.
"Where is he? Where the fuck is he?" Zack demanded, light-blue eyes glowing intensely green. It was already a death blow for him to learn about Cloud's "failure", as they call it, ending up a vegetable due to Mako poisoning. He had been monitoring him ever since, always visiting him in the laboratory every single day, hoping and praying to Minerva for him to wake up. Even when he is assigned to important missions he was all he could think about, and he finds himself in utter rage, going all out on enemies, even if those included his late Mentor, Angeal. He felt so lost upon losing the First, for he was like a friend to him, a guardian, his family, guiding him every step of the way when things go batshit crazy. But that cannot compete to the utter hopelessness he was feeling right now, as he learned that Cloud was no longer in the lab, and was instead taken by Professor Hojo, as an official test subject elsewhere, far, far away from Zack.
He really wanted to snap this guy's neck very badly, but that will get him nowhere, Zack thought bitterly. He loosened his death grip on him instead, allowing him only enough to squeak.
"Modeo—" the man in the white lab coat choked, writhing beneath his strong hand.
"If he isn't there, I swear—I'll make you regret you were even born." Zack hissed, glowering over the terrified man. His patience was stretched so thinly by this point, any more bullshit and he will go on a violent rampage.
And so to Modeoheim he went. The incessant calls and messages from the higher-ups keeping him in check infuriates him to no end and he considered it with utter disregard. He's going to find Cloud, wherever they had taken him. The snowy terrain was bad, but this is nothing for a country boy like him, and like Cloud. He bet they'd be joking about that very thing right now if he was there with him. But he isn't.
The scarce, weathered establishments were on the empty side, he realized, as he ventured deeper into the main facility, dim lights and howling winds the only things filling the void. There were few staff members he had to take care of when he reached basement level, no actual security at all to impend his mission. They never knew a Soldier would actually break in to the secret laboratories, and they weren't really prepared. To say that the lab ended up in a devastated state was an understatement. If he could have reduced the place to ashes, he probably would have. But he had more important things to do. He found Cloud in one of the Mako tanks, completely submerged. He had to break it, his utter impatience his worst enemy amongst all. He has gone with the limp blonde in his arms almost immediately, wanting to get him the away from that place as soon as possible.
.
As expected, Cloud was still catatonic, but at least he was now safe with him. And for him, well, he was now officially a deserter. Like hell would he be coming back to Shinra. After everything they have done, everything they made him do, and after taking the last piece of sanity he had, they shouldn't really be expecting him to come back to their open arms. He isn't that mad. He still received frequent messages from his colleagues, asking him where he is or if he was ever coming back. He never replied to anyone. The last thing he wanted was for them to track him down and taking Cloud back.
Cloud remained asleep for months, as inquiries about his whereabouts died out. He rarely leaves his side, still, waiting patiently for him to come around. That was the one thing he was getting good at, he supposed, having patience. Because how can he not, when it was the only thing that was left for him to do? And so, he cleaned him, talked to him, bathed him, kept him warm and fed. And soon enough, Cloud did eventually come around, one particular night when he was rather tired and fell asleep earlier than he used to, thoughts exhausting him mentally, physically and emotionally. Zack woke up at the sound of light footsteps and fumbling, like someone listless. He found him by the tiny kitchen, all the cupboards open, as he crouched in front of the ones just below the sink, rummaging weakly for something. Zack called out to him, walking tentatively towards his small form.
"Cloud?"
He turned at the call of his name, eyes unfocused. He wasn't "present", he thought, as he watched his impassive face try to form some sort of understanding in the current situation.
"Hungry. I'm hungry—"
Zack closed in beside him, crouching. He spoke to him softly, not wanting to scare or startle him.
"Yeah, food. I'll get you food alright? Come here."
The brunet said gently, assisting the blonde to the direction of the chairs by the small dining table. Cloud just stared dazedly but he complied nonetheless, as if used to Zack's hands guiding and moving him around. He just sat there, waiting, as if he wasn't really there, physically, consciously. But to Zack, that was something to rejoice about.
Cloud didn't exactly get better as the days went by, as he occasionally mumbled to himself, staring at a distance. It's as if he was listening or waiting for something that Zack cannot hear nor see, or understand. Those were the bad days, for he can't even talk to him, reach him. The worst part was the things Cloud tells him, things that make his skin crawl with goosebumps, leaving him in a mix of stupefied confusion and horror.
"I can hear them."
"The other ones— I can hear them calling to me."
"I must find them."
The blonde mumbled, several times on days like this one. Sometimes Zack thinks he was slowly slipping into paranoia and it makes his chest constrict painfully in anger.
"What other ones, Cloud?"
Zack asks, as he tried to cross the ever-stretching distance between them.
"There were other ones like me, Zack—"
"Six of them. I need to find them and end their misery."
"An then— I will be whole again."
Cryptic as it was, he still wanted to believe Cloud. If there were other ones, then he probably meant that the professor created "copies" of him to be experimented further on. It was utterly, an infuriating thought. To think that those others were suffering, was just the final straw. He will find them, all of them, wherever they may be. He will help Cloud, whatever it takes.
Between the emotionally exhausting days were the few, good days, when Cloud was acting rather normal, most likely himself and not scaring him shitless. And in those rare times, Cloud allows him to get close not only skin-deep but beyond, to his heart and soul. Cloud latches onto him then, as he starts kissing the brunet deeply, hungrily. Zack welcomes the gesture wholeheartedly, longing miserably for his warmth, desperately clinging to Cloud before he fades away again inside of his head. They make love roughly, Cloud biting where his mouth could reach, nails digging into his skin, grip almost bruising. But Zack doesn't mind because he grinds forcefully into him in return, each thrust into his body like his last. Cloud only moans and urges him even more, blue-green eyes bright, illuminated from within. His gaze brings Zack over the edge, dangerous and possessing. He groans as he surrenders to release, capturing Cloud's mouth in a final, longing, kiss. And they stay for a while like that, enclosed in each other's arms, not wanting to let go. And just like that, Cloud was gone again, somewhere far away. He can barely feel him even as he held him closer and tighter, and it was a maddening thought.
Zack felt like glass, cracking, and shattering slowly.
.
Zack had found the first one in a still, very active lab in the destroyed village of Banora, supervised remotely by Hojo's assistants. The last of his trusted connections to Shinra were helping him gather information, and he was grateful to them, or rather to him alone, Kunsel. Just basic information will do, and he does not want to put the guy in a sticky situation. He does not need and want to know whatever they are making out of "them", for it sickens him. He just needed to get them and take them far away, from this evil. Cloud was somehow very keen and alert with the building situation, and directed for them to separate and meet somewhere after, farther away from their current hideout.
This went on and on, until Zack managed to find five of them, scattered throughout the continent, in the deepest crevices of Shinra's facilities. They were all the in the same condition like when he found Cloud, limp and catatonic. He will discreetly arrange a meeting then, after he collected the copy and leave the rest to Cloud. What he does with them— he really doesn't want to know.
Does he kill them out of utter mercy?
What does it feel like to kill a part of oneself?
But in the end, they aren't Cloud. They were just copies, lifeless dolls that have neither soul nor mind of their own. But if Cloud asks him to put them to rest with his own hands, he probably wouldn't be able to do it. That is just cruel. It will drive him insane.
Is all of this some kind of divine punishment?
.
Now there is just one.
.
How long would it take to find him this time? Zack wondered. How long will this madness go on before Cloud's obsession would finally stop? How long before the growing void in his heart will eat him alive? He can't even look at him anymore square in the eyes.
Zack realized he had lost him a long, long time ago.
His back slid against the wall of an inn out in the middle of nowhere, sucking a puff from a cigarette with his trembling fingers. He closed his eyes and breathed out. It didn't calm him at all. Something was caught up at the back of his throat, choking him, stinging his eyes.
Zack broke down, and cried.
.