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Iromono Club Part 1
Sanji Prince was humming happily as he wiped down the counter of the Habachi Bar and Grill, his shaggy blond hair held back from the right side of his face by the restaurant's logo-ed head band. He had the sleeves of his white uniform overcoat rolled up to his elbows, and the top few buttons of his shirt were undone to beat the heat that had settled over him. Sanji was just hoping that some beautiful women would wander in... That would be the best...
The blond put the drying towel over his shoulder, and grabbed a large stack of dishes from the underneath the counter, bringing them back to the kitchen to deliver for Patty.
As the door swung shut behind him, he heard the bell chime, signalling that someone had walked into the bar.
"Be right with you!" he called, as he placed the dishes in the sink, trying his best to get the soapy water on his hands. Maybe it was a lovely lady~!
He hurried back out of the kitchen, and headed toward the figure sitting at the far end of the bar.
"Oi, what can I get you?" Sanji smiled as he called out to the stranger, rubbing his hands with hand sanitizer. He could tell right away it was definitely not a women. Ce la vive, he guessed.
The man poked his head out from behind the menu listing all the alcoholic beverages they served, that he had seemingly picked up off of a table. Sanji leaned casually against the edge of the bar, hand under his chin, watching the man with curiosity.
He was very unusual looking, but a good kind of unusual. He had smooth tan skin, well shaped dark eyes, and green hair.
'He looks like a model, or something,' Sanji thought, more than a little annoyed as the man tilted his head, making the three earnings in his left ear chime lightly together. Fuck this guy and his stupid perfect face.
"I'll take the strongest sake you've got, a large plate of onigiri, and plate of sushi," he said, his deep voice matching his looks perfectly.
Sanji nodded his understanding. "That'll be all then?" he asked.
The man nodded back, putting down the menu.
"No problem. Be back in a second," he said, walking back into the kitchen, soon returning with the sake and ingredients for the requested items.
He placed the things to prepare the food out in the open, and the bottle of sake in front of the green haired man.
Sanji couldn't help but watch as the man shrugged off his large over coat, revealing a tight, form fitting black long sleeve shirt, and slung it over the back of his chair, having to twist slightly to reach around.
Sanji's eyes were drawn to the patch of golden skin of the marimo's stomach. The blond tore his eyes away quickly, before the man could turn back and see Sanji staring at him like a creep. Sanji ducked his head as he set his things out to hide the awkward pinkish tinge his cheeks cheeks were taking on.
Focusing himself, the chef began to prepare the food as impressively and as quickly as he could, because as Lady Luck would have it, a group of college girls had just walked in, and were just waiting for a handsome blond cook like Sanji to sweep them off of their feet.
"Here you go, green man," Sanji said, placing the man's food infront of him, twirling his knife expertly between his fingers. "Enjoy," he managed to add before he sprinted off to the table of girls.
xxxxx
After he had taken care of the girls, he returned to his place at the bar to clean up his station from the green haired man's dinner. He was surprised to see the seat empty, but his furrowed brow relaxed once he saw the plant head had just migrated to a different table.
As he was cleaning up his station, he heard: "Oi, curly brow!"
His head shot up, eyes sharpening into a nasty glare. Who the fuck was making fun of his eye brows?! His blue eyes swept the room and came to rest on the sake drinking marimo.
"Yo, curly, more sake!" he said again, raising aloft the dark green bottle.
Sanji's eyes were practically bugging out of his head. He had to mentally count backwards by sevens to calm his anger as he approached the onigiri eating customer.
He slammed the sake down on the table. "Any thing else?" he asked very annoyed, through gritted teeth.
The man smirked at the red fury that was taking over Sanji's cheeks. "Nope. Thanks, curly cook," he said.
"The name is 'Sanji', bastard. Not 'curly cook'," Sanji assured him.
The man just shrugged, giving Sanji a heart pounding and sexily rugged smile. "Sanji, eh? Okay. Thanks, Sanji," he breathed as he stood, taking the new bottle of sake. He put down a fifty dollar bill.
"Keep the change," he said, slinging his coat over his arm.
"Thanks..." Sanji said surprised, "But that is way too much. I can't accept it."
"Che," the man scoffed ad he made his way to the door, and pulling it open. "Maybe you can use the extra to get that twirly eyebrow plucked," he laughed, and ducked out the door to avoid the empty sake bottle hurling toward him.
"Bastard!" the blond shrieked as the glass shattered against the door frame. "And don't come back!"
He fumed back over to his cooking station, ignoring the screaming that Patty was aiming at him.
'Damn that green haired jackass! The nerve of that guy!' Sanji was snarling to himself, not out loud. If he said it out loud, then people might think he was crazy or something. 'Next time that damn moss head comes in, I'll kick his ass!' If there ever was a next time, which he hoped there wasn't.
But when the green haired man came in the next time, he didn't end up kicking his ass. Not that time, or the next time, or the next time, nor the time after that. In fact—for whatever ungodly reason—Sanji was starting to look forward to the moss head's company. He ordered the same thing each time: sake, onigiri, and sushi. It was so habitual for the marimo to come in a couple times a week and just sit in the same spot, at the same table, with the same food, that Sanji's whole day would be thrown off if the moss head didn't show.
For six months it went on like that, it wasn't exactly unpleasant, it just became a function of Sanji's life. Things were pretty normal for a majority of that time, then Sanji got a girlfriend. He was happy as could be...until she dump him, and now thhree days later he didn't have a girlfriend anymore.
Usopp was sitting back at the bar the next night, watching Sanji angrily prepare his food.
"What's got you in such a bad mood?" Usopp asked, a bit afraid to poke at Sanji while he was in such a state.
"I was dumped!" Sanji all but shouted, and started to viciously chop the vegetables in front of him.
"Really? That was fast."
"She fell in love with another man," the blond moaned, placing down the knife, and started to pack the rice with the newly cut vegetables.
"What?! She fell in love was a new guy within three days? He must be some guy." Usopp said, placing his elbows on the counter.
"You wanna know what kind of guy he is?" The cook asked in disbelief, and placed his friends order in front of him.
"What-?"
"A host! He's a host!" Sanji sneered as he watched Usopp stuff his face. "Usopp, are you even listening to what I'm saying, because I feel like you're not."
"Yeah, yeah, I'm listening, go on." The long nosed art student assured, continuing to eat at a rapid pace.
"So, anyway, I was wondering if you could come over tomorrow. I kind of have a favor to ask you." Sanji said, calm and casually. It made Usopp look up.
"What kind of favor?" He asked cautiously.
"Just agree now and I'll tell you later." Sanji practically begged, leaning toward Usopp.
"That's not ominous at all," Usopp rolled his eyes, before taking another bite of his food.
"Shut up, you're coming over." The blond said in finality. This wasn't a choice after all.
"Yeah, I'll be there," Usopp obliged, wondering if he would regret the decision later.
Distantly, Sanji heard the bell chime, but didn't to look up. He was concentrated on the sushi in front of him. It was for a beautiful woman with raven hair, blue eyes, and a mysterious smile. He had to get it right.
"It sure is crowded tonight," Usopp observed through a mouth full of food when Sanji came back from giving the lovely lady her order.
"Yeah," Sanji nodded, "All the people who work late shifts are coming in." He saw something move behind Usopp and looked up to see a certain marimo sitting in his usual spot. "Yo, green man, you're early. The usual?"
The frequent customer just waved his hand to signal his approval.
"The usual?" Usopp repeated, "His must come here often, why have I never seen him?"
"He always come after you've already left," Sanji shrugged. "Oi, if you don't eat those mushrooms I'll kick you through the wall," Sanji threatened casually as he saw Usopp pushing his mushrooms to the side.
"I was saving them!" Usopp defended himself.
Sanji rolled his eyes and went to prepare the plant head's meal.
"So, why are you so early then, marimo?" Sanji asked, after walking over to the plant head, and setting down the sake and food on the table.
"Boss let me out early," he shrugged, and took the bottle of booze, opening it.
Sanji sighed, putting a hand on his waist. "How boring."
"What, you think I'm here for your entertainment?"
"Everyone's here for my entertainment, they're all just really shitty entertainers. I should really fire them all," Sanji said dramatically.
"Shouldn't be difficult since you aren't paying them," the green haired man snorted.
"That's what you think. Actually, I'm the richest entity in the universe and I pay all the earthlings on this planet, except you, as a social experiment."
"That sounds like some sort of shitty Twilight Zone episode."
Sanji thought over his previous words. "Actually, it kind of does. The twilight zone kind of sucks though, it was pretty boring."
"You actually watch it?" the marimo scoffed, and burped after swallowing the sake in his mouth. Sanji cringed.
"Nah, I only watched a few episodes and they were really boring. It made me sad. They had such potential."
"They were made in the fifties... or the sixties, I don't know. That shit was pretty advanced back then. Top of the line, and all that." The man said waving his hand in the air in a small circle for emphasis.
"Well, anyway, as your alien overlord, I command you eat your food," Sanji shoved the finished dish toward him.
"Oh, the dish I'm paying you to make me? If I'm commanding the overlord around, does that make me of higher status?" He asked, but pulled the plate of onigiri closer.
"No, it just means I'm tolerating you so I can suck your brains out with a crazy straw when the time is right."
"And with that I'm going to start ignoring you," he said to Sanji, and procceded to ignore the cook by stuffing his face with the food on his plate.
"Well, I was done with you anyway," Sanji sniffed, returning to the bar. As he retreated, he heard a light chuckle.
When he got back to the bar and his friend, Usopp gave him a strange look.
"Yeah, he's a pretty strange guy," Sanji nodded in understanding.
"I'm pretty sure he's not the strange one," Usopp said, and cringed as he shoved all the mushrooms in his mouth in one go, then swallowed.
The rest of the night passed in the usual manner and said cook fell asleep plotting for tomorrow's meeting with Usopp.
xxxxx
The next day Usopp and Sanji were up in the blondie's apartment staring at a cluttered pile of make up that the blond cook had set out.
"Sanji, what the hell is this?!" Usopp asked, eyeing the bag of cosmetics in between them.
"I'm going to that fucking club," Sanji said with determination.
"Dressed as a woman?!" Usopp asked in shock, "Why can't you just go as yourself?"
"I don't want to cause any trouble for Fusako-chan," Sanji defended his former girlfriend. She might have broken up with him, but he still cared about her happiness!
"Ugh, what kind of name is Fusako?" Usopp asked, making a face,
"It's a beautiful name!" Sanji huffed, offended, and pinned back a lock of his hair.
"Whatever, why are you even doing this? You guys were only dating for three days," the long nosed artist pointed out, and picked up a tube of lipstick to inspect it.
"We've been friends a long time. And, I mean, this is a host we're taking about here. I don't want her getting cheated by some scumbag! I just want to see how much of an asshole he is," Sanji said with a shrug, "If he ends up being a prick that exploits the affections of young, and beautiful women like Fusako-chan, then I'll kill him myself. I really need this to work, so you better make me cute."
"I'm just saying," Usopp sighed, picking up a tube of make up, "It seems unnecessary."
"Just shut up and make me beautiful," Sanji ordered, glaring at his friend.
Soon, Sanji was rethinking his plan, because either woman tortured themselves everyday, or Usopp was purposefully hurting him.
"You're doing it wrong!" Sanji exclamied. The pain was terrible, and his eyes were watering like crazy!
"No, I'm not," Usopp argued, practically stabbing the blond's eye with a eyeliner pencil. "If you would just stop squirming, this would be ten times easier!"
Finally after several pain filled minutes, and many failed attempts later, Usopp pulled back from Sanji.
"TA-DAH!" he exclaimed, and Sanji watched his friends face as he took in the finished product of his girl-ified friend.
"..."
"What?" Sanji panicked. "What's wrong?" He grabbed the small mirror off of the side table, and looked at himself.
"Oh my God," he breathed as he took himself in, make up, hair extensions, and all. "I LOOK LIKE A HOOKER!"
He was pretty sure his screech could be heard to China from here, and with good reason too! He had dark red lipstick on his mouth, heavy teal eye shadow over his eyes, and too much pink blush covering his cheeks. Fuck this! He couldn't meet Fusako-chan's lover like this! He'd be a laughing stock!
"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!" he exclaimed, looking furiously at Usopp. "Isn't this too thick?! No one is going to take me seriously like this!"
Usopp held up his hands, one still holding a blush brush. "I'm sorry, okay?! It's not my fault I've never done make up before!"
Sanji lunged and grabbed Usopp by the shoulders, and shaking him violently. "I said 'Try your best'! Aren't you an art student?!"
Usopp sighed. "I've tried to make it like drawing on a canvas! Doing make up on a person is a very different deal!"
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean? That I'm a fucking oil painting?! I can't go to the club like this!" he said, hanging his head, and dropping his hands from Usopp's shoulders in defeat. "I guess this was a stupid idea..."
"Argh- It's alright, Sanji! Have some faith in yourself!" Usopp encouraged, grabbing hold of Sanji's shoulders. "It's actually really charming once you get used to it. Really, it doesn't look bad at all! That host club bimbo isn't going to know what hit him!"
His friend sounded so sure and determined, that Sanji was actually surprised. He lifted his head, mouth open to thank him, when he shut it and opened it again.
"Look me in the eyes and say that again, you lying jackass," he said instead, seeing that the reason Usopp had said everything so surely and confidently was because the prick wasn't even looking at him.
"..."
"That's what I thought," the blond sighed, feeling a head ache coming on. "Well, I guess it's break or bust..."
xxxxxx
The next day that he got off from work, Sanji spent getting ready for the upcoming night. He had managed to buy a decent outfit at a thrift shop out side of town the night before, and carefully pulled on each article of clothing one at a time, making sure not to mess up his newly cosmeticted face. He had chosen a simple dress with black leggings and boots, but at the last minute decided to throw on a tight black turtle neck underneath as well. For accessories, he added just a necklace, and a small, yet stylish belt for his dress around his waist.
He twirled embarrassingly in front of his full length mirror in his bedroom, inspecting himself. Once he was satisfied that no one would give him a glance and scream out "That dude looks like a lady!", he headed out of his room and gathered his apartment keys, and his cell phone.
"It's okay, Sanji," he chanted to himself as he pulled on his coat, and put a slightly shaky hand to the door knob. "You got this! You are helping Fusako-chan, and making sure she is not making a horrible mistake!" With that logic, his resolve was renewed, and he marched out of his apartment, and to the host club, determination spelled out across his face.
That determination wavered, however; once he stepped through the club's doors and into the lobby.
When he enter that room he suddenly felt as if he'd been shoved underwater and unfortunately he wasn't some sort of amphibian who could breath in that sort of environment. The sound of people's chatter that had been happily buzzing through the air had abruptly ceased to exist. Soon only the 'clack clack clack' of Sanji rhythmic boot steps made any sound. As he walked by, Sanji could hear the whispering of the people around him.
"She's so tall..." one man whispered.
"And her make up is so thick..." murmured another. He heard similar comments as he passed by more people.
'Damn that Usopp,' Sanji cursed to himself, 'That bastard is gonna get it!' Sanji had never really noticed how judgmental people could be before. Now he was seeing how much they sucked.
He held his head high, though, and marched right up to the man behind a counter.
"May I help you?" he asked, slightly uncertain, as he eyed Sanji.
"Y-Yes," Sanji started, slightly choking as he tried to make his voice sound higher and softer than it usually was. He'd been practicing and he though he sounded pretty good but he hoped that everyone else thought it sounded passable. And if I didn't there were always tons of girls with many voices, Sanji would pride himself in his voice being to manly to be mistaken for womanly.
"Alright, miss. First time here?"
"Mmhmm," he hummed in agreement, and nervously played with the fabric of his dress skirt.
"Well," the man smiled, "What kind of man would you like? Happy, and energetic? Silent and brooding? The flirtatious and seducing? Or, perhaps, the innocent, and shy?"
Sanji's mind went blank. Shit, shit, shit. "Uh..." Crap! What kind of man was he?! Sanji frantically picked his brain for the explanation Fusako had given him the day she had dumped him.
'He's a host..." she had started with, and almost everything after that had been lost on Sanji, so hung up on the fact that his girlfriend had found her affections worthy of a host. 'He's not very sociable though...' his memory said, 'But he is very gentle and caring...'
Okay, so gentle and caring, eh? That did him absolutely jack shit, because, neither of those were any of the categories that the man had described.
"...Miss?" the man in front of the blond was saying.
"Uh... I don't, uh, know, " he confessed, blushing.
"Oh, that's alright," the man said kindly, "I can pick for you if-"
"No!" Sanji barked frantically, a little too loud. The man behind the desk seemed startled at the command. "I, uh, mean no thank you," Sanji amended in a better tone. "My, uh, friend, you see, recommended a 'Roronoa Zoro'. She said he was very... caring and kind, so I promised that I would give him a try..." Sanji hoped the lie would work. The words felt awkward as they left his mouth. He wasn't sure if it was because he had just lied or because he'd said he would give someone a try like a flavor or ice cream or something.
The man still looked over the counter skeptically, but none the less nodded.
"Alright, miss. His booth is right over there," the man said, and pointed in the right direction. "I will get him for you."
Without further comment, Sanji bowed lightly, and practically ran toward the booth. Sanji found this whole place a little unnerving, he felt like he was at some sort of farm where men were kept in little crates for people to come play with. It just felt a little creepy and he felt even more creepy to be a part of it. When he got to the booth, he was greeted by a gangly teen with pink hair who introduced himself as Coby.
"Erm, excuse me," he asked nervously as he poured a drink for Sanji, after politely taking his coat, "But you are really tall. Do you play some kind of sport?"
Sanji lit himself a cigarette, and placed it casually in his mouth, taking a deep inhale of the smoke. He didn't see what the big deal was about his height. Sure, by girl standards he was on the tall side but he really wasn't that tall. When they thought he was a man no one ever commented on how tall he was because he was just sort of average, half an inch below average actually. In hindsight he really shouldn't have warn heels. Fuck, this guy had asked a question, hadn't he. "Ah..." Shit, sports, what should he say? "Ki-kicking?" he offered. Yeah, that was totally a sport, nothing weird about that.
"Kicking? What kind of sport is that?" Coby asked, looking a little startled. Sanji could tell that this conversation was going down the toilet fast.
"...Martial arts, I guess? Ah- no, just joking!" he amended quickly with a nervous laugh, thinking of Usopp's advice to him to just be himself. Using words and phrases a girl would, would just invite all sorts of trouble if used in the wrong context. He rapidly tried to change the conversation.
"So... this man, Roronoa, how is he?" he asked, stubbing out his finished cigarette.
"How is he?" Coby repeated, confused. "You designated him without knowing who he is?"
Crap. "Well, uh, no. But I have heard rumors about him," the blond lied quickly.
"Ah, I see~!" Coby smiled, understanding. "It's true recently that a rumor or two about him have suddenly come up, but I can assure you that- Ah! He's coming!" Coby grinned happily over Sanji's shoulder. "Zoro-san, how are you?"
Sanji was about to turn when he heard the host's deep, and entirely too familiar voice.
"Hello, Coby. I'm well, thanks."
Sanji was frozen in place. He'd heard that voice nearly daily for the past six months and it had a tendency to do funny things to the rhythm of his heart. Sanji hated when his heart did stupid things like that, he liked to think it was a stupidity detector because it certainly couldn't be anything else. Slowly, he turned, eye wide with disbelief.
"I'm sorry for making you wait," appologized the green haired man that Sanji had come to know. He sounded unexpectedly sincere. "I'm Roronoa Zoro. It's a pleasure to meet you."
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