tingle. When he finally pulled out of me, I felt the loss in strange, achy ways.
Again, Eli collapsed beside me, and I wasted no time curling into his chest. "I love you, too," I finally said. "Just as fucking much."
Eli laughed, the noise rumbling in my ear. "So, was it just me, or was that a perfect first time?"
"Nope." I sighed, and Eli looked at me worriedly. "It wasn't just you. I was right there with you."
Rolling his eyes, Eli let a huge smile take over his face. "Clare Edwards, you truly are remarkable."
I felt the heat of my pleasured blush in the soles of my feet.