Disclaimer: Not mine. Ask Joss Whedon and the Mutant Enemies.

AN: Okay guys, my first story here! SQUEE!

I wanted the story to be similar to one of those 60s TV spots for blenders, if you know what I mean. And I so loved to sprinkle it with Buffyverse's references.

I just wanted to say how this shot was born. Some of us joined a community (or group, as you prefer) on Facebook, specifically for Buffy TVS and Angel the Series writers. Here, ashes at midnight edited the photo of the banner (here or here) and my mind, loving the Whirlwinds and the 60s, started to work on its own. What can I say? Hope you'll enjoy it!

If you prefer to read the T version, go on my T rated account.

Special thanks to ashes of course! She owns at least the 50% of the story, and the other 49% goes to Constant Comment Tea for her amazing work as beta (see Josh? I own only the 1%). And thanks to all the R&Rers of the story.

Love American Style

William "Spike" Whirlwind was born from Darla and Liam "Angelus" Whirlwind in 1948 in Sunnydale, a sunny little town on the Californian coast. He is now 14 years old and lives in a lovely mansion in a lovely street, with lovely gardens and lovely neighbors. Every morning, the milk boy covers the whole area on his bike while delivering milk, and, being the paper boy too, he does it again an hour later.

Of course, the Paper Boy Who Is Also The Milk Boy is black; and black people are the children of the Devil- or at least William's grandfather on his mother's side, Heinrich Nest, says so. Truth be told, Spike likes that boy, Charles Gunn, but Spike's grandpa has always been the stubborn, not- adaptable-to-changes kind of old man. Should Spike listen to Heinrich, he would believe that vampires are real, that his grandfather's face is the way it is because he has gone "past the curse of human features" (and not because of the smallpox that had affected him when he was a child), and that because Spike dyed his hair in bleached blonde, one day he would become a fan of band with absurd names like "Sensual Guns" and that he would go around wearing nothing but black leather. However, his father more than once said to Spike that he should never believe someone whose by-name was "The Master" because he owned a brothel called "The Bronze" downtown. Angelus and his father-in-law have never gotten along very well, as Darla always remarks.

Spike also has a sister, Drusilla, but he likes to call her Dru. Dru's older than him and is their father's little princess: he often calls her his "masterpiece" and says that William was born because at four years old she felt so alone and she wanted a playmate. One may think he and Dru have the usual bickering brotherly/sisterly relationship, but they don't: maybe this is because Drusilla isn't the usual girl. His dad always laughs condescendingly to the strange things she says looking at the sky with her faraway gaze, while Spike always tries to guess their meaning and understand it- he suspects his father does too, but doesn't say it. His mother, on the contrary, is always annoyed at Dru when she says nonsensical things, and she blames their father, saying that it's his fault, that he made Dru like this. His father usually shrugs and returns to read his newspaper, and there's nothing that enrages Darla Whirlwind née Nest more than being ignored- especially from her own husband.

His father comes home from work every afternoon at 5.00 P.M., and as soon as he enters he takes his black coat off- he never wears another-, goes into the living room, sits into his favourite armchair in his suite with his paper already spread on the crime news- he adores things like that- and lights his pipe, smirking with that wicked smirk of his because he knows their mother hates it when he does that, and there's nothing more that he adores than to annoy her.

Spike's mother, however, thinks otherwise: often the children hear their parents' arguments, and once they overheard (uttering startled gasps of embarrassment and shock) their mother scream to Angelus that the thing he loves the most in this world is "a blond cunt." They never really understood what their mother meant. Neither do they understand when she cries to her husband about some stranger named Gwen, Cordelia- she's their father's secretary, so why is it a problem that she often kneels under his desk to pick up the things that fall under it?- and some other kids named Penn and Faith. Spike doesn't have any siblings except Dru; why does his mother call those kids that way?

Their father replies that when they married he knew that Darla thought he would have fallen to her knees like Lindsey- who's Lindsey?- and everyone else does, but that he's different. Angelus isn't anybody's lapdog, and their mother has a little control issue. However, they lose it again when she angrily retorts that there is a person he "lapdogs" for, that the two of them aren't even- and there she uses the "f" word that Spike's not allowed to say- and that he already looks at her with "puppy dog eyes." She never says the name.

By the way, Spike knows well that, even with their little imperfections, the Whirlwinds are the perfect family, and everyone agrees, because they never seem to be otherwise, even to his and his sister's eyes; unlike the Summers, next door, who argue everywhere and make their daughter Buffy be ashamed of going around. Truth be told, Spike has a crush on her, even if she does nothing but ridicule him and loathe everyone in his family- or at least he thinks so.

Yes, the Whirlwinds are the perfect family.

Obviously, when he says that, Spike doesn't know that his father will run off with the their neighbors' daughter as soon as she comes of age and have a child with her, Connor, and stay with her for the rest of his life, visiting every month all of his four children (he finally understood who Penn and Faith were), and never cheating on her. He, Spike, will spend half of his life loathing the wife who calls him her "blondie bear", not being able to marry his step-mother whom he's in love with. His mother will never give the divorce to his father, even when she's finally able to have her long- time lover Lindsay come to her own home to do as they like, but always regretting the time with the man she couldn't tame and that will always be the one she'll compare her other lovers with. And Dru will follow their father's example and will ran off at the age of 23 with a guy he found so disgusting, Spike called him " The Chaos Demon".

But, most of all, Spike doesn't know that his grandpa was right: he will become a fan of the Sex Pistols and go around wearing nothing but leather.

So? What do you think? Review and let me know!