Real A/N: This is sort of a parody, but not entirely.

Italic is what the "authors" in this story write, and normal is what's actually going on.

This is the only chapter I'm going to bother with showing the "author's" backspacing, and also the only one with intentionally bad spelling and grammar. I tried using strikethroughs on the backspacing, but for some reason the website does not approve, so it's just in brackets instead.

Chapter 1: A Shiro is born

A/N: This is my super-awesome one-shot with my OC, that is totally not me, that killes the Uchiha clan instead of Itachi. It's a one-shot, and I don't know if I'm going to do any more with her. If you fav this enough then maybe I will, but for now I have more important things to do. I just wrote this because I think it is really stupid that Itachi has to go and take the blame for this shit, and Sasuke killing him and then regretting it and swearing vengeance on Konoha, so I wrote this. ;P And btw, if you don't like, then don't read, flamers will be shot and killed with a gun!111!11!

Disclaimer: Everything but Shiro and the plot-twist belongs to the troll of all trolls: Masashi Kishimoto. Enjoy!

"Silver bells (glistened in the moonlight) chimed lightly in the warm summer breeze. (Two sapphire-blue eyes.) (Two emerald green.) (Grey eyes peered into the dark night looking for its target.) Milky-white eyes stared unseeing into the night. (A Hidden Village.) The Hidden Village of Konoha lay like a (emerald) rare gemstone in among the trees. One moment the shadowy figure was there, the next she was gone, on her way to the sleeping village."

Shiro, or Rebecca as her real name was, was terrified. She was jumping from tree to tree while some crazy girl narrated everything she did. She didn't have a soul crushing fear of heights; in fact she quite enjoyed the occasional flight, but try jumping from one 50 meter high tree to the next without shitting bricks. That's right, you can't. Now as if that wasn't bad enough, every now and then her clothes warped into something else, they changed colours or shape. Sometimes they even disappeared entirely to come back as something else, leaving her naked for several seconds, making her feel like Tarzan on a chilly day.

Not being able to control your actions was the worst experience Rebecca had ever had, and it terrified her. She couldn't even blink if she wanted. The only thing that blasted voice couldn't control were her thoughts, and that wasn't exactly helpful.

"Out of nowhere the figure suddenly stands in the middle of the Uchiha Compound, her katana drawn. Sakura leafs make to fall on her blade, but she cuts them before they reach it."

With inhumane speed Rebecca actually did as the voice said; another testament to her lack of control. Why would I even do that? And what is this place, and... Before she could contemplate it any further the voice continued.

"In another instant she was gone again, only to reappear hovering over the sleeping form of a black-haired man of the Uchiha-clan. With a swift and silent stroke of her blade the man is separated from his head."

I think I'm going to be sick. Rebecca's insides were churning, but her face revealed nothing. To anyone who might have accidently walked in right then, she looked every bit the cold-blooded murderer she was supposed to look like.

"A slight smile curved her mouth, and she moved on to the other rooms, and the other sleeping forms."

She felt like crying. She wanted to stop, to throw the sword down and just run, but it was useless. Every time her arms lifted of their own violation and came down on someone's neck, she felt sick, scared and angry. Regardless of what she wanted, the sword came down every time, without hesitation or pause, her body obeyed the horrible voice and killed everyone, man, woman and child, and the children were the worst. Their little forms lying there so peacefully one moment and then covered in blood and gore the next. And still she could do nothing to stop it.

"The dark figure was covered in (red) crimson (droplets of blood) life-blood, the liquid (running) cascading down her blade in rivulets. She stood in the middle of the street, the blood of her victims (colouring) painting the streets red around her."

Is that even possible? She got her answer as thin trickles of blood ran from the open doors of the houses in unrealistic quantities. Nothing but the rivers of blood moved, it seemed even the air itself had stopped, and she waited for the voice to give her another heinous command. But it didn't come, not for a long time.

Exactly how long she waited she had no idea, but after what felt like years, of the moon still not moving an inch, and unexplainable sakura-leafs standing still in the air before her, things came into motion again. The blood, as fresh as it had ever been, continued it's journey down her sword, her arms and her legs. And still she stood, as if waiting for something, or someone.

"The figure stood tall and unmoving in (the middle of) front of the entrance to the compound."

Tall? Are you making fun of me?!

"Just as the moon hit its zenith, she heard the unmistakable sound of sandals hitting a rooftop. Without turning or waiting for the attack she vanished from the street, and reappeared behind the new arrival, startling him and provoking him to draw his own blade.

'Now there is only you and your brother left, and then I will have fulfilled my vengeance!' She shouted at him."

The words felt wrong in her mouth, and quite frankly, stupid. After all, what was the point of being all quiet and shit, and then go ahead and shout so the whole place was sure to hear it? And vengeance? What did she have to avenge?

"With a deep and calm voice he relied.

'I don't know what vengeance you talk of, but I won't let you harm my brother, you will die tonight.'

Then he attacked, she parried him and jumped back. He activated his mangekyou sharingan in the hopes of ending this quickly, only to discover it had no effect on her.

'that's right, your stupid jutsu doesn't work on me. You wanna know why? Because I'm blind.' She laughed at his speechlessness."

Wait, what? One second she could see him clear as day, the next everything was black.

"The figure waved the hand signs Inu, Tori, Saru and Uma making a bright light appear and disappear.

'You see, I don't need my eyes to see, my chakra is plentiful enough for that.'

And so it became a purely sword-reliant fight, (and she was winning) but as good as she was with the sword, she was no match for the Uchiha prodigy, and Itachi was winning.

They both used their environment to their advantage, and moved on the rooftops. Her bells made echoing sounds over the entire compound, a part of her method to see, like bats do."

Rebecca was having the strangest sensation, she couldn't see, but at the same time she could, or perhaps it was more of a strong sense of certainty of her surroundings. In any case, she now knew where she was, the Naruto-verse as her sister liked to call it. And the guy she was fighting was that Itachi-fellow whose face covered the entire west wall of her sister's room. It was insane, improbable, impossible and many other adjectives starting with im- and in-.

"It looked like Itachi was going to win when the sound of child screaming brought them both out of their game. Sasuke had come home and was frozen by shock of the dead bodies littering the street."

'Frozen in shock'? I thought he was screaming, and when did the bodies make their way out into the streets?

"In a swift motion she was on the ground behind Sasuke, (and before Itachi could do anything her blade protruded from Sasuke's abdomen.) Itachi was a millisecond faster than her and ripped Sasuke out of harm's way before the cold-blooded killer could harm him.

They were both breathing heavily, blood pouring from their wounds. The figure was ready to make a last ditch attempt at killing the last two remaining Uchihas, but was stopped by a thrown kunai landing before her feet. The Anbu had come to join the party; she knew she didn't stand a chance anymore. She (threw a last glance at) reached out with her chakra to see Itachi holding Sasuke protectively to his chest one last time, and then she was gone.

In the wake of the figure's destruction the Anbu helped Itachi and Sasuke out of the compound and to the Hokage's office where everything was sorted out.

The End"

Rebecca suddenly found herself in the middle of the forest, luckily on the ground this time, and now in control of herself. The first thing she did was throw up, a lot.

The magical thingy the voice had made her do earlier was still working and the feeling of the blood clinging to her like a straightjacket was magnified tenfold, and that just made her throw up again.

She got up on unsteady feet and began to walk in what she knew had to be the opposite direction of the village... The village where she had just murdered an entire clan of people... Holy shit, what have I done?!... Well, technically I didn't do anything, the voice made me… wow that sounds crazy. But it doesn't matter whose fault it is, I'm still the one they're going to hunt and punish... I just killed people, and I'm not rolled up in a ball on the ground crying my head off, what's wrong with me?! I need a shrink, and chocolate, and some anti-crazies.

She was all alone in the world, one she knew nothing helpful about, like where she could hide, who could help her and if there was any way to make this nightmare stop. She felt she really should be wallowing in self-pity and tears, and yet she wasn't. Maybe I've just seen too many unrealistic horror movies, or I'm just a psycho... No, definitely too many movies.

There was only one thing for it, well actually two, but suicide was not really an option, at least not yet. She just had to keep walking, find a plastic surgeon and get her whole face remodelled. Or you know, hide somewhere, that works too.

Meanwhile in a parallel universe:

Susan sat back in her chair just admiring the screen, sipping her lemon tea and munching on a chocolate bar. In one swift motion she uploaded the self-proclaimed masterpiece to Fanfiction and gave herself a pat on the back for a story well written. Now if her own life could be as easily fixed she would be on cloud seven. Sadly that wasn't the case she realised, as her little brother burst into her room screaming and shouting about the last chocolate bar.