humor and bums. some might see this as yaoi.
[ none ]
Duo is taken under control by a mysterious song on the radio and he starts to live it. Is all of mankind doomed? Based on the Bum-Bum Song by Tom Green.
so my friend salsa is over and she brings her MP3 player, and it has the bum bum song on it, which i've heard before, no big deal. but i'm listening, and listening, and i lock my door and write the fic @_@.; It turned out pretty good for another fic I wrote in 10 minutes, like Taco Winner ^^.;;
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Duo listened closely.
This song is a sign from God. I must...LIVE the song!
Duo's eyes glazed over as he listened to the song.
Must...live...song...
He ran away.
Duo was trying
to climb onto the banister. Heero stared at him.
"Duo?"
Duo stared at
Heero, then grinned crazily. He pointed at the banister.
"My bum...is
on the rail."
"Excuse me?"
"Bum is on the
rail."
"Duo..." Heero
grabbed Duo's hand and Duo screamed, pushing him away.
"LOOK AT ME!
MY BUM IS ON THE RAIL!"
"No. I won't."
Heero crossed his arms. Duo suddenly leapt off the banister and pounced
Heero.
"My bum is on
the man, bum is on a man!"
"YOU ASSHOLE!
GET OFF ME!" Heero threw Duo off as Quatre and Trowa came in.
"Er, Heero, what's
wrong?"
Duo ran over
to Quatre and hugged him. "It's a lot of fun to put your bum on a man."
Quatre blushed.
"Ex...excuse me?!"
Duo pushed Quatre
away and ran to the stairs again.
"My bum is on
the step..."
"No, you're standing,
Duo." Trowa pointed.
Duo sat down,
looking mad. "Bum is on the step."
"Ok, Duo. That's
it. Come with me now." Heero grabbed Duo's arm and tried to pull him away.
Duo yelped.
"DON'T FALL DOWN
THE STEP! YOU MIGHT HURT YOUR BUM!" Duo clung to Heero, looking concerned.
Heero glared. "Ok, I'm sick of hearing about people's asses, Duo. You just
run along and play."
Duo glared. "And
that's not very fun...if you fall down and hurt your bum."
"SHUT UP!" Heero
tried to punch Duo, but he ducked, giggling. Quatre put a hand on Duo's
shoulder.
"Why are you
singing about your bum, Duo?"
"I like to put
my bum on things. It's fun for everyone."
"No, this is
not fun at all! Or amusing! I'll kill you!" Heero pulled out his gun. Duo
stared at him, then ran into the kitchen. He opened the fridge and started
throwing things out.
"My bum is on
the cheese, bum is on the cheese!"
"DUO!"
Wufei was in
the kitchen making lunch. He kicked Duo. "Stop messing up my fridge!"
Duo started punching
out at Wufei. "If I get lucky I'll get a disease!"
"What?! WEAKLING!
Get off me!" Wufei threw Duo away. Duo giggled insanely as the other G-boys
reached the kitchen. He pounced Wufei.
"My bum is on
the swedish!"
"I'M CHINESE!"
"Swedish."
"CHINESE!"
"He's Chinese,
Duo." Heero wagged his gun in Wufei's direction. "Not Swedish."
Duo's eyes watered,
and he hugged his arms around himself. "Swedish...Swedish..."
Quatre pulled
Wufei's family tree out of nowhere and pointed. "No, his family and origin
is nowhere near Sweden."
But Duo was gone,
and they heard him romping around upstairs.
"My bum is on
the gum, my bum is on the gum! I can blow a bubble with my bum bum bum!"
"Please don't!"
Heero ran up and skidded to a stop, seeing Duo. He hugged Heero and whimpered.
"My bum is on
the ship."
"I am not a ship."
"The battle ship!"
"...hm."
Duo let go of
Heero and collapsed on the floor, curling into a ball, shaking. "I hope
they don't shoot a cannon in my bum!"
"Er, they won't,
Duo."
Heero leaned
down and petted Duo on the head. Duo kept shaking. "And shoot poo all over
the place."
"Er...poo?"
"Poo poo."
"Huh? Alright
Duo, let's go downstairs and call Mr. Doctor."
Duo jumped into
Heero's arms and hugged him. "'Coz...that's not very fun...when they shoot
a cannon in your bum."
"No...that might
hurt somewhat."
Heero started
carrying Duo downstairs to his other worried friends. Duo looked at Heero,
grinning.
"I like to put
my bum on things. It's fun for everyone."
"Duo...shut up."
"My bum is on
the dog."
"No."
"My bum is on
the cat."
"No."
"My bum is on
the phone?"
"No, it's not."
Duo whimpered.
"My bum is...all alone."
"Yes."
Duo pushed Heero
away and sank to the floor. Heero, Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei looked down
at him.
"The rail is
all alone."
Quatre sweatdropped.
"Duo, it's a banister, and...er...what did you smoke this morning?"
Duo looked up
at him. "The man is all alone." He looked at Heero, who backed away.
"Keep your bum
off me. For now." He pulled out a gun. Duo looked down, then at Wufei.
"The Swedish
is all alone."
"I'M CHINESE!"
"My bum is...all
alone!" Duo started to sob. The G-boys just backed away, Heero still aiming
his gun at Duo. Duo suddenly jerked up and pointed at each pilot.
"One two three
four. My bum is all alone, my bum is all alone!"
"Quatre - you
go in his room and find out what drug he's taking. We'll try to console
him."
"Right." Quatre
ran into Duo's room while the other boys lifted Duo up and went to tie
him to a chair, Duo screaming all the way.
"MY BUM IS ALL
ALONE! MY BUM IS ALL ALONE! MY BUM IS ALL ALONE!"
Quatre came out,
holding Duo's boombox. "Er, this is all I could find..."
The boombox was
singing the same song Duo had been all day. Quatre went stiff suddenly,
his eyes slowly glazing over. Heero, Trowa, and Wufei also glazed over.
They all started mumbling.
"My bum is...on
the rail."
They all dived
for the banister, Duo still moaning on the floor. The boombox rolled out
the door and into the street. Everyone on the colony heard it.
It was heard
through MS transmissions all over space.
It echoed in
the far reaches of the universe.
Thus the bum-bum
song took over all of mankind, who was doomed to sit on cheese and Swedish
for all eternity.
~owari, no da~
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