Title: Necessary
Author: L.C. Webbs
Summary: Sanzo contemplates his relationship with Gojyo
Pairings: 39, 35
Warnings: slash
Disclaimer: Saiyuki, in all its brilliance, belongs to someone else.
Don't steal it. It's not even that good.
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Sanzo hated that Gojyo slept after sex. He hated how Gojyo slept there, next to him, his red hair slowly rising with his breath. Hated, how Sanzo could never sleep afterwards and how he was always alone with nothing but his thoughts.
Sanzo hated to be alone with his thoughts, sometimes.
He knew he loved Gojyo. He knew that stupid kappa was his and no one else's because whenever he looked at Gojyo, he saw an overwhelming love in his red eyes that he could not drown out. Sanzo could not kill that love. And Sanzo not only craved it, lusted for it, he needed it. Sanzo needed that unconditional love like Goku needed food.
He may be able to give up cigarettes for it. Maybe.
So Sanzo knew he loved Gojyo, because Gojyo did not fit anywhere else.
And yet…
Even after sex, Sanzo thought. Because he kept seeing golden eyes and brown hair. Because no matter how hard he tried to drown it out, Goku's voice was still there, a constant reminder of bonds that were stronger then love. And his mind would keep telling him that what he needed in Gojyo, he already had in Goku.
And that scared him. Because if Goku didn't love him back, Sanzo was not ready to be alone. He was not that strong.
Sanzo needed Gojyo's love. He needed it more than anything.
Red hair stirred beside him and Gojyo sat up, a clumsy smile on his face, his eyes barely opened and for a minute Sanzo though that Gojyo's eyes did not focus on Sanzo but something else, in a place that Sanzo could not give him.
Sanzo sighed as the red-head fell gracefully back to the bed, mumbling some incoherent sweet nothing. Sanzo lit up.
Somewhere, deep down, he probably wanted it too.
The End.
I may write a companion ficlet. Depends on how lazy I am.