It was a gruesome, bone-breaking day for Bella. She had been excruciatingly pulling her overstretched bulging muscles by plucking bittersweet carrots out of the strong, firm Earth. The ravishing brunette would grab hold of the durable, green leaves and thrust them upwards with the labor of five pregnant mothers until a delicious misshapen carrot would rocket out at light speed. It pierced the blazing sun of Helios, Apollo, and Re. Thousands upon thousands of sun flecks spilled out and licked at the wood of the neighboring towns. They were left in utter destruction and peril. Once Bella's crispy hands were finally awarded with a wriggling orange carrot, she strutted back into her sheltered cottage to make delectable nourishment for her sacred vampire companion. She heard an agonized gasp as she began to tread globs on stinking rotten Earth-mud onto the plush carpets.
Bella opened the door to a room, irradiated with scintillating light. In the middle of the area was Edward Cullen, her mystical sweetheart and suitor for all time. He was a breath-taking, heart-aching sight to behold. Gloriously exposed and in the nude, his thighs had swelled and pinked to sheer perfection. His eyes twinkled with the fervor of one million jolly, magic Saint Nick's. The vampire's fingers were like elongated sausages that had been painted creamy white and rolled in glitter from a rare shop in Paris.
"Clean it up!" He shrieked in a high voice as he scratched his hairy legs. "Clean up the goods!"
Bella slowly closed the door. She kissed the smooth surface before kneeling down and weeping like soft newborn babies.