A/N: I guess this is inspired by PMS. JK! Well, I was reading a sad story a while ago about Ron being depressed, and lately I've been reading a lot of Rose/Scorpius stories. So I thought, not everything is perfect in the Malfoy household. I'm sure Draco has leftover pain, which is understandable to an extent but what happens if he has reacted negatively to it. Emotions are a twisted thing. It's what makes us different from animals apparently, right. Emotions and feelings are not black and white, they are messy and uncontrollable sometimes. But what about the parts that ARE controllable, which are instead left to fester. I think some of you may understand this pain. I have too much empathy. Anyway, I'm rambling too much for you guys. I really hope to have courage to write prose one day but until then I will stick to disjointed poetry! :)
Disclaimer: Oops, I forgot to say I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters, etc - only my ideas and insanity.
Familiar Pain
Does anyone ever see me, do any of them want me
I feel so broken, so sad, so hurt
My family is torn apart
It's not fair how easy it is for some to be happy
I don't even want that, I just want some peace
Always with the yelling and the fear that one day my life will shatter
I can't even breathe properly without dad making me feel guilty
I want to be myself, to have her complete me
How can I when I am so tied to my family
And they give me nothing but sadness
Dad is never going to be ok, he'll always resent himself and think he isn't good enough
But I hate him taking it out on mom and me
How can I join a family who fights yet supports thoroughly
My own is broken, so broken
I want to protect and I must protect them
But I want more for myself
I don't know if I deserve to be happy
Do I deserve to be happy?
I'm not good enough either
Dad thinks it's all about him, it's ALWAYS effing about him
I'm so fed up of his sickness and his cyclical need for sympathy
We can't live in peace because his parents hate him, throw things at him, are deranged
The darkness inside them seeps into him, into me
I don't want it, I DON'T WANT IT
Daddy save me, save me and support me
You love me but I am nothing to you
You hate yourself and your parents for forcing you so
Yet you prey on those weaker every day and hate yourself more
I don't give you peace? You never gave me any either
How do I make someone family if I can't even fix my own
The mark is just a mark, it isn't your soul
But your soul is so black that even without hitting me, you cause me physical pain
You throw things in frustration and every time I flinch and hate myself for being weak
Every time I hope you will be better
But you are too busy making it about you and your problems
About how all you are is a jerk who couldn't do any better
And wallowing in self-pity and then twisting my words
How can I love her and hope she trusts me
How can I ask for her faith in me and yet still judge her
Knowing she has stability
Knowing she can walk away if she wants to
She is beautiful and kind
And has self-confidence and a real family
How can I know she won't leave me
How can I know I won't be frustrated as well
What if I'm you?
A/N #2: Oh yea, and I've been watching too much Daria. I just got the series on dvd... hmm, this makes more sense now... La lA la laa laaaaa.