Apology
By Goose
Disclaimer: I do not own Raphael, or anything from the
TMNT universe(s). Never did, never
will. Darn.
***
It
was a perfect day. The sun was warm,
the light breeze was refreshing, and Raphael was a bit surprised. He quite remembered being in New York City's
sewer system a few moments ago. Things
like suddenly changing scenes didn't happen in normal life. This must mean... A fanfic.
"Dear
sweet and tangy mother of pineapple, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Something
else was wrong... A mysterious voice
was reciting his thoughts and actions in past tense, and he was alone. None of his brothers were with him. There was only one author he could think of
who would do that—the only one that really mattered (EGO TRIP EGO TRIP EGO
TRIP) because she held grudges for a long time over silly things. Raphael spun around and pointed an accusing
finger.
"You!"
"Eep,"
squeaked Goose.
"Haven't
you tormented me enough as it is?! Do
you really have to come back?! What are
you gonna do now, hmm? Maybe some
grievous bodily harm?!?! WOULD THAT
SATISFY YOU?!?!?!?!"
Goose
cowered. "Please don't kill
me."
Raphael
paused and relaxed. "I thought you
were in control of this fic. You are
the author, after all... You are the
author, right?"
"Oh. Yeah. Heh, heh..." She shrugged
helplessly in a desperate attempt to appear peaceful.
Raphael
turned his back to her. "Go
away. You're evil."
"Look,
I came here to try and find a sort of peace, okay? If you're gonna—"
"What
was that?"
"—eh?"
Raphael
grinned and advanced on the author. "You're going to apologize, aren't you?"
"Now
see here!"
"Ha! Yes! You came here to apologize to *me*! Oo, this is priceless!"
"I
never said—"
"Finally
going to admit you're sorry, eh? That
you were *wrong* about something in your god-like author existence?"
Goose
crossed her arms defensively. "Of
*course* not! I am never wrong!"
"Uh-huh. I know you felt guilty about 'Revenge is
Sweet' afterwards. You're just too
stubborn to admit it."
"Maybe
I'm a little stubborn, but—"
"Say
it!"
"Wha—?"
"Say
you're sorry!"
"I—I—I'm
s...so...I'm so mad I can't even talk right!"
"That's
changing the subject."
"Oh,
all right. I'm sorry that I was so
horrid to you for a little comment in the third movie which was only the writers'
fault and really had nothing to do with you and that I tormented you in my fics
and made your life even more miserable that it already was with all those dark
dramatic angst fics and everything and I've been a bad llama and I hope we can
have a relatively peaceful author-character relationship even though I don't
really deserve a chance and I feel really really really really guilty please
forgive me my god this is a really long and grammatically incorrect
sentence."
"Thank
you."
"S'okay?"
"S'okay."
"S'awright?"
"S'awright. Just... No more opera capes and
catapults."
"Okay...
Still shouldn'ta said it..."
"Don't
start with that again!"
"ACK!!
I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry THE END I'm sorry
I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry. Guilt guilt guilt guilt, et cetera."
***
AUTHOR'S NOTE: There. I apologized and was nice to Raph. Are you happy now? Just keep in mind that this doesn't mean I will stop writing "author takes evil glee from traumatizing unsuspecting mutant turtles fics."