Disclaimer: The Star Wars universe belongs to George Lucas. I merely
play with it when he isn't looking.
Author's Note: Okay, so maybe this was a silly idea. Enjoy, or not,
according to taste. Thanks to Anna Hamilton and Liz Skywalker for both
suggesting names for a prissy walk-on General.
May the Farce be with you. ;-)
The Completely Non-Canon Closet Courtship of Princess Leia
**********************************************************
General Han Solo settled back against the Falcon's leg-strut, his arm
secure about the shoulders of the woman he loved. The scenery was
perfect. Twin suns dipped towards the horizon of lush greenery and
distant ocean, setting the sky and the land afire. Lacy clouds
gathered the flames and flung tendrils of gold across the skies
towards them, knitting together the first faint stars appearing in the
oncoming evening. The two of them were alone with the glorious sunset
and the heavens.
He had planned this moment since the night on Endor when he held the
princess in his arms and realised that she was his. It had not been
easy to make the time. The war was not over yet, and Leia seemed to be
working harder than ever. It had taken more patience and devious
planning than Han had known he was capable of to arrange this one
brief moment of time alone together. He had finally managed it, and
now nothing short of a major emergency was going to interrupt them.
"Leia," he began, his voice husky with emotion. The princess turned
her sparkling eyes towards him, her sweet, delicate mouth curved in a
slight smile. "Leia, would you..."
There was an ominous crackling, then a voice. "Your Highness?" Leia
sighed, and pulled out her communicator. Han scowled, pulled his arm
away, and glared into the distance. He might have guessed that things
were just too perfect.
"Leia here," the Princess replied. "I hope you have a /very/ good
reason to call," she added menacingly, affording Han some small
satisfaction.
"I'm afraid we have a situation here..."
*********
"Han?" The Princess's voice sounded fuzzy over the comlink. Han paused
in the contemplation of his wardrobe, one shirt held in midair. He
slapped at the reply switch.
"Leia!" His face broke into a smile. "Are you ready?"
"Han, I'm afraid..." Han's smile faded. "The Tvetch Ambassador has
turned up, and there's a formal dinner arranged for tonight. I wasn't
asked about it, Han, but I can't miss it. I'm..."
"Sorry, yeah," Han finished for her, throwing the shirt on the floor
in disgust. "Have fun. Solo out." he kicked the shirt into a corner,
then contacted the restaurant to cancel dinner for two.
*********
The big hangar was crowded with ships and technicians, but the
overhead walkway was almost deserted and strangely distanced from the
frenetic activity below. There was less than a timepart to go before
the Rebel fleet emerged from hyperspace and launched its attack. The
preparations were going smoothly, as might be expected after so much
practice. Everyone knew what they had to do. The commanders could
afford a few moments to step back and gather their thoughts.
Han Solo set a hand either side of the princess as she leant against
the railings, looking down at her with both solemnity and humor in his
hazel eyes. It wasn't the perfect setting he had envisaged, but it
would do. "We never seem to get the time for me to ask you this" he
began, a little hesitantly, "but would you..."
They both jumped as the warning sirens sounded. The ship lurched, and
Han felt the familiar blurring sensation as they dropped out into
realspace. "Damn!" he swore. He was beginning to think something was
conspiring against him. As he sprinted towards the ladder with Leia at
his heels, he vowed that whatever the something was, he would find out
and throttle it.
*********
"I don't think I'll ever find the right moment," Han said, looking
mournfully between his two friends. Luke put a hand on his shoulder,
and Chewbacca gave a groan of sympathy. "Every time I try to ask her,
something happens. It's like something is deliberately trying to stop
me!"
"I think I'd know if that was the case," Luke replied seriously.
"You've probably just been unlucky. The question is, what else can you
do?"
*Try the wookie way,* Chewbacca suggested. *Pick her up, put her over
your shoulder, and walk off with her.*
"Nice." Han gave the big hairball one of his familiar leers. "She's a
princess, furbrain. You don't do that sort of thing to princesses.
Especially not when they're Leia."
*Only trying to help,* Chewie grumbled.
"You know, it isn't so stupid," Luke said, with a sudden grin. "It's
given me an idea at least. Han, I think I might just be able to help
you. Where's Leia now?" While the bond between the twins meant that
Luke could have found her himself with little trouble, he had
discovered that the Corellian was usually more aware of her exact
location than he was. Not that Han trusted in any hokey Force stuff.
Han merely checked the duty rosters.
"If she's keeping to her schedule, she should be..." Han checked his
wristchrono, and then swore. "... in a meeting with the Admiral, which
/I/ am supposed to be attending. Nerfballs." Han jumped to his feet,
but Luke grabbed his arm before he could hurry off.
"Han, is it really that important?" Han looked at him as if he had
gone mad. "More important than you and Leia?" Han blinked, and tried
to pull his arm free, but the kid was stronger than he looked. "Come
on. I've got a plan."
'Oh gods,' Han thought as Luke dragged him off. 'He's got a plan.
Where have I heard that before?'
*********
"Wait there. Don't move," Luke ordered. Han was now totally convinced
that the kid had lost a vital processor component or two.
"You want me to sit in a closet when I'm /supposed/ to be in a major
meeting of the military top brass? I don't think so!" He started
towards the door, but Luke closed it in his face. Han listened in
disbelief as the lock clicked. What in Sith's underpants was the kid
playing at?
*********
"Gentlemen?" Several heads turned at Commander Skywalker's soft voice.
"I'm sorry to interrupt, but I have an urgent message for the
princess." Leia looked startled. "It's a private matter."
"Is it really necessary..." the Admiral began, but Leia had already
jumped up.
"It's General Solo, isn't it? I knew there was a reason why he wasn't
here." Luke took her arm and guided her out of the room, leaving
behind the shocked and bemused expressions on the faces of the senior
officers.
General Vekt lifted an outraged eyebrow. "Well, really!"
*********
"Han's fine," Luke assured his sister as he led her down the corridor.
"Then why..." Luke set a finger to his lips, which did nothing to
quieten the mixture of anger and concern that Leia felt right then.
What in the seven suns of Sventine was he up to?
"Here we go." Luke stopped beside one of the storage closets. Leia
stared at him in growing consternation as she heard banging from
inside, and an all too familiar voice threatening several creative
retributions on a certain Jedi. "Now then." Luke punched the lock
release, and took advantage of the momentary surprise when the door
opened to give his sister a nudge into the interior of the closet. He
caught one glimpse of Han's startled, angry face before the door slid
shut once more. Grinning, he activated the lock.
"Now you can't say you never have the time," he called. "I'll stay
right here and make sure you're not disturbed until you're though."
"Han?" the princess's voice had a dangerous edge to it, and Han took a
step backwards. "Han Solo, would you mind telling me what sort of fool
stunt you two are trying to pull?"
Han lifted his hands in a gesture of innocence. "It's nothing to do
with me," he protested. "It was all the kid's doing. He dragged me in
here, locked the Force-forsaken /door/ on me, then next thing he's
locked you in here with me when we're both supposed to be in that damn
meeting!" His obviously genuine anger leant weight to his argument,
and Leia's mood turned towards puzzlement.
"He seemed to think that at least one of us knew what this was about,"
she said, still suspicious. "As I'm certain I haven't a clue what is
going on, that only leaves you. Just what did he mean about never
having the time, flyboy?"
"Uh." Han was certain that telling the princess the reason for Luke's
current behaviour was not the way to obtain her agreement. Not now,
and possibly not ever. That was not a situation he wanted to be in.
Unfortunately, he was fresh out of good excuses. "Luke! I'm going to
/kill/ you for this!"
"Not until after I finish with him," Leia grated. "No changing the
subject. Out with it, hotshot." she snapped her fingers impatiently,
and Han wished the closet wasn't quite so small. It was uncomfortably
restrictive when it came to making any kind of retreat.
Luke lounged casually with his back against the closet door, arms
folded across his chest. The occasional drift of raised voices from
inside the closet was audible to the workers passing along the
corridor. Luke smiled at their puzzled faces, and they went on their
way.
"Look, this is not the time, or the place," Han said, trying truth as
the only currently available option. "Luke just picked up on something
I said to him, he got hold of the wrong end of the laserprod and
obviously cooked up this crazy scheme. Now how about we figure out a
way out of here?"
"I'm not buying that, flyboy. Not the time or the place for what? What
made Luke decide to lock us both in a /closet/, for crying out loud?
Spill it, Solo, or your life won't be worth living... what you have
left of it."
"Aw c'mon, Leia, why won't you believe me just the once? I only
mentioned that we never got much time together."
"Han, we see each other every /day/. We /work/ together. We could
hardly avoid one another if we tried." Han's lips quirked, and even
Leia had to smile. "Well okay, so we've /did/ try and no, it didn't
work." The princess's eyes narrowed again, and she lifted a warning
finger. "So that doesn't get you off the hook."
"It's hardly private, though, is it?" Han sounded aggrieved. "It's not
exactly romantic, sharing our moments over the datawork with half the
Alliance popping in with its problems and the other half dropping by
with unhelpful advice! You never seem to stop working, either. You
work twice, no, three times as hard as anyone else, don't you deserve
a break, just sometimes?" His eyes were pleading, but Leia wasn't
feeling susceptible.
"Don't I deserve a break so I can spend it with you, you mean? Han
Solo, you have to be the most self-centered, selfish, egotistical man
I have ever met!"
"Aw Leia..." Han's shoulders slumped. This was getting worse and
worse. "That's not what I meant. I was thinking of you. I've been
trying to..." he faltered, not wanting to dig his pit any deeper than
he had already managed. "I mean, I wanted to... Every time I manage to
arrange a bit of time off, somewhere /nice/-" he caught Leia trying to
hide a grin, and decided that just maybe there was still hope. "-
something happens and we find ourselves wading through garbage mashers
again."
"Even garbage mashers have their moments," Leia remarked, softening a
little until she recollected their present circumstances. "Unlike this
closet. Even the meeting we are /supposed/ to be at would be
preferable. Luke! Will you /please/ let us out?"
"So what was your answer?" Luke's question was muffled but clear
enough.
"Answer? What do you mean, answer?" Leia gave the door a glare that
almost scorched the plasboard.
"No answer, no exit." Luke said, the blunt reply ending on a slightly
urgent note. "Han, you'd better get on with it, there's a full
squadron of admirals and generals headed this way, and I think they're
looking for you two."
Leia turned on Han, too angry to even come up with another insult. Han
looked into her eyes, and saw his hopes going up in flames. "What
answer, Solo?"
Han was equally angry now, although not with the princess. He took one
short stride past her, and slammed a fist hard into the door,
oblivious to the pain it must have caused. "Skywalker, you bantha-
footed nerf-witted, laser-brained idiot! Are you /trying/ to wreck
everything?"
"Hurry up and finish in there, would you?" Luke's remark drew a few
shocked glances from the approaching collection of military staff. "It
shouldn't take you all day!"
Han's temper left orbit altogether. His voice was dangerously quiet,
but carried enough overtones of white-hot rage to cut through
durasteel. "Skywalker, after this it is going to be finished, period,
and it's all... your... fault!" He punctuated each word with another
slam against the closed door. "What the Sith are you thinking!" His
voice now rose to an enraged bellow, clearly audible down most of the
corridor.
Admiral Akbar and General Reeiken exchanged looks as they recognised
the owner of the raised voice in the closet. "I sincerely hope there's
a good explanation for this," Reeiken said mildly. General Madine
frowned at the young Jedi and took a half step forwards.
"Don't be too much longer," Luke called over his shoulder at the door,
half laugh and half yelp. "I think my life is in danger here!"
"Not in half as much danger as it would be in here," Leia said,
darkly, but her scowl was reserved for the ex-smuggler who currently
shared her unlikely prison.
"Hey!" Han raised his voice. "Admiral? Can you let us out?"
Leia blinked, then added her shout to Han's. "Okay, so maybe sometimes
you do manage to come up with a good idea," she admitted, more
quietly.
"What was that?" Admiral Akbar tilted his head at the sound of voices
from within the closet.
Luke gulped, calmed himself, and gave a faint smile. "Nothing," he
said with a wave of his hand. "You heard nothing."
"I heard nothing," the Admiral repeated, although he sounded
suspicious.
"Tauntaun-breath! The kid really has flipped." Han banged the door
again. "Luke, I mean it! This is all wrong!"
"C'mon, Han, this could be the best chance you get!" As Luke resumed
his conversation with the door, Admiral Akbar shook off the Jedi's
mind influence. Concerned, he lifted his hand towards the panel that
operated the lock.
"Sorry, Admiral," Luke brushed the hand aside apologetically.
"Luke, not here, not now! Please!" Han sounded close to desperate, a
novelty that was almost enough to take the edge off Leia's fury.
Almost, but not quite.
"It's gotta be as good a place as any!" Luke countered, stepping
sideways to cover the lock panel with his back and wondering just what
would happen to him after this was over. It probably wouldn't be
pleasant...
"Dammit, kid, a closet is no place to propose to a..." Han stopped,
his forehead resting against the door as his anger suddenly flooded
away. His shoulders slumped in defeat. Now he really had let the
mynocks into the generator.
Outside, Luke tried desperately to give no outward signs of amusement
when several of the listening officers started to lean forward in an
effort to hear more as the voices in the closet dropped to inaudible
levels.
"To propose to a..." Leia pounced on the sentence, making it a
question, although sudden realisation already colored her voice.
"...princess," Solo finished, weakly.
Leia crossed her arms over her chest and faced him squarely, her jaw
set and her eyes narrowed. "Oh? So you think I'm too good to settle
for a simple question? Miss high-and-mighty needs to be bribed with
sunset beaches and romantic dinners?"
Han was stung. He couldn't help himself, couldn't fail to rise to the
bait even with the faint possibility that the situation could still be
redeemed. He swung round, a finger waving in Leia's direction as he
returned her question with interest. "Bribed?! I take a bit of trouble
to come up with something /nice/, and you throw that in my face?
Listen, your holiness, if I wanted somebody I could bribe, I could
walk right out there-" he waved an expressive arm "-and pick up
hundreds of them!"
"Oh you could, could you, hotshot?" Leia's tones turned icy. "Once a
scoundrel, always a scoundrel. I might have known you couldn't keep
the nice guy performance up for long."
"If that's the way you feel about it, sweetheart, then forget it. I
won't even ask." Han crossed his arms over his chest and stared into a
corner. He could not believe what he had just said, and now the words
had been spoken he couldn't think of anything else he could say to put
things right again.
Luke watched the officers listening avidly outside, trying to keep his
mirth from bubbling over. The voices in the closet quietened, and the
Jedi was convinced that one or two of those with him were wishing
they'd had the place bugged. Nobody had tried to open the door again,
for which he was thankful. Stopping another attempt would probably
earn him a court marshal.
The princess drew herself up. "Well if you won't, I will," she
declared, lifting her chin.
For once Han's legendary quick reactions deserted him, and he simply
stared at her. "Y... you will?" he stuttered, finally.
"Obviously the only way to get anything done around here is to do it
myself," Leia replied, archly. "So, flyboy..." she struggled to
maintain her arrogant pose, not helped by the fact that Solo had
finally gathered his wits and was watching her with the cocky, half-
amused expression that never failed to touch sparks off her. "How
about it? Will you marry me?"
"I should've known you couldn't resist my masculine charms," Han
began, before deciding not to push his luck too far. "Okay, okay." He
lifted his hands in submission, then lowered them softly onto the
princess's shoulders. "Yes," he said, embarrassed to find that his
voice cracked a little on the word. He bent his head as Leia lifted
her face towards him, her lips parting invitingly.
The closet door swished open, and the pair whirled apart to find the
other leaders of the Rebellion ranged outside. Luke stood to one side,
his expression nerflike.
"I couldn't stop them," he apologised. "Sorry."
"Garbage mashers again," Han muttered to Leia, although this time he
was more amused than annoyed.
It took an effort but the Princess Leia managed to look regal, showing
no sign of hearing the remark. "Gentlebeings," she said, cooly. "We
will be with you right away. I do apologise for keeping you waiting so
long." She lifted an eyebrow at the variously puzzled, shocked, and
outraged expressions that faced her, then swept away down the corridor
back towards the conference room.
Han Solo also managed to hold onto his dignity, although in his case
it was closer to being a swagger. He hooked his thumbs into his belt
as he took the four steps it needed to close the distance between
himself and Luke, wearing a perfect Sabbac face. Skywalker," he
rumbled, hoping it sounded like a growl and not a chuckle, "I don't
have time right now, but when I do you're a dead man." Then he
couldn't keep up the pose any longer, and a broad grin cracked his
features. With a laugh, he buffeted Luke on the shoulder with his
fist. "Thanks, kid." He pivoted on his heel and strode off after the
princess, leaving several people even more bemused than before.
*********
"Princess, General." Vekt's voice was frosty. "I trust we will now
receive an explanation as to why you felt the need to shut yourselves
in a closet to have an argument?"
Leia smiled sweetly, and Han chuckled. "No" he said, just to see the
man's reaction, "I don't think you will." He was not disappointed. He
had never seen anyone turn quite that shade of red before- nobody
human, anyway.
"It's not on the agenda," Leia pointed out with feigned meekness. "Any
matters to be discussed had to be submitted two days beforehand, in
writing. I don't remember seeing anything about closets." The two
exchanged grins, the moment of eye contact stretching out just a
fraction longer than was strictly necessary. Reeiken cleared his
throat, and Leia managed to suppress a giggle.
"Gentlebeings," she said, taking a seat and waving Han to sit beside
her. "Shall we proceed?"
-END-
play with it when he isn't looking.
Author's Note: Okay, so maybe this was a silly idea. Enjoy, or not,
according to taste. Thanks to Anna Hamilton and Liz Skywalker for both
suggesting names for a prissy walk-on General.
May the Farce be with you. ;-)
The Completely Non-Canon Closet Courtship of Princess Leia
**********************************************************
General Han Solo settled back against the Falcon's leg-strut, his arm
secure about the shoulders of the woman he loved. The scenery was
perfect. Twin suns dipped towards the horizon of lush greenery and
distant ocean, setting the sky and the land afire. Lacy clouds
gathered the flames and flung tendrils of gold across the skies
towards them, knitting together the first faint stars appearing in the
oncoming evening. The two of them were alone with the glorious sunset
and the heavens.
He had planned this moment since the night on Endor when he held the
princess in his arms and realised that she was his. It had not been
easy to make the time. The war was not over yet, and Leia seemed to be
working harder than ever. It had taken more patience and devious
planning than Han had known he was capable of to arrange this one
brief moment of time alone together. He had finally managed it, and
now nothing short of a major emergency was going to interrupt them.
"Leia," he began, his voice husky with emotion. The princess turned
her sparkling eyes towards him, her sweet, delicate mouth curved in a
slight smile. "Leia, would you..."
There was an ominous crackling, then a voice. "Your Highness?" Leia
sighed, and pulled out her communicator. Han scowled, pulled his arm
away, and glared into the distance. He might have guessed that things
were just too perfect.
"Leia here," the Princess replied. "I hope you have a /very/ good
reason to call," she added menacingly, affording Han some small
satisfaction.
"I'm afraid we have a situation here..."
*********
"Han?" The Princess's voice sounded fuzzy over the comlink. Han paused
in the contemplation of his wardrobe, one shirt held in midair. He
slapped at the reply switch.
"Leia!" His face broke into a smile. "Are you ready?"
"Han, I'm afraid..." Han's smile faded. "The Tvetch Ambassador has
turned up, and there's a formal dinner arranged for tonight. I wasn't
asked about it, Han, but I can't miss it. I'm..."
"Sorry, yeah," Han finished for her, throwing the shirt on the floor
in disgust. "Have fun. Solo out." he kicked the shirt into a corner,
then contacted the restaurant to cancel dinner for two.
*********
The big hangar was crowded with ships and technicians, but the
overhead walkway was almost deserted and strangely distanced from the
frenetic activity below. There was less than a timepart to go before
the Rebel fleet emerged from hyperspace and launched its attack. The
preparations were going smoothly, as might be expected after so much
practice. Everyone knew what they had to do. The commanders could
afford a few moments to step back and gather their thoughts.
Han Solo set a hand either side of the princess as she leant against
the railings, looking down at her with both solemnity and humor in his
hazel eyes. It wasn't the perfect setting he had envisaged, but it
would do. "We never seem to get the time for me to ask you this" he
began, a little hesitantly, "but would you..."
They both jumped as the warning sirens sounded. The ship lurched, and
Han felt the familiar blurring sensation as they dropped out into
realspace. "Damn!" he swore. He was beginning to think something was
conspiring against him. As he sprinted towards the ladder with Leia at
his heels, he vowed that whatever the something was, he would find out
and throttle it.
*********
"I don't think I'll ever find the right moment," Han said, looking
mournfully between his two friends. Luke put a hand on his shoulder,
and Chewbacca gave a groan of sympathy. "Every time I try to ask her,
something happens. It's like something is deliberately trying to stop
me!"
"I think I'd know if that was the case," Luke replied seriously.
"You've probably just been unlucky. The question is, what else can you
do?"
*Try the wookie way,* Chewbacca suggested. *Pick her up, put her over
your shoulder, and walk off with her.*
"Nice." Han gave the big hairball one of his familiar leers. "She's a
princess, furbrain. You don't do that sort of thing to princesses.
Especially not when they're Leia."
*Only trying to help,* Chewie grumbled.
"You know, it isn't so stupid," Luke said, with a sudden grin. "It's
given me an idea at least. Han, I think I might just be able to help
you. Where's Leia now?" While the bond between the twins meant that
Luke could have found her himself with little trouble, he had
discovered that the Corellian was usually more aware of her exact
location than he was. Not that Han trusted in any hokey Force stuff.
Han merely checked the duty rosters.
"If she's keeping to her schedule, she should be..." Han checked his
wristchrono, and then swore. "... in a meeting with the Admiral, which
/I/ am supposed to be attending. Nerfballs." Han jumped to his feet,
but Luke grabbed his arm before he could hurry off.
"Han, is it really that important?" Han looked at him as if he had
gone mad. "More important than you and Leia?" Han blinked, and tried
to pull his arm free, but the kid was stronger than he looked. "Come
on. I've got a plan."
'Oh gods,' Han thought as Luke dragged him off. 'He's got a plan.
Where have I heard that before?'
*********
"Wait there. Don't move," Luke ordered. Han was now totally convinced
that the kid had lost a vital processor component or two.
"You want me to sit in a closet when I'm /supposed/ to be in a major
meeting of the military top brass? I don't think so!" He started
towards the door, but Luke closed it in his face. Han listened in
disbelief as the lock clicked. What in Sith's underpants was the kid
playing at?
*********
"Gentlemen?" Several heads turned at Commander Skywalker's soft voice.
"I'm sorry to interrupt, but I have an urgent message for the
princess." Leia looked startled. "It's a private matter."
"Is it really necessary..." the Admiral began, but Leia had already
jumped up.
"It's General Solo, isn't it? I knew there was a reason why he wasn't
here." Luke took her arm and guided her out of the room, leaving
behind the shocked and bemused expressions on the faces of the senior
officers.
General Vekt lifted an outraged eyebrow. "Well, really!"
*********
"Han's fine," Luke assured his sister as he led her down the corridor.
"Then why..." Luke set a finger to his lips, which did nothing to
quieten the mixture of anger and concern that Leia felt right then.
What in the seven suns of Sventine was he up to?
"Here we go." Luke stopped beside one of the storage closets. Leia
stared at him in growing consternation as she heard banging from
inside, and an all too familiar voice threatening several creative
retributions on a certain Jedi. "Now then." Luke punched the lock
release, and took advantage of the momentary surprise when the door
opened to give his sister a nudge into the interior of the closet. He
caught one glimpse of Han's startled, angry face before the door slid
shut once more. Grinning, he activated the lock.
"Now you can't say you never have the time," he called. "I'll stay
right here and make sure you're not disturbed until you're though."
"Han?" the princess's voice had a dangerous edge to it, and Han took a
step backwards. "Han Solo, would you mind telling me what sort of fool
stunt you two are trying to pull?"
Han lifted his hands in a gesture of innocence. "It's nothing to do
with me," he protested. "It was all the kid's doing. He dragged me in
here, locked the Force-forsaken /door/ on me, then next thing he's
locked you in here with me when we're both supposed to be in that damn
meeting!" His obviously genuine anger leant weight to his argument,
and Leia's mood turned towards puzzlement.
"He seemed to think that at least one of us knew what this was about,"
she said, still suspicious. "As I'm certain I haven't a clue what is
going on, that only leaves you. Just what did he mean about never
having the time, flyboy?"
"Uh." Han was certain that telling the princess the reason for Luke's
current behaviour was not the way to obtain her agreement. Not now,
and possibly not ever. That was not a situation he wanted to be in.
Unfortunately, he was fresh out of good excuses. "Luke! I'm going to
/kill/ you for this!"
"Not until after I finish with him," Leia grated. "No changing the
subject. Out with it, hotshot." she snapped her fingers impatiently,
and Han wished the closet wasn't quite so small. It was uncomfortably
restrictive when it came to making any kind of retreat.
Luke lounged casually with his back against the closet door, arms
folded across his chest. The occasional drift of raised voices from
inside the closet was audible to the workers passing along the
corridor. Luke smiled at their puzzled faces, and they went on their
way.
"Look, this is not the time, or the place," Han said, trying truth as
the only currently available option. "Luke just picked up on something
I said to him, he got hold of the wrong end of the laserprod and
obviously cooked up this crazy scheme. Now how about we figure out a
way out of here?"
"I'm not buying that, flyboy. Not the time or the place for what? What
made Luke decide to lock us both in a /closet/, for crying out loud?
Spill it, Solo, or your life won't be worth living... what you have
left of it."
"Aw c'mon, Leia, why won't you believe me just the once? I only
mentioned that we never got much time together."
"Han, we see each other every /day/. We /work/ together. We could
hardly avoid one another if we tried." Han's lips quirked, and even
Leia had to smile. "Well okay, so we've /did/ try and no, it didn't
work." The princess's eyes narrowed again, and she lifted a warning
finger. "So that doesn't get you off the hook."
"It's hardly private, though, is it?" Han sounded aggrieved. "It's not
exactly romantic, sharing our moments over the datawork with half the
Alliance popping in with its problems and the other half dropping by
with unhelpful advice! You never seem to stop working, either. You
work twice, no, three times as hard as anyone else, don't you deserve
a break, just sometimes?" His eyes were pleading, but Leia wasn't
feeling susceptible.
"Don't I deserve a break so I can spend it with you, you mean? Han
Solo, you have to be the most self-centered, selfish, egotistical man
I have ever met!"
"Aw Leia..." Han's shoulders slumped. This was getting worse and
worse. "That's not what I meant. I was thinking of you. I've been
trying to..." he faltered, not wanting to dig his pit any deeper than
he had already managed. "I mean, I wanted to... Every time I manage to
arrange a bit of time off, somewhere /nice/-" he caught Leia trying to
hide a grin, and decided that just maybe there was still hope. "-
something happens and we find ourselves wading through garbage mashers
again."
"Even garbage mashers have their moments," Leia remarked, softening a
little until she recollected their present circumstances. "Unlike this
closet. Even the meeting we are /supposed/ to be at would be
preferable. Luke! Will you /please/ let us out?"
"So what was your answer?" Luke's question was muffled but clear
enough.
"Answer? What do you mean, answer?" Leia gave the door a glare that
almost scorched the plasboard.
"No answer, no exit." Luke said, the blunt reply ending on a slightly
urgent note. "Han, you'd better get on with it, there's a full
squadron of admirals and generals headed this way, and I think they're
looking for you two."
Leia turned on Han, too angry to even come up with another insult. Han
looked into her eyes, and saw his hopes going up in flames. "What
answer, Solo?"
Han was equally angry now, although not with the princess. He took one
short stride past her, and slammed a fist hard into the door,
oblivious to the pain it must have caused. "Skywalker, you bantha-
footed nerf-witted, laser-brained idiot! Are you /trying/ to wreck
everything?"
"Hurry up and finish in there, would you?" Luke's remark drew a few
shocked glances from the approaching collection of military staff. "It
shouldn't take you all day!"
Han's temper left orbit altogether. His voice was dangerously quiet,
but carried enough overtones of white-hot rage to cut through
durasteel. "Skywalker, after this it is going to be finished, period,
and it's all... your... fault!" He punctuated each word with another
slam against the closed door. "What the Sith are you thinking!" His
voice now rose to an enraged bellow, clearly audible down most of the
corridor.
Admiral Akbar and General Reeiken exchanged looks as they recognised
the owner of the raised voice in the closet. "I sincerely hope there's
a good explanation for this," Reeiken said mildly. General Madine
frowned at the young Jedi and took a half step forwards.
"Don't be too much longer," Luke called over his shoulder at the door,
half laugh and half yelp. "I think my life is in danger here!"
"Not in half as much danger as it would be in here," Leia said,
darkly, but her scowl was reserved for the ex-smuggler who currently
shared her unlikely prison.
"Hey!" Han raised his voice. "Admiral? Can you let us out?"
Leia blinked, then added her shout to Han's. "Okay, so maybe sometimes
you do manage to come up with a good idea," she admitted, more
quietly.
"What was that?" Admiral Akbar tilted his head at the sound of voices
from within the closet.
Luke gulped, calmed himself, and gave a faint smile. "Nothing," he
said with a wave of his hand. "You heard nothing."
"I heard nothing," the Admiral repeated, although he sounded
suspicious.
"Tauntaun-breath! The kid really has flipped." Han banged the door
again. "Luke, I mean it! This is all wrong!"
"C'mon, Han, this could be the best chance you get!" As Luke resumed
his conversation with the door, Admiral Akbar shook off the Jedi's
mind influence. Concerned, he lifted his hand towards the panel that
operated the lock.
"Sorry, Admiral," Luke brushed the hand aside apologetically.
"Luke, not here, not now! Please!" Han sounded close to desperate, a
novelty that was almost enough to take the edge off Leia's fury.
Almost, but not quite.
"It's gotta be as good a place as any!" Luke countered, stepping
sideways to cover the lock panel with his back and wondering just what
would happen to him after this was over. It probably wouldn't be
pleasant...
"Dammit, kid, a closet is no place to propose to a..." Han stopped,
his forehead resting against the door as his anger suddenly flooded
away. His shoulders slumped in defeat. Now he really had let the
mynocks into the generator.
Outside, Luke tried desperately to give no outward signs of amusement
when several of the listening officers started to lean forward in an
effort to hear more as the voices in the closet dropped to inaudible
levels.
"To propose to a..." Leia pounced on the sentence, making it a
question, although sudden realisation already colored her voice.
"...princess," Solo finished, weakly.
Leia crossed her arms over her chest and faced him squarely, her jaw
set and her eyes narrowed. "Oh? So you think I'm too good to settle
for a simple question? Miss high-and-mighty needs to be bribed with
sunset beaches and romantic dinners?"
Han was stung. He couldn't help himself, couldn't fail to rise to the
bait even with the faint possibility that the situation could still be
redeemed. He swung round, a finger waving in Leia's direction as he
returned her question with interest. "Bribed?! I take a bit of trouble
to come up with something /nice/, and you throw that in my face?
Listen, your holiness, if I wanted somebody I could bribe, I could
walk right out there-" he waved an expressive arm "-and pick up
hundreds of them!"
"Oh you could, could you, hotshot?" Leia's tones turned icy. "Once a
scoundrel, always a scoundrel. I might have known you couldn't keep
the nice guy performance up for long."
"If that's the way you feel about it, sweetheart, then forget it. I
won't even ask." Han crossed his arms over his chest and stared into a
corner. He could not believe what he had just said, and now the words
had been spoken he couldn't think of anything else he could say to put
things right again.
Luke watched the officers listening avidly outside, trying to keep his
mirth from bubbling over. The voices in the closet quietened, and the
Jedi was convinced that one or two of those with him were wishing
they'd had the place bugged. Nobody had tried to open the door again,
for which he was thankful. Stopping another attempt would probably
earn him a court marshal.
The princess drew herself up. "Well if you won't, I will," she
declared, lifting her chin.
For once Han's legendary quick reactions deserted him, and he simply
stared at her. "Y... you will?" he stuttered, finally.
"Obviously the only way to get anything done around here is to do it
myself," Leia replied, archly. "So, flyboy..." she struggled to
maintain her arrogant pose, not helped by the fact that Solo had
finally gathered his wits and was watching her with the cocky, half-
amused expression that never failed to touch sparks off her. "How
about it? Will you marry me?"
"I should've known you couldn't resist my masculine charms," Han
began, before deciding not to push his luck too far. "Okay, okay." He
lifted his hands in submission, then lowered them softly onto the
princess's shoulders. "Yes," he said, embarrassed to find that his
voice cracked a little on the word. He bent his head as Leia lifted
her face towards him, her lips parting invitingly.
The closet door swished open, and the pair whirled apart to find the
other leaders of the Rebellion ranged outside. Luke stood to one side,
his expression nerflike.
"I couldn't stop them," he apologised. "Sorry."
"Garbage mashers again," Han muttered to Leia, although this time he
was more amused than annoyed.
It took an effort but the Princess Leia managed to look regal, showing
no sign of hearing the remark. "Gentlebeings," she said, cooly. "We
will be with you right away. I do apologise for keeping you waiting so
long." She lifted an eyebrow at the variously puzzled, shocked, and
outraged expressions that faced her, then swept away down the corridor
back towards the conference room.
Han Solo also managed to hold onto his dignity, although in his case
it was closer to being a swagger. He hooked his thumbs into his belt
as he took the four steps it needed to close the distance between
himself and Luke, wearing a perfect Sabbac face. Skywalker," he
rumbled, hoping it sounded like a growl and not a chuckle, "I don't
have time right now, but when I do you're a dead man." Then he
couldn't keep up the pose any longer, and a broad grin cracked his
features. With a laugh, he buffeted Luke on the shoulder with his
fist. "Thanks, kid." He pivoted on his heel and strode off after the
princess, leaving several people even more bemused than before.
*********
"Princess, General." Vekt's voice was frosty. "I trust we will now
receive an explanation as to why you felt the need to shut yourselves
in a closet to have an argument?"
Leia smiled sweetly, and Han chuckled. "No" he said, just to see the
man's reaction, "I don't think you will." He was not disappointed. He
had never seen anyone turn quite that shade of red before- nobody
human, anyway.
"It's not on the agenda," Leia pointed out with feigned meekness. "Any
matters to be discussed had to be submitted two days beforehand, in
writing. I don't remember seeing anything about closets." The two
exchanged grins, the moment of eye contact stretching out just a
fraction longer than was strictly necessary. Reeiken cleared his
throat, and Leia managed to suppress a giggle.
"Gentlebeings," she said, taking a seat and waving Han to sit beside
her. "Shall we proceed?"
-END-