Just a random one-shot thingy :)
Sorry for lack of y'know 'LIFE' but i'm well know to wonder off for loooooong intervals, right here i go - Inspired by Linkin Park's CASTLE OF GLASS - sad songs make me feel creative y'know...
Ichigo had sat through a long, tedious psychology lecture about 'fear.' He was a good student - He did actually pay attention when he wasn't killing hollows and chasing after Kon, but when the lecture began to sink in he found himself zoning out...fear...He didn't know what he personally feared. After the war he found himself battle hardened - petty things didn't seem to affect him. He felt apathetic to irrational mundane things.
He'd always been kinda strong, not trying to boost his own ego, but he'd been the one to flush away any spiders that made Yuzu scream, and he'd been the one to sit on his sisters beds when they were plagued by the nightmares after mum died. But he'd had his own fears - he remembered calling out for Mum when he created scenarios in his head about the monster under the bed. Nowadays the monsters he was wary of were all in his head. He heard his inner hollow cackle lightly at the thought, which he shut out quickly.
He considered calling for Zangetsu, he always seemed to know...but he wanted to figure this out on his own. Damn it - he wasn't dense. After shifting his gaze across his friends then out the window he considered the fears he felt in the midst of battle, he'd overcome a fear of death - he didn't know when but he'd just stopped worrying about 'what came after' he knew he'd probably end up in the soul society...and he wasn't afraid of leaving behind this human life. What he probably feared most was being powerless, he'd felt such weakness firsthand and hell he didn't want to feel such...resentment and hatred at himself for being so pathetic. Ichigo shivered as he relived such moments, he clenched his fist as he felt power thrum through his veins, a warm hum of strength flowed from his counterparts.
But that feeling of utter loss didn't terrorize him as much these days. He'd grown, he was strong he could protect them, he could protect that mountain of people he promised Urahara he would, in fact he'd changed in ways that would probably allow him to protect whole valleys of people. He smiled gently at the though, deaths much like his mothers would not happen again with the power boosts he'd received, the changes he'd gone through and the trials he'd charged through in order to Win those battles that pushed him that little bit further over the line of a simple substitute shinigami, vizored, hollow, human...he didn't really know what to call himself now...
It hit him then.
His fear. He'd understood in that single moment,when his mind began to unravel revealing what he'd sought - the center of his fears and phobias. His frown deepened and his eyes narrowed. What he was afraid of was himself.
It made sense...he was different now, no longer just Ichigo Kurosaki - orange haired brash teenager with a slight hero complex and a not-so-great reputation as a punk. He had too much blood on his hands, and too little guilt on his shoulders. He wasn't human. He'd pushed the boundaries as a substitute, he'd reached perfect harmony with his zanpakto and become one with a blade, he'd had more experience then more then half of the 13 court-guard squads and his reiatsu pushed him above most captains levels. He wasn't a normal shinigami. He'd reached a new level of connection with his inner hollow, most visored's had beaten their inner demons into submission and hadn't heart from them in years - but he...he'd allowed his to take over to resurrect him from the dead and had become an irrational instinctive beast, one that had destroyed an enemy - the very same that was roaming in his inner world contemplating Ichigo's revelations of fear. He wasn't a normal visored or a hollow.
What the hell was he.
The lack of knowledge scared him, it's common with most creatures - the unknown was scary. You didn't know the cause, the consequence or the future. His breathing had become shallower and he felt a tear of sweat slide down his neck under the collar. What WAS he? He considered the possibility...the slight chance that he'd become a replica of Aizen. That bastard. Is this what he felt, this power in his blood that set him apart. No. He wasn't Aizen - That git loved it, he relished in the abnormalities that power had given him, the strength that defined him and isolated him, whereas Ichigo hated it, he was frightened of himself. What if one day he lost control, unleashing this swarming essence of power and ended up hurting or killing his friends that he gained the same power to protect.
NO. He wouldn't let it happen. He felt it, that smothering warmth and support of his Resolve. But this one was different. It was based on his instinct to protect, like all his power was, but this one was made on the need to protect the world from himself. This resolve would take his own life before he allowed himself to kill anyone else.
And with that one simple wish,that promise to himself, he smiled, and felt his fear - his newly found horror - sink into his mind forgotten. He looked back over to his friends, he'd protect them. again and again. he'd get beaten and broken again and again if it meant that no harm came to them. And he was happy about that. He chuckled quietly as he considered how many times he'd go through hell to insure the safety of that valley of people...
He'd never stop.
Told ya all it'd be short...