That day repeated over and over in his mind. The words her mother said, him breaking down in the car feeling the want to relapse but didn't. For her, he wouldn't do it. Good memories played in his mind as well, and some of the bad as well. But none of them could fill the empty feeling he had. He still had the ring; it was always sitting in his wallet. He couldn't bear the thought to sell it. But yesterday he finally gave it way. He was at a meet and greet, a signing one and a woman came up with her kid. The blonde woman remind him of Paige, especially when he saw the scars on her arm. She never meets his eyes, but he ran his hand over her arm before he pulled out the ring and gave it to her. He gave it to her saying 'This ring was going to go to someone important to me, but… I can't give it to her. But, you remind me of her, from the little you've spoken. I want you to have this… take it and make a promise, if not for me, for your daughter.' His eyes looked down at the little redhead at her side. 'Keep clean, as best you can. I know it can be hard. She did this too, and I want to know you would be safe.' Austin gave her a small smile before letting her go on her way. After that he just couldn't get Paige out of his mind, no matter how hard he tried.
"Austin, are you going through Paige's things again." Justin's voice rang through the blonds' ears as he entered the room, sitting down next to the star.
"I… I… Yeah. That girl from yesterday, she reminded me so much of her. So I can't get her out of my head. I'm sorry." Austin replied, looking down at the hoodie in his hands. It was Paige's, well it was his, but she always borrowed it which made it hers in his mind. "I gave the girl the ring. You know that, I don't know why I did."
"Maybe you are finally letting go. Which is good because it is a bit unhealthy how you've been wrapped up on her." Justin spoke, turning Austin's head to face him before pressing a small kiss to his lips. "Now, come on. You've got a gig to get too."
"Have you got it ready?"
"Yes, get your arm ready and we can do it before you go. Don't want to keep Ally and her fans waiting." Justin said as he stood up, waiting for Austin to as well. Austin stood up, dropping the hoodie in the box. Grabbing a belt he went and sat down on the bed. That he and Justin now shared. They never did much in bed, just sleep more times than others. He wrapped the belt around his upper arm, pulling it in tight as Justin brought over the needle. "Ready?"
Austin closed his eyes, giving Justin a small nod. He could feel Justin's hand wrap around his arm as he started to inject the oxycotion into his system. As he started to feel the dulling feeling, the high starting, his head rolled a bit in ecstasy. He stayed seated for a few seconds, letting the drug make its way through him before he stood up and grabbing a jacket. On his way to the car, he grabbed his keys and gave Justin a kiss on the cheek. Ally didn't like Justin so he wasn't allowed at rehearsals or any of her shows, even the ones Austin was in. Tonight was kicking off Ally's world tour; Austin was an opening act for her, on the Miami concert only, same with the Masked Dancer.
The Masked Dancer was a youtuber dancer, who has appeared on things like Dancing with the Stars as a special dancer. No one knows who she really is. Everyone suspects the name Eliza is a stage name, which she had confirmed in an interview but she wouldn't divulge her real name. Austin and Ally are fans of hers; Austin even took one of her videos to teach to a group of students at the Music Factory. So knowing that they had got her on was amazing to them.
When Austin arrived to the arena, he was running a little late meaning he only had time to mic up and giving a quick apology to Ally who was waiting at the corner of the stage for him to go on.
"Austin, after your set I need to talk to you." She spoke in a serious tone, looking him dead in the eyes.
Austin gave her a small nod. "Okay. So the Masked Dancer is on after me?"
"Yeah, now hurry on." Ally said, motioning her arms for him to hurry onto the stage.
To say that Austin was a little scared about what she wanted to talk to him about would be a lie. He hopes she hasn't figured out that he's using again. He couldn't deal with that. He shook the thought out of his mind as he went up onto the stage. Smiling as the crowd cheered.
"How are you Miami?" He asked walking into the middle of the stage. The crowd cheered again. "Wow, nice. Right, there is a slight song change I'm doing in this. I was originally gonna sing my new single 'Roll Call' but instead, I'm going to do a cover and tell you guys a story. I know, that isn't what I should be doing, but I need to get it off my chest. And maybe, I can get in the song Roll Call. Okay, five years ago, I was ready to get married, well engaged. I had the ring ready to give to her, I had this whole night planned out but something went wrong." Austin closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath and letting it out before continuing. He heard the gasp going around; someone had called out 'Paige?' "She fainted and I took her to the hospital, where her mother worked. Her mother hated me, no lying about that. She hated me because I was an addict; she never forgave me for it even though I got clean. Her mother took her and made me wait outside. I played with the ring, thinking: maybe I should have asked at the restaurant. Asked her to marry me, but when her mother next came out. It wasn't good. She told me that food poisoning got to her and that they weren't able to save her. I wanted to see her, but her mother banned me from it, even so where I couldn't go to her funeral. It sucked, knowing I couldn't see her one last time. I wanted to give her the ring, just slip it on her finger. Ever since that day though, I've held onto that ring. Never let it out of my sight until yesterday. Where, someone who reminded me of her came to me at the signing. I made her promise to try and not harm herself, not for my sake, but for her daughter's. She had a cute little kid; I'm guessing four or five. If she's here tonight; hey there, I hope you are doing okay. But anyway, the song I'm covering is from a band we both liked. One where I look like one of the members, she loved to poke at me for it, and I loved that because it would make her smile. God I miss her smile so much. The song is 'Could Have Been Mine' by the band R5." As he finished he nodded a little, showing the band he was ready and the music started to play and he started to sing.
"Mine, Mine, Mine, Mine
After all these years of trying, you think I'd have a clue
But all that I've been looking for is you, yeah
And I always had the words to say, but with you I can hardly speak
I missed my tears and you're moving on to someone else, not me
And now my memories are haunting me
If I had said what I felt inside…"
Austin was outside his parent's place; taking a few deep breaths he knocked the door. His mother opened the door, she was happy to see her son, but the smile she had immediately turned into a frown as she saw the redness around his eyes.
"Austin, what's happened? Where's Paige? You go to her don't you?" Mimi questioned
"I can't mum. S-She died. She died mum." He replied, his voice shaking. Hearing her son's voice on the verge of crying, she pulled him into the house, into a tight hug.
"It's going to be okay sweetie. You're going to be okay." She murmured into his hair, bringing him into the lounge where Mike was sitting. He mouthed 'What's wrong' and Mimi mouthed back 'Paige Died'. Mike then sat down next to them.
"Son, it's going to be okay. You'll find someone else."
"I wanted to marry her dad. I don't think I can." Austin mumbled, reaching into his pocket with a little bit of trouble, pulling out ring. "I was going to ask her tonight, but I took too long."
"…You could have been mine
You could have been mine
You could have been mine
You could have been, could have been,
Could have been, should have been mine
And I know that I'm not perfect 'cuz I can never read your mind
You can never call me Superman - I just wish I could turn back time
Whoa, and you see me hurting and you just watch me burn
If my life was a movie, then I would get the girl…"
Days go by and he can't stop remembering everything about her. He's scared that he's going to forget her completely. He wants to numb this feeling, but nothing can. Not like she did. Not like the drugs did. Nothing could. His next album, in the emotional songs, everyone could tell he poured his soul into it. And when he would be asked about it, it was pushed aside. He couldn't talk about her in front of everyone. He didn't want to be caught crying and breaking down again. Days like her birthday are the worst for him. Because all he can think about is her, nothing can take his mind off of her. Nothing and he wants to be dulled of this heartache. But he made a promise, to himself, to her to never do drugs again but he couldn't bring himself to harm himself, or talk about it. He couldn't even bring himself to use sex as an outlet. He would just sit and suffer by himself, watching videos of her that he had. Going through their photos, going through her stuff just to remember her.
"…And now my memories are haunting me
If I had said what I felt inside
You could have been mine
You could have been mine
You could have been mine
You could have been, could have been,
Could have been, should have been mine
You should have been mine
You should have been mine
You should have been, could have been,
Could have been mine
And I try to move on from the long-gone
But you keep coming back, coming back
It's just keeps playing back like a rerun
I can't get you out of my head…"
Paige's smile, it lighted up the world to him. Her arms engulfed him when he felt down. The soft words she would say to lift his mood. Watching her dance was magical, he doesn't ever want her to stop. In fact he was going to ask if she wanted to become one of his back up dancers. They way she would dance around the apartment in her underwear, not afraid of her scars anymore. That would make him smile always, knowing she was happy and full of life. The cuddles on the couch when one of them felt down were always great. The movie binges to lift their moods to a better place. The way their body fitted so well together every time they explored them; hands and mouths exploring every inch taking their time in doing so. Not wanting to rush into anything the other didn't want to do. Always learning something about each other, intimate or not. There was always something new for them to discover about each other. Her laugh was one of the best things he could ever hear; he was even tempted to make it his ringtone.
"…If I had said what I felt inside
You would have been mine
You would have been mine
You would have been mine
You would have been, you could have been,
should have been mine, mine, mine
You could have been, could have been, could have been mine
Mine, Mine, Mine, Mine."
As the song ended, the crowd was silent. The emotion he had poured into it had made them go into silence. Like they needed to hear how much he was feeling. Austin's eyes had closed at the end, now opening them; he let out a small breath. "I don't think I can do Roll Call. Maybe next time, I'm figuring out tour plans." Austin spoke before heading off the stage, brushing past Ally who was waiting at the bottom of the stairs. He went into one of the backrooms, he was sure Ally was on his tail. He slumped down against the wall, putting his head in his hands trying to keep his breathing steady.
"Austin? No need to talk, just listen." Ally spoke as she sat down next to him. "That was really brave of you. You haven't spoken of her like that to anyone, and you did it in front of a crowed. That took guts, and I admire that. I do. I wanted to tell you I know who the Masked Dancer is."