I don't own Ouran High School Host Club, nor do I own the poem from The Perks of Being a Wallflower.
Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
He wrote a poem
And he called it "Chops"
Because that was the name of his dog
And that's what it was all about
Kyouya Ootori wasn't always the cold-hearted Shadow King. No, in fact, when he was younger, he was quite the sweetheart. He always did what he was told. He always did well. He never stepped out of line, not even once. And he was happy. He was content with his family, his two older brothers, his older sister. He never resented them. Not even once. He didn't have a care in the world.
His teacher gave him an A
And a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
And read it to his aunts
He remembered when he received his first real assignment from school. He was to write a poem. He was so happy when he saw the gold star on his paper. He remembered showing it to his mother, knowing that his father would be too busy to notice. "Kaa-san!" he said happily as he held up the paper. "Look! I did really well!" He remembered his mother's smile as she read over the poem. He remembered her reading it to all of the family members that came to visit. He remembered their wide smiles, their praise.
That was the year Father Tracy
Took all the kids to the zoo
And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born
With tiny nails and no hair
Kyouya had always been very close with his older sister, Fuyumi. The two would always play together, probably because they were closest in age. His brothers had never cared much for Kyouya. But his sister was different. His sister would always hug him and make sure he had had a good day at school and that no one was picking on him. Whenever he was with Fuyumi, he was happy.
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner sent him
A Valentine signed with a row of X's
And he had to ask his father what the X's meant
And his father always tucked him in bed at night
And was always there to do it
Kyouya remembered the time when his father had been kind and gentle towards him. He remembered being little and tucked into bed. "Goodnight, Kyouya," his father would say softly. He would kiss Kyouya on the forehead and turn out the lights.
"Goodnight, otou-san," Kyouya would say to his father before the older man would leave the room, closing the door behind him. He was happy.
Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
He wrote a poem
He called it "Autumn"
Because that was the name of the season
And that's what it was all about
Years had passed, and Kyouya had started to attend middle school. He was slowly becoming the Shadow King he would be known to be in the future. He was beginning to feel the pressure of being the third son. He knew he had to be the best. There wasn't an option anymore. If he wasn't the best, he was a failure. But he was still happy.
And his teacher gave him an A
And asked him to write more clearly
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
Because of the new paint
He remembered the first poem he'd had to write in middle school. It was during his second year. He remembered getting the paper back. He remembered feeling disappointed. He got an A, which was good, but the note was bad. He'd never received any negative critique regarding his work before. He remembered showing it to his mother, because Kyouya still thought it was a good poem. And he remembered his mother brushing him off.
And the kids told him
That Father Tracy smoked cigars
And left butts on the pews
And sometimes they would burn holes
That was the year his sister got glasses
With thick lenses and black frames
Kyouya remembered when he started distancing himself from his sister who was once his best friend. He couldn't afford to have friends. Friends were a distraction. Any distraction meant that he wasn't putting all of his effort into being the best. He remembered the hurt look on Fuyumi's face every time she saw him, for she knew he would completely ignore her, unless he absolutely could not avoid it.
And the girl around the corner laughed
When he asked her to go see Santa Claus
And the kids told him why
His mother and father kissed a lot
And his father never tucked him in bed at night
And his father got mad
When he cried for him to do it
He remembered seeing his father's disappointed looks every time Kyouya was less than perfect. He remembered the anger when he tried to apologize, when he tried to explain. "I'm doing my best!" he recalled shouting at the man. "I can't do any more!" And he couldn't. He was reaching his limit.
Once on a paper torn from his notebook
He wrote a poem
And he called it "Innocence: A Question"
Because that was the question about his girl
And that's what it was all about
Kyouya remembered his first real girlfriend, Haruhi Fujioka, and though he'd never admit it, he was using her. He was using her because he knew she would be successful. He was using her because he knew his father wouldn't approve. His father would never allow him to be romantically involved with a so-called commoner. And he didn't care. He would do anything to go against them. He was not happy.
And his professor gave him an A
And a strange steady look
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
Because he never showed her
He remembered writing one of his final poems. It was his third year of high school, and he was taking a class at a nearby university. He wrote it on Haruhi. And how he was using her for his own selfish gain. He knew he could never show it to anyone else. It would ruin him. And he didn't want to see the disappointed looks any longer.
That was the year Father Tracy died
And he forgot how the end
Of the Apostles' Creed went
And he caught his sister
Making out on the back porch
But one of his most vivid memories was finding his sister outside of the main Ootori house. She was with someone who was most certainly not her husband. But he never said anything. He didn't want her to get into trouble. Though he'd been slowly isolating himself from her, he wouldn't do that to her. He couldn't.
And his mother and father never kissed
Or even talked
And the girl around the corner
Wore too much make up
That made him cough when he kissed her
But he kissed her anyway
Because it was the thing to do
And at 3 AM he tucked himself into bed
His father snoring soundly
He remembered his parents' divorce. He wasn't stupid. He knew it would happen eventually. They had lived apart since he started his second year of middle school. And he'd been forced to live with his father, though he didn't want to. He wanted to live with his mother, but Yoshio would never allow it. He had to make sure his son was kept under control. Kyouya was horribly unhappy.
That's why on the back of a brown paper bag
He tried another poem
And he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
Because that's what it really was all about
Kyouya remembered the total emptiness that had been consuming him for the past few years. Even his best friend, Tamaki, was unable to keep him really happy. The scars ran much too deep. And so in his room one night, he tried to write again. But no words would come.
And he gave himself an A
And a slash on each damned wrist
He remembered wanting it to all end. And so he walked into the bathroom, took a razor blade from the medicine cabinet, and slashed each wrist as deeply as he could. He wanted it all to end. He didn't think he could handle it anymore.
And he hung it on the bathroom door
Because this time he didn't think
He could reach the kitchen
And just before the world became black, he wrote the title of the poem onto the bag in his own blood. And he placed it on the door, just above where he lay. Then, he felt no more.