Well I decided to go ahead and upload this. I wrote it a couple of years ago, well started it a couple of years ago, and I have mixed feelings about it. It's already finished and everything, so there's that. You'll be able to see a change in my writing style as the chapters go on. Oh, and so sorry for the way younger me wrote. *Shivers*

Chapter One: The Pepper Shaker of Doom

*Insert amazing narrator voice here.* It was just another peaceful, relaxing day on the Argo II. The Dirt Lady War (As Leo so affectionatly referred to it) had ended about 3 months ago. And while everything wasn't Disney perfect just yet, it was certainly a lot better than everyone on Earth (Muggles (again, Leo's terms) demigods, and every other non-evil being) being in danger of being eradicated by the insane Mother Earth herself, Gaea. Sorry Leo, Dirt Lady.

Anywho, the Seven had saved the world and all who inhabit it by doing something really heroic and amazing and...LONG. No time for that now. Spoilers! Continuing on, no matter what the Fabulous Seven-Wait, what? That's it, I quit!

~Random author pops up: Why? Don't go Cave!~

Narrator: Leo keeps on messing with my script! "The Fabulous Seven"? Really? I did not go to Universal Narrator College for this!

~Author: B-But! Leo is not doing anything to your script! I'm the author! *Realizes what she just said* Oh darn.~

Narrator: *Dramatically* So it was YOU! Good luck finding another narrator to narrate your nonsense, because I QUIT! *Stoms off to wherever narrators come from.*

~Author: FINE! I'LL NARRATE MY NONSENSE MYSELF!~

Let's start over, shall we?

Three months after the war with Gaea found Leo tending to his beloved Argo II. Sure, she wasn't really being used for anything right now, but that didn't mean that she needed to be abandoned and uncared for. So, Leo took it upon himself (threatening anyone who volunteered) to come and manage the ship every couple of days. Truth be told, Leo likes the solitude. Everyone was a little too lovey-dovey for his taste. He probay woundn't mind it as much, though, if he had a girlfriend of his own.

'But I digress,' Leo thought, and he began to hum "Feliz Navidad" to himself as he grabbed a rag and headed to the Engine Room. Time to wipe away the grime that comes from being awesomely amazing. Which is most definetly a word, or grammatically correct, or whatever mortals call it nowadays.

'No, Leo! MUGGLES.' He reminded himself, passing the dining room and heading down the stairs. People thought Leo did this just to be stupid or cheesy, but he actually had a reason. Calling mortals (regular people) "Muggles" enabled him and any other demigods who were actually perceptive to talk about demigoddish things in front of normal people and they would just laugh and think them crazy fans. Which, admittedly, most demigods were, so it was a win-win.

Leo chuckled to himself as he was turning the final corner.

And ran right into a table.

"Buford! Hey buddy, whatcha doing down here?" Leo knelt down next to the table and rubbed it on the lip, causing it to purr (well, as close as tables could come to purring. So more like a rattling of some sort.) in pleasure. But then the little table seemed to snap out of it, and he started to hurriedly nudge Leo in the direction of the Engines, as a little child would push their parents to closet in order to ward off monsters.

"Woah woah, what's wrong Buf?" Leo exclaimed, stopping right in front of the door with Buford at his heels. Of course, the table didn't respond, instead making a sort of shaky sound, as if he was...afraid.

'What, is there a bucket of dirty bleach in there or something?' Leo thought as he gripped the door knob and swung it open.

In hindsight, Leo probably should've been more cautious. But it's not like Leo was known for thinking things through. He could probably give Percy a run for his money in the "Does-really-stupid-and-impulsive-stuff-most-of-the-time" category. But honestly, though, Leo wasn't expecting anything really dangerous. It wasn't too hard to frighten Buford, especially if you knew the right buttons, metaphorically, to push. So, at the the most, Leo was expecting for a bucket to fall on his head and douse him, or maybe to even find a fire had started in the Engine Room, as that *had* happened once...or twice.

However, Leo definitely was not expecting to find a very large, very emotionally-troubled pepper shaker.

It was just standing there in the middle of the room; there wasn't anything else, and all it was doing was seemingly looking ('Or scanning,' Leo thought) around the room.

At first, Leo wasn't really threatened by it. In fact, he was more curious. How did it get in? He wasn't sure it would've been able to get down the stairs, so that meant it hadn't used the door. Which would've been fine, except that there wasn't any other way in. So how was it here?

Also, it wasn't very intimidating looking. It was just like a pepper shaker, with theses little antenna things on top of its head, a sort of toilet plunger and whisk thingy sticking out of its middle, and a glowing blue eyestalk sticking straight out of its face. It was a dull brown, metal color, so it was obviously a machine. But, really, pepper shakers are not intimidating. Unless you pour too much, or they have spinning razor blades for a lid.

...Maybe it was time for Leo to lay off the 'R' movies and stick to Wreck-It-Ralph.

"Um, hi, nice to meet you, I'm Leo, Supreme Commander of the Argo II, blah blah blah. Who or what are you and what are you doing on my ship?"

The pepper shaker turned to look at Leo, and he could've sworn that it was looking at him with a look of utter contempt and loathing. Basically the look he got from girls whenever he tried to talk to them.

"We are the Daleks. You are in charge of this vessel?" It grated out in a very monotonous, stereotypical robot voice. Devoid of emotion. Cold. Heartless.

...Totally making Leo want to bust a gut.

Leo smirked and saluted the robot ps. "That I am! What could I do for you, Dalek?"

The "Dalek" suddenly rolled closer to Leo and yell out, in its strange voice, "We are the Daleks, and you shall be EXTERMINATED!"

And it promptly shot out a laser beam thing that Leo only managed to duck and avoid in the Nick if time.

"Woah! Looks like someone's a little grumpy! Did salt leave ya?" And after that witty remark, Leo folded down Buford, shoved him into his tool belt, and hightailed it away from the pepper shaker of doom.

With it yelling all the while, "EXTERMINATE!"

End of Chapter One

**Whew! *Dramatically wipes forehead* I'm not so sure about this chapter, but if it's too bad I can always edit it later. And sorry if the very beginning seems a bit weird or like it's too...much. I had to. My mind wouldn't let it go. So, I hope I made you laugh with my ADHDness.