Authors Note: What's up fanfic friends. It's Nix, the goober that died for a while and came back to life with some shitty fanfiction to share. I'd like to start this with YES this a self insert fic, YES I understand how cringy those are and YES I'm posting it at my own risk. Alright there are the Yes's, and the no's. NO I will not revise this to make it less cringe worthy, NO I will not follow any suggestions that made in the reviews about my plot, and NO I will not tolerate flaming reviews even if they are 'constructive.' Don't praise me on my grammar and tell me that the rest of my story is shit and list out why. That isn't constructive criticism, that's being a jackass. Review all you want, just don't be an ass about it. Anyway, self insert fanfic that I'm writing off and on for giggles while procrastinating and just felt like posting it. Updates will be spastic and crazy, it's not complete and I have a bit of a track record for abandoning projects so no promises. Anyway, enjoy~

A girl stared at her phone silently in thought looking over the text message she'd gotten from her newfound friend Nakura. She was so sweet, and they spoke often. The girl holding the phone called herself Nix. Her first name was Cassandra, she was 17, going to Raira Academy. She had curly, bouncy auburn hair and seam foam green eyes, her skin was pale. She was a large girl, rather curvy with large breasts.

Is something wrong? You seem to be distracted. Nakura sent. Nix blinked slowly frowning.

I don't think they like me. She texted back. She'd met Nakura on a website for adopted kids who spoke about their adoptive parents and how different it was. It was a way to complain without hurting their feelings really.

You're adoptive parents?

Yeah they ignore me… they don't seem to care if I've come back depressed. If I've got a bruise from school. They just continue on.

That's horrible, why adopt a child if you aren't going to love them?

I don't want to complain though… the orphanage is horrible… and people don't adopt teenagers.

Why don't you show them? Make them realize their mistake.

How?

You can commit suicide. We can do it together! Nix gasped her eyes widening. Nakura had spoken of problems with her parents, they were similar to her own, the adoptive parents didn't care, were cruel at times. Nix was depressed… extremely so and had been for years. She'd considered cutting, and sometimes thought about suicide… but Nix had never actually done it… or attempted.

You want to kill yourself?

I have for a while, but I'm too scared to do it by myself. If both of us did it together.

Maybe… I'd like to think about it if that is okay with you.

Of course, it's a serious decision. I'll let you be to think.

Thanks.

Nix stared at her phone silently. Suicide… She slowly put her phone away and rolled over on her bed closing her eyes.

School… it was lunch and the girl stared at her empty bento box. Of course… it was already eaten. Her foster sibling would eat the box she'd prepare at night, and if she prepared it in the morning he'd dump it into his right before they left. She so went hungry. Her phone vibrated and she looked down seeing Nakura.

Did you manage to get some lunch?

Nope, little bastard ate it all.

Didn't you hide it in your room?

Yep, must've gotten it from my bag when I was showering this morning.

That's horrible, wish we were at the same school, I'd share.

It's fine… Once I lose some weight mom will start forcing him to stop.

You said that a month ago and I've seen your pictures. You're not fat, you American you're supposed to be bigger than us tiny Asians.

Yeah well tell that to mom.

:/ starving yourself is proven to make you fatter, and you make healthy foods if you actually ate you'd be fine.

I've shown her the websites you showed me; she doesn't believe me and says I'm just being a pig.

Oh honey.

"I want your lunch." Came a voice from above her. She snapped her phone shut opening the lid on her box.

"Little brother ate it all. I don't have any left." The man snorted.

"Yeah right, you just scarfed it down like a piggy so my girlfriend doesn't get to eat." He said. "I'll just have to make you give it to her, again." He said smirking as he moved slamming his fist into her gut. She gasping, retching from the force but she didn't puke.

"Ew I don't want that fatty's puked up food." The girl said the guy hummed.

"You're lucky my girl doesn't like you, else I'd beat the shit out of you." He said turning and leaving draping his arm over her shoulder. Nix sighed her hand on her gut hearing her phone.

Hey you there?

Yeah I'm back sorry.

They beat you up again didn't they?

Yeah.

The option still stands.

I know…

She sat silently staring at the phone. Nakura didn't answer, didn't say anything. It was her decision.

Let's do it.

Really?

Yeah I don't want to be here anymore.

How about tonight? I know this sky scraper and the lock on the door to the roof is busted.

I'll see you then I guess?

Yeah until then.

The bell just rang. I'll talk to you later.

Ttyl

Nix stood packing her things she favored her stomach walking back into the classroom silently taking a seat.

Night had fallen over Ikebukuro, no one questioned when she walked right past them and slipped out. She was walking looking at the address she had written down, looking for the building. Nakura hadn't spoken to her much, stating she was going to take care of a few things, write a note, and make sure everything was ready for her to disappear. Nix had done the same, leaving a note on her pillow were it would be found after a few days.

She saw the building, moving and silently slipping in the front door. It was a huge office complex, most of the floors where empty though seeing as it was after hours. She walked to the elevator in thought as she pushed the button for the top floor staring at the shiny silver doors. Do I want this? I mean… I'll be old enough to move out soon… but I'm not even prepared for the outside world. She sighed checking her phone again. Nothing from Nakura.

The elevator dinged and she stepped out looking around for a roof entrance. It didn't take long to find a set of stairs that went up slowly walking up them, hearing the echo. Is she even really here? Am I doing this alone… did Nakura chicken out on me? She saw the door stopping and staring at it, not opening just staring… she considered her options… but. Slowly she turned the handle pushing open and door and stepping out.

The wind hit her first; blowing a little strong it was chilly. Silently she wrapped her jacket around her a little more looking around. It was slightly taller at a point, a ladder going up that way. It had a sign on it, bright advertising lights casting a glow over where she stood. She looked around frowning faintly to herself. Was Nakura not there?

"Nakura?" She asked she heard footsteps approaching from behind her.

"You must be Nix." The voice was male, low and raspy. She spun looking him over. He was taller than her with black boots, black pants, a black belt, black shirt and a black coat with fur around the edge of the hood, sleeves and bottom. He was pale, scrawny with messy black hair and burgundy eyes. His face… it… reminded her of a foxes.

"You know Nakura it's rude to pose as a suicidal teenage girl." She said her eyes narrowing.

"Oh you figured it out so quickly!" He exclaimed grinning, she could see now silver rings on his index fingers.

"I had a sneaking suspicion from the moment we began to talk. You showed male mannerisms… but you were nice to talk to so I never questioned it." She said softly. "All the others I'd talked to never listened to me, but wanted me to listen to them."

"Mm humans tend to be selfish like that." He said walking closer to her grinning as he tilted her head up. "You're being selfish now, killing yourself like this~"

"I know I'm being selfish… I've given and given and given, it's time for me to be selfish." She muttered… then she blinked reaching into his coat pocket, pulling out a container that had Onigiri. Her stomach growled and she clutched it to her selfishly. "And now I'm going to selfishly eat your Onigiri because I'm fucking starving." She said, opening the container and beginning to scarf it down, not caring if she made a mess of herself. Nakura chuckled.

"I brought those for you." He said amused. "I may like to toy with my humans but it's hard when they pass out from malnutrition." He said casually.

"Or you're trying to subconsciously repent for what your about to do." She said around a mouthful of sticky rice. Nakura blinked smirking at her.

"What an incredible human." He murmured letting her eat. "What do you think happens after you die?" He asked looking at her.

"It's hard to say." She said. "I never really thought about it, maybe there is a heaven, maybe there is a hell, maybe there is nothing. If there is a heaven I won't be going. I'll be sent to hell and if there is nothing… then I'll be suspended in nothingness, completely bored. Or maybe… I just disappear. All of it gone forever." She said softly. Nakura looked her over.

"Wouldn't hell be painful?" He asked curious.

"So is jumping." She murmured. He blinked.

"What?"

"People think jumping is painless, you hit and that's it. But I don't think so, you'll hit the ground and you'll feel nothing but pain, coursing through you so quickly you can't cry out. The last thing you feel is complete agony… then you're gone… either in heaven, better, or hell where the pain never ends." She said softly.

"So why jump if it'll be painful, after all people jump to avoid a painful death." Nakura murmured.

"Because life is pain. There is no way to die without pain unless you slip away in your sleep." She said softly walking over to the edge. Nakura grinned grabbing her wrist pushing her forward so she leaned over the edge staring down.

"So you came here thinking you could endure the pain to teach them a lesson." He said. Her eyes were wide seeing the stains on the ground. "But it won't, no one will know you're gone. You're insignificant." He said.

"Just like the girls you've already thrown off here… girls that the police didn't even bother to really clean up. Girls that added to the stain down there." She asked feeling his grip on her wrist. He blinked pulling her back up spinning her. She spun into his chest, more of her own doing than his. He smelled nice… Vanilla…

"So why jump?" He asked looking down at her.

"It's like I said before Nakura. I'm being selfish." She said stepping back and walking to the edge. "I'm worthless to the world! One day I'll die and be forgotten! Nothing but a plaque placed on the ground. A name mourned for only a few years until I'm completely forgotten. No stories will be told of me, no one will ask who that girl was. I'll just disappear." She said standing on the edge. "Thank you Nakura for giving me courage. Though it was foolish for me to seek out courage in another person, but here I am, taking courage from you." She said. "Humans are weak, frail creatures." She said softly, taking a step back her leg suspended. Nakura was going to say something, but she leaned back on her one leg, watching him disappear as the building came into view. She smiled spreading her arms out her eyes closing.

"Catch her!" She heard his voice and suddenly she landed on something soft, bouncing a bit. So he chose for her… he chose life. She opened her eyes as she was lowered to the ground standing on her feet she watched this shadowy thing disappear into a woman on a bike… the headless rider. The rider pulled out a PDA typing before she shoved it in her face.

Are you okay?

"Yes." She said softly.

I'm so sorry about him. Izaya is an ass.

"So his name is Izaya." She said softly, the rider nodded.

Come with me I'll take you home.

"Thank you." She murmured, noticing the shadows wrap around her head like a helmet. She climbed onto the back, looking up to see him watching her from above. The ride drove off and Izaya faded from her view.

That… was a year and a half ago.