Title: "I Haven't Told Him"
Author: Cassandra Mulder
Rating: G
Archive: Anywhere reputable, as long as you e-mail me about it first, and leave
my name attached.
Classifications: Vignette, MSR, Longing :)
Disclaimer: For the 50th time, I don't own the X-Files, it's Chris Carter's baby.
Author's Notes: I wrote this while thinking about all the things Scully might
want to tell Mulder, but she's never had the courage to say them. This is just
my take on that.
Feedback: Very much appreciated! At dana_mulder31@hotmail.com
POV: Scully
*******************************************************
I love him. I really do, but he doesn't know it. I haven't told him. Surely he
knows that I care for him, he has to know that by now. But love....somehow
it has never come up. Even friends say they love each other, but not us. In
some strange way, maybe we both think it would change something. I don't
even understand it myself.
I wish he knew how much he means to me. But I haven't told him. He doesn't
know how much I appreciate him trying to protect me. Even when I'm playing
the independent, strong woman, who's perfectly capable of doing everything
by herself, I need him beside me. He is my strength, my truth, my touchstone.
The latter he knows, but the rest I haven't told him.
He needs to know that I could never live without him. But I haven't told him.
He doesn't know that I could stay in his arms forever when he holds me, or
how I could positively drown in his eyes given the chance. He has beautiful
eyes. He doesn't know I want him to hold me, and I want to drown in those
eyes, and I want so much more for us. He can't know, and he won't know,
because I haven't told him.
Without him, I wouldn't have made it through my father's death, my abduction,
Pfaster, Melissa's death, my cancer, and finding and losing Emily. When I didn't
have anyone else, he was always there beside me, to comfort me. Not telling me
everything would be all right, because he knew that wasn't true, but telling me
that I could and would make it through. And through him believing in me, I did
make it through. I'll always have the strength of his beliefs. But I haven't told
him that in a long time.
I want to be with him forever, but I haven't told him. To imagine my life without
him now is impossible, unfathomable to the greatest extent. He's become as
much a part of me as my own heartbeat, my own breath. To lose him would be
like losing a part of myself, an injury from which I could never recover. Life
without him would mean nothing, and I don't think that I could go on.
In the end, it all comes down to him. Not the government, the conspiracies,
the lies, the cover-ups, aliens, or mysterious men, only him. He's all I think
about, and all I need at the end of the day. But I haven't told him.
The End
Author: Cassandra Mulder
Rating: G
Archive: Anywhere reputable, as long as you e-mail me about it first, and leave
my name attached.
Classifications: Vignette, MSR, Longing :)
Disclaimer: For the 50th time, I don't own the X-Files, it's Chris Carter's baby.
Author's Notes: I wrote this while thinking about all the things Scully might
want to tell Mulder, but she's never had the courage to say them. This is just
my take on that.
Feedback: Very much appreciated! At dana_mulder31@hotmail.com
POV: Scully
*******************************************************
I love him. I really do, but he doesn't know it. I haven't told him. Surely he
knows that I care for him, he has to know that by now. But love....somehow
it has never come up. Even friends say they love each other, but not us. In
some strange way, maybe we both think it would change something. I don't
even understand it myself.
I wish he knew how much he means to me. But I haven't told him. He doesn't
know how much I appreciate him trying to protect me. Even when I'm playing
the independent, strong woman, who's perfectly capable of doing everything
by herself, I need him beside me. He is my strength, my truth, my touchstone.
The latter he knows, but the rest I haven't told him.
He needs to know that I could never live without him. But I haven't told him.
He doesn't know that I could stay in his arms forever when he holds me, or
how I could positively drown in his eyes given the chance. He has beautiful
eyes. He doesn't know I want him to hold me, and I want to drown in those
eyes, and I want so much more for us. He can't know, and he won't know,
because I haven't told him.
Without him, I wouldn't have made it through my father's death, my abduction,
Pfaster, Melissa's death, my cancer, and finding and losing Emily. When I didn't
have anyone else, he was always there beside me, to comfort me. Not telling me
everything would be all right, because he knew that wasn't true, but telling me
that I could and would make it through. And through him believing in me, I did
make it through. I'll always have the strength of his beliefs. But I haven't told
him that in a long time.
I want to be with him forever, but I haven't told him. To imagine my life without
him now is impossible, unfathomable to the greatest extent. He's become as
much a part of me as my own heartbeat, my own breath. To lose him would be
like losing a part of myself, an injury from which I could never recover. Life
without him would mean nothing, and I don't think that I could go on.
In the end, it all comes down to him. Not the government, the conspiracies,
the lies, the cover-ups, aliens, or mysterious men, only him. He's all I think
about, and all I need at the end of the day. But I haven't told him.
The End