Sam is looking at his handiwork wistfully. Its not what he wanted. But its not like he has a life time experience of doing this. So he just did what he could. He wishes he could have done it a little better though. He just wants the best things in the world for Dean.
Its Dean's Birthday today. He wanted to make a cake to celebrate his birthday. They don't do celebrations. Not really convenient if you consider how they spend their lives. But Dean has always celebrated Sam's birthday. Convenient or not. Not in the traditional sense of way. But doing what he can. And Sam loves him all the more for that. He still remembers his last year birthday very vividly. Dean had given him a new back pack for his birthday. Sam never told Dean he wanted a new bag. But his bag was frayed from many places. Stitches coming out from here and there. But he was making do. Used to stitch the bag himself. Not in front of Dean. Because if he did any of this in front of Dean, Dean would forget everything but what Sam needs. And its not like they had money in spades. But Dean would find a way for Sam. Even putting his own needs on the back seat just so Sam could have what he wants. That's why he never told Dean about that. When he woke up in the morning of his birthday, Dean was already sitting there, looking at Sam with so much love in his eyes that Sam was overwhelmed for a second, not knowing how to contain the love pouring out from Dean. Then Dean whispered a very small 'Happy Birthday my little brother' which were only for Sam's ears and planted a really soft kiss on his forehead, just staying there for a few moments. Then he straightened up, and Sam sat and hugged Dean hard. And Dean said to him what he had said on his every birthday.
'This is the most important day of my life, I got my little brother on this day and nothing can top having you in my life Sammy. And I am really glad that you are my brother, my everything.' And Sam always cried when Dean said that. How could he not. Dean isn't someone who is big on expressing his love in words, he always shows it by his actions. Sam's birthday is one of the rare days where Dean doesn't only show, but also expresses his feelings in words. And Sam lives for those rare days. After his birthday greeting, Sam was treated with his favourite breakfast. When Sam went back to his room to change after breakfast, there was a brand new back pack placed in the middle of their bed. Sam walked towards it, when he heard Dean. He turned back and Dean was leaning on the door. Looking pleased with himself and just said one sentence which had Sam running towards Dean again, forgetting his gift for the moment.
'If you don't tell me Sammy, it doesn't mean I won't know.'
That's Dean for him. His care taker, his friend, his brother. His everything. So Sam just wants to do something for him. He knows nothing he can do can express how grateful he is that he has Dean as a brother. How Dean hasn't let him feel the absence of a mother figure, or a father figure too, since dad isn't around most of the time. And how much Sam loves him. He tries to do whatever he can for Dean, but its not enough, can never be enough for what Dean has done. Sam is a difficult person, even he knows that. But Dean has always been patient with him. And God, he could write a whole book for what Dean is, and how great person he is, inspite of his cocky attitude. But he knows words will fail him.
They are staying in the middle of nowhere, and Dean has taken up a part time job in an auto repair shop. And he is paid under the table of course. Dad has been gone for a week now, and he is glad that its only two of them on Dean's birthday. He knows he is being selfish, since how much Dean would appreciate their Dad being with them on his birthday. But Sam doubts that dad would even remember and if he doesn't, Dean would be all the more hurt. And Sam doesn't like seeing Dean hurt. Physically or emotionally. So he just wishes for a rather safe way of their dad not being present. Whatever it says about him, he doesn't care. As long as Dean is happy and not hurting on his birthday. Sam has cleaned the whole house. Made Dean food. And a cake, which he wishes doesn't taste as bad as it is looking. Dean won't be expecting that. Sam didn't even mention his birthday in the last few days. Dean would probably be thinking that Sam forgot. Sam didn't even wish him Happy Birthday in the morning, he almost did by looking at Dean's dissapointed face, but he resisted at the last second. He wanted Dean to be surprised, and he hated himself for making Dean look like that. But its for something better, he tried to console himself.
Dean came an hour late than his usual time. Sam greeted him as usual. But Dean was looking so hurt that Sam couldn't take it anymore.
"Hey, I made dinner, change fast and come down..." He said casually, not making it sound something special. All the while chanting in his head 'few more minutes'.
"I am not hungry Sam. Feeling tired. Probably gonna take a nap." Dean said, dejectedly.
"Oh.. If that's what you want.. I was hoping we could eat together.. Was waiting for you. But its okay if you don't wanna..." Sam played his little brother card. Feeling only a little guilty.
"Get the table ready then, let me go get fresh." It works as Sam expected, and Sam gives himself a little pat internally. He sets the table. He made lasagna, mashed potatoes, apple pie which is for later, Chili because Dean likes it. And home made cheese burger of course. He knows the burger will be trash. But he really wanted to make Dean his favourite fast food which isn't from a diner.
"Ohhh... That's a lot for two people, don't you think Sammy?" Dean says when he comes back and looks at the set table. Dean is sounding cautiously happy now, not really sure if its for his birthday or not. Sam can't take it anymore. He clears some space in front of Dean's chair. Dean is looking at him surprised, silently asking what the hell he thinks he is doing. Sam ignores it and goes to the mini fridge and takes out the chocolate cake he made and puts it in front of Dean on the table. Dean is looking wide eyed. Sam just bends down to Dean's level and simply says 'Happy Birthday, Dean' looking straight into Dean's eyes while he says that. Trying to convey all the love and warmth with his eyes and hoping Dean understands. Dean does,because when Dean blinks and open his eyes again, they are shining. With happiness. With affection and fondness and something that says he understands it. All of it. Dean doesn't say a single word. Just hugs Sam and breaths hard. When they part, Dean looks at the table again and says in a soft voice "This all for me Sammy?" And Sam just nods and swallows hard. Trying to gather some sort of control. Its always been like this between them, they don't have to speak a lot of words, and they understand perfectly what the other is trying to say with just soft touches and caress and eyes, more than words could express.
"So, let's get it started then." Dean says grinning, picking up the knife that's already on the table. They don't have butter knife so this should suffice. Sam puts a lone candle in the middle of the cake and lights it up.
"Close your eyes and make a wish Dean." Sam says.
Dean doesn't close his eyes, instead looks at Sam and says "I don't want anything. I have everything I want. What could I wish for more." And blows out the candle. He then takes Sam's hand in his and they cut the cake. Sam only says happy birthday again in a soft voice and Dean gives him cake first. Then Sam does the same. Its like Sam is not able to form any sort of speech now. He wanted to surprise Dean, but he is the one who is surprised again. He shouldn't be. Dean is always like this. But Dean does or says something like this and Sam is always left speechless. They eat the food in comfortable silence. Sam can feel the warmth and love around them like a physical thing present. Whenever he looks up at Dean from the opposite chair, Dean is looking back at him with a small smile on his face. And Sam smiles back. After dinner, Sam brings out the Pie and gets the pleasure to see Dean smiling like a kid.
"God, I love you Sammy.." He says, already cutting himself a pie which he doesn't eat himself, instead offers Sam first. And Sam, seemingly incapable of speech today just takes the offered plate and takes out a small piece with a fork and puts it in front of Dean's face. Dean looks at it first, then opens his mouth to eat it from Sam's hand. After that, they put the left overs in the fridge and make their way to the bedroom. A content smile playing on Dean's lips. And Sam is feeling a little nervous. When they are in the bedroom, Dean stops him by the shoulders and says "Thank you.. Thank you so much Sam.." And hugs him tight. Sam hugs Dean back with the same ferocity. After they part, Dean starts saying about how good everything was but Sam is not taking that all in. He is nervous. Dean seems to notice his nervousness and asks Sam if something is wrong. Sam walks to the chest of drawers and takes out something wrapped in a newspaper and just hands it to Dean. Dean looks at Sam and then the package and asks "This for me?" And Sam just nods again. Fidgeting. Dean takes the package and sits on the bed and says "hey, why are you so nervous? Come sit here with me.." And Sam goes and sits with Dean. Dean opens the newspapers wrapping and there is a grey soft looking hoodie inside. Dean smiles so wide at Sam and says "Dude ! You bought me a new hoodie.. I..I love it.. Thank you. Why the..." And then Dean's eyes fall on something peeking out of one of the pockets. Dean takes it out. Its a card. Not some shop card. But a hand made card. Its plain white. Its titled 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE MOST AMAZING PERSON OF THE WORLD' in Sam's hand writing and Dean gasps after seeing it. Sam is not looking at Dean, just looking down, staring at nothing. Dean opens the card and there is something written.
'D,
Many many happy returns of the day. I wish you get everything you want and then some more. I just wanted to thank you. You are the best thing that has happened to me. I don't know if there is anyone in the whole world who loves and cares for me as much as you do. I am sorry I am not what I should be. I can't give you what you deserve but I can pray for that you have it all. You are not only a brother for me, but you are more than that. Sometimes I think even if Mom was alive, things wouldn't be different between us. I know you will always be there for me in whichever universe we are. And I want to thank you for that feeling. For being cared and loved deeply that I feel in every fibre of my being. Thank you for being who you are.'
-Your Sammy
Sam looks up when he doesn't hear Dean say anything or making fun of him for being so sentimental. Dean is still looking at the card in his hands. Tears in his eyes and the ones which escaped, on his face. When Dean notices Sam's eyes on him, he looks up and swallows. Sam sees Dean trying to say something, but whenever Dean tries to open his mouth, words don't come out and he closes it again and swallows again. After a good five minutes, when Sam can't take the silence anymore, he sees Dean reaching for his hands while wiping his face with the other hand. Dean takes Sam in his arms and just holds. They don't say anything. Sam hears sniffing from Dean but doesn't comment. He has shed some tears too. After a few minutes, they pull apart. Sam finally finds the courage to speak, and looks down while saying "I just wanted you to know this. I haven't said it before but.." Dean interrupts him by putting his fingers on Sam's lips and says with a watery smile 'If you don't tell me Sammy, it doesn't mean I won't know.' And Sam just laughs slowly. Remembering his last birthday. Later, they lay down together. Just breathing each other in and they sleep like that. The last thought Sam and Dean have before they sleep is that they couldn't be more lucky.
