New Year's Eve
Jillian was bored. At her own party. Friends chattered all around her, and yet she had no desire to socialize. Heidi was busy in the kitchen, and the kids were already sound asleep. She had been planning this party for months, but something was missing. She had no energy, sitting on the couch with only one thing on her mind- when would he get here? Would he even show up? Did he care?
Bob Harper was the only man in the entire world who had the power to drive Jillian crazy. He had control over her emotions and he knew it. Every time she needed his help, he would smirk and say, "no problem, hun," then walk off and solve all her problems with unbelievable ease. She hated how she hung on his every word, desperate for his approval. The world saw her in a different light- they saw her as the all-knowing, intimidating, stubborn and demanding TV trainer. They thought they knew everything about her relationship with Bob. But they didn't see the late-night conversations, the intense arguments, the random phone calls that always made her day. They didn't know how much she looked up to him, and how much she feared his judgement. There would always be a part of her that would never believe that he loved her as much as she loved him.
These thoughts whirled around in her head endlessly, until she felt a sturdy hand on her shoulder that could only belong to one person. "Well if it isn't my sweet little Jillian Michaels," his voice booming in her ear. She turned around with her face scrunched up, giving him her best evil eye.
"You know I hate it when you call me little! Get over here," she said, pulling his tie and knocking him onto the couch next to her. She sighed, not knowing how to start the conversation.
"I missed you. A lot. I just can't-" Bob cut her off, and whispered, "Jill! Shush. I missed you too." He kissed her quickly, yet deliberately, so she knew he was telling the truth. He smiled to himself when he saw the shocked look on her face. He never understood why he had such a powerful effect on her. And she had not planned on telling him.
Jill nervously glanced around the room, hoping that no one had seen. "Um, I'll be right back. I gotta go talk to Heidi." Jill prayed to god that her excuse seemed valid, and then she rushed off to the bathroom. She stumbled into the bathroom, trying not to trip over her own feet. She came face to face with her own reflection in the mirror. That's when she noticed the tears streaming down her face, making her eyeliner run and smearing her mascara. She couldn't deal with this anymore. She couldn't keep changing her mind. Heidi and the kids depended on her, and she couldn't imagine a life without them. But at the same time, there was a nagging feeling in her gut that told her something was wrong. Every time Bob came to town, the feeling grew stronger and she had more desire to make a change.
Her life with Heidi had never been perfect. But as Jillian had said countless times on the Biggest Loser, it wasn't about perfect. It was about effort. And if she brought her best effort every single day, a transformation would occur. Every day, Jill would bring her best efforts to make the relationship work. But Heidi would never be the one to stay up late and gamble with her, or go to a bar at 2am to have a drink. There were some needs in her life that only Bob could fulfill. It wasn't Heidi's fault. It wasn't anybody's fault. But Jillian was torn- should she stay with Heidi and the kids, or should she run away with Bob? Her heart said Bob but her brain said Heidi. She could never leave her family. She knew what it was like to be abandoned by a parent, and she would never do that to Lu and Phoenix. She had been in therapy since she was five years old, all thanks to her father's neglect. Obviously, she would never be able to live with that kind of guilt. But would she be able to keep living like this? She tried to have the best of both worlds- having a happy home life with Heidi and the kids, and then running off with Bob when he came to town. But that way of life wasn't fair to Heidi, nor Bob, nor herself. She was in an impossible situation, and she had been in it for months. And it all came down to this- Jillian, at her own New Year's Eve party, crying in her bathroom because she couldn't make a decision.
Jillian had had enough. She wiped the tears out of her eyes and stared herself straight in the face. "This isn't the woman you are. This isn't the woman you want to be. Why don't believe in yourself? If you want to be awesome, you have to take risks. Now get out there and spend some time with your wife." Jillian took a deep breath and swung open the door, taking the first step towards a more honest life.
Of course, she should have realized that Bob was waiting just around the corner.
"Hey, what's up buttercup? I was looking for you in the kitchen but Heidi said she hadn't seen you... Is something wrong?"
As usual, Jill couldn't resist his charm. The way he always looked out for her, and always knew when something was bothering her. It was times like these when she just wanted to pin him up against a wall and kiss him. She knew she had to control her impulses, but the whole world knew she wasn't good at doing that. But she had to prove them wrong, so she sighed and said, "oh, it's nothing. I'll talk to you about it later, I guess. Do you have time to get a drink?"
Bob smiled and replied, "Of course Jill, I'll always have time for you," winking at her and strolling off to talk to Andrea. God, how much sexier could he get, Jillian thought to herself. She immediately hated herself for thinking that, and then went off to join Jeanette and Heidi for the New Year's countdown.
Heidi looked up at Jill and smiled. Jillian looked into her eyes and that's when she realized how stupid she was. She could never leave Heidi. Sure, she wasn't the kind of girl to stay out partying until 3am, but she was Jill's girl. The girl who would never leave her side, and who would never betray her. How could Jillian be so damn stupid? Maybe Bob was meant to be a friend. There would always be a desire for something more, but it wasn't worth it. Nothing was worth giving up true love, or the smiles on her children's faces every time she woke them up in the morning. There's no love more powerful than the love of your family.
"TEN... NINE... EIGHT... SEVEN... SIX... FIVE... FOUR... THREE... TWO... ONE... HAPPY NE-" Jillian's cheers were cut short by a passionate kiss from Heidi. Jillian melted into her arms, relieved that a year of stress and confusion was finally over. There were few things more precious to her than what she held in her arms at this moment. She took a step back, pulling away from the kiss, so she could appreciate the moment. She looked around, and she could not be more grateful for the people in her life. After all, there are worse things in life than loving more than one person. And that's when she felt a tug at her leg, and saw two little kids who had been woken by the celebrations.
"LU! PHOENIX! HAPPY NEW YEAR!"
"Happy New Year mama!" they shouted, and jumped into Jillian's arms. Sudden realization hit Jillian like a tidal wave. There was absolutely nothing wrong with loving more than one person. Everyone has their perks, everyone has their flaws. And the more love you have for others, the more you receive. This could not have been more clear in Jill's mind as she embraced her true family- Heidi, Lukensia, Phoenix, and Bob.