Disclaimer: This isn't necessary, is it?
A/N: Spoilers beware. you haven't watched the second movie yet, stop reading. But if you haven't watched it yet and you're going to read this anyway, I warned you.
Inspired by thinking of gintsu, the movie, then deeper and deeper, and lastly I remembered Yell's post.
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If Only Graves Would Talk Back
It was late in the afternoon, and it was already getting dark out. Many clouds were formed together, hovering over the place, making it a gloomy weather. The chill of the nightly breeze was getting apparent. It was depressingly perfect for visiting the dead.
She lit up her kiseru as she walked in a rather slow place, arms crossing her chest to hug her haori. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath.
Here she was in front of him.
Here lies Sakata Gintoki
The words written on his grave was short and simple, just like him. Even if he would never (could never anyway) admit it. No Savior of Yoshiwara, The Last Samurai nor Shiroyasha, as she had learned. But she knew he would prefer it the way it is. He never did acknowledge himself as their so-called savior, and being referred to as a demon wasn't exactly a pleasant thing.
She narrowed her eyes. On the stone laid there, a plate of untouched dango that's been rotting and a used pair of candles. She was aware of his other visitors. The food left for him was always left untouched until it was to be thrown away. She had always wished that maybe one day she'd find it empty from someone taking it.
She puts her kiseru away as to replace the batch of flowers and to light up the candles. She crouched down, clapped her hands together, and prayed quietly.
Once she was done, a faint smile formed on her sorrowful expression.
"It's been a year since you've gone missing." she began, eyes trailing up the sky for a moment before she continued. "But a lot's happened already. So much's happened."
The aroma of the candle was soothing. It matched with such a peaceful and solemn environment.
"Aside from that crazy virus spreading around, there's something more important that's been happening." Or atleast she thought so. She frowned at the thought of it.
"Kagura and Shinpachi's been fighting a lot more lately, and although I hate to admit it, it doesn't seem like the usual silly ones." she paused, cutting herself short with what more she was about to say. She tucked a lock of blonde hair behind her ear.
"..Sorry, I shouldn't bring up some bad news."
It was hard to talk about anything else though. Every topic she could offer wasn't anything good. Especially since it was a one-sided conversation. If it wasn't, she would throw a kunai at the other for simply dismissing it and telling a dirty joke.
Really, the whole thing would seem strange for others to see, talking to the dead. But she rarely visits, others do it too, and she had always been comfortable talking to him anyway, despite his foolish antics. Even if he couldn't talk back now. She supposed it became a habit.
"I can't say Yoshiwara's been doing well either. Even with the criminal activities dropping, almost everyone's health hasn't been good." Strange how it began when you left. Have you caught it too?
Her eyes followed through his name on the grave. He may have a grave already, but his body hasn't been found.
"How's heaven up there?" she asked rhetorically, trying to be optimistic. She couldn't help but ponder over the question herself. Of where and how he was, of how he might have turned into a ghost and mess with people's lives or watch over them all, or if he had reunited with his sensei. He never did talk about his past, and she didn't bother to find out, even if she was curious. She would lend an ear to listen, but she wouldn't force him to tell her.
She wasn't the only one to wonder about his past. After his absence, whenever she would talk with the others, at some point they realized, that they barely knew about him all that much. No one pointed it out. Everyone has a past, and it was their tale to tell.
Although she would be lying if it wasn't upsetting. In those conversations she noticed the yorozuya. The tension on their shoulders, the small tug of their mouths to frown, their hooded eyes that showed guilt and their effort to change the topic completely. They might've even felt bad for not knowing, even if they shouldn't be. He just wanted to forget about the past and live his penniless life. He was happier that way.
Atleast, that's what she believes. She would tell them if she could, but she was always interrupted. No one really wanted to talk about it.
"Y'know, Kagura says that you're just out to take a drag," she stood up, fumbling for her kiseru. "That one day you'll come back, drunk as hell, while you pass out at the entrance way." she let out a laugh. It wasn't hard to imagine it.
She lit it up again, puffing out a smoke before she continued. She stared at something, anything else but his grave. It was ridiculous. There was no one for her to look at, but she still looked away.
"But will you really come back?" The usual stern tone of voice that she held was slipping. Her hands dropped to her sides, clenched into fists and trembling.
"Because if you are, hurry up. Everyone's been waiting for your lazy ass to come back." The tone of her voice rised with each word she spoke. But she still kept her composure as best as she could. She blinked her eyes over and over as she took a smoke.
"You've really caused a lot of trouble, you know. I bet that once you show up, everything'll be a mess." Lavender eyes flickered with amusement, glancing up the birds in the sky.
"Though I'm sure it would be all right. It certainly is livelier whenever you're around." She puts a hand over his tombstone and her voice began to shake.
"..Why did you leave in the first place anyway?" Her grip tightened, nails digging deep into her palm. She knew, or rather, she had an idea as to why. He left a note after all, she heard from Kagura. Leaving and doing everything by himself. He never relied on anyone for matters like these and she hated that character of him.
Yet she was the same.
She forced a smile. "By the time you come back, there'll be a party. I'm sure, just like that one time." She closed her eyes, remembering of how when everything was settled and their real memories returned and they greeted him with such an event.
Then they'll probably get drunk, she'll be called the drunk terminator again and she might even beat him up. Only to wake up the next day with a terrible hangover and realize what she did. By the time she meets up with them again, she would apologize for her earlier behavior. They would merely brush it off, and they did cause a wreck too.
In an instant, her smile was gone. Thinking of the days she drank a cup of sake as to forget about him for a while. Her usual active, but cheerful behavior during her drunken stupor replaced, with a rather melancholic one. Hinowa said that she would lock herself in her own room and would stop talking to anyone in particular, before going back to the way things were and pretend as if nothing had happened. She didn't think she would ever want her drunken terminator self back, instead of her gloomy one. She took her kiseru off her mouth.
"You can't really be dead.. right? Please come back. Please." She found herself pleading, her indifferent demeanor gone. Her whole body was shaking at this point, her eyebrows furrowed, she bit her lip and shook her head. It was stupid.
"Everyone misses you. Come back. Do it for them. For me." Maybe it was the note, maybe it was the fact that his body hasn't been found yet, maybe it was because he couldn't just die from something like this. Or maybe it was just because she refused to believe he was dead.
She was still always busy. Yet within those quick visits to the yorozuya, those short talks with the others, she could see it. Everyone was slowly drifting away.
"The yorozuya are waiting. You just can't be dead." It wasn't supposed to end this way. He said it himself once. He'll die by old age, surrounded by grandchildren. Not by suddenly disappearing off the face of the earth. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, looking away.
"It pisses me off how you just left them without saying anything. How you just left like you're just out to gamble." She felt her blood boiling with rage. She doesn't have a say in it. Not a family member, or a housemate. She was just a friend.
"I hate that you left us alone. The yorozuya, Otose-san, Sarutobi, Otae, and many others. I even met one of your comrades during the war, I didn't know you had a friend who hangs out in space. But I'm not surprised." she joked bitterly. Biting her lip, she continued.
"I hated how I realized these stupid feelings for you. But that was fine. I don't care if you ever find out or not, just come back. Please." Tears streamed down her face and she couldn't stop it anymore.
There, she stood in front of his grave, silently sobbing. She didn't say another word until she was done and took a long deep breath. She looked to his grave another time, bowing before she turned to leave. She couldn't stay any longer. She would come back anyway.
If only he would too.
She shook her head, disregarding any other thoughts.
As she walked, a lock of hair fell astray. She decided to have a haircut.
Little did she know, that a man clothed in a fully-covered kimono and seals hid there, hearing of what she has to say. The bandages that covered his head wasn't much, as it was about to be replaced.
Purple inks formed in ancient-like writings began covering his face, his eyes looking more dead than ever, his eyebrows furrowed and his mouth set in a firm line. The marks grew stronger and he flinched from the pain.
When she was out of sight he turned the other way, answering her request.
"I can't."
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A/N: Recently I've realized.. I've written and published three freaking gintsu fics in more or less than a day. I rarely get to finish fics because I keep going from one to another so it always takes a damn long time. You know what that means right?
I'm in too deep with this couple and I can never come back. Help.