Author's Note: Ignore this fic. I had started writing it a long time ago, and it along with most of my fics was unfortunately abandoned as I became busier. However, my friend Proud to be Plug guilted me into coming back onto to say hi to some old friends, and I immediately became very nostalgic over my old fic and my writing juices started flowing and…here we are. So here's basically a segue fic, as I'm gonna at the very least try to finish up most of my old in-progress PJO fics. I make NO PROMISES that they will all be completed, but I'm definitely gonna finish some fantastic one-shots that I started writing a while back, if only to bid adieu to my old flame, the PJO fandom. Anyway, enjoy.
Warning: Drug use, general shenanigans.
Disclaimer: I don't own PJO.
Nico made to adjust his tie, an action anyone else in the room would see as him simply trying to straighten it, but Percy knew was, in fact, him trying to loosen it as much as possible. Fighting it onto him in the first place had been hard enough, but keeping him in it was another story. Nico resented all signs of formality and fitting in, especially when they had to do with pleasing Warren Dare.
"Just leave it alone," Percy said lowly, taking a sip of champagne from his who-knew-how-expensive champagne flute. "Trust me, the less you think about it, the quicker this will be over. I've attended enough of Rachel's birthdays to know this."
Nico just glared at the mahogany floors harder, before saying, "Why are we even here again? I mean, all of us?" Nico gestured to various other demigods in the room, all of whom had become good friends with Rachel over the years of her Oracledom.
"Because, it's Rachel's birthday and people tend to invite their friends to their birthdays," Percy said, dragging out his vowels. "Which is, by the way, something you'd know if you had, you know, friends."
"Well then how do you explain me being invited, if I don't have, you know, friends?"
"I don't think you actually were invited. I'm pretty sure you just trailed me here."
"After you fought a tie onto me."
"Yeah, after that."
"Seriously though, can we leave now? Because if not, opening a gigantic crack in the ground and just diving headfirst into it seems the only other humane option for me," Nico whined.
Just as Percy was about to out-snark the son of Hades with a particularly clever comeback concerning evil step-families, the Stoll brothers sidled up next to them, clad in jeans and t-shirts with ties printed on them.
"Classy," Percy remarked, gesturing to the shirts.
"Ties are only good for tying around one's head at a frat party," Travis insisted. "Not that I've ever been to one of those, because that would be lame."
"And we're above lame," Connor chimed in.
"That we are," Travis agreed. "But you know what we're not against?"
"Getting Rachel in trouble simply due to her association with you?" Percy suggested.
"Well, that," Travis said.
"And partaking in some, er, herbal remedies during boring as fuck birthday parties," Connor went on. "In fact, calling this a party is a disgrace, and I'm seriously considering calling up Mr. D just so he can do something about it."
"That desperate?" Percy quipped, before having an impatient Nico remind everyone what was really important: "What was that you were saying about 'herbal remedies'?"
-o-
The cloud of smoke that followed the four demigods as they exited one of the grand bathrooms of the Dare household was nothing if not comical. So much so that it caused them to laugh even harder as they stumbled back into the party. Travis and Connor had their arms around each others' shoulders, and Percy and Nico's ties were loosened to the point of pointlessness.
If the smell coming off them wasn't enough, the ridiculous grins they had on their faces for no reason other than the fact that "the ceiling is really funny if you stare at it for long enough," (Connor's words) caused Annabeth to go, "Oh my gods," the minute she spotted them reentering the huge party.
Most of the people at Rachel's birthday were "friends" of her parents, so Rachel's one insistence was that her closest friends could attend, even if there were not nearly as many of them. So, really, none of the four demigods could tell if the disdainful looks from the attendees of the shindig were the same they had been receiving the entire time, or if they had increased since their recent, er, break to the restroom. Also, everything was kind of blurry now, and that didn't help matters much.
"Really?" Annabeth demanded. "Really? Now? You had to do this now?"
"The whole reason we did it was because it is...now," Travis said, confusing himself.
"Oh gods, oh gods, my arm won't stop shaking, why won't it stop shaking, why, no, stop it." Connor was slapping his arm, apparently attempting to pin it (which wasn't really shaking all that much) down to his side.
Percy began laughing with his eyes closed. "The ceiling really is funny, though."
Nico became very interested with a plant in the corner, musing, "I wonder if Persephone and Demeter smoke weed."
"Nah, man, they'd be way more laid back," Percy said over Travis, who was reiterating, "Herbal remedies, Nico. Herbal remedies."
"I bet Persephone does when she's not down under," Connor said. "Like, she parties with D and Apollo. She has to."
"Hey, you guys, the dinner's about to start and I want to -" Rachel was saying as she pushed through the crowd to find them, until stopping short the instant she spotted them. "Oh, my fucking gods, you guys," Rachel hissed, coming up closer to them all so that she could scold them in a whisper. "Now? Really? The Vice President of the Philippines is here!"
"One must live in the moment, O Oracle," Travis said, while Connor practically knocked one of the caterers over trying to get a stuffed mushroom off the tray he was holding.
Rachel narrowed her eyes dangerously at him, before turning her attention to Percy and Nico, who she fixed with an extremely disappointed look.
"I would expect something like this from them," she said, waving her hand towards Connor and Travis, "but you two? I mean, I at least thought you'd fuck up my party in a more demigod-like manner. You know, with a monster or two. That would actually be acceptable. Fantastic, even. Butweed? I mean really, what are you, sixteen?"
"I was a year ago," Nico said quickly, flushed, and despite that Percy thought it was an excellent defense, truly.
Rachel rolled her eyes and walked away from them, Annabeth quick behind her after giving them another one of her very impressive glares.
"I don't know what their problem is," Travis said, staring intently at a stuffed mushroom he had acquired from one of the caterers, and then laughing for no reason.
Percy shrugged. "Where'd you get the po–I mean, um, herbal remedies, anyway?"
"Grover," Connor said with a nod.
"Fucking satyrs," Percy cursed.
"Okay, so what do you think the likelihood is of Apollo having been the one that came up with 'Walk into the club like, waddup, I got a big co -"
Travis' reverie was broken off by Rachel rushing back up to them, unsteady in her heels. "Yeah, yeah, he totally came up with that, Jesus, that's not even a question. Now, how about this: what's the likelihood of you guys pulling yourselves together long enough to not sever my father's ties with the Russian mob?"
"...Did you just have an encounter with the Russian mob, like, right after you got mad at us?" Percy asked, interest piqued.
Rachel opened her mouth to respond, but was cut off when a hand dropped onto her shoulder, causing her to jump and turn around dramatically.
"Oh! Daddy," Rachel demured. "I was just telling my friends about seating for -"
"Rachel," he interrupted. His eyes swept over the assorted demigods, look blatantly disapproving. "I don't think that'll be necessary."
"What? Why?"
"Your mother suggested it may be best to escort your friends out before dinner as it is more of a...family matter. I agree." He gave her a nod, as if this was now set in stone, and turned on his heel, immediately continuing conversation with a man Percy thought may have been a French president. Did they have presidents? Prime Ministers? Overlords? Percy cracked up silently at the thought.
Rachel turned to her friends, expression unreadable. Or maybe that was the marijuana.
"So...do we need to go?" Nico asked after a moment.
Rachel opened her mouth, and closed it again. Percy wasn't in what he could call the most high performing of states, but it seemed to him that Rachel had that green-eyed plotting look going on at the moment.
"Why don't you guys get your coats," she started, speaking slowly, "and I'll go find Annabeth."
Travis turned to the group and pouted as she left. "And I was so looking forward to eating snails and fish eggs."
"Don't knock it till you've tried it," Connor said, shrugging into his parka.
They were all pooling at the door, milling around and returning awkward glances with the guests who were staring at them like they were about to grab a vase and run with it, when Rachel and Annabeth trotted up.
"What's going on -" Percy started, before Annabeth grabbed his arms and Rachel herded the rest of the group out, going, "Shush shush shush!"
In the elevator, Connor broke the silence at around the ninth floor of their descent. "Did you just ditch your own party?"
"What better way to celebrate twenty-one, right?" Rachel quirked an eyebrow.
"Awesome," Travis breathed. "Okay, so: there are a lot of places uptown, like Harlem area, where we can get in Nico. No carding or anything. I'm a big fan of El Gato Rojo."
"Why El Gato?" Annabeth asked. "I'm almost certain that place runs a human trafficking business in the basement."
"It's where I had my first jello shot!" Travis said defensively. "And my first blow job."
"I really hope that wasn't related to the supposed human trafficking business," Nico muttered, as the gilded elevator door slid open, spilling them out into the lobby.
"Leaving your party so soon, Ms. Dare?" The question came from the man sitting behind the ornate desk in the center of the marble lobby.
"I'm afraid so, Bertram," Rachel said, stopping by the desk. "Daddy doesn't seem to understand that I do, in fact, want my friends present at my twenty-first birthday. Aren't I odd."
"Your name is not fucking Bertram," Connor said, shaking his head.
"It totally is," Percy chimed, Bertram himself nodding.
"Anyway, if Daddy tries to get mad, tell him you didn't see us pass through here. It wouldn't be the first time I escaped through the laundry shaft."
"That was a good day," Annabeth said with a smile. "It was the same day I aced my Classics final."
Percy remembered that day, and it was a good one.
"What a nerd," Travis complained as they walked onto the street, hailing a cab. "We need some real adults at this party. Where's Leo? You know he can do a whisky shot while it's on fire?"
"He's in San Diego at that engineering thing," Annabeth said. "Piper went with him."
"Well that's no fun," Connor sighed. "Grover?"
"Yellowstone National Park. They think the volcano's gonna erupt."
"Jason?"
"Florida with Thalia. She got a week off Huntress duty."
"Katie and Miranda?! Please tell me Miranda is around."
"She's in California, 'avoiding the winter.'"
"Okay, so basically everyone cool isn't around."
"I guess we'll just have to settle for disabusing Nico of his childish notions," Rachel said with a grin. Nico ducked his head.
"When isn't that enough, to be honest," Travis agreed.
"I resent the 'everyone cool' statement," Percy said. "You're with, like, at least two saviors of the world right now."
Rachel groaned hyperbolically. "How long are you gonna hold that over our heads?"
"Probably at least through the end of the world," Annabeth said with a shrug, Percy nodding beside her.
"And yet the real challenge will be convincing this taxi to let all of us in the car," Connor said, rubbing his hands together gleefully as a cab pulled over to the curb for the group.
Percy laughed. "Wouldn't be the first time."
"Nor will it be the last," Rachel said, getting her wallet out. "I have many birthdays ahead of me."
"Did you see it in the stars?" Connor asked.
"Yes. And you know what else I've seen?"
"What?" Nico asked.
Slipping a hundred dollar bill out of her wallet, Rachel cocked a finger at him and winked. "That we're gonna get turnt tonight."
"Please never say that again," Percy laughed, despite himself.
"Now, Sir Driver," Travis said loudly as they poured into the car, sitting on top of each other where necessary. "Please do take us to all of the alcohol in the land. It is the Good Oracle's birthday, and in the sights of gods and men, we are going to see that she gets well and truly turnt."
"We love it when you talk dirty," Connor said, tossing his mop of brown hair.
"I'm regretting this already," Nico complained. "In fact, I've been regretting it since, like, yesterday."
"Oh, Nico," Rachel said, stroking his hair like a cat. "Night ain't over yet."
You're all welcome for this pointlessness.