Disclaimer: Don't own anything supernatural…except my ghost cat-Lucky…
Possible titles: I ended up spending longer coming up with a title than writing this…
SEQUEL: Oneshot? To: And the Night Burns On…
Burning Embers
Sam curled up in a ball and tried to make himself invisible…God, the things he had done to his brother… he'd been topside for a year and purposely left his brother out of the loop-and felt nothing. He'd convinced Bobby to help him deceive Dean-and felt nothing. He'd left his brother at Lisa's alone right after being attacked and Dean waking up to find out Sam had been out the whole time-and felt nothing. Turned down his brother's offer to take the impala (their home their whole lives!)-and felt nothing. Let his brother get turned into a bloodsucking vamp-the things they hunt for God's sake-and felt nothing. Dean lost Lisa and Ben because of him-and felt nothing. Dean had told him he loved, needed and missed him-and felt nothing. Dean had said everything he'd ever wanted to hear from his brother-and felt nothing. Dean had said he should have been more like him and maybe things would have been better-and felt nothing. Dean sounded like he was almost proud of him-like he was a good person before-and felt nothing. Dean had even told him he wanted to eat a bullet for the agony of being alone…without Sam and didn't because of his promise to Sam-and felt nothing. Dean, unlike himself, had kept his promise to Sam, no matter the pain it caused Dean-and felt nothing. Dean had begged him to want his own soul back-and felt nothing. Dean, his big-bad-ass tough as nails brother had begged and pleaded and fought to get back Sam's soul even though Sam didn't want it-and felt nothing. Dean had been ready to give it all up for Sam-and felt nothing.
Sam was feeling it NOW! He moaned…it was too much! Too many tears, too much guilt and too much grief…God, it was overwhelming…. Feeling was a mistake…he couldn't do this…
He moaned again as he turned his head into a pillow, mumbling, "take it away…take it away…take it away…." Tears ran down his cheeks, unchecked and unnoticed…
He felt the bed shift, and a hand was placed on his head, "It's ok… Sammy, I'm here…" Pushing his bangs back, Dean said gently, "I gotcha…"
Sam opened his eyes and sought out Deans', "It's too much…how can you forgive me?", turning his head back into the pillow, and sobbing brokenly.
Dean grabbed Sam and pulled him into a hug, "I got you back…I asked for you to come back to me… to do that for me…and you trusted me…even though you felt nothing and you came back…So, yeah, " He rubbed Sam's back in small circles. "I forgive you…this…you whole…back with me…is all I need…I meant what I said Sam-I'm going to continue to be more like you and you are going to do the same, right?…no more acting like me, ok?"
"I was wrong…" Sam said, although it was muffled against Dean's shoulder.
"Wrong about what?" Dean asked confused.
"I wasn't being like you Dean. You have never been that cruel to your own family. And you aren't soulless…and…" Sam seemed on a roll.
"Sammy…I'm far from perfect…" Dean chuckled, Sam was starting to sing his big brother praises again and it felt damn good! It had been worth the wait…it had been a long time coming…maybe they could get back to the brotherhood they had before all this crazy shit had started…before Cold Oak….
"Dean, I'm going to fix your apple pie I wrecked…" Sam hiccupped, letting his head rest on Dean's chest.
"What?" Dean asked, Sam wasn't making sense.
"Lisa and Ben…" he sighed… "My fault…so sorry I wrecked your life…" Sam shivered as more emotions crashed into him like a tidal wave. He fisted Dean's shirt, crying in earnest once again.
"If you want to feel sorry for something…feel sorry for missing out on the awesomeness of me for the last year." Dean gave Sam a blinding smile as Sam pulled back to stare at him. " Lisa and Ben aren't your fault." Dean stated softly.
Sam hiccupped , " For four months I suffered the quilt, sorrow and worthlessness of not being able to save you…and I sentenced you, who by the way, wasn't guilty of a damn thing…to a year of that torture! You suffered needlessly… and even if you forgive me…I don't…"
Dean smiled, "There's my Sammy! I've missed you…had my doubts of getting you back.." he took Sam's face between his hands, "And yet here…" He looked Sam in the eye, "you are…I've got to tell you little brother, it's the best damn feeling in the world!"
"You're crazy Dean!" Sam said shaking his head and smiling, puppy dog eyes in full glory!
"I've heard that…so I guess it's a good thing I've got my emo little bro back to keep me in line…" Dean said with a return grin…
Bobby watched from where he was leaning against the doorway to their room and couldn't help grinning himself…it had been a long time coming…but HIS boys were back…and the world better prepare…cause the Winchester brothers were once again united and would soon be back to kickin' asses and takin' names…WINCHESTER STYLE….
THE END