"Oh no!" Audrey exclaimed as she walked around the rear of the car. The rear driver's side tire was completely flat. The snow and ice they'd gotten over the past day had completely damaged some of the side roads that Audrey frequently drove. She peeked in the back window and saw Cameron had unfastened his seat belt and was now looking out the back window at his great-grandmother. Jake was perfectly content holding his small portable DVD player in his lap. He was unfazed by the situation.
Audrey was proud to admit that over the years she had changed a few tires but it was below freezing and she certainly did not have the energy she had before. She'd have to settle for calling for a tow truck and hopefully still having time left to make it to the store.
Cameron had asked Audrey to take him shopping for his mommy's Valentine's day present. Both he and Jake had gotten ten dollars from their uncle Steven for behaving when he babysat them. Audrey found it to be incredibly sweet that the two boys wanted to spend their only money on their mother so she was more then happy to take them. But this was not in her plan. Elizabeth would be home from work at seven which gave her just over two hours and it would start getting dark soon.
Climbing back into the warm car, she rubbed her hands together to warm them before grabbing her purse off the passenger seat. She dug through her hand through her purse and quickly turned frantic, dumping the contents on the seat beside her. She didn't even need to look at the pile of the contents to know she hadn't grabbed her cell phone off the kitchen counter.
"Grams, is the car broken?" Cameron asked.
Audrey checked the gas level and saw that she had nearly a full tank. She was relieved that she'd stopped to fill her tank before the storm hit the day before. "Its not broken but the tire is flat."
"Mama's pessent." Jake called from his booster seat.
"I know Jake, dear. I'm trying to get us to the store." Audrey opened the glove compartment and pulled out a pair of gloves. She apparently had no choice then to attempt to change the tire herself "Stay in the car boys." She ordered then got back out of the car, pulling the lever beside the seat first to pop her trunk. The heat in the car remained on at full blast to keep the boys warm and she went to work pushing the junk aside so she could pull the carpet in her trunk up to get to the spare.
"Oh dear lord!" she gasped when she finally pulled the carpet back and the tire was not there. She could not remember ever having to change the tire since she'd gotten this car but perhaps a tire was never there. So as the sky began to dim on February 14th, Audrey slammed her trunk closed and swore. It was very rare that she used profanities and this certainly was one of those rare occasions that it seemed fit. Luckily the boys did not hear her.
Not a single car had passed since she pulled onto the shoulder of the road which is why when she heard the sound of a car engine getting closer she waved her hands in the air.
This was not safe in the least bit. Audrey was on a barely traveled road at dusk with her two great grandchildren with no phone and a strange SUV was slowing toward them. The windows were completely tinted, for all she knew they could be pulling over to rob her of what little she had left. If she'd thought faster she would have grabbed her bottle of pepper spray out of the glove box but she did not want to turn her back on the approaching vehicle.
The massive SUV stopped behind her car and Audrey felt her chest tighten then immediately relax when she saw a familiar face. Never in her life had she ever felt so happy to see the man approaching her. Her hand rose to her chest and she let out a deep sigh of relief, "Oh thank the lord! Mr. Morgan, I have a flat tire, no spare and no phone. Can I trouble you for a call to the auto club?"
Jason quickly shook his head, "Audrey, they could take hours to get out here, especially in this weather. How about I give you a ride home and see to it that your car is brought back there for you tomorrow."
They had definitely had their differences over the years but Audrey was his sons great-grandmother and Elizabeth's grandmother which meant he'd always do all he could to help the woman.
"Oh that is mighty kind of you Mr. Morgan but…"
"Jason."
"Jason…" she repeated back to him. "But I have Liz's boys with me and we're going shopping for her present. I can assure you that two small boys will not understand the reasons for not being able to go to the store. Car trouble is certainly not an excuse they will accept."
Jason found his heartbeat increasing ten-fold. His son, the son he'd given up, the son he thought about every day-every hour, was in the car mere feet from him. Jason sucked in a deep breath, keeping her nerves in control and spoke, "That's fine, we can stop at the store so you can pickup whatever you need."
"Don't you have plans for tonight?"
Jason curled his lower lip and shook his head, "Nothing that can't wait another hour to help out the family of an old friend." He said, unsure if 'friend' was the correct term. Perhaps 'love' would have worked better, or better yet 'biggest regret', but Jason was pretty sure that Audrey did not know everything that had happened between them so he held back. The woman also did not seem to know the truth about Jake either, at least she didn't act like she knew. "Go ahead and lock up your car. Do you have car seats or booster seats for the boys?"
"Yes, for both of them." Audrey quickly answered and rushed back to the car. She opened the back door where Cameron sat, "Ok Cam, Grams' car isn't going to drive anymore tonight so Mr. Morgan, I mean Jason is going to take us to the store then back to the house."
Cameron nodded and jumped out of the car, "Hi Jason." Cameron said with a smile surprising Jason that he remembered him.
"Hey buddy," Jason said with a genuine smile. "I haven't seen you in along time. How are you?"
Cameron shrugged, "Cold."
Jason laughed as Audrey handed him a small booster seat then turned back to the car. Cameron followed Jason back to the SUV and they got Cameron situated into the back seat.
Turning around, Jason saw Jake hesitantly walking toward him. Jason's own eyes were looking back at him only slightly smaller and much more shy. Jake stared at Jason, his eyes seeming to recognize something. "H-hi." Jason managed to cough out.
Jake leaned into Audrey's side and mumbled "hi." Audrey handed Jason the second booster seat and Jason stirred from his daze long enough to secure it in place. He turned back and Jake was standing beside him. Jake was entirely too small to climb into the back leading Jason to have to lift him into the seat. He reluctantly released Audrey's hand and Jason carefully secured him into his seat realizing that he was holding his son for the first time in a eighteen months. In an attempt to keep his emotions at bay, Jason quickly closed the door and found Audrey standing there staring at him.
Her eyes stared at him. Jason seemed extremely distraught. He seemed to be fine when he graciously offered to help but there seemed to be hesitation and sadness when he helped the boys into his truck, especially Jake. The puzzle pieces began to come together in her mind but Jason quickly turned away from her. They climbed into the front of the car and Jason started driving. "I know a mechanic back in town, I will send him over tomorrow to get your car. I'll have him change the tire and deliver it back to your house."
"Oh, that is entirely too much."
"I'm more then happy to help."
"Well be sure that he sends the bill to my house." She said.
Jason nodded, knowing already that he'd be covering the bill. "What store are we going to?" Jason asked as his eyes peeked up at the rear view mirror where he found Jake staring at him.
"The craft store." Cameron answered for Audrey.
"The craft store?" Jason asked.
"Uh huh, my mama painted a long, long time ago she said." Cameron explained. "She has this cool picture she painted hanging in her bedroom that she calls the wind, but she doesn't paint no more so we want to get her paints so she can."
Jason swallowed the grapefruit-sized lump in his throat and managed to gurgle some words from his mouth, "Well that sounds like a very nice gift."
"Yup, she's been sad lately so maybe it would help." Cameron added. "She said she was lonely but I don't understand because me and Jakey are there." The boy rambled. "But she said she was happy when she made that painting."
Before long they were pulling into the parking lot of the craft store. Jason knew that Sam was waiting at home for him with dinner but he could not bring himself to call her and he didn't care.
Jason still had the picture of Jake that Elizabeth had drawn for him. The picture is hidden in the back of a drawer but he often finds himself staring at the paper thinking about what could have been. He helped the boys out of the truck and they wandered around inside the store for twenty minutes. By the time they were finished there was an entire shopping car full of art supplies. They'd gotten everything from canvases to brushes. They got oil pants, water paints, acrylic paints and charcoals. Audrey had not been paying attention to the prices as she was sidetracked by the yarn section. Jason was more then happy to take over with helping the boys.
The cashier rung up all of the items and the total was over three hundred dollars.
"Oh, oh, no no no… boys, we can't get all of that." Audrey quickly gasped.
Without a second thought, Jason pulled out his wallet and tossed four one-hundred dollar bills on the counter. "I got it. The boys wanted this for her and if it makes her feel better then I want it for her too." Jason admitted.
Audrey briefly argued but it was pointless when Jason said he'd come back on his own and just mail it to her if she put it back. "The boys want this for her." He repeated.
Cameron rode on the side of the shopping cart and Jake held Audrey's hand. It did not go unnoticed by her that Jason kept staring at Jake, an act that Jake seemed to be mirroring. "Uh, did you need to stop anywhere else before I drop you off?"
Audrey shook her head, "You have done more then enough. I know we have not always seen eye to eye but I know you care about my granddaughter, whether the two of you are friends still or not. I know that is why you helped me and the boys… we appreciate it."
"I'm glad I could help."
The ride to Audrey's house was quiet. Audrey was deep in thought and Jason spent the ride alternating between looking at the road and looking at his son in the mirror. He didn't know how long it would be before he would see him again so he didn't want to waste a second.
All too quickly they were there and Jason was helping the boys out of the truck. He grabbed the two booster seats and Audrey took Jake's hand in her left and Cameron's hand in her right as they made their way up the icy walkway to the front door. Jason placed the seats on the bench beside the door on the porch then ran back to grab the bags from the back of the truck. "I'll see you later Cam." He said, patting the boy's curly head. "Y-you too Jake. You boys be good ok? Take care of your mommy."
"Thank you again Mr. M… Jason. It was a blessing that you found us and helped us."
Jason nodded and turned away. It was never easy to walk away, in fact it seemed to get more difficult, each step always seemed to knock the wind right out of him.
"I will tell Elizabeth you said hello." Audrey called after him. For some reason she knew that when Elizabeth learned about their guardian angel of the night, she would have an emotional reaction. For the first time Audrey finally saw the side of Jason that Elizabeth saw for all those years. For the first time Audrey saw what had been in front of her for the last two years. She and Elizabeth were going to have a very important conversation once the boys went to bed.
Jason couldn't drive fast enough from Audrey's street. Once he was on the main road, however, he found himself driving slow. He didn't know if he was driving slow because he wanted to go back to Audrey's to be with his family and wait for Elizabeth or if it was because he didn't want to go home to Sam. Perhaps it was both. His heart was still pounding as he looked into the rear-view mirror only this time there was no innocent little blue eyes staring back at him. With a sigh he pulled into the parking garage of Harborview towers. All he could do was remind himself that he was doing the right thing. The boys seemed healthy and most importantly safe. That was why they did this, it is why he walked away… to keep them safe and away from the danger.
With a heavy heart, Jason exited his car from his long detour home. There was no doubt in his mind that he wanted to be somewhere else. He had no other choice though. He'd chosen his life and it was not one that he ever wanted to touch Elizabeth or the boys... And He'd have to live with that.
Part 2
Elizabeth had a nightmare shift. There was a terrible pile-up on the interstate, a husband and wife were brought in and he did not make it. She had to witness Patrick entering the exam room where the woman was having her broken arm set. He solemnly sat on the stool but didn't have to say a word. The woman looked into his eyes and knew the news. He'd bled out during the emergency surgery and his heart stopped. They tried to resuscitate him for over twenty minutes before Patrick finally called it. The woman couldn't have been any older then Elizabeth was. She cried on Elizabeth's shoulder and told her about their son, how they overcame so much to be together. Luckily their son was with his grandmother as they were on their way to Niagara Falls for Valentine's weekend.
All Elizabeth could think about was her own unhappiness. She'd been unhappy for well over a year and couldn't get out of the funk. It only got worse as the days went on. She truly believed that the only happiness she had in her life was her boys.
"Hello!" She yelled, stepping over the threshold.
"In the kitchen." She heard Audrey call. When she didn't see her Grams car in the driveway she wondered if they were even there. She thought that maybe they'd gone back to her house for some reason but they apparently hadn't.
"Oh, Grams, what a day." Elizabeth groaned as she entered the kitchen. Her boys were at the table eating pizza as Audrey washed dishes. "Pizza?" Elizabeth asked, surprised. It was rare that Audrey ordered takeout.
"We got back from the store too late for me to whip up dinner so Cameron suggested I get a pizza." Audrey explained.
"The store?" Elizabeth asked in her fake happy, mom voice, drawling out the word store.
"For your present." Cameron replied with a big grin.
Elizabeth looked to Audrey who smiled and nodded. "Oh, where is your car?" Elizabeth asked as she bent down to kiss her two boys foreheads since their mouths were covered in tomato sauce.
"We had a little car trouble on the way to the store." Audrey explained.
"An accident?" Elizabeth gasped.
Audrey quickly answered, "Oh no dear, just a flat."
Cameron took one last bite of his pizza then tossed the crust on his plate. As always, he wiped his hands on his pant leg as he jumped out of his chair.
"Napkin, Cameron!" Elizabeth ordered.
Cameron picked up a napkin and wiped his already clean hands on a napkin then ran out of the room. Elizabeth rolled her eyes and shook her head. 'Boys will be boys,' she thought as she picked up a napkin and wiped Jake's face and hands.
"I'll get that, go ahead in the other room with Cam, me and Jake will be right in."
A few minutes later, Audrey joined Elizabeth and Cameron in the Livingroom. Cameron was pulling out some extremely large gift bags that Audrey just happened to have sitting around. "What is all this?" Elizabeth asked, her eyes wide.
"Pesants!" Jake squealed as he clapped his hands.
Cameron drug the large bags over to where Elizabeth was sitting on the couch. "We got you Valentines Day presents mommy." Cameron explained with a big smile.
Elizabeth started with a large card that was placed on top of one of the bags. It was handmade on construction paper with a large heart drawn on the front in crayon. The writing on the inside was definitely Cameron's but Audrey probably coached him. He was just learning his letters and she was proud to see that her son had written 'I love you'. The letters were mismatched sizes but it was the best card she'd ever gotten. All of the emotions of the day built up and tears welled up in her eyes. "Oh, that's beautiful Cam." She looked over to her Grams and mouthed the words 'thank you'. "Just what I needed today."
"Oh sweetie, you aren't done yet, look at your presents." Audrey said, her eyes directing hers to the two large bags.
Elizabeth pulled the bag to her and felt a large item in it. She grabbed the tissue paper from the top and noticed there were a number of items in it, canvases to be exact. "Oh my go-" she looked up at her Grams, "You shouldn't have spent money."
"I didn't." Audrey replied matter-of-factly.
Elizabeth's eyes narrowed and Cameron nudged her arm to continue looking into the next bag. She did as her son wanted and pulled at the next piece of tissue paper. Her heart pounded when she saw what was in the bag. "Oh my gosh, there are hundreds of dollars worth… brushes, every kind of paint…"
Tears were running down Elizabeth's face when Cameron spoke, "I thought drawing made you happy mommy. You said coloring made you happy and you've been sad so I fought this would make you happy again."
Elizabeth fought the sob but it escaped her mouth anyway. She wrapped her arm around her son and hugged him tight, "I'm just so happy baby." She managed to mumble. Her other arm opened and Jake ran over so Elizabeth was holding both of her sons. It was such a thoughtful gift and she knew it truly would help her be happy, or at least content. After a few long minutes Elizabeth finally gathered herself and pulled back from her boys. "Where did you guys get all this?" she asked as she wiped at her eyes and dried her wet fingers on her jeans.
"Well that's where the story gets complicated." Audrey answered.
"The art store." Cameron answered.
Elizabeth peeked in a bag again and nodded, "Yea and I love it all so much, but sweetie this is all so much money."
"Jason paid." Cameron plainly said.
Elizabeth's heart stopped for at least ten seconds then started racing. Had her day and life lately been so crazy that she was now hallucinating. "What did you say baby?"
"I'll tell mommy the story. How about you guys go finish watching Spongebob before you have to go home."
Cameron nodded then hugged Elizabeth again before leaving the room. Jake followed him leaving Elizabeth alone with her grandmother.
"Did I hear Cam right Grams? Jason? As in Jason Morgan?" Elizabeth asked, her words slowly leaving her mouth.
Audrey slowly walked across the room and sat in the armchair across from the couch where Elizabeth was sitting. She sucked in a deep breath then began, "Like I said, I got a flat when we were going to the store to spend the little bit of money Cameron and Jake had. They wanted to get you art supplies, obviously they couldn't afford the extravagant paints you ended up with but they had their heart set on getting some for you."
Elizabeth's heart was still racing at record speeds as she waited for her Grams' to get to the point.
"I didn't have my cellular phone with me and, as luck would have it, I also had no spare. Just as I realized that we were out of luck, a truck pulled up, um sport utility thing. I was nervous being out there alone with the boys but was relieved when I saw Mr… Jason get out. He insisted on taking me home and getting my car towed but I explained that I had the boys and had an errand to run."
Suddenly the brakes slammed on and her heart stopped again. Jason had seen Jake. The tears welled up in her eyes again but she closed them to hide it from her grandmother. Her throat was so tight that she couldn't swallow. Hearing his name shouldn't bother her after all this time. It had been over a year and not once did he try to fight for her to come back to him nor did he make an attempt to see his son.
"It was strange through, something changed when he saw the boys, he almost seemed nervous, which is a trait I've never seen in him before." Audrey explained. "Regardless, he offered to take us to the store to pick up your present and even went in. He helped the boys pick out everything, even insisting on a certain type of brush that he 'thought' you would like but I guess he may have known that from years ago?" Audrey stated but meant it as a question.
Elizabeth nodded but still could not talk. She was overwhelmed with so many emotions that she both knew she shouldn't be feeling and others she didn't want to feel.
"When I saw everything they had picked out, I knew it was over the twenty dollar budget that the boys had but he insisted on paying, he said that the boys wanted it for you… and he did too, who was I to argue with a mob hit man." Audrey said, strangely without a judgmental expression. "Then he drove us all back here and dropped us off, promising to have my car delivered tomorrow. He was quite a blessing tonight."
Elizabeth nodded, "Yes." She croaked but cleared her throat then took a deep, un-calming breath. "I'm glad he could help, I'll have to call him to thank him."
Audrey leaned forward and stared at her granddaughter, her head turning on an angle as she studied her reaction. A long silence passed before she spoke, "You are in love with Mr. Morgan, Jason, aren't you? I can see it from your reaction so don't lie to an old woman."
Elizabeth's brows pulled together, completely confused by her grandmothers question. The woman had always despised Jason and the life he led. A long time must have passed because Audrey spoke again, "I'll take it that it is a 'yes' from your silence."
"Grams." Elizabeth said in a pleading and warning voice. She did not want to continue this conversation. Elizabeth stood from the couch, "I should get the boys home, it's been a long day."
Audrey watched Elizabeth shove the tissue paper back in the bag. She wasn't sure about Jason and Elizabeth until that moment, everything was suddenly clear. "Romeo and Juliet." Audrey said.
Elizabeth looked over her shoulder to Audrey with her eyes narrowed, "What?"
"It's a classic tale, I just mean it's a forbidden or unattainable love. Romeo and Juliet is just a well-known example. They were together and in the end they both died because of that love, perhaps that's why you aren't together… because you are afraid of death?"
Elizabeth groaned, "Yea, I guess." She answered, giving in although she did not like the Shakespearian analogy that her Grams' was using.
"And when you talk about Jason Morgan there is certainly clear danger… but…" Audrey paused.
"But?" Elizabeth asked, surprised there is a 'but' and Audrey was looking at a side to her relationship with Jason that she always refused to acknowledge.
"But there is one big difference between the old tragedy and what I believe to be the romance between you and Jason, or the romance you might have had."
"Just one difference?" Elizabeth sarcastically joked but her grandmother looked at her with a serious expression. "What difference?"
"Juliet never had Romeo's child." Audrey softly said, her eyes locked on Elizabeth's.
Elizabeth felt her knees weaken and it did not go unnoticed by Audrey that she grabbed the arm of the couch to remain standing.
"Don't you lie to me Elizabeth Imogene. That boy looks nothing like Lucky and everything like his real father, the father that looked at him like… like you're looking at me right now." Audrey snapped. "Know that I'm not angry but I need you to sit back down. I need you to tell me the story… the whole story."
Part 3
Elizabeth was completely honest with her grandmother. She didn't stretch any truths, she told her about the safe house, the engagement and she made it a point to tell her it was Jason mostly pushing them away for their safety even though it was clear that was not what he wanted, just what he knew was right. She hadn't accepted it until the boys were put in danger at the cabin. But she also told her Grams that Jason was now with Sam and Elizabeth had completely flipped her life inside out with Lucky and Nicolas.
"I don't think I really want to be with either of them. I want to be happy and with them both I have never been completely happy. At the same time, it has always been the same with Jason. I guess I'm just destined to be alone." Elizabeth sighed. "But that is it, that's what I have been living with the past few years."
Audrey had remained quiet while Elizabeth told the long story. They'd been interrupted by Cameron and Jake a few times and Audrey had Elizabeth pause the story so she could set the boys up with dessert then after she set the boys up in the spare bedroom with a movie. Now Elizabeth was sitting, waiting for Audrey's opinion and input on the situation.
"I've made a mess, I know… and it's nobody's fault but my own. I let my heart and my desire make my decisions for a few months and…"
"But isn't that what life is all about dear, taking chances?" Audrey asked gaining a quizzical look from Elizabeth. "Listen my dear, I'll be the first to admit that I do not agree with the career Mr. Morgan has chosen. That being said, he is a good man, I can see it in his eyes and in his actions. Life is hard, love is hard but nothing is as hard as the choices to live a life and to live a life of love. Talking about this is not going to make you happy, only a change would. So I want you to do something for me, humor an old woman. I want you to close your eyes…" Audrey said and waited for Elizabeth to do as she was told. "Ok, picture yourself happy, your boys playing in the back yard, a husband cooking burgers on the grill as you set the table on a summer night. All obstacles aside, all judgement and worries about fear or outside threats aside… who so you see at that grill? Who would you be happy with, Lucky… Jason?"
"It's not that easy." Elizabeth mumbled.
"I just want an answer Liz. Who would make you the happiest. I know that either of them would make the boys happy, although I'm sure one has more of a connection then the other. Just think about being blissfully happy and truly sharing your life with a partner that understands you as much as you understand them and that loves you as much as you love them."
A tear escaped through Elizabeth's closed eyes, "You don't understand, I can't imagine it because it can't happen. It's imagining and wanting things like that that has me in this situation… miserable and pathetic."
"So Jason?" Audrey assumed.
"It doesn't matter." Elizabeth sighed and opened her eyes, wiping the wetness from her cheek. "It won't happen."
"It won't because you don't want it or because you are afraid?"
Elizabeth gave her head a frustrated tilt, "Because it is how it has to be."
Audrey shook her head, "No, it is how it is because that is where you let it lead you." The old woman stood from her chair and walked over to the couch where Elizabeth was sitting. She sat on the edge of the cushion beside Elizabeth and took her hand. "Look at me in the eye and tell me that you don't believe that Jason could fully protect and take car of the boys if you allow him the full opportunity to."
"Grams you don't know what you are saying, that means guards and security systems and fences…"
"And all that would take care of my great grandchildren. And my granddaughter would be happy… she would be living her life. Take it from me, you don't know how long your life is going to be. I wish every day that I had spent more time with your grandfather. I wish we'd gone on more vacations and mostly I wish we would have stopped more often to just spend time together, talking or even in silence. What I'm trying to say is that life is short."
"And with Jason it could be shorter."
"But happier. Don't get me wrong, I hope you are around longer then we ever dreamed but I want you to be happy just as much. I think you can have both, you just have to allow it to happen and have faith that you can get each other through it. Jason has the means to take care of you, the money to make sure you and the boys are secure and he seems to also hold the key to your happiness, so in my eyes, my old eyes, that's where you should be. No matter what I said in the past I can see that he is a good man and would never intentionally hurt you or the boys, he has more then shown that in his selflessness over the past years."
"Grams, I've gone through all of this in my head hundreds, no thousands of times."
"Then you have given it a lot of thought and needed a second opinion." Audrey released her hand and pat Elizabeth's leg. "Take the night. Go home and think about it… I want you to really think about what you want to do. I will support you one hundred percent no matter what you decide. I trust you, I may not have always trusted you over the years but believe me when I say, I do now. I am proud of the woman you have become even if you are not proud of yourself. Let the boys stay here for the night and come back to get them in the morning"
"Oh, I can't…"
"You can… do this for yourself." Audrey said.
After taking a long detour home, past Harborview towers, Elizabeth finally arrived home and wasn't sure what to do. She threw in a load of laundry and decided to take a long bath. After lasting only about five minutes in the bathtub, Elizabeth got out when the steam from the hot water was starting to make her hyperventilate. Her heart was racing and she felt as though she was having a panic attack. She had not expected her night to turn out like this, she'd told her Grams everything after the woman finally figured out the truth about Jake.
Needing some fresh air, Elizabeth layered herself in thick sweats and slippers, made herself a large cup of hot chocolate, grabbed the thick blanket form the bed in the spare bedroom, and went to sit on her front porch. It was a cold February night but the snow had completely subsided and the brilliant moon reflected off the snow brightening the dark night sky. She sat out there long after the last sip was gone from her mug. She thought back to the beginning when it was just her and Jason in her studio, she thought about that hot summer night that Jake was made, and she even thought about the afternoon in the courthouse when he said goodbye to her with tears in his eyes. That, once again, brought tears to Elizabeth's eyes.
She felt so cliché, sitting on her front porch on Valentines day, alone and crying. There was something, however, soothing about her cry tonight. Yes, she'd cried a lot lately but tonight it was slightly different, different because there was someone else in the world that wanted her to do the exact thing her heart had wanted for years. The impossible aside, that knowledge comforted her in some strange way.
Her cheeks grew red from the tears that had stained her cheeks and chilled in the bitter, cold night air. Finally deciding that she needed sleep to end the exhausting, emotional day, she stood but was distracted from a sound in the distance. The sound of a footprint crunching in the snow drew her attention. She looked through the thick trees that lined the front of her house, "Hello?" she called in a shaky voice.
Thankful the bench was behind her, she brought herself to sit down again as the trespasser walked toward her. It was strange because deep inside her she wanted nothing more then for him to be there with her but now that he was she was afraid. She didn't want to have the conversation he came there for. The word 'danger' had been banned from her vocabulary for over a year, mainly because he'd said it so many times that it only reminded her of him.
"Hey."
"What are you doing here?" she coldly asked.
He shrugged, "I don't know. I guess coming to see how you are?"
Elizabeth could not help the abrupt way she found herself talking to him. It was her defense mechanism to keep from getting hurt again, "I'm fine."
Jason stood a few feet from the steps to her porch and stared at her for a long minute with his hands shoved deep in the pockets of his jeans. "I just had to make sure because Cameron said-"
"Nothing, it doesn't matter what he said, does it? If I wasn't fine what would you do?" she spat then didn't wait for an answer to continue. "Nothing, you can't do anything so spare me, ok? I can see you looking at me, pitying me, judging me like everyone else but you have no right anymore. You said we wouldn't have contact but then you show up here." She said, shaking her head.
"Just because…" he sighed, "It doesn't mean I don't care."
"Well you've seen me, I'm fine… you can go now." She growled.
Jason nodded and turned to leave.
"Wait…" she asked and waited for him to turn back around. Her face was slightly softer but still guarded. "Thank you for helping my Grams and the boys today."
Jason nodded, "J-Jake is getting big, he looks goo-"
"He looks like you." She interrupted.
"I'm sorry." He apologized and turned to walk away again but she spoke again.
"Do you have any idea what it is like to look at your son every day and see the face of a man that… that… that's not there." She said, wanting to say so much more but just couldn't.
Jason shook his head then looked down at the ground, avoiding her eyes. He really did understand her sadness though, he felt the same thing every day he thought about the family he could never have.
"Huh, I guess you wouldn't. Just go, go home to Sam, it's Valentines day, I'm sure she has quite a night planned." She spat.
Not finding her dig fair, Jason quickly countered, "You haven't exactly been sitting home alone every night though, have you?" He found himself saying, hating they had come to this point.
Elizabeth shrugged, "That's what I do right, I'm a whore that jumps in bed with any man that shows interest in me. I guess that's what people thought I did with you."
"You aren't and I know we were more then that."
She pulled her blanket tight around her, "Were… well I have to get the boys early tomorrow so I should go to bed."
"They aren't here?" Jason asked.
"Like you care, but no. My grandmother has them for the night because she thought I needed a night to decide what I'm going to do with my screwed up life. Hours later I'm still drawing a blank so thank you for stopping here and making me feel even worse." She mumbled and stood, eager to get in the house before the tears returned. "Like I said, go home to Sam."
"She's not you." He mumbled just loud enough for Elizabeth to hear, enough to make her stop her steps toward the door and turn back to Jason.
"Thank you for the painting supplies. You didn't have to buy that." She said, feeling their bipolar conversation exhausting.
Jason nodded, "You're welcome."
It was too late, the tears came out in full force and fell down her cheeks. She turned away and reached for the door handle, stopping for a second before walking in. "I do… I still love you. I'm afraid that I always will." She said, too scared to look back to him as she released a sob after saying the scary words to him after so long.
"Me too." He replied then quickly clarified, "I love you."
Jason could see her shoulders shaking from her sobs as she entered her house and closed the door behind her, not looking back at him. He waited until he heard the latch on the lock click to walk away.
A/N - Ok, before everyone hates me for the ending, this is not the end. This is going to be an ongoing series, a holiday series. St. Patty's day is only two weeks away then Easter two weeks after that, then we have cinco de mayo, mothers day and I'm sure we can find a few more holidays in there somewhere too. Audrey is good in the series and is on Elizabeth's side for a change. Valentines day was just a baby step… they will get there