Author's Note:
Sup my beloved readers! Did you guys miss me...Of course you did. Why did I even ask? I missed you guys...sorta... I bring to you the next installment of this story after a break that was longer than I anticipated because you know...life happened. Hope you enjoy this one as much as the others and the title is shamelessly stolen from LittleKuriboh's amazing abridged series that I have been watching lately instead of doing anything productive...
Edit: Fixed some more errors...I really need to look things over more...though if anyone wants to beta let me know! :) :) -two smiley faces solve every problem...just so you know...aight...leaving now...so read on...for realsies
Disclaimer: I own some Naruto stickers, manga, anime seasons...and yet I am no closer to owning any of the above mentioned series...How odd.
Pein laid in the medical wing in...well pain. After the ill-fated game of Red Rover his subordinates dropped his unconscious form in there before proceeding to give not one single fuck about him and his wellbeing. A few hours later the missing pinkette and weasel arrived at the base with said girl raving about her wonderful day at the spa. It was another few hours before anyone decided to inform her of his still unconscious body laying on the sterile floor of the medical wing.
"Pein~! Stop moping," Sakura demanded with a hint of whine in her voice. He wasn't moping. He was just ignoring her at the moment and so what if his lip was jutted out a little bit. "I already said I was sorry, though technically I am not to blame for this one." He sent her a withering glare that argued loudly otherwise. "Ugh! Fine be that way! Stupid leader..." He was not stupid, but to refute that would be breaking the silent treatment he was giving the frustrated rosette.
"Sakura-channnnnn!" Tobi shouted, which did nothing for Pein's mind-destroying headache, as he bounced into the room. "Tobi found a game to play!" Pein winced, that wasn't good, especially since Sakura lit up like a Christmas tree. "Do not worry Leader-sama! It is a card game!"
"A fucking children's card game," Hidan said irately as if he expected different from the resident man-child and pinkette. Tobi practically beamed behind his mask like he was the smartest man in the world, which Madara/Obito/whoever he decides to be for now probably thought he was, but that was beside the point.
"Really! That sounds great!" Sakura clapped with excitement and glee. She then turned her gaze to the bed-ridden pierced man. "Please, oh please can we play!" Pein rolled his ringed eyes, then realized something, he didn't have to play, he could easily say he was too injured to do anything other than lie in bed.
"You may play, I however, will just get some rest," he consented, hoping that someone other than him would end up in the medical wing because of her ideas, Itachi would be a nice addition here. The thought brought a creepy smile to his face; yes that would do nicely, since he himself had not yet gotten around to ending the raven-haired man's world yet.
Sakura, however, was not pleased. "It's not the same if you aren't there," she pouted. Well that's just too bad, he was staying right there in his comfy recovery bed and there wasn't a damn thing she could do about it. Her face scrunched up cutely as she thought of ways to convince him otherwise. "Would you do it for a Scooby Snack?" What was she like five? A blank stare gave her the answer to that silly question. "Would you do it for two Scooby snacks?" He blinked once. Then twice. Before deciding it really wasn't worth it to try and figure out how exactly her logic worked and promptly shut his eyes not giving a single fuck about what they did afterwards, as long as Itachi suffered and ended up in one of the other beds in the room enduring the same fate he was. Pein sighed happily and promptly dozed off dreaming of unicorns and rainbows and torturing the weasel.
Sakura glared at him, then got a brilliant idea. If Pein wouldn't leave the bed to go play then they would have to just bring it to him! She was so smart. And she promptly informed the other two Akatsuki members in the room of her plan and told them to go get the others and a table and some chairs. Tobi handed her the deck of cards that was really two decks because of the amount of people playing. This was going to be awesome.
A half hour later the entire Akatsuki sat around a table set up beside the dozing Pein's bedside deciding how to wake up said man without dying. Sakura called them all wimps and stood on the side where there was no table and seven Akatsuki members blocking her from reaching the man. She leaned down beside his ear, her breath fluttering warmly against his skin causing him to shift slightly and give a small noise of appreciation. Then she inhaled sharply and shouted as loud as she could, "WAKE UP! WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING?" as she decide a Finding Nemo reference was definitely needed at the moment before she ninja-ed away as the man flailed awake. "Alrighty! Now that we are all awake and ready to play, let's get started!"
Pein rubbed the sleep from his eyes, not entirely sure what was happening, though his gut told him to flee while he still could and never look back. He was passed seven cards as was everyone else, but still didn't register exactly what was going on. The remaining cards were placed in the center of the table and everyone began the task of sorting their cards, while an awkward silence fell on the table. Pein followed in suit, blinking rapidly to try and gain some higher thought.
"It's time to Duel!" Sakura and Tobi shouted, breaking his concentration. What was going on?
"Dumbasses, this is Go Fish not Duel Monsters...Fucking amateurs," Hidan muttered. Sakura stuck her tongue out at him and told him to bite her, to which he said "Fucking where?" gaining the immediate hatred of every man at the table including the still out of it Pein.
"Tobi is ready! And wants to go first!"
"That's too bad Tobi, because I am the only lady and you know, ladies first!" Sakura declared.
"I don't know Sakura, I mean Deidara is more lady like than you, so maybe he should go first, and then you," Kisame said with a smirk. Said blonde man(?) glared at the overgrown fish and stood up to prove once and for all that he was a man.
"Oh God! Someone stop him!" Sakura shrieked as his hands flew to his zipper to yank down his pants.
"Deidara if you pull those fucking down, I fucking swear you will be the next sacrifice to Jashin, seriously."
"Tobi's innocence!"
"See what you have started Kisame! Now stop it!"
"...I still think he's a girl..." came Sasori's calm statement causing everyone to freeze, either to glare at him for egging Deidara onto the path of mentally scarring everyone in the room or to glare at the question of Deidara's manliness (the latter group only held one member). Deidara fly was yanked down and he popped the button open. Itachi leaned over and covered Sakura's wide green eyes to try and shelter her from what was bound to be scarring. Tobi slapped both hands over his eye hole while most of the Akatsuki sat frozen at the fact that he was actually was going to do it.
"Itachi-kun you have to tell me whether it's boxers or briefs. I have a bet with Kakazu that depends on this," Sakura said after a moment causing everyone to freeze including Deidara who was in the process of pulling down his pants.
"It's boxers."
"What?!" she screamed in outrage while Kakazu smirked and held out a upturned palm as she reached back into her pocket and pulled out some cash.
"Wait, yeah. You thought it was briefs, yeah?" The pinkette nodded and Itachi moved his hand with the movement. And with that the Blondie stormed (waddled) out of the room, pants around his knees. Sasori smirked and placed Deidara's hand in the pile.
"Do you have a bet on all of us?" Kisame asked now very curious about it.
"Yup! I was right on Konan, Itachi, and Kakazu; all boxers or well the equivalent of boxers for girls. Lost on Hidan, I thought boxers, Kakazu said nothing...and was right. We still haven't figured out you, Sasori, Pein, Tobi, or Zetsu. And he hasn't figured out mine yet." Everyone sat in silence, slightly disturbed, but intrigued on the topic.
"Tobi has a question! How did you figure out the others?"
"Well Konan and I had a deep discussion on the pros and cons of both panties and thongs, and she decided thongs had no pros. Kakazu was simply a guess. Hidan forgot to close his door. And Itachi...well..."she trailed off with a furious blush on her face. Said man finally removed his hand from in front of her face and raised a questioning brow demanding her to explain. "Umm...well...promise not to be mad Itachi?" He nodded once. "I...uh..snuck into your room and went through your underwear drawer..." The raven haired man froze before getting up abruptly and walking out of the room.
He turned once and shot over his shoulder "Kakazu. It's panties, specifically boy shorts." Sakura looked indignant and shot a icy glare at his departing back.
"Tobi is confused. How did Itachi know that?"
"Yes, Sakura. How did Itachi know that?" Pein was torn between glaring at the direction the Uchiha departed in or at the pinkette, but gave up when the throbbing in his head protested against it. Her blush intensified and she shook her head and picked up her cards.
"Hidan do you have any red fives?" Sakura said rapidly, obviously trying to get attention off of her and her panties.
"Go fucking find them yourself." She glared, but picked up a card from the center.
"That's not right Hidan! Your are supposed to say 'Go Fish.'"
"I don't fucking care, Tobi. Sasori do you have any fucking black twos?"
"Go Fish. Tobi do you have any red queens?"
"Tobi has one red queen and will give it to Sasori-san!"
"Sakura do you have any black jacks?"
"Nope Sasori! Go Fish!
"Um...Sakura do you have any black fours?" Pein said uncertainly. They were playing Go Fish. That was what was happening. Wow he was out of it.
"Nay, I do not, Go Fish! Hey Kisame...boxers or briefs?"
"I'll never tell Pinky...Now Kakazu, any red kings?"
"Yes, here take them. Hidan any black twos?"
"You fucking bastard! Here!"
"Thank you kindly, now Zetsu any black kings?"
"No, sorry Kakazu. Go Fish. Leader-sama any black threes?"
"Go Fish."
"Pein...boxers or briefs?"
"Boxers, now go."
"Yay! Hand it over Kakazu! And Sasori do you have any red queens?"
"That's not nice Sakura. But yes."
"Yippee! Zetsu boxers or briefs and any red fives?"
"Boxers and no Sakura-chan. Go Fish."
"Well darn...to both of those..."
"Cough it up Sakura."
"Give me a second, Stiches. Now Sasori, boxers or briefs?"
"Neither. I have no need for undergarments."
"That's fucking gross."
"You're one to talk Hidan."
"Shut up Kakazu, you ass."
"Don't tell me to shut up."
"Well too fucking bad because I just did." And with that Kakazu jumped to his feet and flipped the table in the process and lauched himself at the Jashinist. Pein didn't get to witness any of the ensuing scuffle as the table was thrown firmly in his direction and knocked him back out when it slammed into him. He was so sick of this happening.
"Ummm...guys?" Sakura said softly and pointed at the card table currently on top of their not so fearsome leader. "I am not taking the blame for this one..."
Author's Note:
Welp sorry about the wait, but here is another one that was hopefully enjoyable...I honestly have no idea if my sense of humor is all that funny, soooo that is up to you to decide...Ummm well that's all folks...
ReViEw TiMe!
Snowball Fight of Doom!
Soulwriter1214- I am really happy that you got a laugh out of it! That like made my year... :D
Owl. pendantry - The world may never know...lol and yes that was purely crack! And yes...yes he did... :D
Snowman of DOOM!
Owl. pendantry (strikes back!)- Silliness is always good...for the most part. I love reading these! It makes me feel all of the feels! teehee!
Hide and Go Seek...Sort of...
xXxWolvesInTheNightxXx- That makes me soooooo happy that you like this! It is a sign that I am not the only person in the world like this lol...
Owl. pendantry (return of the je-reviewer)- You would think he would learn...but all the damage done to him thus far has not helped him with this...lol
Red Rover! Red Rover! Send...
Shadow Wolf- Hooray! My day has been made...no need to go anywhere else! lol...Here is the very very late update...(Forgive me!)
Owl. pendantry (that prequel with Liam Neeson)- To le spa...because I felt it was necessary...and stuff...And yeah more detailing would probably be better...I will try to add more in future stories so that there is no confusion... :D
THANKS!