-This is a depressing story...-sad face- It's...it's just sad. In a way. There's a sense of depression. The whole plot's been planned and everything. Just thought you should know. It's kind of messed, and I sorta overused the Italics a tad bit too much. When a word is Italicized, it must mean it's a flashback or a line remembered in a 'present' scene, or it's a word that has emphasis.

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy IX. If I did...um...I don't know what would happened. There would probably be a remake and the You're Not Alone Scene to be...longer?

The Iifa Tree...wow. That was one place I don't want to remember. There were a handful of places I don't want to remember; the Iifa Tree is one, the other is Desert Palace, Crystal World, Memoria. Terra. Oh god, Terra especially. I wanted to forget...but I couldn't. I couldn't because it was like I didn't want to. One must wonder why I'm in such a spiral of contradicting feelings.

I think I forgot to tell you who I was. I'm Zidane Tribal, famous thief who saved the world from my own brother. I thought I saved him too, but...

I used to think I was like everyone else—normal, with a normal life, but the tail always reminded me that I could be something else. Whenever Baku saw that look on my face, he would slap my back and give a laugh.

'Something got you down?' he always asked, that hearty laugh making me feel better.

'No, Boss.' I would grin.

'That's better!'

But now, Baku knows that the usual things he does to make me happy won't work anymore. Hell, the whole Tantalus knows that. It was like I had my own world that they felt they couldn't take part in. Maybe that's why they look at me with such sad eyes. Maybe it's because they know that I don't want to be in my own world, but I can't get out. Like I was trapped; a helpless canary stuck in a cage.

"Zidane?" Ruby came into my room.

"Yeah?"

"You wanna eat? There's some tasty grub downstairs. Yer gonna starve if ya don't eat breakfast!"

"Okay." I smiled faintly, leaping off the bed. "I'll be down in a minute..."

She nodded, returning a smile, then left. I looked back at the bed, trying to solve that question that seemed to know no answer. It was sad. My life was sad. Everything was now. What the hell happened to make my life a big glass filled to the brim with depression? Oh, I remember. My supposed purpose. The lies I thought were true. I felt like an anti hero, killing my own brother. I thought it was his own lifespan that took him away, not my dagger. Wasn't it his lifespan that took him away?

'Some questions are better left without an answer.' Baku told me once, a serious look on his face. 'The answers can be too painful. We're better off livin' without answers like those.'

'But aren't they the truth?'

'There are just some things that are better left unsaid; unknown.'

I jump down from my room on the Prima Vista, slowly walking towards the room. No one has sparked a conversation with me as much recently, it was always Baku. Everyone already has the impression that I just lost it; lost my sanity. I don't think I have, if I hadn't gone killing people, I haven't gone insane, right?

...right?

"Hey Zidane." Blank said, eying me quite carefully. "How was your sleep?"

I smiled faintly. "Normal."

He eyed me for a few more seconds then went back to drinking his coffee. I know, Blank, I've changed. It's obvious, anyone can see it.

I looked at Marcus, who had his back turned to me. He was looking for other things to eat other than Ruby's cooking in the cabinet. Ruby wasn't minding Marcus and just went about her business. Cinna was always, always making coffee. I took my seat, resting my head on my arms. I was tired from staying up late just to memorize my part. I had an easier time when he...

No, I shouldn't think about it.

"You look tired..." Cinna commented. "Up late again?"

I nodded my head silently, feeling heavy eye bags pulling my head down. It's like I was drifting in and out of sleep, I definitely needed something that could keep me awake. The play wasn't today, but it was near. Tomorrow, at Burmecia. I've never performed in Burmecia, but I guess it was to celebrate the success of their efforts, restoring the place and all. I felt my skin crawl. Burmecia; I just knew Freya was there. Oh god, Freya. She'd recognize me from a mile away.

"Here." Cinna put down a cup of coffee in front of me. "It's your favorite. Has a bit of hazelnut syrup in there."

"Thanks..."

"No falling asleep on the table!" Baku slapped my back, sending a sharp pain down my spine. I sat up straight, cringing at the needles I could feel on my back. I mentally snarled. He's my foster dad, but...damn his hits hurt like hell.

"Argh...that stings..." I stretched a little, picking up my coffee and taking a sip.

"You should know better than to sleep late."

"It was to memorize the play..."

"Still."

I gave him a small pout and shut my eyes, gulping down the hazelnut coffee. I sighed. "Fine, whatever floats your boat..."

I disobeyed Baku's orders again, only in secrecy. I held the script tightly, a cup of yet another coffee beside me. The moon has been up there for the past eight to nine hours. Meaning it's way past midnight. I couldn't sleep, and at the same time, I kept forgetting one line. I keep reading it again and again, but somehow, it never seems to escape my lips as fluidly as everything else did. Whenever I had to say the line, I remember everything that I shouldn't. I understood it; I understood the line, I know what it means. I just...can't.

"I shan't kill you, my brother. I too, have such a heavy heart filled with hate, but alas, my morality forbids such a crime." I muttered, pausing a while. I threw the script to the ground and laughed softly. "Sounds so damn familiar. Ha. I can't say this..."

I plopped down on my bed, trying to say the line again. "I shan't kill you, my brother. I too...have such a heavy heart filled with hate...but...alas, my morality..." I paused. "forbids such a crime." I was half successful again. At least I can remember it, but I can't say it as fluidly as I should. This was about the twentieth time I repeated this line in the past hour. That was just how horrible and how distracted I can get. I want to sleep, but as of now, I can't.

I suddenly remember my old self. Ha, there I go again, looking through memories.

'Ha! Blank, you just got owned.'

'You're full of crap, Zidane.'

'I know you are, but what am I?'

'Shut up!'

I was always so cheery, I always had the power to change people somehow. I always laughed. Now, I'm just a big lump of depression and questions, I don't even know what happened. What am I saying? I know what happened. I guess I'm just wondering why it's affecting me so much.

"You disobeyed me again." Baku sighed. I jumped up from the bed, startled. I immediately stepped on the script and kick it backwards, under the bed. He walked closer and closer, he didn't look angry. Just...sad. Why...? Why is everyone so...?

"Sleep. I already asked someone else to fill—"

"I can do this, Boss!"

"You should know by now there are things you can't do." Baku snapped, but still kept his voice as low as possible. "It's three in the morning, you should sleep. You know how much you need sleep. Especially now. You can't just throw away your rest time."

"I know I can't just throw it away. I know I need to sleep. I know everything you're telling me but I can do this! I can...I..."

Baku put a hand on my shoulder, gripping it tightly. "Zidane, your mental state is—"

"I said I'm fine! How come no one understands that?!" I screamed at him. "How come everyone is so concerned? How come you're treating me like some nutcase who can't even think logically? I said I can handle this! I don't need help figuring things out. I don't need special treatment...I'm...normal."

Baku sighed. "Just go to sleep. We'll talk about this later in the morning."

"It is morning."

"When the sun comes up. Zidane, just rest. If you really think you can handle this, then...get ready."

I watched Baku leave, slowly walking back to his room. I frowned. I think I woke up the Nero brothers. They slept in one room near mine, almost right below my room. I never exactly understood why I was the only one who slept on top. Maybe it was how much Baku loved me as a son? Maybe that's it.

Zenero popped his head out of his room, looking up at me. I stared back at him, then turned back to sleep.

It was morning, I felt the sun beating down right on my eyes. Turning around, I felt someone in the room. I pretended to be asleep, feeling whoever was there take a step forward. Two steps. Three. Four. I feel a hand, I freeze, my breath coming to a stop. It wasn't Baku, was it?

I slowly open my eyes, releasing my tension. It was Blank. In the play, he posed as my closest friend.

"I know we rarely do this, but I'm gonna help you remember some lines, if ever you forget."

"Why are you helping me...?"

"Don't go all loner. You're a Tantalus brother, no mater what."

I smiled sleepily. "Thanks."

"Get your ass off the bed."

"It's not on the bed." I said, poking my tongue out. "my side is." I got up anyway, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. "Ugh, what time is it?"

"It's seven."

I nodded slightly. Getting up to go to the bathroom. I looked at Blank over my shoulder, smirking a bit. "Are you really gonna stay there and watch me? How gay and perverted, Blank."

"Shut up Zidane, I wouldn't kiss you even if my life depended on it."

"Whatever." I said, waving my hand and locking the door. I heard him take a few steps to the exit, shouting as if I was at the other side of the world.

"Hurry up, the Boss actually wanted us to be late so you can rest up and all that shit." He laughed a little, jumping down.

I stared at the mirror. Wow, I look horrible; my hair's a mess, my clothes are all wrinkled, I look pale. Ugh. I grabbed the brush and started getting all the tangles out, grimacing at the pain of it. I didn't want Baku to get angry again, making me rush. I tied my hair, straightened my clothes...

Heh, what would he say?

I shake my head again, brushing my teeth and washing my face at the same time. Even I wonder how I did do both those things at the same time. I fixed my collar, dusted myself off and twisted the knob, about to go down.

"Zidane! Yer food is gettin' cold!"

"Coming!"

"I shall stop your reign, here and now!" Blank declared, bringing up his sword up to the sky. I clenched the inside of my cloak and pulled it to my other side, trying to conceal anything that might give me away. I watched Blank go on with his lines. The play was about two brave warriors who face the dark lord in an attempt to overthrow him. I had to be the mage, since warriors don't exactly cover their identity with robes and hoods. "Your life, I will end!"

Marcus, who posed as the dark lord, removed his mask. This was when I was supposed to come in. I gasped, pushing Blank away. "Nay, my friend. Thee shan't kill him!"

"Is this the friend who vowed to fulfill thy mission? What has gotten to thee?"

"I forbid this! I forbid the killing of my brother." I paused, suddenly remembering—I shook my head. "Nay, my brother shan't die by your hand!"

I turned to Marcus, forcing myself to remember our rehearsal. Walk up to him and bend down, walk up to him and bend down, I told myself. "Brother, why have you left me, with nothing more than faint trails? Why have you betrayed your country; our country?"

"Brother, I have been blinded by such envy. Envy of all those who have felt love of mothers and fathers. They have all had everything. Envy took over me, and—" Marcus pretended there was a gash on his side, grimacing in pain. "Kill me, brother. I do not deserve to walk this planet...!"

I don't deserve to live...

"No..." I muttered. Marcus and Blank looked at me, a bit confused. I shook my head, standing up. "Nay! Never shall I kill my own brother; my own flesh and blood. I shan't kill you. I too, have such a heavy heart filled with hate, but alas, my morality forbids such a crime..." That seemed to spark a lot, I needed to let go, but I shouldn't. I went with the next best option; pretend it's part of the play. "Killing my own brother? What cruelty. A man cannot kill one of his own flesh and blood...I would die from regret if I shall do so. I am not one to take lives, I cannot judge people. I can only give them second chances, to atone for what they did. Perhaps to change, too."

That was as far as I could say that would seem like it was part of the play. I took slight glance at the crowd. They were so interested in the play. The Burmecians were all silent, anxiously waiting for the next scene. Each citizen was watching intently, awaiting the next part of the play. It was like I cold feel their heart beating faster and faster, excited for the next moment.

Marcus stared at me, a bit confused. He just slightly nodded and proceeded with his line. "There is nothing left for me here but the cruel reminders of my envy. Brother, if thou shall not kill me, I shall end my own life!" He grabbed his own sword, and thrust it under his arms to make it look like he just stabbed himself. He curled up on the floor amidst the gasps.

He whispered "Forgive me, brother." He gasped for air. "I have caused..." my mind shifted—

I've caused so much pain...so much lives were lost. Brother, leave here. I do not want to see you die here with me. Go, I have not saved your life for nothing...

Kuja...you've done one good thing to me. I will always remember that. You don't deserve this in my book. You don't...

"No!" I screamed, kneeling down beside Marcus. "Brother!" And the curtains fell, concealing the stage. I heard a big round of applause from the crowd outside while I put down my hood, wondering how well I did. They all loved that play. I smiled a little to myself, I looked like I was nuts, smiling to myself like that. Marcus and Blank grinned at me, giving a thumbs up.

"Come on, Zidane. Put your hood back on, we gotta go and take a bow." Marcus said, pushing me along. I put back my hood, pulling it down further to make sure no one could see my eyes. When I stepped out, the first thing I saw was Freya, way at the back. I felt a pang in my heart. How long have I kept them all waiting?

"Thank you all for watching!" Baku said s loud as he could, bowing low. We did the same, but...

"Zidane!" Blank said, just above a whisper. I felt like I couldn't balance myself. I was slowly losing control of my body, everything going into a blur. Eventually, I couldn't see a thing and I hit the floor, almost face-flat on the stage, feeling the cold wood on my cheek. The last thing I heard was my own name, called by none other than what seemed like Freya.