A/N: I highly suggest that you listen to Celtic Woman's version of the song 'Walking in the Air' either before, during, or after you read this. I have had the song stuck in my head for a few days now, though I first thought of this while remembering that old 1980's movie called 'The Snowman', by Dianne Jackson. In the spirit of that half hour Christmas special, I tried to make this fic, too, 'silent'.
I toss and turn, pulling the blankets up to my chin in a desperate attempt to find some warmth. It's no use, I must have six quilts stacked on top of me, (judging by the weight) but the chill I feel refuses to be banished. Perhaps I'm coming down with a cold or something.
I squeeze my eyes shut, searching the familiar darkness for signs to my restlessness. An unusual weight sits upon my heart tonight, compressing it. It does not hurt, per se, but it's rather uncomfortable all the same.
I think I miss you.
Not that there is ever a time I don't, of course not! I just mean that, tonight...
It's just a little harder to bear, y'know?
I'm being silly, I guess. I mean, it's not like we'll never see each other again. And I have tons of memories to sift through, to let my mind fill itself with good times that will hopefully ease me into sleep.
I know that it's not working as soon as the first tear finds its way past my lashes. I let out a small sigh, willing to let myself feel miserable, just this once. I sit up, rubbing my eyes and sneakily wiping away the pesky tear before it can call its fellows to join it. My room is fairly light, though the hour is indeed late. As soon as I think of time my eyes find their way unconsciously to my alarm clock.
11:59, I read, wondering why I even bothered to look. I lose interest before the time can even register, lowering my eyes to the floor and slowly realizing that I had no idea what I just read. But whatever, I'm too tired to care anyway.
The moon is full tonight. Maybe that's why I'm so down. Have you ever noticed how melancholy feelings are amplified in the light of the full moon? Things like sorrow and loneliness are magnified in the pale radiance of the borrowed glow. I wonder why that is?
Suddenly, I want to look at the moon. I know its shining right above my window, bathing the interior of my home. Now that I think about it, it almost seems to be calling to me. Or maybe that's just my loneliness making itself known in the most poetic way it can think of.
I get up, tossing my heavy covers aside, and tiptoe to stand under the window. So bright is the moon tonight that I have to wait a moment to let my eyes adjust to its brilliance. Even if it gave no true light of its own, the dominance it gained over the sun's rays was nothing short of beautiful. It painted the wintry landscape with silver, shining sharply against the midnight black of the sky. I have to admire the sight for a moment before I turn my attention squarely on the mistress of the sky herself.
I admire her for a long while, just standing in the middle of my bedroom with my head craned toward the sky. I faintly realize that if grandpa were to walk in on me now, he would think I was in a trance or something.
A small chuckle escapes me. Maybe I am.
Isn't it weird how there is a 'man' in the moon, yet the moon itself is often referred to as female? Perhaps there is a story there. One of lost lovers, or perhaps a platonic kind of brother sister relationship.
Yes, I know I'm tired. Give me a break will you?
It takes me much longer than it should have, provided I was fully awake and alert, to notice that something was wrong with my moon tonight. One of her grey splotches is black now, and it seems to be getting bigger. I squint hard, trying to figure out what the dot could be. It is most definitely getting bigger, almost double its original size and still growing. It almost looked like... like a human or something, a person falling from the sky...
I pull my eyes away to rub them again, thinking perhaps the combination of sleeplessness and over thinking trivial things was making me hallucinate or something. When I flick my eyes back, I freeze for a split second as I let myself register what I am seeing. Then I gasp, cover my mouth with both hands, and take several steps backward until I am pressed flat against the wall.
No. My mind splutters, over and over again. No, no, no, no, no no no...
I refuse to believe it. I can't believe it! If I- Well, if I'm wrong, if it's only an illusion, I fear I might just cry. It's just too real, too cruel...
You smile at me, my other half, and I know that you are no illusion. You're here, and you're standing in my bedroom all dressed up in your best Egyptian outfit, and I'm standing here in my pajamas, too busy being stunned to feel awkward.
I must be dreaming. I think to myself, though I desperately hope I am not. You reach out to me, not saying a word, but wearing that familiar 'trust me' smile I have grown to rely upon so much. I reach to you, something inside me screaming for this to end now before I can fool myself any farther. I expect you to vanish the second our hands are to meet, and I know it will hurt. But that's okay. Kill the hope now before it grows any stronger. Refuse the happiness so that the pain is not so intense and all that.
You must see me hesitating, because it is you that closes the gap between our outstretched palms. You grab my hand in a firm but gentle grip, and I can feel your skin warm against mine. No illusion.
Dazed, I cannot move. Your smile becomes a grin, and you beckon me forward, silently. I watch as your feet begin to leave the floor, and desperation makes me cling to your hand like a lifeline. I don't want to let go. But suddenly, I'm floating too! I get the impression you're trying your best not to laugh at me, based on your expression. You look up, toward the window and the distant moon beyond, and I wonder what it is you mean to do. We are still rising, your head begins to pass through the solid glass as if it were not even there! You look at me once more, leaving the choice up to me. Quickly, before logic can take hold of my mind and argue that I cannot do it, I steel my nerves and will myself forward, beyond my window and into the chilly winter night.
I let out my breath in surprise that it worked, watching as the wispy cloud passes through my lips. It is very cold, but somehow, in this moment, I fail to care. Everything is so clear, so fresh, I am in awe of the beauty I see all around me. Of course, reality chooses that precise moment to remind me that I'm hovering fifty feet above the ground with nothing but icy air beneath my feet. I panic, grabbing hold of your hand with both of my own in fear. Your eyes capture mine and gently soothe me. You grab my other hand softly and tug me forward, higher and higher than ever before. I let my fear fall away in a rush of adrenaline as the stars begin to come into view. The crystalline points wink at me cheerfully as I gaze at them.
When we level out, I can see all of Domino city stretched far below me. It all seems like a dream, a vivid dream. I have to look at you again to make certain you are still with me. You are, and you let go of one of my hands and suddenly dive, causing my heart to stop as I am tugged along behind you. Fighting back my screams, feeling the sheer force of the wind against me send tears scattering from my eyes, we hurdle toward the distant buildings at a break neck pace. Just as I feel we are about to crash, we level out, soaring easily over the skyscrapers.
I feel your other hand slip from mine, and I nearly crick my neck I turn it so fast. You are there, grinning at me hugely. It is then I realize that I am flying, all on my own!
What an exhilarating feeling. I feel that no words could describe it, it is such an otherworldly and impossible thing. The weightlessness, the sense of freedom, is overwhelming, bringing tears to my eyes once more. We soar far and fast, swiftly leaving the city behind.
Landscapes edged with molten silver melt beneath us as we fly, guided by the ever present moon. There is so much peace here, in the solitude and the chill, I feel as though I could spend an eternity in flight. I did not see how things could possibly become any better.
But of course, you see what I usually cannot. You signal to me, gesturing even higher. No longer afraid, I willingly accept the challenge and angle myself upwards, shooting up like a rocket. I feel you racing behind me, trying no doubt to win the race. But I will have none of it, not this time! I aim for the clouds that have gathered, breaking into the pillowy mist without hardly slowing.
I cannot see, but I know I have the lead. I burst confidently into the clear sky above the cloud line, glancing for you left and right. Not seeing you, I figure I must have been farther ahead than I thought, and so I smugly wait for you to break the surface tension in your own pile of fluff.
I don't notice anything amiss until I happen to look down between my feet and note that my shadow seemed to be getting inexplicably larger...
You barrel into me with the force of a wrecking ball, sending both of us tumbling back into the clouds. I am utterly lost as we scramble head over heels trying to right ourselves. You disappear and reappear a second later, wrapping your arms around me to halt my momentum and hoisting me into the sky.
As we break above the clouds a second time, breathless and smiling like idiots, I am again stunned by the beauty of this place. Everything awash in a pearly glow, shining with a beauty that did not belong in this world. I turn to you, wanting to express my thanks that you would bring me here, and share this sight with me. But as I open my mouth you place a finger on my lips and shake your head. I understand. Words have no place here, they could very well shatter the dream.
You grab both of my hands one more time, beaming in the kind of delight I have seldom seen on your face. We begin to spin gently, twirling and whirling around in circles, twisting the clouds into unique shapes as we pass. We cast our dancing shadows over the sleepy and oblivious world below, pitying the earth bound souls who have long ago given up the dream of flight. The moon is our stage tonight, as we dance in the arms of the winter wind.
All too soon, I realize that we are drifting lower, a familiar home on the horizon. I am sad for a brief moment, not wanting this to end. But I can chase the sadness away now, knowing that it could not last forever. I must savour what little I have.
We begin the descent back to my room, and I cast one more look around, trying to absorb every detail, memorize every second. Slowly my feet touch the carpeted floor. The charm is broken. Somehow I notice that my clock now reads midnight exactly.
But you are still here, and I pull you in for an anxious embrace, hoping and praying that you will not go, though I know you must. Your touch is warm, alive; your embrace that of a life long friend.
I do not want you to go. I think to myself, not letting the tears surface. I will not cry, I will be strong.
I can almost hear you laugh, in the silence and the stillness. I do not realize that you have gathered me into your arms until you are setting me on my bed, replacing the covers I had shed. With your arms still locked around me, I can hear your heart whisper to mine.
I never left you...
