Hi everyone! Thanks for reading!
Title: Thank You
Author: Erika
Rating: PG
Summary: Obi-Wan remembers his beloved Master, Qui-Gon.
Time Frame: Post TPM
Spoilers: For JA
Category: non-slash, POV, angst
Disclaimers: The Star Wars universe and all of its characters belong to George Lucas, I'm only borrowing them to have a little fun and I promise to return them unharmed (well, at least mostly unharmed). I'm making no money off of this and this is written for entertainment purposes only.
Feedback: Both positive feedback and constructive criticism is greatly appreciated and will be cherished! (firedrake88@yahoo.com)
Archive: Jedi Apprentice, Early Years, Wolfie's Den, and anyone who has any of my other stories. Anyone else who wants this, please ask and send me a link to your site so that I can check it out =D
Note: I never thought that I'd write a post TPM FIC that wasn't AU but I got this idea so I'm giving it a shot. BTW, for all you people out there who, like me, don't like Anakin, he's not mentioned once in this story!
Thank You
'There's always tomorrow.' I used to say that a lot before you were killed, struck down before my very eyes. I never knew how wrong I was until I was standing there at your funeral, watching the flames leap up to consume your empty body.
I never told you how much you mean to me, how much I care for you, did I? No, of course not. For I always thought that there would be another day, another time to say the things we left unspoken between us.
I always knew how much you cared for me, even though you never told me. I could see it in your eyes and feel it in your hand resting upon my shoulder. I could feel your affection every time you helped me up off a training mat or corrected my position during one of our many saber duels and katas. You were gentle and yet firm with me. Did I ever tell you how much I admire that about you? You always pushed me so hard but never forgot to make sure I was okay. You would drive me to the brink of exhaustion but never further.
Even though I always knew that you cared for me and that you were proud of me I worked so hard to honor you. Do you know how much your hard-fought for words of praise meant to me? You could make my heart leap with one gentle smile and a single, "Good job, Padawan." I worked hard to receive your few words of approval or encouragement for you are not man to give them freely. It made me all the prouder when I heard them, though, for I knew that in order for you to say, "well done", I had to perform to the very best of my capabilities and even more.
I was waiting until after my knighting to tell you all the things I had kept locked in my heart. I wanted to wait until the day when we would stand together as equals to tell you how much I learned from you and how much you changed me. Without you I wouldn't be the man I am today. You made me who I am and for that I am eternally grateful. Because of you I have learned to look beyond the obvious and see what's in people's hearts. You taught me that good souls are born in all forms, not just those that are obviously honorable and noble. You have taught me so many things that it would take me longer than the rest of time to list them all.
Do you know what I am the most grateful for? It's not the lessons you taught me or the physical skills you helped me to hone. Your friendship and all the little things you went out of your way to do for me are the things I am the most thankful for. You were hesitant at first. You feared that I would hurt you as Xanatos had, but as the years past you gave me your friendship, trust, and love, perhaps without even realizing that you had done it.
I have nothing but the utmost respect for you and it always honored me deeply that you trusted me and taught me with love instead of discipline. Because of the friendship you gave me you turned a shy boy into a confident young man. Everything I am I owe to you.
You were always there for me. Always. Even when I betrayed you on Melida/Daan you took the time to help ease my panic and horror at losing Cerasi. When Bant was killed you held me all night long as I sobbed my heart out. When I failed my first physics exam you stayed up all night with me and helped me study. I aced the next one, because of you. I was so proud, and I think you were too.
Remember when I was wounded on that mission to Merolius Prime? You stayed by my side for seven days straight, taking care of me and making sure I healed properly. By the time I was able to convince you to get some rest you were practically sleeping on your feet. I never told you how grateful I was for your constant presence at my side, did I?
On my twentieth birthday when I woke up screaming from a nightmare, you didn't tell me it was childish or behavior not worthy of a Jedi, as so many other Masters might have done. Instead you wiped away my frantic tears and sat with me in supportive silence until I was ready to go back to sleep again. I was so grateful for your understanding.
When I was captured by a group of crazy terrorists and tortured for three days on end you didn't rest until you found me. I thought I was dreaming when through my haze of pain and despair I saw you kneeling next to me. I don't remember what you said. It wasn't the words that were important. It was the emotion behind them. You spoke with such gentle relief and love that I knew that you had been just as frantic to find me as I had been desperate to stop the agony. Your feelings were so strong that they brought tears of joy, not pain, to my eyes. It was your love that kept me awake long enough for the medics to arrive and treat my wounds.
When I woke up again, three days later, hurt and confused because I didn't understand how the terrorists could have done that to me, you sat down and talked to me until the pain in my heart went away. Because of you I was able to face the universe again without fear. If it hadn't been for you I would have been so scared. Scared that I would get captured and tortured again. Scared that the next time you wouldn't find me in time. You taught me to be strong.
You were my rock, my shelter against the storm. No matter what, I always knew that I could turn to you and that you would find a way to make all my problems go away. Even if it meant just sitting there and holding my hand I knew that I could always count on you for comfort.
You never had to tell me how much you cared for me, how much you loved me. Your everyday actions showed me what words could never say. I only hope that you can say the same. Do you know how much I love you? Do you know how much I'll miss you? Do you know that you're the person who has changed my life the most?
Did you realize, while you were still alive, that you were the most important person in my life? Did you realize that you were my best friend? Do you even know that now? Did I show you my love through my everyday actions like you showed me yours?
I wish I could know. I wish I could say "I love you" and know that you'll hear me. I know that you're not gone. I know that you're one with the Force now, but it doesn't make me feel any less empty. You always said that you would watch over me. Are you watching over me now, Qui-Gon? Are you with me even though I can't feel you? Will you wait for me to join you in the Force and embrace me when my time comes?
I want to tell you so many things but I don't know if you'll hear me. I want to tell you that I love you, as my teacher, best friend, and as the father I never had. I want to tell you that you were the light that kept the darkness from hurting me. I want to tell you that I am proud to have been your Padawan and prouder still to have been your friend. I want you to know how grateful I am for everything you did for me, for everything you have and taught me. Most of all, beloved friend, I want to say two words. Two words that I didn't say nearly enough while you were alive. I guess I just want to say thank you.
Thank you…
The End