Title: For Which No Words Exist
Pairing(s): Beck Oliver/Jade West
Note(s): This is based off of the beautiful words of Richard Silken:
"You're in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won't tell you that he loves you, but he loves you. And you feel like you've done something terrible, like robbed a liquor store, or swallowed pills, or shoveled yourself a grave in the dirt, and you're tired. You're in a car with a beautiful boy, and you're trying not to tell him that you love him, and you're trying to choke down the feeling, and you're trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you've discovered something you didn't even have a name for."
Warning(s): Long, run-on sentences and digressions that I'm certain would drive my high school English teacher batty. They are there purposely though, do not fret, you beautiful loves.
Disclaimer: I own nothing; not even the title is mine, okay?
They're sitting in Beck's car, the top down to let the soft breeze of the cool night air brush over their skin and through their hair, and Jade is feeling sick. Not ill, or upset, but … sick. Her stomach is in knots (which is an interesting and gory image in her head; she thinks she's seen it in a horror film she forced her little brother to watch with her two Halloweens ago) and there's something lodged in her throat (she keeps swallowing, trying to push it down, but her mouth is getting dry and she doesn't feel like reaching for her drink so she has to stop).
They're at this old movie drive-in, one Beck says his dad used to bring him to on double-feature nights when Beck was younger to spend time with him (sometimes Jade wishes her own father had done things like that with her, but who is she to dwell on the what-if's and might-have-been's? She's not that whiny little girl vying for Daddy's attention anymore, now is she?), and they're holding hands, which is normal, but there's this weird separation there. It's not physical - she's under his arm, wrapped tightly around her shoulders, her leg thrown over his, the fingers of her right hand and his left tangled together atop her thigh - but (and she feels like such a girl for even thinking this) emotional.
They've not said anything since the movie began, an oddity that breaks their movie-watching tradition - she always points out the glaring plot holes and unrealistic murder scenes (Beck only ever takes her to see horror movies because he 'knows' her, he says) and comments on the abysmal acting of the leads, while Beck laughs and tells her she would do much better (which, duh, of course she would) - and she's beginning to feel uncomfortable, a way she never thought she'd feel with Beck Oliver.
They're sitting in Beck's car, limbs tangled together comfortably, and she has this feeling, this overwhelming urge to say something, to slice through the weird silence covering them like a mosquito net and rip away the heavy weight settling on her chest, right above her racing heart (what's happening to her? Is she dying? God, it figured that she'd die like this, watching an obviously low-budgeted second-rate film, surrounded by the distant sounds of other couples sucking face. Oh, well. At least she looks great - as she always does - and Beck … Beck is here too, so that's nice.).
She feels herself frowning and the blockage in her throat feels even larger now. She clears her throat, but it doesn't help, and finally - finally - she can't take it anymore so she opens her mouth to say what she's been feeling for weeks now, ever since they passed the twelve-month mark (she's not a celebratory person as a rule, but that milestone was something she never thought they'd reach and she can't help but hope for another). She's trying to find the words, to put them into some sort of Jade-ism that only Beck will ever be able to decipher, one that will give her grounds to deny ever having said the actual words first in case things go wrong (she's not afraid, she's not; she's Jade West) and she turns her head to look up at him, a chill running down her spine as the enormity of what she's about to do hits her.
She pauses for a second to look at him (he's just pretty, isn't he?) and then Beck looks down at her, a weird expression on his face (later he'll tell her she had the same look, but what does he know?), and he just … smiles. It's not one of his usual smiles, the lazy ones thrown this-way-and-that for all and sundry; no, this one is bright, so bright she wants to look away (but she can't because she's just so weak when he looks at her like this, like she's the only thing in the world that can make him happy, and she's a little angry at herself for being so helpless when it comes to him, but then he'll smile at her again and all the bad goes away).
They're at this old movie drive-in, sitting in Beck's car, and she realizes she loves him.
They're sitting in Beck's car, at this old move drive-in. He leans down to press a kiss to her temple, his smile imprinting into her skin, and she realizes that he loves her too.
(You're in a car with a beautiful boy…)