Smart. Pretty. Perfect.
A perfect mess.
Emma Chota's intelligence was not to be questioned, the girl had the mind of a scholar and the grades to get her into the top universities in the country. That is, if she lives long enough to see her high school graduation. Everyone at the hospital looks at her like she wants to be hospitalized, as if she enjoys it. While everyone else has cancer, genetic disorders, and needs transplants; this girl can't shove a fucking potato chip down her throat.
As Emma sat down in her meticulously neat bed and donned her classic stockings and white jersey dress, she sat and pondered her situation. It wasn't about food or the fear of being fat. It's what food represents that scares the living shit out of her. Her whole life Emma had the perfect parents and good school atmosphere, while other kids lived in poverty and with absentee parents she has the best life could offer. So why was she so unhappy?
Food has this power over Emma, not even she could understand. It pulls her into a whirlwind of horrific memories and a need for control. When nothing was going her way, when she could do nothing in her life to control her own destiny, she snatched the wheel back by rejecting food. Everyone's day is centered around food. Wake up for breakfast, a break midday for lunch in order to get some time out of school or work, and dinner before bedtime. Meal times run the world, well it wouldn't run Emma. Not after what she had been through.
Growing up in a good suburban home, Emma should have been happy, and she was for the most part. She was a loner and kids could be brutally mean, but it was nothing she couldn't handle; until the incident.
A teacher, a man who she was supposed to be able to trust, a man that was supposed to protect her; exploited her by abusing his power and position on her. He destroyed her as a 12 year old girl. She was supposed to be worried about the math test on Friday and what shoes she would wear to Cara Brown's birthday party but she was forced to deal with problems much bigger than herself.
In a moment Emma's neat and orderly life went spiraling out of control. No one knew, no one could ever know. It was a burden Emma carried alone. That vile man had stolen her innocence, her life as she knew it. And now she was living at Oak Park Hospital weighing a whopping 91 pounds. Still, she would not eat.
Dash's Point of View
When it comes to the Red Band Society, Leo's the leader—no question about it. But, I think it means the most to me. I want the Society to work out so badly because I believe the others would be okay without it, but me, I need them; even if they don't realize it.
When Jordi and Leo fight over Emma, when Emma and Leo fight in their relationship, when Kara and literally anyone fight it eats me up inside. I am the first one to try and mend the relationships and stop the arguing because the Society can't break up, this band of brothers means more to me than they will ever know.
I have Cystic Fibrosis, I was diagnosed with it while my mom was still pregnant—before I was ever born. I don't remember a world without doctors, nurses, and hospitals. I have been here my whole life, and it is home. The rest of the Red Banders have lived normal lives before they were here, and they can live normal lives once again. I will always be the kid with bad lungs and bad genes.
I care so much when everyone is arguing because I need them more than they need me. I've accepted death, I am okay with dying. I continue to fight for my mom and dad; but I've accepted my fate. If Leo or Emma heard me talking right now they'd smack me upside my head, I can't tell them because they're all fighting and trying to beat these diseases. How do I tell them I don't want new lungs? How do I tell them the lungs should go to someone else?
Emma's Point of View
I started crying, God I am such an idiot. What happened to me was a long time ago. Why the hell am I crying?
Just as I was wiping my tears new ones began to form and I was all out sobbing in my room, at that moment Dash strode by on his skateboard. One glance at me, and he sprinted into my room not exactly sure what to do. I love Dash with all my heart. He's not just my boyfriend's best friend, he's my friend too. But, the boy's speciality is not crying anorexic girls.
He stood with one hand around my arm trying to console me to no avail and eventually I gave in to his hug and broke down on his chest. He held me into his shirt and I cried and cried while Dash held me, letting me feel everything I needed to with no judgement. Dash never judged.
He petted my hair and whispered "Shh, it's all going to be all right, you're safe Em."
I pulled back and curled my knees under my arms on my head and turned away from him to face the window, my cries halting. He sat down on the edge of my bed, looking at me.
"You okay? What was that about?" he questioned.
"Nothing Dash, thanks for coming in but I'm okay," I lied.
The best thing about Dash? He doesn't force the issue. So I let my sobs subside and he stayed while we sat in a comfortable silence, like a best friend should.
Dash's Point of View
It has been a few days since Emma's crying incident, she's my friend,and I would die for her (oh the irony). But, crying is not something Emma does often. The only other time I remember her crying was a few months ago when Leo broke up with her the first time, she was crying in a utility closet, and I found her and told her what an idiot my best friend was to lose the best thing that has ever happened to him. It's true. I love Leo—he's my brother from another, but his dumb ass dumped a great girl.
But, this crying wasn't a boy problem cry, it was a cry for help. Almost as if she needed to cry in order to relieve some internal pain she had been carrying for a long time. Emma has strong relationship issues and with her anorexia I don't know how great of an idea it is for her and Leo to be dating again but I want them both to be happy so I won't say anything. All I know is Emma is not okay.
Sitting in class, I felt my phone vibrate in my pants, I took it out to see a text from Emma that read:
Emma: Can you meet me on the rooftop tonight after the nurses make their rounds?
I was taken aback, Emma rarely broke the rules but I responded with a yes anyway. The rest of the day I wondered why Emma wanted to meet with me, the only time we went to the rooftop was for a Red Band party or problem, and that was with all members.
After Nurse Jackson turned my breathing treatment off I made my way towards the roof, by the time I got out there without being caught, Emma was already up there.
She was already dressed for bed and looked like she hadn't slept in days, she turned to see me and relief swept across her face.
"You came," she said surprised.
"Of course, it's the rules of the Society, always help a fellow Red Bander in need" I smiled.
She laughed but then turned somber once again.
"I have to tell you something, something I haven't told anyone else," she confessed. "I thought I was okay, I thought I was over it but I'm not and I can't tell Leo I don't even know what he would say, he'd probably flip. But, you can't tell anyone else especially not Leo! " she continued to ramble.
"Em, I'm your friend too, of course your secret is safe with me," I promised.
We sat on the ledge overlooking downtown Los Angeles and was several moments before she spoke again.
"Everyone always tells me I'm beautiful the way I am because they think I don't eat because I'm insecure about my weight. But, that's not exactly it," she sighed before continuing. "Please don't hate me when I tell you, and don't treat me any differently when you know. Promise?"
"Promise," I vowed back.
She slowly went through the events that had played out at her school, with her teacher. She spoke so slowly I had to lean forward to make sure I was hearing her right.
As she finished her story, I was furious I wanted to fight someone that instant, I wanted to find that worthless man and crack his skull open. I wanted to—
"Dash!" Emma shouted.
I stopped my thoughts and turned my head towards her.
"Are you okay?" she asked.
Only Emma could tell me that story, and then ask if I was okay.
"Of course I'm okay. Are you okay? Goddammit Emma I am so sorry. You should have never had to—I don't even know what to say," I said.
She looked at the sky once again and then looked back at me.
"You don't have to say or do anything Dash. I just wanted you to know. I had to let someone know. I've been pretending it didn't happen for so long I almost believed it for a while but it did happen and it scares the living shit out of me," she confessed.
I hesitated at first, but I put my arm on her shoulder to comfort her. I pulled back for a second and reached towards my other arm to pull off the red band on my wrist. I turned her arm around and put it on Emma's wrist instead.
"What's this for?" she asked.
"The Red Band Society is a group I love to be apart of. But, at the end of the day it is for a bunch of really sick kids and in that sense being in the Society, probably isn't a good thing. But, Emma; Leo and Jordi didn't choose to have cancer, Charlie didn't choose a coma, Kara didn't choose to have a bad heart, and I did not choose to have such shit lungs. Emma, I want you to know that no matter what other people think, no matter what you sometimes may think—you did not choose to be raped. You did not choose to be anorexic. The Red Band Society is very proud to have you as a member, but I am so sorry you ever had to join it," I said, my voice cracking with inevitable cries.
She cracked a grin and hugged me, I hugged back.
"There you two are! Nurse Jackson has been looking for you two everywhere and she will freak out if you guys don't get back into bed now," it was Dr. McAndrew.
We pulled back and smiled, walking back down the stairs with our doctor who was more like our father on our way to meet our nurse who was more of a mother; this was it, this was home. For both of us, for all of us.
Author's Note: I just sat down and watched all the episodes in this series. Emma hits home to me in a variety of ways. I really lived out a scene in my life that is similar to this one. I have a Dash-like friend I met while I was in the hospital. Anyway, have a great night guys and stay strong no matter who or what is putting you down. It's not always easy, but it gets better.