"We have to stop meeting like this."
Rigsby flinched at the defeated tone in Van Pelt's voice as he sat down opposite her on a bench in Capitol Park. He placed a cup of coffee and a blueberry muffin between them. A peace offering.
"Ordinarily, I'd agree, but you know that we can't have this conversation at home. We wouldn't get anything resolved."
Van Pelt chuckled ruefully. "That is certainly true." She paused for several long moments, idly picking at the muffin. "You were right, you know. About Hightower, I mean. She's everything you predicted she might be, and then some."
"Believe me, Grace, I don't get any satisfaction out of that. I hoped that I was going to be wrong about whoever they hired for that position. And now we're right back where we were six weeks ago."
She stared at her feet. "I know." She finally dared to look up and saw him watching her expectantly. "I don't know what we should do, Wayne. This decision Hightower's asking us to make, it's not fair."
His response surprised her. "Do you want to try fighting her on it?"
She shook her head. "That's a fight we wouldn't win. And we'd end up throwing both of our careers out the window if we even attempted it. I won't ask you to do that."
"It sounds to me like you've already made up your mind, and you just don't know how to tell me."
"You and I both know that neither of us are ready to commit yet to a long-term future together. Isn't that what we'd be doing if one of us left?"
"It doesn't have to be that way, Grace. We'd need time to adjust no matter what happened. You know I wouldn't push you into a situation you weren't ready for." He paused to gather his courage before barreling ahead, hoping that what he was about to say didn't come out completely backwards. "I know that deep down, you feel like you still have something to prove, to someone. I sure don't understand it; you don't have anything to prove to me, or to Lisbon, or even Cho. Jane either, when you think about it, but who really cares about his opinion?" He chuckled nervously. "I guess what I want to know is why I'm not enough for you?"
Grace swallowed the huge lump that had been developing in her throat and blinked rapidly to fight the tears that were threatening to stream down her face. She turned to face him; she owed him that much. "It's not that you're not enough for me, Wayne. It's that I'm not ready to be the woman you deserve, to have to come home to every night. I know that hoping you'll still be there once I'm caught up to where you are is asking a lot, but it's the best I can do right now. I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry for being honest, Grace." He leaned over to reach for her hands, but then seemed to think better of the idea and brought his hands back to his lap. "I love you, Grace, and I don't regret for one second falling for you or caring about you. But if you're not ready, then neither of us is going to be truly happy in this relationship, and I've been so over the moon about the fact that you wanted me, that I couldn't see that we were never totally on the same page. If stepping back from this relationship is what I have to do in order to keep you from walking away forever, then that's what I'll do. It's not going to be easy, but we'll make it work." He stood, heading back in the direction of the CBI building.
"You're a much better man than I deserve, Wayne Rigsby," she said quietly as he walked away.
To her surprise, he heard her, and turned around. "I disagree, Grace, but I'm not the one who's going to convince you otherwise. You're the only one who can do that."
It's for the best, she thought as the distance between them lengthened.
The voice inside her head, the one that fought to tell Wayne ages ago that she loved him, but couldn't break through the unending rows of walls she'd erected around her heart, laughed maniacally.
Keep telling yourself that, Grace, it whispered. Keep telling yourself that focusing on your career will keep you from getting hurt again. Keep telling yourself that you'll show everyone who doubted you what's what. Eventually, your career is all you're going to have left. And then where will you be?
She didn't have an answer.