ATM
(Anti-Twilight Movement)
Love, I mean Hate Letters to Edward!
Dear Edward, My Idiot,
Every day without you is like sunshine that you can hold and store up in a bottle for happiness, joy and prosperity. When I am with you, I can smell your disgusting mountain lion breath. Do you ever even brush your teeth?! When you come near me, I suddenly feel sick and depressed for no apparent reason at all. When you get in the sun, you sparkle, sparkle! That is sooo lame! You should turn into a bloodsucker bat, or something like that, something normal. It's too bad you can't die.
Your Secret Hater
Dear Secret Hater,
Why do you say this? I am nothing but a harmless vampire that hangs out with babes all day on fan fiction. And what do you have against me?! Mountain lion breath is apart of my masculine charm! So is my lovely sunlight sparkle. A bloodsucker vampire bat is so gross! It's so… so not what my hotties want. You'll learn to like me, everyone does.
Edward Cullen
Dear Edward Cullen,
You are not a harmless vampire. You make me sick like I said before. Do you think making people sick is harmless?! Do you?! I have everything against you! Even your sickly colored hair! Mountain lion breath is not apart of your masculine charm. That's just what you think. Sunlight sparkle??? Who CARES?! By the way, you don't have "hotties."
Your Not-So-Secret Hater
P.S: How could I learn to love a controlling freakazoid like you?