Note: Anything that has a number next to it (Example: 12) has something of importance that I'll explain at the end of the story. So check the end of the story as you read over a number.
Points Of Action
Yusuke: you know what…my ass feels like a pincushion sitting here on this damned couch so long. Let's do something, damn it!
Hiei: tell some one who cares and there's nothing to do!
Yusuke: well, excuse me Mr.Tight-ass if I'm bored and you're not.
Hiei: I didn't say I wasn't bored you...you—"
Yusuke: Oh, what are you gonna say, Hiei? Dumb-ass?
Kurama: Wide load?
Kuwabara: Cock sucker?
Kurama: Um? How about 'country-N-Sync's new member'? 1
(everyone looks at him)
Kurama: can't I have a say in this? Why can't I—(babbles on and on) (everyone id looking at his mouth move but all they hear is 'blah, blah') 2
Kuwabara: Okay guys calm down. Hey, I have an idea…let's do something!
Yusuke: (yelling sarcastically) Wow! Kuwabara you read my mind! Tell me how do you do it!
Hiei: Baka. I swear his attention span can't exceed 2 seconds
Kuwabara: (goes right up to Hiei's face) hey! Who are you callin' a baka! Short stuff!
Hiei: (in a calm voice) Get the hell away from me, you ugly bastard.
Kuwabara: Temee! 3 Demonic dwarf!
Hiei: moron
Kuwabara: hamster legs!
Hiei: Grade 'A' fool
Kuwabara: mutant midget!
Hiei: mental retard
Kuwabara: Oh yeah! Try this one on: b-inhale! 4
Hiei: (now has his face directly toward Kuwabara) (mumbles) You are an idiot. (talks out) ass-licker
Kuwabara: oh yea, well y-you're a-a…stupid. (he says in defeat)
Hiei: (flashes a victory sign) Hn!
Yusuke: would you two...Shut The Hell Up! Or you'll both have holes in your asses!
Kurama: you two bickering isn't really helping.
Kuwabara: well shorty started it! Anyone with a brain can see that. You'd have to be stupid not to.
Kurama: (in a threatening tone) Kuwabara are you implying that I'm brainless?
Kuwabara: Well that depends on who is asking: you or the youko? 5
Kurama: (now abandoning his pride charges at Kuwabara with one eye twitching he says) Oh, it's on now! Bring it, bring it on, bitch!
Yusuke: (jumping just in time before Kurama literally killed Kuwabara) Hey, Hey! Slow down there cowboy, we need Kuwabara alive right now.
Kurama: who the hell says? Not you, not me, not Hiei, there! Majority rules. (struggles out of his grip)
Yusuke: (holding onto him tighter) Hey, hey! Don't change the subject of not killing 'im.
Kuwabara: what Urameshi? You afraid that I might knock your boyfriend out flat? (he says in a mocking tone) yea, I know you two got somethin' going on.
Yusuke: (abandoning his own words turns around really fast only to be stopped by Kurama) Oh, cum'on just give me 3 seconds with him! 3 frickin' seconds!
Hiei: (perks up)(to Kurama) boyfriend?
Kurama: (still holding Yusuke back) Oh, no Hiei not like that… Hiei: (cutting him off) Kurama how could you! (he says while running off crying away) Kuwabara & Yusuke: What the fu...dge?
Kurama: (letting go of Yusuke running off to where Hiei went) Oi! Hiei matte! 6
Yusuke: what…the hell just happened? Did Hiei just cry because you said I was Kurama's boyfriend? (now yelling) Since when the hell did Hiei ever cry!
Kuwabara: Yea. Now I'm interested. (he says while running to where Hiei and Kurama went)
Yusuke: (realizing he's by himself) uh… Kuwabara matte! (he runs to them all in the other room only to see a very distraught koorime; a very comforting kitsune; and an idiot laughing at them both) What the hell is going on here? (he yells)
Hiei: (in between sobs) Kurama I-I th-thought you were…different! (he yells)
Kurama: (petting his back and talking in a motherly tone) don't listen to what that mean ol' Kuwabara says. Hiei: (all of a sudden stops crying and says) Hm. Well that's true…
Kurama: (surprised) Uh…oh…well…um, okay then…
Kuwabara: Hiei-chibi, 7 I'm sorry, it was soooo wrong of me to say that and… (he says between laughs)… to make it up (laughs) t-to you how about you try some of my home-made whipped cream. (laughs some more)
All: O-k?
Kuwabara: here. (hands over whipped cream) it's special...
Hiei: (looks at it, nothing unusual) (eats it and almost pisses himself) What the fuck is this shit!
Kuwabara: nothing... unusual...(laughs)
Botan: (comes in, from no where) Has anyone seen Koenma-sama's boxers and (breaks off) is that my THONG!
Hiei: what? What! It's your—god! Oh, god! It was... god! God! GOD! Oh my...god! It was Botan's—oh my lord! (runs out while and choking and cussing in demon languages, that would make Yusuke swell with pride had he not been surprised by Botan's sudden arrival)
Botan: (furiously red) Kuwabara! Temee! Bakayarou!
Kuwabara: oh, get over yourself! (laughs)
Botan: (screams) dumb...SHIT! (punches Kuwabara he hits the wall) (Kuwabara then gets up and punches her back in the face) what the... you can't do that I'm a GIRL!
Kuwabara: Heh. (turns his head) I've been wondering for sometime now... (POW!)
(Botan kicks him in the jaw) (he gets up and punches her again; they fight)
Yusuke: Yea you go Kuwabara...(to Kurama) didn't know he had it in him with the whole honor code thing against girls, (back to Kuwabara) YEEEAAA! Kick her ass!
Kurama: (pushes yusuke) what is wrong with you? It was kuwabara's fault to begin with.
Yusuke: (agitated) Did you just touch me? That's it. It's on, bitch!
Kurama: (gasps) you can't make fun of 'kaasan like that! remember kurama's a fox (they brawl it out) (Kurama slaps and scratches and pulls hair while yusuke uses his head...literally hitting him with his head)
(then all of a sudden Hiei, Koenma, Yukina, Keiko, Shizuru, & genkai pop up from no where along with jerry springer)
Audience (from no where): Jerry! Jerry! 15
(Botan, Kurama, yusuke, and Kuwabara stop)
All: what the hell is going on?
Jerry: Yusuke we'll start with you, come! sit down!
Yusuke: (confused) All right...?
Jerry: ok, Yusuke, rumor has it that your in love with Kuwabara.
Yusuke: what? Who in the hell told you that! Liking that ugly idiot isn't normal.
Kuwabara: Oh, yeah! Well neither is bleaching your upper lip and chin black, you puberty-faker!
Yusuke: You...(charges once again)...BASTARD! (a wrestling bell sounds. Ding! Ding!)
(they beat the hell outta each other)
Jerry: Ok, well Kurama take a seat. (Kurama walks up and sits down) All right first question is: do you like Hiei...as in love.
Kurama: uh, well (blushes) (stutters) No---I mean I don't—he doesn't really like me and...oh boy!
Hiei: (rushes over) what the hell are you talking about! You said so last night when we--- (gets his mouth clamped shut by a really blushing fox)
Botan: (surprised) What! Kurama I thought--- but I---I need you and-- (is cut off)
Koenma: I knew IT! Botan you cheater! I thought you were into me! All this time... (gets all dramatic) Botan! H-How could you...!
Shizuru: (in a matter-of-fact tone) Yea, Botan what happened to Keiko?
Koenma: Keiko! (is all hysterical) You loved Keiko too!
Botan: Oh! I thought you knew,(ignoring Koenma) we split up after she said she loved Yukina. Didn't she tell you?
(Keiko backs away slowly)
Shizuru: (with un-measurable anger) Keiko... (chases her) you know Yukina is MINE!
Yukina: Huh! But what about Genkai-shihan? You know I always liked her, why is it Shizuru-san, that you say you love me?
The boys: O.O
Keiko& Botan: o.0
Shizuru: XX! ;; (passes out)
Genkai: -.-;; (states bluntly) I had nothing to do with it.
Koenma: (in the background is all hysterical and babbling to himself)
Yusuke: What the fuck is going on!
Keiko: Yusuke, you ignorant asshole, what do you think? Oh, wait I forgot...NOTHING! (turns to away with her eyes closed) I remember that time you woke up one morning screaming that the year was 4000 I.H. (iin hhell) and that evil carrots, furbies, and fluffy bunnies were ruling the earth and you were assigned as a new mission from Koenma to stop them! (turns back to yusuke) You can't even dress yourself in the morning without someone's help.
Kuwabara & Kurama: holy...snot!
Kuwabara: woah! Damn! Yusuke just got spanked...like a new born baby by Keiko. (laughs)
Yusuke: (in a desperate tone) W-well, first of all you said you wouldn't tell anyone! Keiko you liar! And second, how in the hell do you know I need help getting dressed in the morning, eh? (he then really begins to think---that's scary: a thinking yusuke) N-n-no! You didn't! Keiko you helped dress me!
Keiko: ...(blushing and remains silent)
Yusuke: Oh, God I'm gonna faint! Either that or puke! Kurama is the only one meant for me why can't you peopl— (shuts up quickly) Damn...!
Kuwabara: HA! I knew it! (sad music with violins play)
Hiei: (walks up) (to Kurama) It's not true... tell me it's not true...
Kurama: (stares at him with apologetic eyes) (sighs) It's true.
Kuwabara: He admits it! MURDERER!
Kurama: No it was an accident!
Kuwabara: if it weren't for you Mufasa would still be alive do you deny it?
Kurama: No.
Kuwabara: then your guilty!
(just then the Lion King record skips then stops and a loud noise is heard along with Yusuke walking over pissed off)
Yusuke: Jesus! This Lion King horseshit is really sending me off the deep end! Kuwabara and Kurama why are you two going along with the script of this crap! I mean...(looks at Kuwabara) Kuwabara do you think it's possible for you to act normal for once in your life and not be...yourself? (looks at Kurama) and Kurama stop acting weird and mysterious like that. That's what we have Hiei for.
Hiei: Detective you had better watch yourself or else you'll be walking with a flame-dragon up your ass. Hey, wait, so now you're saying that I'm the fox's bitch and your paper boy? Hn. By the way Yusuke your Eagle Tribune is on your doorstep.
Yusuke: Oh, thanks Hiei I was wondering how it got there---
Hiei: AH-ha! See you just admitted it; that I am nothing more than a paper boy to you! (flashes a V-sign)
Yusuke: Well, no. I was just saying thank-you for delivering the paper to my doorstep this morning.
Hiei: (he stops and realizes that he really did deliver the newspaper of his own free will) Damn...
Jerry: well, it seems this whole gang of friends have affairs with each other! (mumbles) And many other problems. (talks regularly) Actually now that I think about it... this does seem oddly familiar...I know something like this happened on my show once before—hey! You! Camera-man! Play a tape-recording of 'The Springer show' from May of 1969. (he says seeing a camera-man filming the show.)
(a scene shows on a big screen coming off from the ceiling. It's the Jerry Springer show in the 60's with Jerry wearing a tie-die shirt with peace signs and a big-ass afro with side-locks.)
60's Jerry: Welcome everyone. (he says in a goofy voice) I just want to say that Violence shall be settled with drugs not guns. Peace-out my brothers. (screen turns black)
Jerry: (with his mouth hanging open) The hell? Is that me? Damn! Since when have I ever said 'violence should be settled with drugs not guns?' Violence is the whole reason I even run this show! And what's with that hair! Ugh! I can't believe I actually thought that looked good! (sighs) I must've been stoned. 8
Kurama: I remember when someone I know did something like that, he thought that bunny feet pajamas were cool, but if I say who it is, Hiei will beat the crap outta me... (cringes at Hiei's piercing glare)
Hiei: what was that?
Kurama: (quickly turns away) Oh, nothing...
Hiei: Don't you back-sash me! Captain Sassy-pants! 10
Kurama: I don't like that tone in your voice...! (jumps at Hiei)
(they beat the crap outta each other)
Jerry: well it seems that the only time I have had an experience like this was in my own dreams. Sorry about all that.
mysterious audience: Ok!
Yusuke: (steps up) Hey, Jerry-man let me try! I want to say something on the big screen. (Shizuru runs past him chasing Keiko in the background...apparently she woke up)
Jerry: Like what, Yusuke? (they both run past him in the background again)
Yusuke: Oh, it's a special documentary for all those who say I love Kuwabara...
(background shows Hiei and Kurama cat-fighting with Yukina trying to stop them and then Shizuru chasing a screaming Keiko)
Jerry: Oh, Ok. Go ahead. Shoot. (Shizuru and Keiko are running behind him again)
Yusuke: Sankira. I'll be right back... 11
Genkai: well I'm leaving. I've had a life of hell and don't need any more. (leaves)
Yukina: (leaving the boys to fight) Wait Genkai-shihan! (chases after her) I love you! 12
Audience: XX;;
Yusuke: (returns and Shizuru is still chasing Keiko, Kuwabara is still staring at him stupidly, Hiei and Kurama are still fighting, and Botan is now flirting with some other guy) Hey guys stop for one minute and watch this... then you can go back to killin' each other, alright? (he adds)
Everyone: (stops and looks at the screen again, Kurama stops half-way through punching Hiei's face whom is on the ground with his hands on Kurama's neck about to strangle him.)
(Screen plays and Yusuke's voice is heard and a gray picture with craters is shown)
Y.voice: The moon; barren, dull, gray and ugly. You want to know why there is no life on the moon because: it is not fit for life, it has no air, no atmosphere, and it is unfit to hold anything at all...
Keiko: (yells) wow! Yusuke great job! And no one had to force you...
(but then the picture zooms out and Kuwabara's face is shown)
Y.voice: Oh, wait! That's NOT the MOON. It's KUWABARA'S FACE.
Audience: (gasps)
Y.voice: As you can see, un-kissable, this species aka 'Kuwabara' has no feeling at all and nothing attractive about him whatsoever, therefore, people cannot say that I lov--- (he's cut off by Kuwabara pounding his face into the floor.) 13
(everyone fights and runs around screaming again)
Jerry: Well isn't this a fighting ending you just love. Everyone is killing each other... (a kid flashes him and says that he's a big fat loser.) (Jerry chases him) I stand corrected NOW everyone is fighting...
And so... the Reikai Tentei spent their entire afternoon beating the shit outta each other. Much to their disliking each and every one of them the next day ended up looking like Quazimoto on his worst day of torture; and Patty Bergen after her verbal abuse by her mother. Don't ask about what the hell I'm talking about I don't know myself 16
Owari/The End
Birdie: Yo! This is my first X-tremely funny fic. Involving YYH. No offense to any of the characters that I used to do my bidding in this fic. Ok! I love all you guys (hugs all the guys and girls of YYH) Oh! I forgot the disclaimer! Yu Yu Hakusho is owned by Yoshihiro Togashi, Shounen Jump, Funimation, and a bunch of other pplz. I'm just an obsessed fan, with no life, who loves to play around with them. Okay.
All numbers w/ brackets:
1 that N-Sync thing was totally random.
2 this was from the fairly odd parents when Timmy couldn't understand Cosmo's girly-talk.
3 "Temee" is what Yusuke, Hiei and Kuwabara say in the show a lot and it means or is equivalent to "Why You!" "You bastard" or "you dirty.."
4 the term B-inhaler means nothing at all that's why Hiei called him stupid...BECAUSE IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING!
5 In Japanese 'Youkos' are the legendary fox demons such as Kurama's clan he used to lead. Don't get 'youko' confused with the name 'Yoko' because they're not the same
6 Kurama's lines "Oi!" and "Matte" mean "Hey" and "Wait" the proper term actually would be "Chotto matte kudasai" meaning "hold on a second"
7 in the show when Kuwabara first met Hiei he called him Hiei-chibi (little Hiei) due to his size. I believe in English they translated it to "Shrimp" or "short stuff" lol!
8 I used a lot of Family guy quotes this was one of them and many, many others. I don't own them all right?
9 no comment I don't have a no. 9!
10 that's from the Matrix special feats. When they had Justin Timberlake.
11 'Sankira' along with 'arigato' is what Yusuke says in the show and it means "thank you"
12 "shihan" as Yukina says means "master" like "master Genkai" as they say in the English ver. I know that in the Japanese ver. the girls and Kurama are like the only ones that use that respective term when addressing Genkai.
13 once again a huge line I stole— I mean 'borrowed' from Family Guy
14 I don't own the 'hunchback of Notre Dame'. Nor do I own 'Summer of My German soldier'.
15 I don't own 'Jerry Springer'
Okay, I think that's it, and a bag of chips...er...don't ask.
Oh! I almost forgot. When I made all the girls fall in love with each other I was just trying to make it funny, I mean come on! Keiko wouldn't dump Yusuke for Yukina and Yusuke wouldn't dump her for Kurama...well maybe...but that's beside the point. Plus Yukina has Kuwabara and would never give it up for Genkai shivers. But I will admit however, that there is a bit of yaoi (male to male relationships) that I purposely put out, such as KuramaXHiei and KuramaXYusuke. Let's face it Kurama and Hiei make a hot couple. But in this one I made him go for Yusuke only because I thought it'd be funnier. (and that I like that couple second best to KuraXHi.
Okay that's enough of my ramblings! Chao!