The (Mis)adventures of the "Death Eaters"
Declaimer: If I owned Harry Potter, I wouldn't have let Sirius die...
The Tennis Match
Bellatrix Lestrage walked out into the tennis court first. She looked like no one had ever seen her before. She wore a short white tennis skirt and a blue T-shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the shoulders. Her luscious black hair, instead of being threateningly spread over her shoulders and falling into her face in ominous shadows, was pulled into a tight high ponytail. It swished with Bellatrix's ever step. She also wore tennis shoes, which was quite different from the usual high-heeled imposing black boots.
Lucius Malfoy walked in after her. Now, before a description of Lucius's appearance could be detailed, we must remember that wizards have no clear idea of how to dress for a Muggle game like tennis. Please keep this in mind. Lucius wore a blue tennis skirt, and a bright pink T-shirt, sleeves rolled up like Bellatrix's. His long, normally stately blonde hair was also pulled back into a high ponytail with a ponytail holder that matched his shirt. Now, this might all look alright on a woman, but the effect of this on Lucius was quite shocking. It certainly gave the other Death Eaters a chance to find out that he had rather fat legs. No one had quite noticed that before.
Rudophus Lestrange walked in as well, dressed like Lucius, only his tennis skirt was pink and T-shirt white. His brother Rabastan came in after him.
Next, Narcissa came in. She was not strictly a Death Eater, but that didn't really matter. She joined them for the tennis match. She was the exact same was as Bellatrix, and didn't look that bad. She came in pulling Severus Snape in after her. He was still wearing his long black robes and a thoroughly disgruntled expression. His hair was just as greasy as always.
All of the tennis-player wannabe Death Eaters were swinging tennis rackets. Lucius and Bellatrix played Narcissa and Severus in doubles and Rudolphus played Rabastan in singles. The banter started at once.
"Do you call that a serve, Bellatrix?" demanded Narcissa. Bellatrix threw the next ball and hit Narcissa square on the forehead.
"Oops," Bellatrix said. "Let's just hope she doesn't have a scar on her forehead, or we'll be asked to worship her next."
Everyone laughed, even Narcissa. Bellatrix served again, got the ball in by pure accident, and Severus, diving for it, fell over his long robes and sprawled magnificently.
"Oh, Severus, we need to get you dressed for tennis," Narcissa told him.
"No, you do not," Severus snarled, pulling himself up from the ground.
"Come on, help me, Bellatrix, Lucius!" Narcissa cried and they attacked. They dragged Severus off and about fifteen minutes came back, with their victim dressed perfectly for tennis.
Severus was a sight to behold. He was wearing a pink tennis skirt, and pink T-shirt, and his greasy hair was pulled back into a ridiculously high ponytail. Snape's expression was long past disgruntled. It was absolutely livid. Rodolphus and Rabastan screamed with laughter.
"Now," Bellatrix said, "This might just work."
She served, didn't get the ball in, served again, missed again, did that several more times until everyone lost count. Finally, she got the ball in by throwing it, Narcissa hit it so hard that it flew up and bounced off the ceiling, hit the floor and bounced a few more times. Everyone looked at the ball, disgruntled. So the game went on. If the ball was in, it was most definitely by accident.
Suddenly, there was a loud and dramatic crack! and Voldemort was standing in the middle of the tennis courts, right between the nets, looking dark, evil, and imposing. His red eyes glittered in a very menacing way. Even though the Death Eaters knew this was all a big show, they could not help but be rather frightened.
"What are you doing?" the Dark Lord demanded in his most dark, evil, and imposing voice.
"Playing tennis, my lord," said Narcissa, the boldest of the lot. "Would you care to join us?"
"Join you?" Voldemort thundered.
"Yes, you know," Narcissa said, brightly, "As in, play with us, you know, do the same thing as us,"
"I know what you mean," Voldemort snarled at her.
"You do?" Snape asked.
"Of course I do! Would I have become a Dark Lord by being stupid?" Voldemort demanded.
The Death Eaters were silent, thinking about the time when Voldemort had forgotten what end of the wand he was supposed to use.
"Well, would I?" Voldemort cried again.
"Um...no?" Lucius ventured. He supposed that this was the answer Voldemort was looking for, if he didn't forget what answer he was looking for by now.
"Of course I wouldn't have!" Voldemort said. "I need you be fighting the Order, not playing tennis,"
"Yes, my lord," Rabastan said, serving.
"Well, why aren't you going yet?"
All of the Dark Lord's evil minions paused for a second. Then Snape, who was surprisingly intelligent, said,
"We can challenge the Order to a tennis match,"
"You're a valuable minion, Severus," Voldemort informed him. Then he burst into laughter.
"What?" asked the Death Eaters.
"Can you imagine Muggle-loving fool Albus Dumbledore in a tennis skirt?"
The Death Eaters didn't say a word. They just stood in absolute silence, watching their evil leader laughing like a maniac.
"Uh..." Snape said, "He's dead. I killed him,"
"Oh," Voldemort said rather stupidly, and stopped laughing.
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