So this is one of my favorite songs by one of the most talented bands ever :). When I was listening to it yesterday the idea for this story popped into my head and I just had to write it down. Let me know what you think and I'll post the conclusion :)!
There were days when Detective Jim Brass wished he didn't have a conscious. Wished he could do certain things without regard for morality. Like right now he really wanted to take a baseball bat to Gil Grissom's head. Really he just wanted to knock some sense into him and thinking about how dense Grissom was, he thought a baseball bat was necessary. Sara had come to him a few days earlier asking for assistance in planning an impromptu birthday soiree for Grissom.
"You know Jim he never does anything for his birthday. And I know he's not much into fanfare but I thought a small surprise gathering might be nice. What do you think?"
Brass could see the excitement and hope in her eyes. He knew how much she loved him. He also knew how much Grissom loved her but his head was so far up his… well let's just say he'd never admitted to himself or her how much he really loved her. Anyway, so he was basically an ass because the most beautiful, brilliant woman was at his feet and all he did was walk all over her. Brass noted that just when it seemed Grissom had finally seen the light he would do or say something so callous Brass wondered how he'd made it this far in life without someone socking him in the mouth. Which lead Brass to his current predicament. How could he let Gil have it while still remaining with in the perimeters of the law?
I mean Sara had been so excited when she asked for his help. She had told him that she'd invite the rest of graveyard shift if it he would find a way of getting Grissom to come to the restaurant after shift on Friday. He'd readily agreed noting that asking Gil to shoot back a few after shift wouldn't be too suspicious coming from him.
When Friday approached Sara had this giddy air about her all shift. This of course was not lost on the rest of team, well except for Grissom of course. Catherine noticed how hard Sara had been planning this gathering and she knew that maybe this just might be what Gil needed to get his head out of the microscope. I mean he was trading a life of happiness with a beautifully talented woman for what? A house full of glass encased butterflies and a tarantula? Well hopefully everything went well tonight.
Brass was ready to play his part searching for Grissom about two hours before shift was scheduled to end.
"Hey buddy I know you're not much into fanfare on your big day so what do you say to just going out and shooting back a few?" Brass asked as he stood in the doorway to Grissom's office. Brass noticed the apprehension in his demeanor and realized he quickly had to get things under control before he was shot down for good.
"Come on Gil humor me? I need a break, it's your birthday, and I'd like to buy you a drink."
Grissom gave in.
"Alright Jim, it might not be bad to unwind a little especially after this week."
Jim nodded his head. This week had been especially bad. A horrible bus accident had taken the lives of 5 first graders who were heading out for their first field trip of the school year.
So back to the nights events. Everyone was seated in an extra large u shaped booth waiting for Brass and Grissom to arrive. Nick noticed how happy Sara had been all day and when he saw her walk into the restaurant in a beautiful black cocktail dress he prayed that Grissom would finally notice what was right in front of him all along.
"Sara you look spectacular," he had said as he got up to let her in the booth.
"Thanks Nicky," she said blushing.
Within minutes the rest of the team had arrived.
"So you think he knows?" Greg asked as absently mindedly as he sipped his Long Island Iced Tea.
"Are you kidding me? Grissom barely notices if it's raining outside even if his shirt's soaking wet!" Catherine said in an exasperated tone.
Warrick laughed. Suddenly Sara's phone chimed indicating she had a text message.
"Okay guys Brass said they just parked the car."
Everyone could hear the nervous excitement in her voice.
Brass and Grissom made their way into the restaurant and the hostess asked them if they'd rather have a table or sit at the bar.
"Well if it's all the same to you Gil, I'd rather sit at a table. Those bar stools do nothing good for my back."
"Sure," Grissom said as they followed the young woman. Brass had slipped her a note telling her they were the remaining guests at the table for seven. She nodded at him leading them in the direction of the table.
Sara could see them coming and told everyone to get ready.
"So Gil you know I was thinking about that whole no fanfare on your birthday thing," Brass started to say as they approached the table.
"SURPRISE!" They all shouted in unison.
The smiles on their faces quickly faded as they saw Grissom's face. They were prepared for some surprise, maybe even some shock. They were even prepared for some annoyance on his part. They however were not prepared for the anger evident on his face.
Greg never knowing when to keep his mouth closed spoke first.
"So were you surprised? I mean at first when Sara came to me with the idea for tonight I was a little skeptical knowing your dislike for surprises but the idea grew on me and I thought yup this maybe just what the bossman needs," Greg said with a smile on his face.
"What the bossman needs is for people to leave him the hell alone," Grissom snapped.
"This was your idea," he glared at Sara.
Before she could respond Nick spoke up.
"Look Grissom it's your birthday and it's been a rough week for all of us. Sara just thought it would be a good idea for everyone to have some fun outside of work. Take their minds off what happened this week."
Grissom turned to Brass.
"Jim all I wanted to do was go home and pretend like this week never happened. I hate surprises and hate celebrating my birthday even more," Grissom said as he stormed out of the restaurant. Nobody moved. Or spoke. No one knew what to do. Catherine was first to respond.
"Warrick move, now!" She said as she nearly shoved him to the ground trying to get out of the booth. Catherine ran out of the restaurant after Grissom. Nick turned to look at Sara and wished he hadn't. Her eyes were full of tears and it broke his heart. He badly wanted to break Grissom's legs.
Catherine caught up to Grissom who was in the parking lot waiting for a cab. She grabbed his arm and spun him around.
"Gil what the FUCK do you think you're doing?" Catherine demanded.
She didn't give him a chance to answer before she started in on him again.
"You think this week was only hard on you? You think no one else feels like crap? Gil I swear I don't know what's with you sometimes. Sara has been so excited about this all week. She wanted to do something special for you. She noticed how stressed out you were and thought you could use this. Did you even notice her before you stormed out? What she was wearing? How she did her hair and makeup? She wanted everything to be perfect for you," Catherine said exhausted.
"Gil she loves you. She did all this for you because she loves you. You know someday you're going to realize that taking a chance on love and actually having a life is better than being dead inside because you're too scared to take that chance. You're afraid of what will happen if it doesn't work out. You're afraid that you'll lose everything. Afraid life as you know it will be gone. But from what I see you don't have much of life to lose." With that Catherine walked away leaving a very perplexed and embarrassed Grissom.
Why was he always such an ass? He hadn't meant to snap like that. He was just so tired and the week had been so draining all he wanted to do was go home and sleep it all away. And he hated his birthday. It was just another pathetic reminder that another year of his life had gone by and he'd done nothing. Professionally he was very accomplished. But personally? Personally he had done nothing. And now the one person he'd ever wanted something with he'd hurt in the worst way possible. Now Grissom was scared. Scared that this may have been the last straw for Sara. What if she decided enough was enough and left Vegas for good this time? Somehow he didn't think sending a plant this time would be enough to keep her here.
Back in the restaurant Nick had put his arm around Sara and told her he'd give her a ride home. She had said thanks anyway that she was fine and that she'd see herself home.
"Sara you gave me a ride here remember? Look let's get your car from the Valet and I'll drive you home. Then I'll call a cab to take me back to the lab so I can get my car, ok?"
Sara was still too shell shocked to protest. So Nick led her out of the restaurant and got her car. Once the car came Nick helped her into the car and headed for her apartment. As soon as the car started Sara's iPod automatically began to play, and Dave Matthews Band's "You Might Die Trying" filled the air.
At the same time Grissom was in a cab heading home when the same song came on the radio.
To change the world,
Start with one step.
However small,
The first step is hardest of all.
Once you get your gate,
You will walk in tall.
You said you never did,
Cause you might die trying,
Cause you might die trying.
Cause you---
Grissom let the words of the song wash over him like a tidal wave.
If you close your eyes,
Cause the house is on fire.
And think you couldn't move,
Until the fire dies.
The things you never did,
Oh, cause you might die trying,
Cause you might die trying.
You'd be as good as dead,
Cause you might die trying,
Cause you might die trying.
Nick looked over at Sara and noticed that she had fallen asleep. How sad it was that the only times Sara got real sleep were the times he saw her too exhausted from crying to keep her eyes open. How many times had he held his 'little sister' while she cried her eyes out over Grissom? Too many to count. God damn Grissom for her hurting again! Couldn't he see that if he just gave the littlest part of himself, if he just gave his heart to her he would be the happiest person in the world? That he would truly begin to live if he first gave.
If you give, you, you begin to live.
If you give, you begin to live.
You begin, you get the world.
If you give, you begin to give
You get the world, you get the world.
If you give, you begin to live.
Grissom wondered if it really was that simple. If he just gave his heart to her could he have everything he ever wanted? Would it really be that easy? What if it didn't last? What if he lost her if it didn't work out? Could he live with that? Well one thing was for certain. He had to at least try, even if it meant that his heart may die in the process because to be honest right now it wasn't doing much living. He had to stop being scared of what bad things could happen and just focus and what good things could happen. In that cab ride home memories flooded Grissom's mind. Memories of things in the past and things yet to come that he wished would be. Memories of a wedding with Sara. Of a house full of kids and a dog. Growing up as an only child he had always wanted to one day have a big family but not until Sara had he ever found someone he wanted to have that family with.
If you give, you, you begin to live.
If you give, you begin to live.
You begin, you get the world.
If you give, you begin to give
You get the world, you get the world.
If you give, you begin to live.
You might die trying.
Oh, you might die trying.
Yeah, you might die trying.
The things you never did,
Cause you might die trying;
You'd be as good as dead.
You never did.
As the cab pulled up in front of Grissom's townhouse he realized that it was now or never. I mean if you're never really alive to begin with can you really die trying?