Title: Understanding
Author: Erika
Rating: PG
Summary: When Obi-Wan fails his first physics exam, Qui-Gon helps him comprehend the material by using understanding rather than frustration.
Time Frame: Obi-Wan is 18
Spoilers: For "Thank You" and "A Bittersweet Memory" (to know what the spoilers are you'd have to read both stories)
Category: non-slash, POV, and guess what, no angst! Yup, this is just good old-fashioned fluff!
Disclaimers: The Star Wars universe and all of its characters belong to George Lucas, I'm only borrowing them to have a little fun and I promise to return them unharmed (well, at least mostly unharmed). I'm making no money off of this and this is written for entertainment purposes only.
Feedback: Both positive feedback and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated and will be cherished! (firedrake88@yahoo.com)
Archive: Jedi Apprentice, Early Years, Wolfie's Den, JAFD, The Guardians of Peace, The Temple Library, Telly, and anyone who has any of my other stories. Anyone else who wants this, please ask and send me a link to your site so that I can check it out =D
Note: This is a prequel to both "A Bitter Sweet Memory" and "Thank You", but you'd have to read both stories to realize how.
Things enclosed in 's are telepathic communication through the Master/Padawan bond.
Things enclosed in / /'s are /memories/
Understanding
/I took a long deep breath to help myself center on the Force and to calm the deep nervousness that had settled itself into my heart. I knew that Qui-Gon would not be angry with me but I strove so hard to impress my Master that I hated to let him down, even a little bit. I knew of some Masters who would severely punish their Padawans for doing poorly, but my Master was not one of them. He was always gentle and patient in teaching me, even if it took me a long time to grasp his intended lesson. He pushed me hard, harder than most Masters pushed their apprentices, but he never got angry if I didn't do well. He simply encouraged me to try again and attempted to teach me in a different way so that I would understand. I knew that now would be no different. It wasn't that I was afraid of his reaction; it was just that Qui-Gon already had enough to worry about with my training and our missions that I didn't want to add my Temple studies to the list.
It had been years since I had done poorly in any of my classes and I never thought that I'd ever have problems keeping my scores up. Until last week. Although I had never had difficulties understanding my 'Advanced Spatial Physics' class the material had suddenly taken an unexpectedly difficult turn and within a matter of days I had found myself floundering. I simply could not understand the new concepts. I attributed it to the fact that I hadn't actually had a real teacher to show me the material. Yesterday morning Qui-Gon and I had returned from six months of nonstop missions. During missions Padawans are expected to read manuals to keep up on their studies. Essentially, I was learning from a datapad rather than a teacher. I had thought that if I gave myself time I would figure it out, but that hadn't been the case. I had failed the unit test. It was the first time I had ever failed a test in any of my classes.
Although Padawans that spent most of their time on field missions did not actually have teachers their tests and papers were graded by actual class Masters. Just a few minutes ago the class Master in charge of grading all the material I sent her on a weekly basis had called to tell me of my score on the unit test. Upon telling me how poorly I had done she had inquired if something was wrong for my work to have taken such a drastic turn. She hadn't said anything but I knew she was planning on speaking with Qui-Gon. I didn't want Qui-Gon to have more to worry about but I knew that he had to hear it from me, and not my class Master. I owed him that much.
I took another deep breath before entering Qui-Gon's room. Even though I knew he wouldn't be angry, I was still nervous. I couldn't help it. He was my Master and I didn't wish to disappoint or burden him.
I looked around my Master's large sleeping chamber. Qui-Gon was sitting at his desk, holding a comlink. Through the comlink I could hear Tahl's witty, intelligent voice. As I entered, my Master half turned to look at me and signaled for me to sit on his bed while he finished talking.
"No, I'm sorry, we won't be retuning to the Temple yet," Tahl was saying, "the Council just contacted us with another mission. It'll still be another week or so before we wrap things up here but as soon as we're done we have to go to a system on the outer rim. Apparently two tribes that have coexisted peacefully for the last hundred years have developed a minor disagreement. It should not be difficult to negotiate a peace treaty though. Bant and I should be back within a couple of weeks."
Qui-Gon nodded as he spoke, "Very well. It's unfortunate that the Council can't seem to grasp the concept of vacation time. Obi-Wan and I just returned from a long series of draining missions and although I've requested some time off, I wouldn't be surprised if they shipped us off again tomorrow."
Tahl chuckled, "Nor would I, Qui-Gon, nor would I."
"Well, it's been a pleasure speaking with you, old friend, but Obi-Wan is here and as always, my Padawan comes first," he said with a smile. "I'll speak with you soon, take care."
"This from the man who manages to nearly get himself killed on almost every mission," Tahl laughed her delicate, silvery laugh and then cut off the transmission. I had never heard Tahl bid Qui-Gon goodbye in all the years I had known them.
My Master shook his head, a fond twinkle in his eyes, and set the comlink down. He turned to look at me, "Why are you just standing there?" he asked, gesturing towards the bed, "Sit down, Padawan."
I smiled, my level of anxiety doubling in the space of an instant, and quickly set myself down on the soft mattress of his large bed. Qui-Gon took his place next to me. "I'm glad that you're here, Padawan," he said, "I was just going to talk to you."
I nodded soberly, "Yes, Master, I wish to speak with you as well."
"What is it, Obi-Wan?"
"What did you want to tell me?" I countered, not answering his question. As a Jedi I knew I had to stand up for my actions but what could it hurt to wait a little while anyway?
Qui-Gon cocked an inquisitive eyebrow but did not press me. "It's been a very long six months, Padawan. Considering the number of missions the Council sent us on in a row I think that you deserve some time off. As you know I have requested some vacation time from the Council. Also, upon consideration I have decided that since you are doing so well in all of your classes that you can have this next week for recreational time," my Master smiled and placed a gentle hand on my shoulder, "You deserve it."
My heart sank. Wonderful. Why hadn't I just told him *before* he had the chance to tell me how well I was doing? There had to be some poetic irony in this situation. Unfortunately, it did not amuse me.
I sighed. "Master," I kept my voice very serious and hopefully repentant, "I-I failed my latest physics exam."
Qui-Gon was an expert at masking his emotions but even he couldn't hide the flash of surprise from showing in his eyes. "Failed?" he questioned softly.
I lowered my eyes, "Yes, Master. I missed all but one of the questions."
Silence fell between us. It was probably only a few seconds before Qui-Gon spoke but to me it felt like much longer. "Obi-Wan, it's very unlike you to not do well on your studies. Are you having trouble understanding the material?" he questioned softly. As I had expected, there was no trace of anger in his voice.
"Yes, Master," I said meekly.
A gentle hand touched my chin and forced me to look up into the soft blue eyes of my Master, which held nothing but acceptance and reassurance, "'Advanced Spatial Physics' is a very difficult class, Padawan. There is no shame in not understanding all of the concepts the first time you study them," he assured me gently. As always, Qui-Gon was nothing if not understanding.
"I know," I said, holding the eye contact event though I didn't want to.
"If you were having trouble, why didn't you tell me? You know you can always come to me for help in any of your classes. It's sometimes very difficult to learn out of a datapad and not be able to ask questions about what you don't understand."
I sighed, "I-I…I didn't want to burden you, Master," I confessed, "you already spend so much time with me during missions and our everyday training. I didn't want for you to have to help me with my Temple classes as well."
Qui-Gon raised a hand to very softly caress my cheek, "Padawan," he said gravely, "never think that you would be a burden to me. It's true that we spend much time with each other but that is how it should be. You are my Padawan, I am your Master, and it is my duty, and extreme pleasure, to guide and teach you."
I smiled softly, the nervousness draining from me. I had always known that Qui-Gon cared for me, loved me even, but for some reason the fear of taking up too much of his time, or of disappointing him, had always been ingrained into me. I suspected that the latter fear would be one I would never rid myself of. I loved Qui-Gon; I would never be able to stand the thought of disappointing him.
It was a sweet relief to hear Qui-Gon tell me that I would never be a burden to him. It made me feel special that after all those years of not being able to trust anyone, my Master had opened up to me.
"I'm sorry," I said, feeling guilty for my poor performance, "I promise I'll do better next time."
Qui-Gon shook his head, "That is not a promise I want you to make me, Obi-Wan. I already know that you will do better next time. I want you to promise me that whenever you need help that you'll *always* come to me. You'll never take up too much of my time, Padawan."
Qui-Gon was the perfect Master. I couldn't ask for a more understanding teacher. Some Masters were extremely strict and punished their Padawans for every small transgression but Qui-Gon taught me with patience and understanding instead of discipline. "I promise," I said softly.
"Good," he grinned, "now I think that if we start now you'll be able to retake that test before nightfall, just in time to start your week of recreational time tomorrow."
My eyes widened in surprise. I hadn't expected him to be *quite* so understanding with me. "Master?" I questioned.
A gentle hand fell to my shoulder, "Obi-Wan, just because you did poorly on one test doesn't mean that you don't work hard and don't deserve some time to do whatever pleases you. I know that you studied hard and did your best to understand the material and I still intend to reward you for your hard work."
I covered the hand on my shoulder with mine, "Thank you," I said. /
If there is one word that describes Qui-Gon, it is 'determined'. He wanted me to start my one week of 'Recreational Time' as soon as possible and was determined that I would retake and pass the test that very same night. That's not to say that he rushed, no, my Master would never do that. He merely tried his very best to explain things to me in such a way that I would understand them.
My Master is a miracle worker. Although it took forever and we stayed up long after the sun had set and everyone else had gone to sleep he did manage to somehow get me to understand each and every single thing that had at first confused me.
First he reviewed the unit with me, encouraging me to ask questions whenever I was confused about anything. Then he helped me answer and solve all of the problems on my test until I could do them by myself. In some cases he had to go over the same problem as many as three times but he never made me feel stupid for not understanding it and eventually under his gentle tutelage there was not one problem that I couldn't solve or one question that I couldn't answer. As soon as I felt ready I downloaded the retake test and proceeded to finish a it – forty questions in all – in less than a half hour. Qui-Gon graded it but even before he was finished I already knew that I had not only done well, but that I had aced it.
When Qui-Gon handed me my corrected test back, without a single mark on it, I felt like hugging him. My Master has to be the only person in the galaxy who will spend eight hours, for that's how long it took, explaining physics to someone. I felt so proud of myself when I saw the '100%' written at the top of the datapad screen and when I looked up into Qui-Gon's eyes I could see his pride in me as well. Knowing that I have pleased my Master is a feeling I will never grow tired of. It's like a warm bubbly glow that starts in my heart and expands to engulf me.
I grinned by way of thanks. I wanted to pour my heart out to him, to tell him how much he meant to me and how much I respected him, but those were words I found I could never form. All I could do was take his hand in mine and squeeze it softly, hoping that my every emotion somehow made it through that single touch.
By the time we went to bed that night it was three in the morning. We both had dark circles around our eyes and were practically sleeping on our feet when we made it into our separate rooms for what was left of the night. That night I went to sleep with a deep feeling of gratitude in my heart and the knowledge that I was cared for in my soul.
As a twelve-year-old initiate I remember wondering if I would ever become a Jedi Knight. Now, with Qui-Gon, I know that under his patient and yet demanding tutelage I will not only become a Knight, but I will become a Knight who has a bond of friendship with his Master stronger than any other. A bond built on trust, a bond built on love.
The End
Bloopers for you all to laugh at:
Everyone knows that some typos can totally screw up the meaning of a sentence, right? Well, I've got one that definitely qualifies. You know the line where Tahl says, "This from the man who manages to nearly get himself killed on almost every mission," well, it originally said, "This from the man who manages to get himself killed on nearly every mission." Poor Qui! If I had left it like that it would have meant he died on more than one mission!