Interviewer: *shuffles papers* Viewers, please welcome notorious crime lord 'the Joker' to the stand!
*artificial applause*
Joker: *walks onto stage, hunched and grinning, in his purple suit and full face of makeup* Hiii, every-body.
Interviewer: Please, by all means, sit down, Mr. Joker.
Joker: *sits*
Interviewer: Let's begin with the basic questions. So… what's your favorite color?
Joker: *chews lip distractedly* Well, ha-mm... bla-ack.
Interviewer: Very nice. And your favorite food?
Joker: Well, no, no, no, no… re-ed. Ha-mm… bla-ack… uh, green.
Interviewer: *awkward pause* and your favorite food?
Joker: …ha-umm… we-ell… eggs.
Interviewer: Couldn't agree more. *smile* Did you ever have any childhood pets?
Joker: raw. Ye-es, raw eggs. *stares off into space for a moment*
Interviewer: *opens mouth to speak, but Joker cuts him off*
Joker: ve-ry convenient… you see. Come in ev-er-y store…
Interviewer: *clears throat* Childhood, erm, pets?
Joker: aah. One. *puts fingertips together creepily* a little doggie… but, daddy didn't li-kah him much. One day, III co-me, uh, home, and little doggie was hanging fr-uh-mah the rafters… *claps hands delightedly*
Interviewer: *swallows painfully* uh-
Joker: D'ya wa-na know how I got the-se scars? *reveals switchblade*
Interviewer: *pulls at collar* You're, um, not supposed to have weapons in here…
Joker: Oh, oopsie-daisy.
Interviewer: *rushes* That's a very nice knife, Mr. Joker. Where ever did you get it? *gropes for security button*
Joker: we-ll, you see, I found this bee-ooty when III kah-illed a drug-gie. Who woulda thought it? Y'see, good tha-ings come in strange play-ces…
Interviewer: Yes, indeed, who would have thought? *looks around desperately*
Joker: *leans forward, leering* mis-tah in-ter-view-er, you look kin-dah ayn-shus. Is it the scars?
Interviewer: not at all, Mr. Joker! I, just, erm, find myself parched for a drink!
Joker: *opening his jacket* if you would pre-fer, III have several, uh, poy-suns, uh, here.
Interviewer: *pale and sweaty* Oh, no, not at all, thank you! I, just find myself, erm, erm, very ill, yes, ill feeling!
Joker: *searches through pockets* uh, well, III, uh, have so-me pills he-re, doctah Crane gave me…
Interviewer: *horrified* Oh, no, I believe it's just passed! I just, erm, uh, didn't get enough sleep last night—yes! Very, very busy man I am! In fact, our times up! Yes, it's, erm, up!
Joker: *holding up baggie of fear-toxin pills* Well, if your, uh,sure…
*Security team arrives, and begins to drag Joker away, who is cackling madly*
Joker: See you soon, mis-tah in-ter-view-er! Soon e-nough, we can sah-ee each other in, um, Arkham!
*door closes behind him*
Interviewer: Well, with that most illuminating interview, we conclude this evening's show! Have a nice night! *wipes sweat away and leaves stand*
*Theatrical interview music plays, and somewhere in the background we hear gunfire, shouts, and, a lone cry:*
Joker: MIS-TAH IN-TER-VIEW-ER! COME OUT TO-O PLA-AY!