(AN: This is a small fic and poem about after Edward left from Bella's POV. It is set after she came out of her 'zombieness', but before she met Jacob)
I stand in the middle of my bedroom, and all the memories come flooding back. Falling asleep in his arms, waking up to his smile, his strong arms around me, protecting me from everything that would cause me pain. I never believed that he would one day become the source of my pain. An aching sense of longing in my heart opens up and I wonder how I will survive this. How can face the world knowing that he left, that he didn't love me the way I loved him. The hole in my chest cracks open and I can no longer stand. I collapse at my desk. It is then that I noice how even though months may have past, nothing has changed. I pick up my pen, and I begin to write. I write about my life since he left. Ever since he left, everything about me comes down to the mask. The mask of normality which hides the true me. I think to last night and having dinner with my dad, and pen is put to paper.
Crystal tears carve glistening tracks down my face
No longer can I hide the pain I am feeling
And so I run
I seek the asylum of scalding water
Burning my skin
Yet also burning away the pain
Once I am sure of my safety
I let go of my control
The mask I have worn for so long is gone
Leaving only raw emotions
Too intense, too much
I fall to the floor
Gasping for air
Water rushes around me
As I sob uncontrollably
This is what I have become
A puppet
Controlled by others' ideas of what I should be
The character I play is one I can never escape
So I play their games
Keeping my feelings locked away
Until it all becomes too much
And I lose control
The moment has passed now
I pick myself up
And wash the tear streaks from my face
Clearing all traces of unwanted emotions
I hold my head high
And walk out the door
Onto my stage
My character back in play
A mask hiding the turmoil I feel inside