Disclaimer: Here's a random fact: Takumi Saito-san is a real-life Oshitari-style Sex God. Here's another random fact: I don't own Prince of Tennis, or any of the characters. :)
Rating: PG
Warnings: Shounen-ai/yaoi, some Niou.
Summary: Cue the ominous thunderclouds, because poor Jackal's Sunday is about to be ruined. Who was it who made him Akaya's babysitter, anyway?!
Author's notes: Another Rikkai drabblething. You don't have to have read the ones that come before this, but it might help a bit. The full list can be found on my profile.The latest ten drabblethings are:
Guess Who Fate Doesn't Like Much?
Eep, Crayons, and Parrots with Problems
The Waiting Camel
Operation: Gentleman Hunt
A Little Autumn Tale
Cases in Point
The Theology of Scarves
"He'll Live."
Kick the Trickster!
Mr Rubik, I Want My Sunday Back.
I love the following people for reviewing 'Kick the Trickster!': Britix (I will! I will! I promise I will this holiday!), Awin-chan, Ria Sakazaki, Serenitatis417 (thanks!), ImmortalWifey, KiriharaAkaya (LOL), Hropkey (it's so true), Wingless-Crying-Angel, LovableDuck and Haru-Hatori-Hiro. You guys are love.
I'm so sorry for the long wait in between this and the last fanfic… I've been working on a translation of the film Sukitomo (no idea if anyone's seen it/heard of it. If you like the Tenimyus/backstage Tenimyu, then GO WATCH IT NOW! Seriously! You can find it on YouTube and maybe other places too) because everyone seems to be complaining that there's no subs. I can't sub it, but I can definitely translate and give a link. So that's what I'm doing, and that's partially why I haven't updated until now. Sorry! But if you saw the film, you'd understand. There's just so much Aiba love that it has to be spread.
Anyway, enough about me. n.n;; Here we go.
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Jackal Kuwahara had woken up that morning with the strangest feeling that maybe today he should stay in bed; read a book perhaps, or just sleep until tomorrow arrived.
He'd ignored it, because Jackal wasn't used to receiving psychic premonitions. That kind of thing was Yukimura's jurisdiction.
Silly boy.
Ding-dong.
The doorbell chimed just as Jackal was about to take a bite of his lunch – it was a sausage roll sandwich, his favourite, and he so rarely got to eat it since the closest place that sold them was all the way up where his mother worked, and she strongly disapproved of anything wrapped in half a metre of pastry.
Again, Jackal got the strangest feeling that he should ignore whoever was at the door. It was Sunday, after all, and the informal practice session Yukimura usually arranged on a Sunday was cancelled today. So as far as he knew, no-one worth opening the door for had any reason to be visiting today.
Still, Jackal was a polite boy, and so he put down his sandwich to get the door.
He blinked as his vision was abruptly filled with an irate Trickster.
"Yours," Niou growled, shoving something heavy into him. Jackal made an 'oof' of surprise and looked down into a mass of curly hair.
"He's your problem for the rest of the day!" continued Niou, eyes furiously daring Jackal to make any form of protest. "Entertain him, feed him, bloody well dig him a grave and bury him in the garden for all I care. If you let him leave the house, then I will personally force you to have hair implants."
Jackal's scalp tried to crawl away in fear. "Um. Alright, I suppose. But… why?"
Niou was already halfway down the drive. He slowed down to say, "Because I am sick to the back teeth of him, I want a quiet Sunday, and Maru is off on some kind of family trip. So you're the bratling's babysitter today. Just like old times. Yay for you." He resumed walking quickly again, and as Jackal watched in stunned silence, Niou disappeared round the corner.
"Um… hi?" said Akaya with a hopeful smile.
Jackal sighed and shut the front door.
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"So what did you do this time?" asked Jackal, sitting down and reuniting himself with his sandwich.
"Nothing much! Really!" Akaya protested. "It's just, Mura-buchou phoned me to tell me practice was cancelled, and he was having one of his weird humour moments this morning, and I thought it was funny, so when I got off the phone I told Niou-senpai the joke Mura-buchou told me. And he, um, didn't find it funny." Akaya picked at the tablecloth morosely.
"A case of 'the straw that broke the camel's back', then," said Jackal. "Poor Niou."
"Poor Niou?!"
"What was the joke?" Jackal asked, ignoring Akaya's indignation. He took a bite of his sandwich and munched it in slow, blissful enjoyment.
"What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot?"
Jackal shrugged.
"A carrot."
There was a split second's pause, then Jackal started choking violently as the sandwich tried to escape down his throat in protest.
"See?" said Akaya, clearly mistaking Jackal's choking for laughter. "But Niou-senpai just stared at me for about half a minute in total silence, then dragged me here by my hair. It hurt," he added with a pout.
"I'm not surprised now," gasped Jackal, reaching for a glass of water. "That does sound like the kind of thing Mura would find funny…" He tipped the glass up, only to discover that Akaya had drunk it while he'd been busy trying not to become a victim of Death by Sandwich.
It was going to be a long, long day.
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After making Akaya a sandwich of his own for lunch, Jackal left him in the kitchen and went up to his room to find something that would keep Akaya occupied for at least a couple of hours.
TV was out, because his television had decided that it hated his family and only worked if you weren't actually in the room. Which would mean that Akaya would no doubt come up with some brilliant-but-destructive idea for managing to watch it, and Jackal didn't feel much like explaining to his parents why half their house didn't exist anymore. Likewise, Jackal couldn't think of a DVD that Akaya would like enough to watch the whole way through quietly, and there was no way Jackal was letting him use the computer.
The thing was, through all the Akayasitting Jackal had done over the last three years, he'd exhausted most of the entertainment options. Usually this wasn't too much of a problem, because he could let Akaya wander round and entertain himself under Jackal's careful supervision, or he could play a match with him, but this time was different. This time, he wasn't allowed to leave the house.
When I finally become prime minister, Jackal thought, I will have a magical entertainment centre, in which you could never get bored and everyone is bald.
Unfortunately, he wasn't prime minister yet, so Jackal had to settle for rooting through his room for old toys that might stand a chance of keeping Akaya busy.
And then, when all hope seemed lost… Jackal found a Rubik's Cube.
Bingo.
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"Ooh!" Akaya's eyes lit up and he took the Rubik's cube enthusiastically from Jackal. "I've never tried one of these. I've seen them loads, though, 'specially in the last month. Yagyuu-senpai can do them, and Niou-senpai hates them." The tone of his voice indicated that this alone was good enough reason to love them.
"Really?" Jackal put his sandwich into the microwave – it had gotten cold. "I thought Niou could do every puzzle ever invented by mankind."
"Yeah, he can, but only the smartimified ones. He says," Akaya pulled a worryingly accurate look of disdain, "'It's not even a proper puzzle, because it's got nothing to do with IQ whatsoever and it's purely a matter of whether you can visualize little pointless squares rotating round a centre'. He's like Maru-chan and minesweeper."
"Hm. He has a point."
"I bet he's just annoyed that there's a way to tell him and Yagyuu-senpai apart when they Switch," said Akaya absently, fiddling with one side of the cube.
Jackal frowned thoughtfully. "Oh?"
"Uh huh. You just get Maru-chan to throw a Rubik's cube at them and see which one attacks him."
Well, that explained the mysterious bruises that had been appearing on Marui's person in the last few weeks.
"Poor Bunta," said Jackal reproachfully from behind a concealed grin.
"He doesn't mind. I make it up to him later. Lots."
Jackal blinked, then turned around to rescue his sandwich from the microwave. "That was… slightly more than I needed to know. You get on with that, then; I'll just read here." He sat down at the dining room table, and the two settled into their respective worlds of fiction and little multi-coloured squares.
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Jackal eyed the other end of the table nervously.
There was a very, very, very ominous-looking Cloud hanging over Akaya's head. If Jackal squinted, he could see little bolts of thunder and lightning darting out of it every so often.
It was probably a sign to intervene.
"Akaya?" he voiced carefully.
There was a loud bang, and Akaya scowled darkly at the Rubik's cube that he'd thrown onto the tabletop.
"It's not a Rubik's cube!" he declared fiercely, and once again Jackal had to make a mental note to tell Marui to take Akaya out more often – the look in his bright green eyes was exactly the same as the one Niou had had at noon. "It's a fortune-telling device!"
"Oh. Really?" said Jackal weakly. "That's good."
"That's why I can't solve it. Because it's not a Rubik's cube."
"Right."
There was a moment of sulky silence, and all of a sudden Jackal was hit with the suicidal but completely irresistible urge to say, "Or, possibly it's something that simply defeats you and Niou."
The thundercloud crackled.
"After all, I guess you two are fairly similar in some respects. Well," Jackal amended, "similar insofar as anyone can be similar to Niou."
The thundercloud swelled up to double its size, and the storm broke.
"I am not being defeated by it!! Whatever can beat Niou-senpai is always something I can conquer because I'm better than him in every possible way except for height but I'm getting there and that's the only thing anyway so I'm not being defeated by something that defeated him, I'm only having a break because I'm hungry because it's been two hours since lunch!" Akaya ranted.
Inwardly, Jackal grinned. "Oh, I see. You get on with the cube, then, and I'll make a snack." He got up to do so, and he couldn't suppress a little smile as Akaya picked up the cube again and attacked it with renewed vigour.
He was rather predictably unpredictable, that boy. Jackal couldn't help but wonder if Yukimura felt this bizarrely motherly fondness every time Akaya seemed to so much as breathe. It would certainly explain why he was completely blind to all of Akaya's numerous faults. Though it did beg the question as to where that unreasonable amount of fondness came from in the first place… Still, never mind.
"Who invented this stupid thing anyway?" Akaya growled through gritted teeth.
"You should ask Yanagi. As far as I know though, it was invented by some Hungarian mathematician. Called Rubik."
"I knew I hated Hungaria," muttered Akaya.
"Hungary," Jackal corrected.
"That."
"And you've never hated Hungary before this," said Jackal. "You hate Ireland, Portugal, Spain, Russia, China, and Greece."
"I hate everywhere that doesn't have camels or elephants," said Akaya firmly.
"… Oh, is that the criteria? In that case you shouldn't hate China. They have elephants, I think."
"Yeah, but China's a rubbish country anyway."
Jackal couldn't deny that, so he went and dug out some rice snacks out of the cupboard.
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The clock struck half past six in a bored way that announced to the world that it only kept on doing this job because it was waiting to get noticed on the music scene. And then they'd all see, oh yes.
Yawning slightly, Jackal double-checked the time on his watch (a move not unnoticed by the clock, which instantly vowed revenge) and stretched out his arms.
"I think it's probably safe for me to take you home now," he said.
Akaya nodded, not looking up from the cube, and shuffled over to put his shoes on. Jackal fetched a coat and the two exited the house.
It was quiet outside – they were a fair way from the main streets, and the distant noises of traffic provided a somewhat peaceful background hum to the suburban streets.
BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPP!!
"Akaya!!" Jackal grabbed the back of Akaya's shirt and barely managed to yank him out of the car's way. "Idiot! Watch where you're going!"
Akaya didn't even look up. "That's your job, Jackal-senpai."
"What, to help you live?!"
"Yep."
Jackal sweatdropped. "You could be a lot less casual about it, you know! After that car accident last year I'd have thought you'd be more careful on roads."
"I am. But I don't need to when you're babysitting me."
"I swear, if I had hair it'd be grey by now," muttered Jackal, dragging Akaya safely across the road. "I'm only meant to be supervising you, not doing all this."
"It's all part of your job," said Akaya, still in the same vague voice that meant he was concentrating hard on the cube. "Imagine what Mura-buchou would do to you if you let me get hurt or killed. And Maru-chan. And Niou-senpai…."
Jackal sighed heavily, feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders. "Well, no, Niou would probably thank me. But the others would be mad, true. But you're – Akayadon'tcrossthere!!"
Another car zoomed past, horn blaring. Jackal glowered suspiciously at Akaya and said, "You're doing this on purpose, aren't you? You think it'd be fun to watch me get punished by Mura and Bunta, don't you? You think that'd be worth getting injured, don't you?"
"No. Pain sucks." Akaya stared intensely at the cube, trying to figure out his next move.
Jackal gave a Sanada-like snort. "Right."
"S'true. And Niou-senpai wouldn't thank you, he'd tear you into tiny bald-headed pieces. Why d'you think he threw me at you instead of just leaving me in a park somewhere? He trusts you to stop me dying. Niou-senpai's cruel and mean and horrible and sadistic and untrustworthy and pure evil crazy hell on earth… but he'd be annoyed if I got hurt." Akaya tentatively moved one side of the cube round, frowned, then moved it back again.
"… Oh." There wasn't really anything else Jackal could say to that.
Several hair-raising (or not) crossings later, and they finally reached their destination. Jackal lifted a hand to ring the doorbell.
"IDIDITOMGIDIDITIDIDITJACKAL-SENPAIIDIDIT!!"
Jackal's brain frantically worked to try and separate the syllables. His limbs frantically worked to try and get him out of Niou's hedge.
"Don't yell in my ear like that," he complained, spitting out leaves. After a bit of effort, Jackal escaped the hedge relatively unmolested. "You managed to complete it?"
Akaya was literally dancing around the driveway like a flea on helium. "Yes!! Look!" He thrust the cube into Jackal's face, narrowly avoiding his nose.
Jackal blinked and moved the cube a bit further out of his face. "Yes, well done. You did two sides. You do know that you're meant to complete the whole cube, right?"
"I don't care! I did two sides! Take that, Niou-senpai! Take that, cube-that-is-a-cube-after-all! Take that, Hungaria!"
"Hungary," sighed Jackal.
"That!"
The door swung open, and Niou's aunt frowned forbodingly at them. "What on earth is all the noise about?" she demanded. "Kirihara-kun, whatever will the neighbours think?"
"Sorry, Yoshimi-san!" said Akaya with one of the biggest grins Jackal had ever seen him wear. "I'll be quiet!"
"The exclamation marks beg to differ," Jackal muttered under his breath. Out loud, he said, "Sorry. I was just dropping Akaya off. I'll be heading off now." He bowed politely and turned to go.
"Bye, Jackal-senpai," chirped Akaya happily. He also turned, but then he turned back and added, "You'd better lock your door and windows tonight, by the way."
That was never, ever a good sentence to hear. "… In god's name why?"
"Because Niou-senpai's gonna kill you," Akaya said cheerfully. "See you, Jackal-senpai."
"Wait, what?! Why?"
"Well, duh. You gave me a Rubik's cube and you're letting me keep it and I completed two sides which Niou-senpai just can't do and so he's gonna be mad as a mad thing and he might come round to kill you tonight. So be careful. Bye."
The door shut, and Jackal gaped at it in stunned silence.
"But that's not fair!" he complained to the hedge. "Niou was the one who told me to keep you entertained in the first place!"
"There, there," said the hedge soothingly. "I'm sure he'll understand."
"He won't, though. He's not as – didyoujusttalktome?!"
"… No…"
Jackal shut his eyes and inched away. "If I can't see you, then you're not there," he informed the hedge. Damnit, but he forgot how much Rikkai Crazy must leak out of a house that had both Niou and Akaya living under its roof.
Life just wasn't fair to the bald.
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Sandy: … I apologise to any Chinese people who read this. xD
For those of you who are sticklers for realism, much props to you, and here is my explanation for the joke: The Rikkai boys are certain to know the English for 'cat', very, very likely to know 'carrot' and feasibly likely to know 'parrot'. Therefore; "'Cat' to 'parrot' to kakeru to, nani ga dekiru ka? … 'Carrot'." would be the joke in Japanese. n.n So no-one can complain that I don't allow for language realism.
Please, please leave me a review…? I'm sorry for the delays, and it really does help…
Until next time! Hopefully around Christmas day, but knowing me…