~In confinement~
Light hated how L seemed to know everything.
Every single little thing. He had zeroed in on Light as Kira from the start. No matter how compelling Light's argument, no matter how believable his acting, no matter how deceitful his lies, L never let go of the idea that Light was Kira. He had latched onto it from the beginning and he wouldn't give up on his accusation – well-placed accusation, as it were. Light both commended him and despised him for this. He admired that L seemed to know everything, and wouldn't let go of what his gut told him, even in the face of so much controversy, but he hated that he was on the receiving end of L's stubbornness, and that it would be extremely difficult to get out of this without being convicted. One of the few options he had he was about to put into action.
L was about to be thrown for a loop.
~While Handcuffed, Close to Higuchi's Capture~
Light loved how L seemed to know everything.
After all, Light was not even close to prepared to admit his true feelings for L. He probably never would have, had L not cornered him and forced him to confront those feelings. Yeah, he hadn't been so happy when the detective had kissed him to test his reaction – he had felt this was just another game L needed to win, if that made sense – and was even less happy when L gave his verdict: Light was in love with him. Light was mortified.
Why did L have to know everything?
Why couldn't he have just missed this one little thing?
What grudge did God – or karma – hold against him?
But he could never explain the elated feeling he got when L kissed him again and told Light that, even though it definitely went against standard procedure to have a relationship with a suspect, he was too selfish to let Light go when he loved him back. Light didn't think he'd ever feel this happy again.
Well, he was right.
~Before L Dies~
Light could not understand how L seemed to know everything.
He still couldn't contemplate it. How could he know that he was about to die at Light's hands? Was he Jesus or something? If he was, he sure sinned a lot for the Messiah. But still, he had to be some sort of godly creature, as he was able to make even someone conceited and self-assured as Light second-guess his plans.
It's true. When Light saw L standing in the rain like an abandoned puppy, the part of his heart that held his love for L – the more human part of himself, the only part that Light, not Kira, controlled – throbbed, and at that moment, he just wanted to hold L and make all his sorrows go away. He wanted to tell him the truth and then, in front of L, give up the death note and with it all memories of the murders he had committed.
If L accepted who his lover once was, then it could work. They would strike a deal with Rem and Misa that would allow them both to live and Misa to get off free as long as she gave up her memories. After that they would be together for the rest of their lives, living as partners in the fight against crime and as a couple. They would move somewhere far away from Japan – maybe Britain, and they would adopt a little girl and raise her to be a little genius, guiding her with a kind hand and providing her with a loving family. They would be there at their daughter's wedding, holding hands and looking at each other with tears of happiness in their eyes (and Light would make L wear a nice suit – no jeans a T-shirt for this occasion – and socks and shoes). They would grow old together, and maybe even die together, like the couple in The Notebook – what? Their lives at the moment practically revolved around a notebook, anyway, so it was possible. And then they would be with each other after death, whether in MU (if Ryuk was telling the truth) or in wherever else they went, even if they just haunted the earth as ghosts forever.
In a second, the life he and L could have flashed in front of his eyes, and he was left with one life-changing decision. L seemed to know what Light was thinking – of course. He looked like he was begging Light with his eyes to make the choice that would allow them to be together, but he also didn't look hopeful that Light would do this. And he was right.
Light made his decision. It was the wrong one.
~As Light is Dying~
Light hated more than anything, loved more than the world, and couldn't understand for the life of him how L knew everything.
But at the moment, Light was glad that the detective did.
Because it's hard to explain your actions when you're confused and dizzy from loss of blood (thanks, Matsuda), and dying on a staircase in a warehouse at a shipping yard, and you know the one you loved and gave up is watching you, but you can't speak anyway, and you're on the brink of death. It was at a moment like this that Light could appreciate how L just knew.
But did he understand? Did he forgive?
Well, that would be the question to answer after they were together again in death – hopefully.
~In Death~
L understood.
Light apologized.
L forgave.
THE END