I never chose to be this way. It's just the way I was made. Ever since freshman year I've been trying to deny my true nature. My mother told me it was "just a thing". "It'll pass" she said. But no matter how many boys I've kissed, no matter how many bases I've passed this feeling will always remain. I'm a lesbian. And I'm utterly in love with my best friend.

Seven days Previously:

It began like any other day. Chris was driving our entire household crazy, knocking things over, behaving like some wild, crazed beast. And, believe me: I've had more than enough experience with those. "CHROSTOPHER LAIR" my father cried. "YOU SIT DOWN AND EAT PROPERLY OR I SWEAR I'll…" whumph. My father was knocked flying as Chris hurtled past, arms stretched*. "neow, neow….I'm an airplane! No, I'm a bird! I'm SUPER GUY!" he trilled: cackled and whooped as my witless parents haphazardly chased the skinny ten year-old around the kitchen. I hunched over my cheerios, praying they wouldn't take the hint he'd raided my "medication supply" before I awoke. Such madness wasn't exactly 'unusual' in our picturesque, green-schemed home: perhaps less… destructive?

Oh, well. It's not as if the destruction of my innocence meant smooth sailing: not for our family; at least. My sophomore year opened up new doors for all of the guardians, and soon all our families were acutely aware of just how reckless teenage girls become when driven by drugs, alcohol and sex. Clichéd for sure, but it's true: the good times were far from over. The craziness and mayhem had just begun.

Adding to this already over-complicated equation was the girl. Smart, pretty, super funny. But innocent and unseeing compared to the rest of our friends. While the rest of our guardian-gang went off the rails this cute (and seemingly clueless) girl simply spent her days walking lightly. She didn't take love for granted, confuse sex with a complex relationship or turn up for SAT practice exams with a killer hangover. I'd loved her since we were little kids, but I'd always been afraid to admit it. Her name is Hay Lin. She's my best friend.

It was a new day. A new year. We were finally seniors. This was our first year in the big leagues. And our last year as guardians. The crystal would have to be passed on after we all moved away. Ohio, New York, san Francisco, Washington D.C… college could make or break your future. And we had to take that chance. Even if it meant this was our last year of being a team.

I could say that School was uneventful. What am I supposed to say? Compared to our guardian lives it was mundane. Relaxed. No monsters jumped out and tried to kill us. No magical warlock tyrants and their pet spider shape-changers.

But no amount of magic (or lack thereof) can substitute for the drama of a seventeen year old's final year of high school.

The sun was hiding, no surprise for Sheffield. Sheffield Institute loomed above the students, the fading red brick standing as a sobering reminder that we were still under the jurisdiction of the state, and more importantly the head. Mrs Knikerbocker was the most nasty, shallow and vindictive principle you could ask for. Plus, she's so old. I mean, can't we have someone who at least looks cool in charge? I sauntered out into the quad. Who was I to be mindful of authority figures? I'm a senior. A chill breeze made the hairs on my arms stand up. Brrr. Wrong day to wear a tank-top. The wind died down, and I looked for my friends. But they were nowhere to be seen. "Damn it, Will. What does it take for you guys to be on time?" The wind returned, this time artfully tossing my hair into my field of vision. What was with this weather? It was almost as if… it knew who I was. I grinned, pivoting towards the aspen at the west side of the quad. Sure enough, there she was. Cheeky grin, aviator goggles and all.

I nipped over, almost laughing out loud in relief. She laughed in response. "Lair on the air. Did you forget who controls all things with a breeze?" Hay-Lin. Five feet and five inches of sheer goddess. Immaculately dressed in zappy colors, two long pigtails lassoed over her right shoulder. Smiling. At me. I forgot how to speak for a moment as my stomach filled with the mushy sensation of butterflies. " H..hi. Hay Lin." She raised a mischievous eyebrow. "Oh? Cat got your tongue? Is it Andrew Hornby?" she laughed again. How I ended up keeping my sexuality a secret from my best friend, I have no idea. I think she would take it well. Hay Lin is the strongest, kindest most accepting person I've ever met. Not including her grandmother (which is another story). But something always chokes me up, forces the words back down my throat. Is it because I like her as something more? Or is it something else? Something… worse. "Cat got my tongue? That's as likely as moo-shu chicken stealing yours" I retorted, regaining my edge as we moved closer together. Suddenly, she threw her arms around me. "It's been too long! She laughed, soft curls of air tickling the back of my neck as she breathed into my embrace. I hugged her back. "I'm sorry Hay, I was… busy. Chris was sick"

At least, that's what I'd been telling both of us for the last two weeks. The reality of the situation was I couldn't face her. In the week previously I almost had to physically restrain myself from grabbing on to her, running my fingers through her hair and softly planting a line of kisses down her neck. It was becoming out of control. An obsession. Each time I saw her, messaged her, talked with her on the phone… it just got worse and worse. I wanted her. I needed her. And I could never have her. So I told her I had to take care of my brother for the remainder of the summer, because my parents were busy with "work". The reality of the situation was that I spent most of my time in the bath tub, either hyped up on pills or reading up on Buddhist wisdom: figuring I needed more than sheer restraint to let someone as stunning as Hay Lin go. Having control over the element of water made distracting myself easier, but not much. It hurt so much to be away from her, at first. I thought things had changed. I thought I was ready.

And I was. But not for this.

Luckily, I was spared the shame of my (someone kill me now) fluff obsessed thoughts with the arrival of our other friends. "Terrani! Cornelia! Will! Hi!" Hay Lin began jumping about crazily, waving her arms around with such vigor it stirred a small hurricane at her feet. The gang rushed over and soon we were enveloped in a tangled crush of best friends, laughing in sheer delight of our reuniting. Terrani had spent the summer in the Congo with Will's family. Cornelia had gone to France. Sheffield isn't much of a holiday destination, home or not. Unless you have parents who work summer hours, it's your goal to get as far away as you can with each opportunity that arises.. Unfortunately, both Hay Lin and I both fit into that particular four percent. My father works with local law enforcement, her family run a popular restaurant.

I wondered if I could keep my feelings under wraps, that summer. But the year to come would hold more proof than ever that this was not to be.