Author's Notes: I decided to take a break from my melancholic writing to write even more melancholic stuff. Whoops. I've actually had this idea in mind for awhile now, but I didn't like how it was going and shelved it for several weeks. Then I went back to it today and decided I did like how it was going, and finished it. While this is not a lyricfic, the main inspiration behind this is the song "Need You Now" by Lady Antebellum. I'd also say there's some inspiration drawn from the story Parallel by Yellow Galex. I definitely recommend that for those in need of more drunk Maki. Let me know what you think! If that's what you're into.
Chartreuse eyes gazed half-lidded over at the clock on the wall: it was a quarter after one. Where had the time gone? Stifling a yawn, Rin shut off the TV and stretched out her stiff arms. She hadn't meant to stay up so late, but there had been a movie she'd been dying to watch on, and before she knew it she had stayed up way too late. Hopefully that would be worth the exhaustion she'd experience waking up in the morning. With another yawn, she stood up and prepared to go to bed, but she was distracted by the buzzing of her phone, the bright blue beam from her screen throwing light into the darkened room.
'Who in the world could be calling this late?' Snatching up the phone from the couch, the number flashing across the screen made Rin's eyes light up in surprise. The number was of someone whom she hadn't spoken to in nearly a year, a number that despite her best efforts she was hard-pressed to forget. Unwanted memories quickly pulled themselves back up into her mind, and she knew the best thing to do would be to leave it unanswered, just let it go to voicemail and forget this ever happened. She couldn't forget though, and she couldn't bring herself to ignore someone she had cared so much about. Someone she still cared about, as unhealthy as it was. Just before it was to go to voicemail, she clicked 'accept' and put the phone up to her ear. "H-Hello?"
"Rin." It didn't matter that she knew the person on the other end of the line had hurt her: hearing that voice brought warmth to her chest. It was wrong to still feel this way about someone that, for all intents and purposes, she should hate, but she couldn't. She could never hate her. Still, her lips dipped down into a frown at the familiar sound of inebriation gripping that tongue, never having liked the way her name sounded when slurred with alcohol. Before she could say anything, more words tumbled out into her ear through that drunken voice. "I know I said I wouldn't call, but I'm a little drunk and I need you now."
"Maki-chan..." It was hard to keep the longing out of her voice, the desire for the woman professing something that she could not, or would not, ever say sober. She had to be strong, though. This wasn't going to go the same way as before. She wasn't interested in doing this a fourth time. "Maki, you're more than 'a little drunk'. Go to sleep." She hated how harsh her voice sounded. It wasn't like her, especially to the one person she'd forgiven time and time and time again.
Nearly thirty seconds of silence passed, to the point where Rin thought Maki may have actually passed out and just forgotten to hang up, but... "I need to see you, Rin."
"I don't want to see you, Maki." She had to remain strong. If she allowed this to happen, she would give in just as easily as before, and then they'd be right back to square one. A place where the ground was extremely unstable, where it was so easy to break apart and send her plummeting into the darkness below.
"I'm coming over."
"Wait!" Rin nearly shouted with alarm, no longer feeling tired. She took a deep breath, not able to get over the tiny pinpricks of guilt poking her heart. If Maki got hurt driving her drunk self over, or worse... She'd never forgive herself. "I'll... I'll come over. Don't you dare leave the house, okay?" There was no answer, but Rin didn't have time now to wait for some kind of confirmation, if one would ever come, so she just hung up and grabbed her keys, heading hurriedly for the door.
This was a terrible idea. Gripping the steering wheel tightly, Rin tried to calm her nervous heart as she drove the still-familiar route to Maki's place. How had her resolve already cracked, to the point where she was on the road at nearly two in the morning to see her drunk ex? Normal people did not do these things. Then again, Rin's relationships with Maki had never been normal.
There had been a spark years ago. Back in high school, somehow two personalities that didn't seem to go together did, and they had what Rin would call a relationship, but what Maki at one point referred to as a 'fling'. She had tried not to let it bother her - after all, she was embarrassed and angry at the time, plus they were both new to the whole 'dating' thing - but bother her it did. They had lasted until midway through their third year, but it wasn't meant to last. It didn't last, but it wouldn't be the last.
Parking her car in the driveway, Rin got out and slowly walked up to Maki's door and knocked, hoping that the redhead had fallen asleep in the interim and didn't answer. When the door opened, she knew that hope was futile, and when she was greeted with the sight of tears in those clouded violet eyes, she also knew that her chances of staying strong were about zero.
Without a word, she walked into the house and gently closed the door, pulling Maki into a hug despite her own reluctance. There wasn't any overt display of emotion - that was never Maki's style - but she could feel her shirt growing damp, and a soft sigh escaped her lips as she ran a hand gently through her ex's untamed hair. This was definitely not something you were supposed to do with the person who broke your heart, but Rin couldn't deny how... right it felt to be holding her again, after all those months, circumstances aside.
Releasing her from their hug, Rin took Maki's hand and guided her to the couch, where they both sat in silence for a few minutes, Rin looking anywhere else to allow Maki to try and compose herself. Seeing her cry was heartbreaking, but everything about her seemed to be heartbreaking.
"I could have come over." Rin almost laughed at those words despite how terribly that could have ended. Maki was as stubborn drunk as she was sober.
"And crashed into a tree? I don't think so, Maki."
"I would have been fine." They lapsed back into silence, Rin clasping her hands together in her lap. She didn't know what to say. After all these years, she had given up on believing she could fix Maki's self-destructive tendencies. If even Nozomi couldn't do it, what chance did she have?
Their second go-round was much shorter and much more volatile than the first. It was an attempt at alleviating guilt that they both felt: their shattered relationship had made things uncomfortable with the rest of their friends, and poor Hanayo was caught in the middle. They both realized that they were being selfish, and they talked themselves - and each other - into trying again. It barely lasted the summer.
With university coming up, they both knew that they were going to be separated, but they tried to ignore it, for as much their own sake as for Hanayo's. There was a lot of stress due to the increased workload they were soon to receive, and Maki suffered through the brunt of not only the work, but the expectations, and no amount of encouragement from Rin could stop her from cracking. They'd fight, then give each other the silent treatment, then make up, then repeat the process for several months before it came to a painful end. She wanted to be done with it by then. It had hurt way too much.
"I didn't know if you'd come over." Maki's voice was quiet, and when Rin finally looked over at her she was staring at her hands, slightly unfocused but no less sad. An uncomfortable pang beat in her heart.
"You know I wasn't going to let you drive in this condition." That was mostly the truth, but the remaining part, the part where she actively wanted to see Maki, was one she tried to push aside, even as her resolve was fading. "You said you were done with this kind of thing, though."
Those words held several meanings, though Rin wasn't sure which one her brain wanted to hammer home. Maki had said she was done with alcohol after that disastrous party Nozomi had tried to throw. It wasn't like she was completely innocent in that regard - after all, she had been drunk too and didn't remember much of what happened - but she would always remember the 'big moments' of that night.
It had been about two years since their second breakup, a fact that Rin was still very consciously aware of when having to share the same space as her ex. Things had never been the same since everybody started university, a fact that was obvious to every member of Muse. With that in mind, Nozomi threw out an idea for a get together, a party of sorts, and Maki had agreed to host it. She didn't know if Maki had agreed just to get Nozomi off of her back, or for some other reason entirely, but she didn't really want to ask.
At that point, Maki and Nico had been having some kind of relationship for months, though Rin wasn't completely aware of the details. It wasn't like knowing of the details would have soothed her heart any. Whatever 'it' was, it was volatile as always, and even in the depths of heartbreak she'd tried to warn Maki that it wouldn't end well. Surprise surprise, it didn't. They both were just too stubborn to realize it.
They had gotten into an argument during the party. She didn't remember what about, since those two were always arguing about something or other, and usually it didn't lead to much. This time though, things turned uncomfortably physical, and she was forced to watch in drunken horror as they began to fight, their wild and drunk aiming ending up with Maki shoving Nico off the second story balcony. Luckily, there was a pool to catch her, but it scared everyone sober, and the party ended then, as did the whole 'thing' between those two.
"I just can't do this... without you." Maki turned suddenly and clutched Rin's sleeve, tears returning to her eyes. This in particular wasn't what she had wanted, but for years she'd wanted Maki to open up more, to let others in instead of keeping them out. Not like this, though. Not while going through another drunken breakdown. She was tired of it.
"You've done just fine before this." Of course that was a lie. It was obvious that things had not been going fine, but she had to think about herself for once. University was nearly done, and she had her whole life still ahead of her. How could she be focused when she was continually strung along by memories of what used to be? Maki didn't respond, and they lapsed back into silence.
After the party, Maki was a complete wreck, and despite repeated pleas from Hanayo to let it go, Rin took her back. She knew it was bad: she wasn't that naive, but she worried every night that Maki would do something stupid, and she wanted to be there to keep her lucid. It did work, for a little bit. Even with the distance between them due to university, Maki made a more concerted effort to be there, and in those moments Rin was able to delude herself into believing it could work.
At this point, they didn't hear much from the other members of Muse. They all had their own studies, their own lives, but they all shared a common thought: they were tired of enabling Maki's self-destruction. She could tell it hurt Maki to be cut off from her friends, but she continued to keep silent about it. As their meetings became less often and more morose, and as the freeze-out from their friends started to creep into her own life, she found herself unable to take it anymore. She broke it off.
"Nobody calls me anymore." Rin's heart lurched at the bared pain in Maki's voice, and she once again wrapped her arms around the shaking redhead, wishing that she could just absorb the pain away, the pain that she had helped create, even if it had given her a breath of fresh air. It clearly hadn't been the same for Maki.
"It's just been..." Once again, she found it hard to figure out exactly what to say. She had to be delicate, but that might end up involving lies. Did she want to fake it for the sake of someone who had hurt her? ... For someone she loved? "... difficult for everyone. They could still come around."
"It's been over a year, Rin!" A choked sob cut Maki off, and she half-leaned half-fell against Rin's side as she tried to keep her balance. "I-I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do, I just need you. I need you, please..." Rin's breathing hitched as she heard those words she had barely ever heard, the ones that made her feel like the luckiest woman on Earth. They didn't come from a place of clear-headedness though. It wasn't right...
"You know it's not going to work, Maki..." Rin tried to reason with her, which admittedly wasn't likely to work. Still, she had to be the one to keep things sane, here. "This isn't something either one of us want."
"It can work!" Maki was shouting now, but she quickly quieted down as she leaned in, clutching onto Rin's shoulders like her life depending on it. "It can, i-it can. I can be better, Rin." She was so close now, close enough for Rin to smell the alcohol still lingering on her breath. This couldn't happen. "I can be better, I can be better..."
Her words trailed off as she pressed her lips to Rin's, the kiss sloppy and wet and oh-so warm. Rin gripped the couch as she found herself unable to pull away, the taste of wine and tears on her lips. When the kiss finally ended, she knew it was a big mistake. Another chance would end up no better than the last one, and the one before that. This couldn't continue. She needed to stand up, and she needed to leave.
"I love you, Rin." She was crying too now. Her limbs were unwilling to move, and her thoughts the moment Maki opened the door were realized: her chances of remaining strong were zero. They kissed again, and once again Rin lost track of time.
The looks of disappointment in Hanayo and Nozomi's eyes hurt, but feeling Maki's warmth against her was almost enough to balance it out. She was smiling; they both were, and things felt right again. Of course, it was only but a fleeting moment, and Rin knew in the back of her mind, deep within her heart, that this couldn't last. It would never last. There was no force on Earth that could tear her away from this though, nothing that could stop her from soaking in every inch of the beautiful redhead that was squeezing her hand, in public no less.
She loved her, and through all the fights, all the heartbreak, and all the time gone by, that had never changed. It wasn't likely to change again either, even if - or when - they went their separate ways. It was like a drug that she couldn't kick, and maybe in that way she was just as stubborn as Maki. Then again, she'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all.