Alrighty, here's the newest story! It will also be in three parts, but they'll be a bit shorter than the previous story. I did my best to dig deep and get experiment with some emotion.

This is set during ME3, right after the Cerberus coup on the Citadel.

ENJOY!

Kaidan drifted through the ship idly, marveling at the strong sense of deja-vu it brought him. It was remarkably similar, and yet, at the same time, unique in a hundred different ways. It was like walking through a dream. His mind kept showing him shadows and mirages of what used to be. He found himself lost and had to retrace his steps several times. His feet were following the old layout.

The analytical, technical side of him saw improvements and upgrades. The ship had more space, a better drive core, optimized layout, and more opportunities for crew moral gain. The list could continue. The nostalgic side of him saw what was missing and what had been lost. Aside from the physical things; opportunities, friendships, and memories. The list could continue. Kaidan stopped in front of the memorial wall near the elevator. His eyes drifted over the names. Some he knew, some he didn't.

His thoughts returned to Shepard, as they often unwillingly did. What must it have been like for her to first walk these halls? When she first stepped onto the ship, it had only been a matter of days between the destruction of her first ship and the advent of her second. What ghosts and apparitions did she see? He reminded himself to hold onto that. He had mourned for nearly two years and almost destroyed himself in the process. She had been given only a faint few days to grieve a lost ship, lost friends, and lost time. A fading part of him still wanted to be angry and bitter with her. It wanted to rail against her two year absence in his life, her temporary employer, and other reasons he was still struggling to give name. But, he was learning that a reminder of her own suffering usually quelled this sullen side of him.

Kaidan made his way to the starboard observatory on the crew deck. He immediately took in the large picturesque window looking over the cosmic landscape slipping by. The view port took up nearly the entire wall and seemed to engulf anyone standing before it. He spent a long moment in silence, not a thought to keep him company. This is where he would spend his off duty time. He made the decision without thinking. A part of him, he thought he had muted, whispered to him unbidden; this is where Shepard would find herself drawn.

He grimaced because it was right, and because it was unwelcome. How many times had he intruded on Shepard's idle star gazing? They seemed to be her most serene moments, and he had longed to be a part of them. A lifetime ago he would have stood beside her, a silent sentinel. Despite his best efforts, he had never quite been able to grasp why she was so easily transfixed by a view of the distant stars, whether it was on the grounds of some foreign planet or out the window of a space station. The stars had offered her nothing but heartbreak and sorrow. Perhaps that was why he had guarded her stargazing, to ensure they did not cause her further harm.

Kaidan had always been proud of his level of control over himself. He thought he had these wandering thoughts under his stern control, but this ship was provoking them.

Time became inconsequential as he watched the twinkle of distant stars glide past. How many of them were now experiencing the same horrors he had left behind on Earth? How many could they save? How many could he help?

The door behind him opened with a sigh he swore had left his lips. He turned to address the new occupant, but the part of him that was buried, the part he was trying so hard to keep quiet, already knew who he would find. Shepard was framed in the doorway, the very picture of an Alliance commanding officer. She wore a crisp uniform, pressed and pinned in all the right places. She carried herself in a way that, even without the rank on her shoulders, told anyone who might question it that she was in charge. A few wisps of hair he knew she couldn't tame betrayed her perfect appearance. The intimate knowledge burned in his chest momentarily. There was a time when he would have freely reached out and fondly tucked them behind her ear.

Her outward appearance was important to her. It wasn't out of vanity, but out of the confidence and control she had to project to others. She could be dropped into a warzone wearing flip flops and a bathrobe, and she would be able to lead any army with ease. But, she bore a considerable burden of concern for civilians. It was important to her that any civilian in need could look to her for strength at any moment.

"Kaidan." She said simply. For a moment, she looked hesitant to enter. Was she as uncertain about him as he was about her? The time they had spent together at the hospital had reminded him of why he had fallen for her in the first place. If he could refrain from sticking his feet in his mouth again, she would quickly fill that gaping wound in his chest. That cautious side of him screamed out again to warn him of danger, traps, and vulnerability. He had to keep his distance. He had to remain professional. Trust had brought pain. For once, he politely ignored the wary voice. It had shown itself to bring only sorrow, not safety.

"Hey, Shepard." He gave her a warm smile, trying his best to put aside the awkwardness they both were no doubt feeling. She returned the smile and crossed the rest of the way into the room to stand before the stars. He measured the distance between them, trying to derive some hidden message in the way she held herself. He had, after all, drawn a gun on her a matter of hours ago. But she had also readily accepted him back on board her ship. Shepard was anything but an open book.

"What do you think?"

He stared at her a moment, his mind racing unnecessarily. What was she asking? What did he think of the ship? Of the stars? Of them? He took control of his scattering thoughts and decided to stick with the safe path.

"Well, it's, uh… quite the ship. I took a grand tour." He paused a moment to look around, as if surveying the ship again. "It's not exactly the Normandy that I first served on. There's a lot of new things to get used to and other things that have been moved around. But I think with time I'll find my place."

"Good. It's good to have you back on board." She gave him another brief smile, but it was intertwined with a flash of something else. She seemed to realize this slip and turned away from him, gazing back out at the stars, her arms crossed loosely across her stomach. He paused to regard her momentarily. It was the first time he had actually had a chance to just look at her. Her stance was fairly open, but bore traces of weariness. The uniform was presented with military precision, but she looked small inside of it. Shepard was bearing the weight of the galaxy. Kaidan would not pity her. She would hate it if he did. But he would do all he could to help her bear that weight. His words to her from those late night talks on the SR-1 came back to him. When someone special to you is up on a ledge…

There was silence between them. But, he noted, it didn't feel like an uncomfortable silence. Both of them stood watching the distant worlds. There was a lot he wanted to say, but it didn't feel right or fair to disrupt her meager amount of freedom with his burdens. He would find the right time.

Kaidan brushed the back of his hand over his forehead a moment, a small nervous habit born out of his periodic migraines. He turned back to his commander, to asses her mood, but she remained fixated on the infinite blackness and shimmering lights outside. If he waited much longer he knew he would lose his nerve. He would sit awake tonight and talk himself out of it. He took a steadying breath before breaking their amicable silence.

"Will you be here for a moment, Shepard? I need to get something real quick."

She glanced up at him and nodded. "Yeah, I've got some time."

He made the short trip to the crew quarters and back as quickly as he could. Luckily, no one stopped him or he was sure his confidence would have evaporated through the airlock. He returned with a simple white box between his hands. It was about a foot in length.

Upon his return, Shepard's eyes darted to the box and then back up to his. Her eyebrow quirked up in a mix of curiosity and vigilance.

Kaidan stopped in front of her. He focused on the box, letting out a puff of breath he hadn't remembered holding before glancing back up to her eyes. "I've been kind of an ass, Shepard. I… I'm really good at sticking my foot in my mouth, but not very good at… at this." He broke off from her questioning gaze and used the view as an excuse to look away briefly. Would she understand what he was bumbling about? He met her eyes again and pushed the box towards her. He was relieved when she accepted it.

"What is it?" She made play of lifting it to her ear and giving it a gentle shake.

He smiled at the familiar, cliché exchange, gesturing for her to sit on one of the comfortable couches in the observatory. "Open it and find out."

Shepard sat down, as he indicated, and rested the box on her lap. Her hands passed over it almost affectionately. "You really didn't have to do this, you know."

He chuckled lightly, giving a teasing air to his words. "Just open it, would you! The suspense is going to kill me."

"You?" She smiled at him again before lifting the top of the box off and setting it beside her on the bench.

That smile was quickly replaced by another expression he agonized to give name. He was holding his breath again. Suddenly he was back on the SR-1, confessing to his superior officer that she was special to him. He was overstepping boundaries that had been laid out for centuries. He was risking it all on partial information. If this was a mission that required a gun strapped to his back, he would have called it suicide. Kaidan found himself wishing, not for the first time, that Shepard was easier to read. She was staring silently at the contents of the gift, her thoughts and face an excruciating enigma. Would she understand?

Finally, just as he was about to begin damage control, her voice broke through his uncertainty. It was a small, breathless whisper he strained to catch. "You remembered…"

-
To be continued!