It was an ordinary day on Babylon 5, and Londo Mollari was bored. He had his usual drinks at the Zocalo, and his stare-downs with G'kar, who was one of the many people he wanted so badly to kill. Also, he had had a rather pleasent conversation with the Emperor, even though he was secretly wishing to be-head that joke of a ruler.
Yes, he was bored, and he knew just the way to solve his little problem. Of course, that would take some creativity, since most of the Centauri women on the station were either married or slaves. Knowing this, Londo decided to try one of the human women, hairy as they were.
But who would he pick? Certainly not a lurker, unless she was pretty enough. That was one of Londo's biggest problems: he was a sucker for beautiful women, regardless of class, and that almost lead to his disinheritance.
He decided to pick the first attractive woman that walked into the Zocalo, buy her a drink, and then seduce her, or if he failed, move to the next attractive woman.
Londo watched intently. Then, a woman did come in. To his dismay, it was Ivanova, someone he knew would indeed be a challenge. But then, he promised himself something, and he decided that this time he would make good to it.
"Ah, Ivanova, how are you today? Good, yes?"
"Um, yeah," Ivanova answered, "Why?"
"Well," Londo began, "Uh-let me buy you a drink"
Ivanova looked suspicious.
"What do you want? I doubt it's what I think it is, but I could be wrong"
"Well, It could lead to that, but-"
"Listen, Mollari," Ivanova began, "If you think I'm gonna do that, you must've had one too many. Let me get you to your quarters-"
"Ivanova, please, just let me buy you a drink!" Londo begged, "And if you don't want to come to my place, fine!"
By then, the other Centauri and the Narns that had been granted assylum on Babylon 5 started giving him funny stares. Londo, with a human???
"Come on, Londo, let's get back to your quarters"
While he was being lead to his room, Londo pulled Ivanova aside.
"Please, Ivanova, I'm not drunk; I'm just bored"
She looked at him funny.
"Then why me???"
"I just wanted to make love to the first attractive woman who walked in the Zocalo"
Ivanova thought for a moment.
"Me. Hmmm. Very flattering, considering I don't shave and probably look like a total dog to you"
"Well, you would look much better if you did"
That did it. Ivanova was going to have some fun with the pig, and hopefully not cause a diplomatic incident.
She looked him straight in the eye, and gave a sly smile.
"Londo, have you ever been b-slapped?" She asked.
"No, what's that? Is it some form of sex?"
Ivanova rolled her eyes.
"Um, yeah. In fact, you can do it in public because you don't have to take off your clothes"
Londo was interested, even though something told him this was not a very good idea.
"Very well, then, I would like to try it. How is it done?"
"Well, you have to close your eyes"
I sure hope this works, Ivanova thought to herself.
"Ok," Londo said, as he closed his eyes.
"Don't peek, or you'll ruin it"
"Ok, what's next?" an impatient Londo asked.
SMACK!!!!!!!!!!
Londo felt the impact of a hand on his left cheek, assailing his senses with the familliar sensation of pain. He had never been hit that hard by a woman before, including his wives, and found it to be quite invigorating and humilliating at the same time.
"What was that???" he asked, a little angered by the trick.
"You've just been b-slapped!" a grinning Ivanova answered.
As she walked away, Londo watched, rubbing his swollen cheek. What a woman!
Of course, he would have to stay in his quarters until his cheek healed, or he would never hear the end of it.
Londo walked into his quarters, and was greeted by his aide.
"Londo! W-what happened?" Vir asked, looking at the ambassador's cheek.
"It's a long story," Londo answered, "And I do not wish to talk about it. Now, Vir, please contact the captain and tell him I will be unavailable for a few days"
"Uh, y-yes Londo, right away," Vir said, as he hurried out of the room.
Ivanova stood a few rooms away, looking very pleased.
"Wow, this was better than that 'boom-shaka-laka-laka' bit," she said to herself.
Vir walked over to her.
"Nice trick," he whispered.
"Anytime, Vir. I've been waiting to do that for sooo long"
"Well, he had it coming to him after all the times he threw stuff at me"
They both had a good laugh, and then went to Ivanova's quarters, where whatever they did was left to the imagination of those outside.
The End