I do not have ownership of Twilight or any of it's characters.

This is going to be my outlet for my Jacob love. I hope you enjoy it.

~Preface~

"So, I have to ask you a question?" I sighed, averting my eyes from his steady gaze.

We lay in the bed of my truck, lying watching the stars under a blanket. I cuddled close to him, the night wind freezing against my body. He was warm to touch, steaming hot in both looks and temperature. Our faces were close, breaths brushing each other's faces. His eyes were as shining as usual.

"Anything, of course," he answered. My heart beat quickened at the sound of his voice, as it always did. That annoyed the hell out of me, every single time.

How exactly was I suppose to put this? I knew, it wasn't what he expected, and it wasn't what I wanted to say either. When I first met him, I never expected it to get this far. I never expected to feel this way about anyone in my entire life. It was a feeling, I didn't understand at all.

How just the sound of his voice, could make my heart beat quicken or how his touch made me shiver with pleasure. How when we kissed, his gentle lips made me feel alive. When it was with more passion, more lust, it was crazy. I couldn't believe how far we could get in a matter of minutes. How the first time he kissed me, my first kiss ever, also turned out to be my first time at first base in a matter of seconds. It was insane, and unbelievable at best.

And that's exactly why I have to do this.

I lifted my pale hand and caressed his tan cheek. "Are you sure, that this is going okay?"

"What do you mean?" Jake questioned, light hearted.

I remained silent, and he must have realized it was something important. He pulled me closer to him and rubbed my back, worried about me. "What's wrong Meg?"

I didn't want to do it. What am I talking about, I can't give this up? This is the best thing that has ever happened to me in… forever. I couldn't end this, I just couldn't.

The image of my mother flashed through my brain. Next both my grandmothers, my aunts, my cousins.

I sat up from him and pulled away. He stood up simultaneously, like we were attached by a string. That's how it seemed majority of the time, no matter how cliché it was.

"Meg, are you okay?" he questioned. I refused to look him in the eyes. If I did, he would win no doubt. His voice already was getting me half way there.

"Jake, we're over," I said, probably louder than usual. Like a band-aid, fast and over with.

He was silent, and all I could hear was the sound of night around us. My eyes kept locked with his chest, covered by a tight fitting grey t-shirt. I remembered that skin, what it felt like against mine those many times. I shook my head, trying to get rid of the memories.

"Why?" he wondered, sounding desperate.

I knew what look he had in his eyes, without even looking at them. Those eyes killed me. Jacob Black was my only weakness, the only thing that could break me.

And that's why he had to go.

I stood up and hoped out of the car bed. He stood up slowly and followed me, bringing the blanket with him. I sighed as he stood near me, his chest eye level.

"I just… can't do this anymore Jake," I whispered.

He grabbed my chin, a little rougher than usual and made me look at his face, into his eyes.

"Jacob-"

"Meg, what's wrong. We were just fine tonight, and now you say you want this to be over. Is everything okay? Is your dad mad at you again, are you too stressed out, what?" he asked, desperately.

His eyes were full, full of sadness, desperation, and love. He'd told me many times, that I was his life and meaning. He'd shown it to me, on many occasions. I loved him, so much. As much of a weakness he was to me, he was also my strength. He brought out the best, and the worst in me.

I broke away from him, stepping away.

"Meg?"

"Jake, please," I said.

"Meg, what the hell is wrong? This isn't like you at all," he argued, getting angry.

And that's when I did too. "And what is like me Jake?"

"Not this. Meg, please explain this to me."

I rolled my eyes. "Well, here's my explanation. I don't want you Jacob because I deserve better. You were fun, but I'm not giving up my life for this. I mean, I'm eighteen and way too young for this," I explained, letting venom spray my words.

Wrong, oh so wrong.

He looked like an arrow had just been shot through him.

"I'm done Jacob. You're not good for me and.. I need to be on my own."

More lies.

He just stood there, taking it. I walked past him, and made my way to the driver's side of the car. He just watched me, bruised as I'd ever seen him. It hurt me, desperately. I looked away, I couldn't take it anymore.

"Meg…"

"Please Jake, don't," I interrupted.

With my eyes shut tight, trying to keep the tears inside, I hoped into the car and slammed the door behind me.

I didn't look back as I drove off. I didn't let any tears fall. I was doing the right thing, and I knew that. Everyone would be proud of me.

Everyone, except me.

Life doesn't always go the way you expect it to and life is definitely a gray area. No one is born with a meaning. There is no right and wrong. Life is hard, and that's why no one lives through it. What you are supposed to do and what you need to do are two completely different things.

But which one was right?

Chapter one should be coming soon. Ideas are much needed, so please review with some if you can. Everything will be taken into consideration.