Grass Isn't Always Greener

Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man. -Friedrich Nietzsche

Her momma used to go on and on about how she was the miracle baby. How she wasn't supposed to have lived and spent the first three months of her life in the hospital hooked up to so many machines that they thought she wasn't going to live, and that was how she got her name. She grew up in a perfect little bubble of ignorant bliss and though she shouldn't have known any better, she did.

Hope was tired of constantly hearing her mother's voice in her head. Sit up straight. Cross your legs. Only speak when spoken to. Mind your manners. Cross your T's and dot your I's. Be great. Do better. She had been the top of her class in high school, got into an Ivy League college with a full ride, and offered one of the highest paying lawyer positions in the most prestigious law firm. She should have been happy. She had it all in most people's eyes. She had the fancy car and huge house. She was engaged to one of the partners at her law firm. She had top of the line clothing and more money in the bank than she knew what to do with. She tried to still be the fun-loving woman she always thought she was but working six days a week left little time for a social life. Hope had painted on her makeup every morning and cried it off every night. She should have been happy but there were some things money just couldn't buy.

In a desperate attempt to clear her mind from the long day at work Hope changed into comfortable clothes, got in her car, and just drove. She cranked the music so loud that her mirrors were vibrating and the faster the tempo of the song the harder she pressed down on the gas pedal. Maybe, just maybe, she could drive the loneliness away; a loneliness that she could never understand because there was always someone around. But in a city of over a few thousand people she had never felt so alone. She thought about leaving more times than she could count. All she had to do was keep going. She had enough money to support her for a while maybe even go somewhere far away and start all over with a name that didn't mock her.

Hope. Her name alone gave her reason to believe that she wouldn't be alone and feeling as though she was just a shell of the woman she presented to the world. She hated it; so much in fact, that she often went by her middle name as often as she could.

Rain poured from the sky and her wipers worked hard to clear the windshield in order for her to see. Her headlights reflected off each drop of rain making it even harder to see the road in front of her but she needed this. She needed the smallest of escapes from her monotonous life. Tears flowed from her eyes but she didn't bother to wipe them away. There was no use when only more were sure to come. The ring on her left hand felt heavier every day and when she looked down, she didn't even recognize it as her own. It was perfect like everything else surrounding her. The most exquisite princess cut diamond on her flawless, manicured fingers. Even the t-shirt and jeans she had changed into were clean pressed without a single wrinkle on them.

Hope's cell phone rang and she grabbed it with a shaky hand to see who it was. Her fiancé's name flashed across the screen while her mother's voice scolded her for not answering it right away. She wasn't sure what to do. If she answered, she would have to explain to him why she was so upset but if she didn't answer at all he would worry. The longer the phone rang the more frantic her thoughts became as she contemplated on what to do. Hope's eyes flickered from the screen to the road only to see she hadn't been paying attention and was heading straight for a large tree. Forgetting the phone altogether, she dropped it and pulled the wheel as far left as it would go praying she would miss the tree that would almost certainly hold her fate.

Her tires squealed on the slick pavement and as the front of her car went down into the ditch the back spun around, slamming into the tree. She sat there breathless as she tried to take in what just happened. She tried pressing down on the gas but it only revved the engine, the tires not gaining any purchase on the muddy ground. Turning the car off, she searched for her cell phone having thought it must have been under the seat but couldn't seem to find it. She had no choice but to walk. Where, she had no idea, she hadn't seen anything for miles. The best she could do was go forward and hope that were was something just ahead.

What seemed like hours later she was still walking along the side of the road. Her mascara was sure to be tattooed on her cheeks by this point, her neatly pinned hair in a wet matted mess on her shoulders, and blisters forming on her feet from the flats she had worn. She wasn't sure how much further she could walk and thought many times about giving up but there was something that kept pushing her forward. It was almost like every step she took her confidence grew, her hope bubbled deep beneath the surface, that just maybe this was some dream coming true. The strength that she had lacked to walk away from her life Fate had stepped in and gave her the push she needed. Just as a smile started to pull at the corner of her lips she saw a mailbox and knew that everything was going to be okay.

X-X-X

Hope thought about what her mother would say about being on the 'wrong' side of town as she brought the beer to her lips and took a long pull. It wasn't the aged wine she was accustomed to but it tasted better to her than anything she ever had before. It tasted like freedom.

"You ain't like a serial killer or somethin', are you?" the brunette asked with judgment filled eyes. Hope paled at the question, never having been asked something so atrocious before, and could only settle on a shake of the head. The woman narrowed her stare, "The hell you doin' here then?"

Hope swallowed and shifted nervously in her seat, "My car went off the road a ways back and this was the first house I came across. I'm sorry for the imposition but your husband said the phone lines were down from the storm and that-"

"I ain't married to him," the woman spit out as if it was the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard. "Merle Dixon don't get attached to no one."

"Oh, I apologize. I shouldn't have assumed-"

The woman snorted, "The fuck you shouldn't have. Some high and mighty whore comin' into his house actin' all proper and shit. Don't you got no cell phone? Call some limo guy to come rescue the princess from the big bad storm?"

"No, I don't actually." Hope placed her beer on the coffee table as she stood up. "I'm sorry to have imposed on your evening I'll just see if there's a neighbor that would maybe have a phone I could use."

"No neighbors for miles," Merle's voice sent a shiver through her body that she prayed wasn't visible. She turned to see him walking into the living room with a freshly lit cigarette and a new can of beer. He sat heavily on the couch and propped his feet up on the coffee table. "Kind of the point of bein' so far out here. No strays showin' up at the door."

He didn't bother to hide the appreciation he had for Hope's body and his eyes trailed every inch of bare skin. She self-consciously crossed her arms over her chest, suddenly aware of how transparent her wet shirt was. "I'm sorry, I-"

Merle blew a cloud of smoke over her head, "You goin' to spend the night apologizin' you can wait out on the porch or you can sit your ass down on the couch and finish that perfectly good beer you left."

She opened and closed her mouth a few times trying to find the appropriate words but when none came she did as he said and sat down gingerly on the edge of the couch. Hope wasn't afraid of the man that could easily break her into pieces and she wasn't exactly sure why she felt safe but the desire to try to find her way home dissipated with each second she was in the smoke filled living room.

X-X-X

Hope woke the next morning as the front door slammed shut. She shot up from the couch and tried to brush her matted hair out of her face. Whoever had just left did so in such a hurry that she could hear the gravel being kicked up from their tires as they peeled out. Glancing around the living room, she listened intently to see if she was the only one there. When she couldn't hear anything, she cleared her throat, willing herself to speak, and called out a very meek, "Hello?"

No one answered and she wondered what she was supposed to do now. She was in a stranger's house and while it wouldn't be right to go looking around, she needed to find a phone. The thought crossed her mind though that even if she did find his phone and even if it was working again, she had no idea where she was. She had no way of giving anyone directions to come pick her up and then for the briefest of seconds she again imagined never going home.

"Thought ya were goin' to sleep the day away, princess."

Hope gasped as Merle emerged from the hallway and went into the kitchen, barely giving her a second glance. She followed him as quietly as she could until her stomach growled with hunger and her face flushed in embarrassment. If he heard he didn't comment as he fixed his coffee.

"I'm sorry again for imposing last night-"

"Quit apologizin'."

"Well, quit cutting me off!" She snapped without thinking and he glared at her over his shoulder with a quirked eyebrow at her outburst. Fear shot through her when he turned around completely and she started stumbling over her words as she thought of something to say.

She stopped when a bark of a laugh echoed off the bare walls, "Got some fire in ya after all." They hadn't really talked much the night before beside Merle grunting something about sleeping on the couch. Now though in the light of day Merle saw the true beauty of the woman standing in front of him and knew she was from the other side of town. Someone that would run away from him the first chance they got. They always did. "Phone should be workin' by now so you can scoot on home."

Hope nodded at the obvious statement for her to leave as soon as possible and cleared her throat. "Where about am I?"

Merle just stared at her while she fidgeted with the bottom of her shirt. "Where were you headed?"

"Nowhere, anywhere, I don't know I was just driving. I needed…" she trailed off when she suddenly realized that even though this man had been kind enough to let her use his couch for the night she didn't know him and she didn't owe him an explanation.

Merle seemed to understand though. He saw something flash through her eyes that gave him every answer he would ever want. He pushed away from the counter and motioned to the phone on the wall. "Call my brother to tow your car."

"I…your brother?...What?"

"Number is by the phone."

He left her standing in the kitchen feeling completely confused and anxious. How was she supposed to just pick up the phone and call some man she didn't know? How was she supposed to explain to him that she didn't know his brother either? If the phone really was working, she could call her fiancé instead. She made her way to the phone and stared at the buttons, the dial tone a light hum as she made her choice.

X-X-X

"I can fix it but it's going to take a few days to get the parts in…" Daryl, Merle's brother, went on telling her all what needed to be done to get it up and running safely again but she had tuned him out as her eyes landed on a car in the parking lot with a 'For Sale' sign on it.

"How much is that old one out there?" Hope pointed to the car she had been staring at unaware if he was even through talking or not.

Daryl leaned over the counter a bit to see which one she was pointing out and shook his head with a slight chuckle. "You don't want that one. No CD player, no electric windows, and I think one of the back doors stick."

All that Hope heard was that it wasn't perfect which in her mind only made her want it more. She saw the chipped paint and the small crack in the back window along with what was left of a bumper sticker. It wasn't pristine. It didn't have all the latest bells and whistles and she had never wanted anything more. Fate was dropping pieces of the puzzle into her lap and she could only pray that at the end she would have the picture she had always imagined.

This was her life, so it should have been her decisions to make. She was the one going to have to live with the consequences if they came. What good would it really do to return to a life she wasn't happy in? She had the intelligence to get a job just about anywhere, she had money in the bank, and it was the first time in her life her wings didn't feel tied down. She was free; free to be who she wanted to be, free to fly.

"If you scrap my car would I have enough to purchase that one?" Hope asked so innocently that Daryl about choked on the soda he had been drinking.

"Are you serious?"

Hope misunderstood his question and quickly pulled off her engagement ring, "If there is a pawn shop around I could see how much I could get for this. Whatever you can salvage from my car and this would be enough, wouldn't it?"

Merle hadn't told Daryl anything about the woman who had shown up at his doorstep and he started to wonder what the whole story was. The woman looked as if she had paid more for the clothes she was wearing than Daryl did for rent each month. Yet, here she was willing to buy one of the worst cars they had.

"Don't need the ring. Your car would more than cover it. You'd probably even have some cash left over if you wanted to scrap it. Wasn't much damage done, mostly cosmetic shit."

"Really?"

Daryl nodded and got her the paperwork to start filling out. He didn't miss the hope that washed across her face and wondered if she wasn't running from something. Merle had a habit of getting mixed up with the wrong kind of people and he eyed her carefully, not wanting her to be the next one to pull his brother down a dark alley of evils.

"It won't be ready until tomorrow. I have a full day but come by in the morning and I'll have the inspection done…" he trailed off, trying to pick up her name.

"Elizabeth," she filled in the blank, automatically using her middle name.

One Month Later

Hope grabbed the paper off the front porch and shut the door behind her. Sliding the rubber band off, she opened it up to skim the headlines. Her eyes went wide when she got down to under the fold.

Local Atlanta Woman Missing. Fiancé Offering A Reward For Any Information.

She nearly ran to the kitchen and stuffed it into the garbage making sure that the box from last night's pizza was on top of it. It was supposed to be a clean getaway. Merle had been nice enough to let her crash on the couch until Daryl had her car ready but even then something had clicked between the two and he agreed she could stay until she found a place of her own. Daryl was still a bit skeptical of her but kept his opinions to himself for the most part. He saw the way Merle would look at her when she wasn't paying attention and had a feeling his brother, dare he say it, was beginning to fall in love.

"Lizzie," Merle's voice made her jump and she instinctively stood in front of the garbage can. "You seen my belt?"

"N-n-no," she stuttered out and mentally kicked herself for sending up a red flag he was sure to pick up on.

And he did.

He towered in the opening of the kitchen, his eyes scanning her from head to tow before finally landing on her face. "The hell's wrong with you?"

"Nothing," she tried to brush it off but his heated stare had her insides turning to mush. "Didn't sleep well last night is all."

He didn't buy it, not for a second, and though he didn't care if he was late for work he also didn't have the energy to play twenty questions so early in the morning.

X-X-X

Hope couldn't get the article out of her mind all day, to the point where she stayed locked in his house afraid someone would notice her. She had been there for a little over a month but suddenly she felt like all eyes were on her. She should have known consequences were going to follow her decisions. She had been living in a dream world and was about to get woken up to the harsh reality.

Later that night she sat next to him on the couch as he flipped through the channels, a scowl on his face from not finding anything worth watching. "Merle, can I ask you something?"

"Just did."

"I'm serious."

"So you seem."

"Dixon, I'm trying to have a conversation with you here."

"Ain't that what we're doing?" She sighed and went to get up but a strong arm pulled her back down to the couch, locking her into place. "Speak."

The warmth his body was giving off was more comfort than she had ever felt before and she settled into him, not wanting to miss the moment of being close. "Ever want to be someone else?"

"Nope."

"Never?"

"The hell you going on about?"

Hope blurted out the words before her mind could tell her otherwise. "There was an article in the paper today about a missing woman."

"So? Bad shit happens."

"I'm her. That's me. My name isn't Elizabeth. It's Hope Elizabeth Scott."

"I know." He moved his arm to the back of the couch, almost as if he was giving her permission to run if she wanted or needed to.

She hadn't moved a muscle. He knew? But that didn't make any sense to her, her mind was racing and the words seemed to pour out of her mouth before she had a chance to stop them. "Then why didn't you take the money?"

"Would you have?"

Hope had grown up on the other side of town where money meant living. If you didn't have money you didn't have worth. Had the roles been reversed, she wouldn't have turned him in for the money either, and she finally understood it. Money didn't give you worth, or happiness, or even a soul. It took her going to the 'wrong' side of town and Fate stepping in to realize that the grass wasn't always greener. People were people. They made mistakes and they were greedy but they were genuine too. Merle hadn't turned her in because in some way, without the words of saying so, he cared. And that was worth more than any amount of money.