A little one-shot based on if Bella never had her 'epiphany' in New Moon and needed more time to start trusting Edward again.
"Dammit Bella! He'll leave you again! Stop running back to him; I won't be here next time you're a mess!" Jacob yelled.
I winced. Maybe coming to see him was a bad idea. I had no response for his yells. I still didn't know myself if Edward was staying, no matter what he said. The danger of hoping had built up so much in the past week, and I fought not to let Edward's constant words of staying scribe themselves into my heart, in fear of the outcome for when he did leave, breaking all his promises again.
I couldn't leave him though. The time he would stay was to be treasured, not wasted.
The rain drizzled onto Jacob and me; he glared, and I hoped I hadn't raised his anger high enough to destroy his self-control.
"I'm sorry Jacob," I said finally, walking away from my best friend for what could've been the last time.
I was going to regret this so much; how was I going to survive when Edward left again? I drove back home in my truck, some tears escaping my eyes. Jacob had been my rock for so long. I cut the engine once in the driveway and wiped my tears. Edward would most likely be waiting for me, that is, if he was still in Forks, and had not decided to go off again.
Greeting Charlie normally, I headed up the stairs, holding onto the banister in a feeble attempt to remain graceful. I still tripped on the last step, the ground whizzing up to my face, before cool arms wrapped themselves around my waist, pulling back onto my feet.
"What am I going to do with you, Bella?" he sighed before carrying me into my room and laying me onto my bed. He tucked me under the covers before laying down himself, dropping an arm on my waist over the quilt.
I simply stared at his beautiful face, desperately trying to lengthen my memory of every inch of his features. He frowned when realizing what I was doing. I'd told him the meaning of my stare one day, and the expression of agony couldn't leave my mind ever since.
"I'm not leaving you Bella," he growled, growing angry.
"I know," I said softly, running my fingertips across his forearm, now trying to memorize the feel of his granite cold skin.
"I'm serious Bella," the growl was more pronounced. "I will never leave you again."
His eyes were like magnets, making me to look into them, and I fought to not let his words swallow me whole. I knew that I had already begin to hope, although I denied it, but every time he repeated that he wouldn't leave, he convinced me more. The hope was rising, tossing, turning, and kicking and screaming, not wanting to rise, but it was being forced beyond will. It still seemed impossible that my angel would want someone as plain, boring, klutzy and simply human as me.
He wanted me to marry him though. He was beginning to understand that no matter what he did, I was going to become like him, and live for eternity. He had offered to change me himself, in turn of a marriage with me. If he was willing to give me so much, then he couldn't leave again, could he? Edward hadn't promised me eternity when he left before. He was promising now. But he's always open to leaving before graduation, with his family, including Carlisle.
I stopped thinking, and squeezed my eyes tight. There was too much hope, too much sincerity in Edward's words, and too many promises going around. I wasn't going to survive when he left again. It was too impossible that Edward was making all these promises, saying he wouldn't leave, that he loved me, that he wanted to marry me, and it would all come back and slap me in the face when he left again. He didn't want me. It didn't matter though; because I would always want him and only him. When he left again, I wouldn't jump off the cliff to hear his voice; I would jump off the cliff to die and to let Edward be free of his imaginary guilt. Perhaps I shouldn't wait. Perhaps I should get up and drive to the cliffs, and let Edward be free right now. Perh—
"Bella?" Edward broke into my thoughts, his topaz eyes smoldering as he stared at me.
No. I couldn't do it again. Edward would just go back to the Volturi, despite what happened last time. He would end up in heaven, and I would end up in hell.
"Yes?" I answered softly, finding it hard to breathe.
He looked as if he was going to say something, but then he groaned in frustration, and pulled me close to his marble body, burying his head into my neck. "I wish I could just hear your thoughts!"
Normally I would've joked that he would now know how others felt, but I wasn't in the moment enough for the amusement. So I just lay there, relishing the feel of his sweet breath on my pulse point, afraid I would never feel it again.
"Tell me what you're thinking about right now," Edward said a moment later, his breath whizzing up and making my mind hazy.
"I was—I was thinking about how sweet your breath is," I said, knowing it was half true.
"And?" Edward pressed, easily sensing that there was more.
"And nothing else," I lied, not wanting to see the agony on his face if I told him the truth.
"Please tell me, Bella," he persisted, lifting his head and forcing me to look into his eyes.
"No," I said when I caught my breath back.
"Why not?" he continued his questioning, tracing my face with the cool texture of his fingertips.
"Be—because…" My heart rate was rising noticeably, and my eyes couldn't move from the topaz irises of his.
"Please Bella?" he breathed, much like he had the night he proposed.
And this time, I couldn't resist it. "I was—I was thinking if I would ever feel your breath on my skin again," I said, blushing at how lovesick I sounded, and looking away, not able to take the sadness and guilt in his eyes.
"Bella, why don't you believe me?" Edward asked, moving my chin with his fingers and forcing me to look at him again. "I'm never leaving you again," he said, resting his head on my shoulder and looking up at me boyishly. "I love you, Bella."
I closed my eyes, fighting the hope rising in me again.
"I know you need time," Edward said, making me open my eyes to look at him again. "But knowing that you don't trust me to stay makes me want to curl up into a pathetic ball and let the misery have me again."
I removed my gaze from him and stared out of the window. I hated that I was hurting him, but he wasn't the only one.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, not sure what I had exactly done or what I was apologizing for.
"What are you apologizing for? I'm the one who left. This is my fault," Edward blamed.
"No, I'm the lousy human, I get why you left, Ed—"
"No, Bella you don't," Edward nearly growled. "You're not a lousy human, you're one of the most beautiful creatures to walk on this walk, and I'm the lucky one considering you'd want to be with a monster!"
"You're not a monster, Edward," I said quietly.
He stared at me with tense eyes, and lifted his head to brush my lips with his tenderly. My heart raced, and I kissed his cool, stone lips back eagerly.
"I love you, Bella," he murmured once pulling away, and rested his lips on my neck, where he quickly found my pulse point and felt it slow down.
I sighed and twisted my hands into his hair.
Who knew how much longer I had with him?
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