Disclaimer: I do not own nor claim any Greek myths written by those Greek guys of ancient Greek...I mean Greece.
A/N: Sorry, never "published" a Greek myth before...I'm not really sure how it works. Am I even supposed to have a disclaimer? Whatevs, I'll find out eventually.
Dec. 3rd
4:19 PM
Mood: Apathetic
Music: Demeter of the Damned Whores
Book: Prophecies of Upcoming Stars: Julius Caesar
Dionysus the drunk. That's what they call me. That's it. I'm the drunk. I mean, come on people, just because I am the God of wine does not mean I am a drunk! Just like all Gods, I do enjoy a drink every now and then, but that's it. I promise, that's it, but does anyone believe me? NO! I mean, just because Zeus is the main God, doesn't mean he goes around doing whatever he plea--wait, never mind, bad example. Don't tell him I said that! He's my father, he'll kill me! Oh don't take it so literally, yes I KNOW that I am an immortal but the wrath of Zeus is worse than any death one could suffer. I don't know, I just don't know. Everyone here is so self-righteous. Maybe I'm just playing the victim of Zeus because he burned Semele, my mother, to a crisp.
Zeus can be really, really mean. I don't know why. No one does. I think it's because Hera bothers him all the freaking time about taking out the garbage. Man or God, that gets annoying. Last year, at the Christmas party, he got so mad because of Hera that he started yelling at everyone around him...Especially me. He always calls me a drunk. Now, keep in mind I've joined A.A. and have been sober for about two years now, but does he even care? No! He just calls me a drunk because it makes him feel better about himself. He's so destructive of everyone around him. Hades and Poseidon say it's his way of showing us he cares, but what do they know? Poseidon spends all of his time under water and Hades spends all of his in the underworld. They're so lucky.
If Hestia knew I was complaining about Zeus, she'd curse me. She gave up her seat in the 12 Gods & Goddesses to me. Although, she would probably understand because she gave up her seat to me because of all the bickering amongst the Gods. I don't blame her. I'd give up mine too, but the only person that wants a seat is Pan. Pan is the son of Hermes. Pan was born with the legs and horns of a goat, but is a Nymph. None of the other Nymphs or Gods besides Hermes even acknowledge his existence. Even his mother abandoned him. He is the cause of panic, if you were wondering. It's not a huge mystery, I mean COME ON! Pan, panic, pan, PANic. Get real.
Pan and I go way back. He is my "homeboy". You see, the reason Zeus burned my mother to a crisp was because...well, I'll just give you a brief story about all of this. So, Zeus was madly in love with Semele. When Hera found out, she went to Semele in disguise and told her to ask Zeus to show himself to her. The second time Zeus visited Semele, she made him promise on the River of Styx that he would do her one favor. He promised because he was in love with her, so when she requested that he show himself to her in his true form, he had no choice . When he did that, she burned to a crisp because of his "glory". However, Zeus managed to save me. The reason I'm immortal and a God is because Zeus stitched me into his own thigh until I was ready to be born. How bizarre. Of course, Hera, being the stupid annoying freak she is was still not done with me.
She was still jealous and arranged for the Titans to kill me. The Titans ripped me to pieces, however, Rhea brought me back to life. After that, Zeus arranged for my protection from his crazy wife and handed me over to the mountain Nymphs to be raised. Pan is a Nymph, I was raised by them. This is why I feel a deep connection to him...but don't tell any of the other Gods that. If they find out I actually like Pan, they will never stop making fun of me. He's really a cool guy once you get to know him. He's just been dealt a tough hand in life. Anyway, after the whole Hera fiasco, I kind of gave up on that whole God thing.
I ended up wandering the Earth, encouraging people to join my cult. You know how most Gods have temples where they are worshiped? Yeah, well, people worshiped me in the woods because of the wrath of Hera. Well, the people in my cult were a little nuts. For starters, they were all women. Sometimes when they worshiped me, they went crazy and tore apart and ate the raw meat of any animal that crossed them. Don't even think I had anything to do with THAT. It's just too disgusting.
You know, a lot of people say they have extra courage when they are under the influence of wine. You know whom that courage comes from? Me. I am the only God that is outside of your body, as well as inside it. Of course, if you drink wine to excess, then you get violent. That is also my doing. My psychiatrist says that I bring joy and divine ecstasy, as well as brutal, unthinking rage. It's my curse, but along with my curse comes my gift, and some people take the risk to feel the gift, and others don't. I won't tell you what do to. That would be invading your free will. The only time I've invaded anything was when I invaded the underworld in order to save Semele. Although I had never met her, I was still concerned for her. After all, she is my mother. She still lives on Mount Olympus with me. It's all good. She's a real nice lady.
Zeus calls me a drunk. I'm sorry if I keep bringing that up, I just can't get over the injustice of it all. I mean, think about it, I've done a lot of good things! I rescued Ariadne after that scum-bag Theseus abandoned her. You ever hear Dionysus the Rescuer? No, no you don't. I guess I shouldn't be too arrogant. It IS frowned upon. Plus, I was the one who gave Midas the power to turn anything he touched into gold. Ever had one of those ideas that seem really really good one minute and then super stupid the next? I mean, the man turned his daughter to gold on accident! I should have never given him that power. Some people should just have normal human powers. That's all they're able to handle. Although, I was kind enough to take the power back unlike most Gods.
I guess I shouldn't really complain about Zeus considering all he's done for me and all the times I've messed up. He's really a great guy, he just needs to get rid of that Hera. Now there is someone who drives EVERYONE crazy! I swear, she's a loner. She has not one friend. I don't know what's wrong with her. Anyway, I should probably go. Those stupid Maenads (the crazy women in my cult) will not leave me alone. Yes, I know, how pathetic, I can save someone from the underworld, but I can't get a handful of people to leave me alone...But hey, they're women! Not that easy to handle.