Apples don't fall far from their trees
I can't tell you just how many times I wanted to hit my face against the closest blunt object. You were so stupid sometimes, I swear it was like watching a fool make the same mistakes- oh, wait... it was. You were stuck in an infinite loop of "sleep, fight, nearly get killed by monsters, escape by luck, pour our money away in repairs to the ship or our rides or medicine. Repeat." the nights that it got really bad, the nights when you would stay up long as you would dare, holding a bottle of cheap ale in your hand loosely, trying not to fall asleep as I stand watch in the shadows... God, I was always your babysitter.
I wanted to shove your face into a wall so many times, to break everything when you would grin like the world was bright and would bow at the waist for you, scrape the dirt from your clothes, from your shoes, if you looked at it in just the way that made everything seem perfect. I couldn't breathe when you looked at me like I was important. Oh my god, my heart thundered and I had to fight to keep my tongue from falling out of my mouth and running after you. Oh, it was so hard. I wanted more of your attention, to keep that look on your face. So, I followed you and became your babysitter. Sometimes, I almost got lost. At one point, I think I did. I wasn't able to think for myself anymore. Holy, it was so hard to drag myself away from that easy mindset. Where everything was easy, just blank. But that wasn't me. And I was going to lose you.
Then there were the days, in the beginning, that I just wanted to scream and cry because you weren't listening. That the world was being unfair and wouldn't listen for just one minute. I felt so hopeless. But I couldn't let you see that, not when you were so messed up at times, the rest of us were afraid of losing you. To her. To the adrenaline. There were so many times I wanted to scream and cry from frustration, from the simple, childish reason of the world not being fair to me. To not listening to me.
I was so angry so many days until it just drained away. Those were the days you looked at me and treated me like I was there. The start of this strange relationship was rocky. You didn't make it easy. You never did. And I often asked if you did it intentionally, or if you just were so ingrained in shoving everything away with either by force, with your blades piercing monsters, and the adrenaline rushes that you didn't even know it was happening.
Oh, the days it got hard were the ones when I remembered why I didn't let you take the hit and why I pulled our ride up so we were high as clouds that floated without care. The days I remembered that we were friends, the best of friends. I think I was in love with the idea of getting a happy ending. The ones I used to laugh at with you, curled up in the couch and secretly wish for. Those days were hard. I was never in love with YOU, just the idea that we could have a happy ending. The nights when we were with the others, them scolding you for letting me get hurt, you fluttering between me and the idea of racing the night in the clouds on the back of our skimmer as I was stitched up once more by our medic. That part didn't hurt, not anymore. Well, physically.
Remembering that we were friend's, that I still cared, made the ending the hardest. I don't know why, but I moved in autopilot and the tore apart everything. It made me, in some strange sense, feel as though I had closure. Sick and twisted closure, but closure none the less. And as I watch you slip into death, I practically held you to my chest, you smiled at me like the world was bright, even you your eyes were wide with shock and tears were carving tracks into your skin. You smiled at me like the world was bright and said to me,
"We had a good run..." blood made a trail off your lips and I felt everything break. I cried and cried and cried. But it was closure. I'm not sure why I did it. But your last smile, with the blood trail from your lips and wide shocked eyes seemed to summarize everything we had been through. And, just before you closed your eyes for good, I remember leaning down to say,
"And sometimes, happy endings happen."
Well, you got your happy ending. The others got a funeral for kings, but you got one for an emperor. I was there, in the shadows. God, I was your babysitter, even in death. Some things never changed...
And now I'm staring at the reflection of you as we fight in the sky on wings of clouds. My hand aches from where I punched the mirror and I laugh. It's like you're telling me to find a happy ending, as your son tells me to leave, asking me why I did what I did, a.k.a killing you and burning that bridge so far it fell out of the sky on the wings of a skimmer. And now I'm his babysitter. Apparently, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, but he hasn't picked up your excessive brooding. Just the adrenaline and the girl. And me, watching from the back of fights to be sure he's not going to slip and fall.
Somethings never change.